Chapter Twenty #2
“What do I want?” She storms closer, getting right in my face. “I want to know why you have been acting like a complete fucking asshole. Why you have been ignoring me?”
“Maybe I have been busy.”
“Busy?” She lets out a harsh laugh. “That’s bullshit. You’ve been avoiding me and we both know it.”
I shrug and reach for the bottle on the crate even though I don’t need another drink.
“You’re overthinking it.”
“Overthinking it?” She stares at me like I just slapped her.
I need her to leave before I say something I can’t take back, so I stand and turn away from her. But it’s a big fucking mistake. She grabs my arm and pulls me back around, her eyes blazing.
She doesn’t back down even though I am towering over her now, unlike most people who would step back when I crowd into their space like this. But not Bells. She never backs down or allows me to intimidate her.
It is one of the things I—
No. I can’t think like that.
I’m close enough now to smell her shampoo, the vanilla scent that has been driving me crazy for weeks. The same scent I smelled on my pillow at her house.
“Don’t you dare shrug at me, Jace Cooper. I am not one of your little groupies who will just accept whatever scraps you throw at them. You owe me an explanation.”
“I don’t owe you shit.”
“The hell you don’t!” She shoves my chest hard. “You made me promise that nothing would change between us and I kept that promise. So tell me why you are treating me like I did something wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then what the fuck is your problem?”
I stare at her for a long moment, my jaw clenched so tight my teeth grind. My hands curl into fists at my sides because if I don’t, I might reach for her.
“My problem is that this was a mistake.”
“A mistake.” She repeats it flatly, her eyes narrowing. “That’s what you are going with?”
“Yeah.”
She laughs, but there is no humor behind it. “You’re such a liar.”
“Leave, Bells.”
I turn away from her because if I look at her face anymore I’ll see the hurt that I put there.
“No.” She shoves me again, harder this time, and I stumble forward a step. “You do not get to dismiss me. You do not get to call me a mistake and expect me to just leave.”
“I am not doing this with you.”
“Yes, you are!” Her voice rises, cracking with emotion. “Because I am not leaving until you tell me the truth. Until you stop being a fucking coward and actually—”
“A coward?” I spin back around, and suddenly I am right in her space. Close enough that her breath is on my face. “You think I am a coward?”
She doesn’t back down. She lifts her chin and faces my glare head-on.
“Yes! You are running away because you actually feel something and it scares the shit out of you.”
“You don’t know what you are talking about.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about!” Her hands fist in my shirt, yanking me closer. “You lost your mind when Marcus talked to me. If we can no longer be friends, then what am I to you now, Jace? Some girl on a list you want nothing to do with?”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut because that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do—trying to push her away, to make her just another girl so it wouldn’t hurt so damn much.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why? Because you might actually have to be honest for once? Because you might have to admit you truly feel something?”
“Because you are wasting your time.” My words come out cold. Cruel. “Whatever you think this is, it’s not. So do yourself a favor and leave before you embarrass yourself even more.”
Her eyes flash, and for a second, I believe she might actually hit me.
Instead, she gets closer and jabs her finger into my chest.
“You know what your problem is, Jace? You are so busy pushing everyone away you don’t even realize when someone actually gives a shit about you. You think you are protecting yourself, but really you are just a scared little boy who is too afraid to let anyone see the real you.”
“Watch it, Bells.”
“No, I will not watch it!” She is yelling now, her face flushed, her chest heaving.
“You don’t get to make the rules anymore.
You do not get to treat me like garbage and expect me to take it.
I have done everything right. I have been there for you.
I have listened to your bullshit. I have let you push me away and pull me back in whenever it is convenient for you.
And for what? So you can stand here and tell me I am wasting my time? ”
“I didn’t ask you to—”
“No, you didn’t ask! You never ask for anything because that would require you to actually be vulnerable for five seconds!
” Her hands are shaking, her voice breaking.
“But you know what? I care about you anyway. I care about you even though you are an asshole. Even though you make it impossible. Even though every time I look at you I want to shake you and tell you that you are worth more than you think you are. That you deserve to be happy. That you—God, I cannot believe I fell in love with such a—”
She stops. Her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go wide with panic.
Everything stops.
The air leaves the room.
My heart stops beating, then slams against my ribs so hard I think it might break through my chest.
“What?” I whisper softly.
She takes a step back. “Nothing.”
“What did you just say?” My voice is firm. If she told me she loves me, then I need to know for sure.
“I didn’t say anything.”
She turns as if she’s about to leave, but I grab her wrist before she can back away.
“Lola. What did you just say?”
She attempts to pull away, but I refuse to let go.
“Let go of me.”
“No, not until you say it again.”
“There is nothing more to say. I didn’t—”
“You said you fell in love with me.”
Her jaw clenches, and I notice the panic flare in her eyes. But then something changes. Her chin lifts and that fire is back.
“So what if I did?” Her voice is defiant even though her hands are shaking. “So what if I fell in love with an asshole who doesn’t know how to let anyone in? What are you going to do about it, Jace?”
Everything in me goes still.
She loves me. Lola Bellamy truly loves me. My chest cracks wide open, and for one perfect second, I allow myself to feel it—the rush, the relief, the pure euphoria of hearing those words leave her mouth. This is what I’ve wanted. What I’ve been too afraid to admit I’ve been chasing all along.
But then the fear hits me hard. The voice in my head that says I’ll ruin this.
That I ruin everything. That letting her in means giving her the power to destroy me.
I should walk away and protect the both of us from the inevitable crash.
But then I see her—standing there, trembling and brave and so fucking beautiful it hurts—and I think: Fuck it.
Fuck the fear. Fuck the voice. Fuck all of it.
I pull her close and press my mouth to hers.
This isn’t like any kiss we’ve shared before.
It’s desperation and surrender all at once.
My hand fists in her hair, tilting her head back as I take her mouth like I’m trying to consume her.
She gasps against my lips, and I seize the moment to deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue against hers in a way that makes her moan into my mouth.
Her hands clutch at my shirt, pulling me closer, and I guide her backward until her back hits the wall. The impact makes her breath hitch, and I swallow the sound, kissing her harder and deeper. My other hand grips her hip, fingers digging in as I press my body against hers.
I can feel her heart pounding against my chest, matching the frantic rhythm of my own. She tastes like everything I’ve ever wanted and everything I’ve been too afraid to take. I kiss her like I’m making a promise, as if I’m finally saying all the things I can’t find the words for.
When I finally pull back, we’re both breathing heavily. Lola’s eyes are glassy and her lips are swollen. She’s looking at me as if I just turned her whole world upside down.
Good because she’s done the same to me.
I reach up slowly, my fingers brushing her temples as I slide her glasses off. She blinks up at me, those eyes wide and vulnerable without the barrier between us, and I carefully set them on the table beside us. I want nothing between us anymore.
“I need you,” I say, my voice rough. “Right fucking now.”
Her breath catches, and I see the answer in her eyes before she nods. That look, that surrender mixed with fire, it makes something primal roar to life inside me.
I don’t wait. My hands are on her again, gripping her thighs as I lift her up. She wraps her legs around my waist, and I carry her to the bed.
I lay her onto the bed, following her down, caging her in with my body.
My mouth crashes against hers in a hungry and demanding kiss.
I kiss her like I’m trying to brand myself into her soul, as if I need her to know every fucking thing I can’t say out loud.
My tongue slides against hers, tasting her, claiming her, memorizing the way she tastes like mint and something sweet and entirely her.
I tilt her head with one hand in her hair, deepening the kiss and taking more. I bite her bottom lip, tugging it between my teeth before soothing it with my tongue. She gasps as her hips roll up against mine.
“Fuck,” I groan against her mouth. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
I pull back. My chest heaves as my hands go to the hem of her shirt. I grip the fabric with my hands, my knuckles brushing against her soft stomach.
“Off. Now.”
She sits up slightly to assist me, and I quickly pull the fabric over her head, tossing it aside without caring where it lands.
My eyes immediately fall to her chest, and my mouth goes dry. Black lace. Of fucking course. The bra is so sheer that I can see the outline of her nipples through the fabric, already hard and begging for my mouth. The cups push her tits up, creating cleavage that makes my hands itch to touch.