Chapter 29 Summer
Chapter Twenty-Nine
SUMMER
Killing Noah might've been easier than trying to carry on with my life while pretending I don't miss him.
It sure as hell would've been easier than the arguments I've had with Aiden over the course of the last two weeks about what I can and can't do with my own life.
Even now, he's barely talking to me. I don't know what he's trying to punish me for...leaving Noah alive, not escaping when I had the chance, falling for his enemy. I don't know, but whatever Aiden's reason is, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of it.
And I'm starting to think now more than ever that I don't have a place with my family. Not one that feels like mine, at least. Not the way it used to, where I'd just slot myself into their lives and be whatever they needed me to be.
It doesn't feel right anymore.
Téa waves her hand in front of my face. "Earth to Summer. Come on. You look like you're lost in space, and really you should be thinking about the fact that you're going to be done with school for the summer soon."
I groan and lean back on the pool lounger, grateful Aiden has an indoor pool with heating. It's nice out, the sun shining outside the windows, but there's a chill to the air that would make getting in the outdoor pool absolutely miserable.
The plastic beneath me squeaks as I shift around. "I don't know what I'm going to do over the summer, though. I barely passed this year, and there's still some time left. I have one more class to finish before I'm done. Not to mention there's still what I'm going to do next year."
Her eyebrows pull together, bottom lip turning slightly into a pout. "What are you talking about? You're going to be here, aren't you?"
"I don't know." I slip off the lounger and into the pool, using the couple of moments underwater as some time to think of what to say.
When I pop back up, she's still sitting on the edge of the pool, her long legs dangling in the water.
Téa shakes her head. "I know you think running away now is a good idea, but I'm sure you're going to regret that."
"I'm not running away."
She slips into the water, skimming her hands over the surface as she wades toward the deep end. "Sure, you're definitely not running from the fact that you shot the guy you might be in love with and left him for dead."
I send a wave of water her way. "I didn't leave him for dead. We should get out and go get the last of my boxes. I want to be fully out of here and into the apartment, at least over the summer, so I have time to think about everything."
Her face softens a little. "Fine, but once we get back to your place, we're going to be talking more."
"We don't have to."
She rolls her eyes and swims over to the side, hauling herself out.
I follow her, grabbing the fluffy white towel from one of the loungers and wrapping it tightly around my body. Water drips down my legs as I walk with her to the changerooms.
The last thing I want to do is talk about the plans I have for my life, but I know her, and I know she's not going to let it go.
\\\*
Téa leans against the stack of boxes in the kitchen, looking around the apartment. "That's the last box. I can't believe you never fully moved in here."
"Seemed like it was too good to be true when Aiden finally let me go out on my own.
Didn't want to bring anything if he was going to have those bodyguards drag me back whenever he felt like it.
You're staying the night tonight, aren't you?
" I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of white wine, cracking it open.
"Who else is going to help you unpack all of this? It seems like you're barely talking to your family these days."
"I'm talking to them. Mostly." I sigh and pour two hefty glasses, some of the wine sloshing too close to the edge of the cup and onto the counter.
Téa grabs a towel from the stove handle, wiping up the spill. "The only one you're really talking to right now is Jade."
"Well, Aiden doesn't want to talk to me, and I think the others have taken his side. And with the several funerals we've had in the last couple of weeks, it's not like they don't have constant reminders of what's happened."
She tosses the soggy towel into the open washer just off the kitchen.
"You need to forgive yourself. You did what you thought was right.
And sure, you did let the bastard get away, but you and I both know you saw a side to him that the rest of us just weren't seeing, and I think that has to count for something. "
I take a large sip of my wine, setting the glass to the side before checking on the lasagna I slipped into the oven when we first got here. "I don't think it counts for anything. He wants nothing to do with me."
"Well, you did shoot him."
"I was trying to save his life. I guess I did. Aiden doesn't seem to be hunting him down." I groan and head over to the couch, dropping down and digging the heels of my hands against my eyes. "This was all easier when I only had my family to worry about."
She laughs and hauls my hands away from my eyes. "It's not a bad thing to care about people outside your family. Some might even call it a good thing. You're not so focused on all their wants and needs anymore. You get to go out and have a life of your own."
"I don't want a life of my own."
Téa grins and leans into me. "You do want a life of your own, and it's a good thing. You're just scared to want it because you've always made yourself smaller for the sake of your family."
"If you give me that 'I'm allowed to take up space in the world' shit again, I'm going to throw myself out the fucking window. Obviously, I take up space in the world."
"You take up the space that's left instead of claiming some space for yourself." Téa springs to her feet and pulls out her phone.
Within a couple of seconds, one of my favorite songs is blasting through the speakers. She tucks her phone into her pocket before grabbing my hand and hauling me to my feet.
"I don't want to have a dance party." I pull my hand out of hers, looking at the glass of wine I left on the kitchen counter.
Téa starts to move her hips, flailing in a way that looks more like she's about to launch her limbs like rockets instead of actually dancing.
"Dance parties fix everything, and you know it, so get to dancing, and then once we're done, you're going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually think about what comes next. "
Since I know she's not going to give up, I give in, dancing with her around the living room as one song changes into the next. We belt out the lyrics, jumping around together until both of us are breathing heavily, and I feel like I can barely stand.
As I retreat to my wine, she turns off the music, putting on some horror movie instead. I glance at her over the rim of the wine.
The timer goes off, and I haul on the oven mitts, pulling out the lasagna and setting it on a trivet. The scent of tomato, basil, and browned cheese fills the room, making my stomach growl.
Téa sits down on the other side of the kitchen island, reaching for her drink. "That smells amazing."
"Good, because there's enough here to feed an army." I toss the mitts to the counter before leaning on the island, drumming my fingers to the beat of the last song we listened to.
"You said you don't know about staying in New York or leaving."
My fingers still. "Because I don't."
She reaches out and squeezes my forearm. "Look, I'm going to miss you if you go, but I'll understand it. Everything you've been through—hell, your entire family has been through—in the last couple of years is nothing but a bunch of shit."
"Thanks...I think."
She laughs and goes to the cupboard to get down some plates. "I wouldn't blame you for wanting to leave. Sure, I want you to stay, but it'd be selfish for me to tell you to if you're feeling like being here is too much."
I bite the inside of my cheek. "I just don't know how I can keep doing this."
"Doing what?" She hauls a long knife out of the drawer, setting it on the counter.
"Staying here, being part of this shit, wishing I had my own life, trying not to let my family rule my life, wondering why I ruined things with the only man who has ever seen me for who I am and not who my family is or the potential I have to offer him."
Téa's phone buzzes in her pocket, and she pulls it out, her gaze flicking from one side to the other before the color drains out of her face.
"What is it?" I move closer to her.
She swallows hard, looking at me with sympathy in her eyes. "Noah is dead. I'm so sorry."
No. No. No. No. This isn't real.
I didn't go through all that to save his stupid ass only for him to get himself killed. It's not possible.
"How?" I grab the phone from her, scrolling through the text.
Dad: Got news from Aiden. Killed Noah this morning. Bloody. Going to renew the arms deal with Aiden now that this mess is settled and we've got proof.
Attached is a picture of the body.
There's a bullet wound in the chest, shirt stained with blood. His eyes are open and staring at nothing, the color gone from his cheeks.
Noah Rinaldo is nothing more than a dead body on the ground.
A corpse my brother thought he should take a picture of to send to his business contacts to prove that this is finally over.
A man who isn't getting the respect he deserves in death because the mafia bullshit comes first.
It always comes first.
Everything in me goes numb as I pass the phone back to her.
I don't know if the ground slips away from beneath me or if I fall, but one moment I'm standing, and the next I'm on the ground, staring at the world around me, but I don't think I can really see anything.
Téa kneels in front of me. "Summer, come on, I'm going to need you to say something to me so I know you're still alive and breathing, okay? You need to tell me something."
"This isn't real."
She cups my face in her hands, forcing me to stare at the pity in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I know you loved him. I'm so, so sorry."
"It's not happening. It can't be happening." I push her hands off me and get up, shaking my head and walking down the hall to my bedroom.
I slam the door shut and lock it before crossing the room, grabbing my pillow, and screaming into it until I don't have any more screams left.
After that, I fall onto the mattress and cry.
I cry until my pillow is soaked and I can't force another tear, until my body aches from exhaustion, lulling me into a sleep I know is going to be riddled with nightmares.
\\\*
When I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm not anticipating the person looming over my bed.
My throat is so hoarse I can't manage to scream. I'm exhausted, my entire body aching, and it feels like I can't move fast enough when I go for the gun I keep in my nightstand.
Before I even have the chance to rip the drawer open, I'm met with a sharp pierce to the side of my neck, and then the world gets hazy again.
\\\*
Something is covering my eyes.
I reach for it, but my hands are tied behind my back.
There's a cool breeze on my skin, and the air smells different—less like cars and garbage.
The blindfold is pulled off, and in front of me is the house of my dreams.
One that I've had pinned to the vision board hanging in the corner of my room for years. The one I never thought I'd ever be able to afford.
The one in Washington State.
I glance around, and it's then that I see the ghost. I could almost believe the Noah standing in front of me was real if not for the fact that he's supposed to be dead.
Turning, I look back at the lake in front of me—the one in front of my dream house—knowing that when I wake up, I'm going to be just as broken as I was when I went to sleep.
"I thought you'd be a little more excited that I'm alive." Noah's fingers brush against my wrists, untying the binds.
As my hands are freed, I glance at him again. "You're dead. This is just a dream, and in the morning, I'm going to wake up, and you're still going to be dead because you got your stupid ass killed after everything I did to make sure that didn't happen. And to be honest, I hate you for it."
He steps in front of me, his smile warm. "I'm not dead. Well, to the rest of the world, I am, but Jackson Ross is alive and well."
I scoff, shaking my head, still not believing it. "Prove you're not dead."
I need him to do it. If this isn't just all in my head, I need to know without a doubt that he's real and standing here in front of me.
If this is all just a dream, it's going to break me.
There's no coming back from losing the person you know is the love of your life.