Chapter 10 - Sienna
I pulled my knees into my chest, hugged them, and leaned my head against the door, not caring that the seatbelt dug into my skin.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “Sorry, Mom.”
I felt like such a fool thinking I could visit her grave without Avit finding out. He probably had spies covering every inch of their territory.
And why should I have told him, anyway? It wasn’t like we were in love; he wasn’t my real husband. He was using me to get to my father. I don’t owe him anything about my private life.
God, I hated him so much right now. I couldn't wait to get back to the house and lock myself in my room. I couldn't wait to get away from him.
You hate the man who sent his sister to take care of you when you were sick?
Yes.
I bit my lower lip.
No one had taken care of me in eight years.
The only person who ever really did was Mom.
And after the way I’d acted towards Mariya…
she probably no longer liked me very much.
I’d barely spoken to her, just curled up in bed or hid behind a book so I wouldn’t have to talk to her.
I wasn't in the mood for company, and I wasn't good at faking social interactions.
A touch on my arm startled me from my thoughts.
“Sienna,” Avit said quietly, “where is your mother buried?”
“W-why do you want to know?” I asked, confused.
“Because that’s where we’re headed,” he said softly. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
I blinked. Wait…he was taking me?
Still confused, I gave him the address.
“You know,” Avit murmured, his voice growing even quieter, “if you had told me that’s where you wanted to go, I would’ve taken you earlier. I’m not so much of a monster that you couldn’t share that with me…am I?”
I didn’t answer. I just turned back toward the door and closed my eyes.
Birthdays with Mom had always been special—baking a cake together, eating way too much ice cream, watching The Sound of Music on repeat.
Now all I had left was this hollow ache and memories that felt like they were slipping through my fingers.
I hated this. I hated not having her here. I missed her so damn much.
I wasn’t sure how long had passed before the car finally slowed to a stop.
“Sienna, we’re here.”
I remained silent. By the time he rounded the car, my seatbelt was already off, and my chest felt like it was caving in. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance.
When the door opened, Avit extended a hand to help me out, but I ignored it and climbed out on my own. And then I saw it. In his other hand was a bouquet of red roses. He held them out without a word.
A sob tried to crawl out my throat, but I swallowed it down. I took the flowers, blinking through tears, unable to even form a thank-you. When did he stop? And how did he even find roses this late at night?
Avit stepped back, and I led us toward my mother’s grave.
A few moments later, I knelt and set the roses down gently on my mother's grave.
“Hi, Mom. Happy birthday. I miss you so much.”
Tears trickled down my cheeks, and I wiped them away with trembling hands before standing and wrapping my arms around myself.
Despite the hoodie, the night air was cold, and gray gloomy clouds drifted across the sky, matching my mood.
I shivered, and Avit draped his jacket over my shoulders, resting a gentle hand at my waist.
“You know…my mom was the best,” I whispered.
“She was my best friend. As a kid, I didn’t have any friends.
I was too tall, too skinny, not interested in what the other girls liked.
I got bullied a lot. But my mom loved all of me.
She believed in me. She told me I was beautiful, that people don’t remember you when you walk in a pack… and that I was born to stand out.”
I swallowed hard. “I was fourteen when she was diagnosed with cancer. At first, Dad tried, but watching her fade…it broke something in him. Did you know they were childhood sweethearts? Their moms were best friends. They grew up side by side.”
A humorless laugh slipped out. “Funny, isn’t it? He found the love of his life, yet sold me to pay off a debt.”
I inhaled shakily. “By the time I was sixteen, her cancer was too advanced, and we were drowning financially. I tutored kids online just so we could survive because Dad had already lost his job. His drinking got worse…the gambling too. And then…” my voice rose slightly, anger knotted in each word.
“He’d bring women home. Take them to the guest room like my mother wasn’t fucking dying in the next room. ”
I scrubbed angrily at my tears as Avit’s hand traced slow, steady circles across my back.
My fingers curled against my chest. “I honestly think Mom died more from a broken heart than anything else,” I whispered.
“On the day she died, she told me to go to my graduation. I was valedictorian. She said it would be the first of many speeches I’d give in my lifetime.
” I forced the rest of the words past the tightening in my throat.
“I told her I didn’t want to go, that I wanted to stay with her.
And she promised she’d be there when I got back. ”
My voice cracked. “But she wasn’t.” I looked up at Avit then. “Why did she lie to me? Why would she leave me alone in this world? I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.”
My knees buckled, and Avit caught me instantly, pulling me tightly against him. My hands curled around his waist as I clung to him, sobbing until I couldn’t breathe.
He whispered quiet words of comfort until my sobs faded into small, shaky sniffles. Then, when I finally became aware of how close I was to him, of how much I had just poured out, the only thing I felt was embarrassment.
I tried to pull back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
But Avit didn’t move, his arms only tightened around me.
“There's no need to be sorry,” Avit said softly. “Your mother sounded like an amazing woman. She’d be so proud of you. You sacrificed so much of yourself for her. She knew how hard you worked; she wanted you to have your moment, Sienna. You going to your graduation, giving your speech, inspiring people…your mother passed knowing you loved her, knowing you’d do great things. And you are, Sienna.”
“At least you think that way,” I whispered.
“My father doesn’t. When he found out my mother died, he lost it.
He said she was weak. That if she’d loved him enough, she would’ve fought harder and stayed.
” My jaw clenched. “For the past five years, he’s done nothing but belittle and criticize me.
Tell me no man would ever want me, and that I’m better off lying flat on my back than sitting in a classroom. ”
Every muscle in Avit’s body tensed. “Women aren’t weak. And for him, your father, to tell you something like that…” he exhaled sharply, but the tension in him didn’t ease.
“After my parents died,” he continued, “Lev was determined to raise Mariya and Ninel differently from the usual Bratva heiresses. In our world, women are treated like bargaining chips. But Lev refused to let our sisters be vulnerable when knowledge, and knowing how to fight, could protect them.”
I looked up at him then. “But you married me. I am a bargaining chip for you.”
“You are. But your father didn’t leave me much of a choice.”
I sighed and placed my head on his chest. “He doesn’t tend to do that.
I worked so hard to get a scholarship. I’d even earned offers outside the US, but my father refused to let me go.
He said I’d stay in this state, and then I’d have to pay him back for living under his roof for eighteen years.
While I worked at the café, he’d come by every week for money.
If I didn’t do what he said…he’d threaten to get me fired.
“I work as hard as I do because I want to finish school, land an amazing job at a top company in the UK, and never have to think about him again.” I met Avit's gaze. “But even though he’s not the father I once knew, I don’t want him dead.
Mom forgave him, and…even though I’m not there yet, I don’t think murdering him will help me forgive him any faster. ”
Avit said nothing. We just stood there, wrapped in each other and our own thoughts. When the drizzle started, Wexler appeared out of nowhere, handed Avit an umbrella, and slipped back into the shadows.
“You know,” he murmured, voice nearly lost in the drizzle, “for thirteen years, I believed I caused my parents’ death.” His hand tightened on my waist. “I only told my siblings a few months ago. The last words my father said to me…were about how irresponsible I was.”
He fell silent, and I waited with him.
“My siblings don’t blame me. Life in the Bratva is dangerous…there was a hit on my parents’ heads. What I haven’t told them is that I still have nightmares about it.” His voice faltered, and I noticed the shadow in his eyes as he looked away. I brushed my hand across his cheek.
“We didn’t ask for this life,” he whispered. “We were born into it. And the only way out is through death. Sometimes, in the Bratva…you carry certain burdens alone.”
I blinked back the tears swelling again. “Like the issue with my father,” I murmured.
He nodded slowly.
“Like your father. About a year and a half ago, I was overwhelmed…so I began drinking shortly after Ninel was kidnapped. I was terrified we’d lose her.”
I gasped.
“That’s how I missed what your father was doing. I was going down a road and couldn’t see a way out.”
“But you found a way out. You don’t drink. Even if there’s alcohol in the house. At least, I’ve never seen you touch it.”
“I found a way out thanks to my siblings and the understanding that if I go down that road, I wouldn’t only ruin my life, but those of my siblings, our family legacy, and every alliance we have.”
I wished my father had understood how his actions, past and present, affected me.
“You’re lucky to have them,” I said softly. “I wish I had siblings to lean on when Mom got sick…when she passed.”
Avit continued, “I am. And yes, I don’t drink anymore. Not even socially. I can’t risk tempting the demon I’m trying to keep at bay. My discipline has to be stronger than my addiction. Only the strong survive in our world.”
Was I strong enough to survive in his world?
I sighed. “Thank you.” I turned my attention back to Mom’s grave. “For bringing me here. For letting me see her.”
“You're welcome.”
We stayed a little longer. In that quiet, with his arms around me, I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to have a real marriage with Avit, to wake up in his warmth every day.
“Do you want to bake a cake with me?” I blurted.
He glanced down at me, his expression unreadable. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“It comes with ice cream and a movie,” he winked.
I smiled despite the lingering sadness. “I’ll see what I can do. Let’s go.”
Walking to the car, it was the first time in days I felt like a semblance of myself again. And I knew it was because of the man beside me.
What I didn’t know was whether he would always stay there.
…Or if I even wanted him to.