Chapter 32 A HEART TO BE MENDED
A HEART TO BE MENDED
The music room was a mess. Finn had piled up the boxes of records away from the leaks and the puddles that seemed to be appearing from nowhere at all.
Charlie’s guitar was in a hard case, from which a piece of plastic poncho peeped out.
The air crackled with magic, and I could see that Finn was doing his best to keep the moisture at bay.
‘Molly!’ Finn exclaimed, breaking into one of his huge smiles. He was delighted to see me, as always – even when surrounded by drips and leaks. ‘Just the girl I was hoping to see.’
I twisted Josephine’s ring, waiting for its familiar crackle. But Josephine was silent.
I was on my own. But I could do this. I’d been wanting, needing to say this for weeks now.
Finn perched on the leather couch, inviting me to join him.
‘Don’t say I don’t keep you safe,’ he said as I climbed up onto the arm of the couch, my feet dangling. He reached out to loop an arm around me, but I wasn’t quite close enough. And I didn’t scoot over to meet him.
His shoulders slumped in realization. Those sparkling eyes were wounded, and I hated myself for dragging this out these past few weeks, for making him think we had something real.
‘But I thought we were having a good time,’ he said, his voice small.
‘We were,’ I said, and it was true. But a good time was all Finn wanted.
It took me a moment to bring up the courage to say it.
‘But I need something more,’ I said finally.
Finn’s expression was somewhere between relief and hope. He grabbed my hands. ‘I can be something more! Say it, and I’ll be it.’
‘You can’t be,’ I said quietly. Tears smarted in my eyes. ‘You can’t be Noah.’
Finn exhaled slowly, clearly struggling to keep control over his emotions. The room grew sharp with static, and I could feel the magic coalescing around him.
‘Is everything okay in here, loves?’ Rosie appeared in the doorway. Mom and Tiff stood at a distance, but peering curiously over her shoulder. When I raised an eyebrow, both Mom and Tiff pretended to be discussing the state of the pizzas in the oven.
‘Everything’s fine,’ said Finn, picking up his guitar and strumming it idly.
Magic shimmered at his fingertips as he pulled the notes from its body.
He fumbled a chord. ‘Actually, no, it’s not fine at all.
Because Molly has just spent weeks stringing me along like I’m some kind of fool, only to cast me aside for Noah, of all people.
But that’s our Molly, isn’t it. You’ll probably change your mind next week, anyway. ’
I blinked. Where had this cruelty come from? Finn could be hot-headed sometimes, but he was never cruel.
Although I had just broken his heart.
‘You need to calm down, Finn,’ said Rosie, her tone measured. I could feel the low hum of magic beneath her words. The soothing scent of lavender filled the room.
‘Are you trying to charm me, Mom? Seriously?’ Finn’s eyes, usually that glorious sparkling blue, flashed something darker. ‘Sorry that someone might openly feel something for a change.’
Rosie held up her hands placatingly. ‘All feelings are welcome in this house, Finn.’
Finn gave a sharp laugh. ‘That’s a lie. Ever since Dad died, you’ve been playing happy families, pretending that everything is as it should be.
All these shitty renovations and crafts, trying to distract yourself from the giant hole in our lives?
But everything is fucked, Mom. So I’m allowed to play Dad’s guitar now.
But you know what would be a better consolation prize? Dad.’
‘Finn,’ I said, hoping he was done, because the hurt on Rosie’s face was so palpable that my stomach twisted at the sight.
‘You’re not being fair, Finn,’ said Rosie.
‘Everyone grieves differently, and I’ve given you and your brother your space to do that in your own ways.
I’m hurting as well. Every day is a struggle without Charlie.
And even though I try to talk to him on the winds, capture hints of his spirit when the moon is just right, he fades a little more every day. ’
‘I know that,’ shouted Finn. ‘And I also know you’ve been talking to Peta – Paulie told me all about it. You’re planning on selling the house right out from underneath us. It’s like you can’t be rid of him fast enough.’
Magic sparked from his fingertips, whipping around him.
I took a step back. I hadn’t seen Finn properly upset before, but I did know that, unlike Noah, he was always extremely open with his emotions.
And magic and emotions went hand in hand.
I was used to Finn magically making flowers bloom or adding an extra scoop of ice cream to a towering cone or turning up the music at a neighbouring house party. I’d never seen him like this.
‘I feel like I’m being used,’ he shouted. ‘By you, Mom, who just wants everything to be perfect. And by you, Molly, who just wanted some fun while you were trying to figure out the boring truth of what you actually want.’
‘Finn—’ I said again.
‘Don’t,’ he shouted. As he did, the window behind him swung open. The swirling magical clouds of the storm swept into the music room, spangling it an eerie gold-tinged purple and lighting up the guitars on the wall and the effects pedals in their tidy display cases.
My hair rose up from the electricity of it all; my skin tingled. Rain spilled in, pouring over the instruments and drenching the rows and rows of records that Charlie had spent his life collecting, and which Finn had until now tried to save. Their cardboard sleeves crumpled instantly.
I could see the confusion on Finn’s face. The rage and the dismay and the grief, all fighting for supremacy. But then he succumbed to it.
An explosion of magic swept through, hitting the wall in a punch of hexed lightning.
His beloved guitar glowed purple, swelling from the inside.
Magical light crackled down its neck, making its strings gleam and the mother-of-pearl inlays on the fretboard glow.
As though it had burned him, he flung it aside.
Out it went, across the house and out into the inky night, which was now eerily calm.
The sound it made hitting the ground snapped us back into the moment, and we all hurried to the door to see whether the guitar could be salvaged. The beautiful instrument lay bent and in pieces on the lawn, slowly tilting in the mud that rose up beneath it.
I felt sick seeing its ruination.
I wasn’t the only one. Rosie put a calming hand on my shoulder.
It was warm with her magic, and I could feel through my drenched shirt what she was trying to convey.
The others gathered behind her. Across the yard, Noah stood in the door of his studio, staring in dismay at the shattered instrument as it filled with rain.
Finn stared down at the guitar like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It was as though he’d emerged from a spell – and in a way, he had.
‘Finn?’ said Noah, stepping forward into the rain.
But Finn waved him off.
‘I did this,’ his voice quiet with disbelief. ‘All this time I’ve just been flinging my magic around, and this is the consequence.’
‘Finn,’ called Noah from the porch. ‘Let me help.’
‘No.’ Finn’s voice was firm, but his expression was broken.
A stream of magic burst from his fingers, and the shattered guitar rose up, landing back in his hand.
But there was no repairing it: the spell he’d used was too damaging.
And he was in no state to try such a delicate spell.
Breaking things was always so much easier than making them whole, as I was finding out.
‘I need to be somewhere else right now.’ Finn’s voice was flat, the usual lightness absent from his tone.
My heart ached: this was all my fault. If I’d just drawn lines earlier, if I’d just listened to my heart instead of trying to find a middle ground that wouldn’t hurt anyone, then perhaps we wouldn’t be here.
But here we were.
The once-beautiful guitar shimmering in his hand, Finn hurried over the sodden front lawn and across the road that would take him down to the promenade. His shadow was long and forlorn in the moonglow, and I couldn’t help but feel that it was trying to escape.
Out of habit, I started after him, but Noah gently caught my arm.
‘Let him go,’ said Noah. ‘He needs time to figure himself out.’
But I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wasn’t speaking the whole truth. He was worried that if I went after Finn, Finn would ply me with his charms, and we’d be back right where we’d been just hours ago.
I exhaled slowly. I hadn’t just hurt Finn.
I’d hurt Noah as well. How could I expect him to believe that I’d chosen him, and him alone, after the past few weeks?
While nothing had happened between Finn and me, not truly, we’d spent more time together than usual this summer, and I knew that Finn had feelings for me.
It was going to take time to rebuild Noah’s trust. But how?
‘I need to explain,’ I told him, putting my hand over his. ‘But I’ll be back. I promise.’
Noah relented, but as I followed after Finn, I sensed a flicker of magic behind me.
Turning back, I saw that Noah had traced a heart in the sky. Our initials floated within it, just like the ones on the Heart Tree.
Noah’s smile flashed against the hurricane lanterns that glowed softly in the night, and suddenly my heart felt whole. This particular love story was going to have a happily ever after.
But first, I owed someone I loved dearly an explanation.