Chapter 18
There’s a palpable shift in the energy between us as we stroll down the pathway towards our building—like we crossed an invisible line that propelled us from purely platonic to kinda not anymore. I’m still not sure what we are, but I know whatever it is, it’s more than it was when we started this evening.
“Ugh. My feet are killing me.” With my feet bare, I let my new espadrilles sway by their straps from my index finger. “The next time we go dancing, I won’t wear new shoes.”
“The next time we go dancing?” he asks, emphasizing the word ‘we.’
Oh God.
“I meant I. The next time I go dancing,” I hastily correct myself.
“No, you didn’t,” he teases.
“Yes I did,” I insist.
He knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. Even the giant iguana standing on a rock on the side of the walkway knows I’m lying.
“That’s too bad,” Daniel says. “I had a good time.”
Looking down at the ground, I smile. “Me too.”
“How about this?” he says, amused. “The next time you go dancing, you dance with me.”
“I’d like that,” I answer honestly.
“Tomorrow night?”
“Alright.”
“After joining me for dinner?”
“Okay.”
He leans in closer, a spirited glint in his eyes. “Do you know what they call that?”
“Call what?”
“Our plans.”
“A night out?”
He shakes his head with a broad grin. “A second date.”
“You need a first date before a second,” I argue.
“What was tonight?”
“Dinner and dancing with an acquaintance.”
“So, a date?”
I mean… yeah.
“Will you be at the pool in the morning?” I ask.
“Yep. Bright and early.” He shakes his head again, knowing I’m dodging his question, and he’s one-thousand percent correct.
“Save me a seat?”
“You expect me to break my ‘no towel game’ rule again?”
With a coy flutter of my lashes, I casually hook my arm around his. “Pretty please.”
He steals a glance downwards at our intertwined arms, then turns his gaze back to me. “Are you flirting with me to get your way?”
“A little.”
He chuckles. “It worked.”
“Here we are,” I say, fidgeting with my hands.
For as much as our walk and the dancing was flirty and fun… right now, in this still, quiet moment, mere inches apart, something shifts. The attraction, that magnetic pull between us, grows even stronger. I gaze up at him longingly and my heart lurches.
His easygoing smile fades, replaced by a slow, seductive gaze that travels across my face and searches my eyes.
No one’s ever looked at me like that. Not even Matt. I could lose myself in the way he’s looking at me for weeks.
He wants to kiss me. I know it.
Am I ready?
“Tess,” his voice is a low whisper, sending a wave of warmth through me. Slowly, his finger brushes against my jawline, the touch so gentle that my knees nearly buckle. The shoes dangling from my finger almost fall to the ground.
Feeling overwhelmed, I avert my gaze, trying to break the connection.
My romantic past flashes before my eyes—old relationships that didn’t work out. Mostly Matt. I know I’m free to pursue this… us… him. I never imagined this moment would happen. Being with someone who isn’t Matt. I know it makes no sense, but it feels like I’m cheating.
There’s too much swirling in my mind—what today is, what tomorrow is.
I can’t.
I’m not ready.
With a tender touch, he lifts my chin, guiding my gaze back to his eyes.
“Daniel,” my voice wavers and my body tenses. “I… uh…”
How do I explain that he stirs up old fears and uncertainties inside me? That I long for his kiss, his touch, to have his arms wrapped around me, but my past is paralyzing my present.
I’m scared.
Scared of moving forward. Scared of getting hurt again.
I’m afraid to feel anything but anger towards a man. Anger is the armor that’s protected me for months.
He takes my hand in his, raising it to his lips, and presses a soft kiss to the back of it. “Until tomorrow.”
I manage a small smile, a mix of relief and disappointment washing over me.
He smiles back. Not the usual dazzling grin that makes my heart skip a beat, but the polite kind that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“See you at the pool in the morning?” I ask, hopeful I haven’t ruined everything.
“I look forward to it,” he replies softly, releasing my hand and walking towards his own door a few feet away.
I open my door and briefly glance back at him. “Hey Daniel.”
“Yeah?”
“This wasn’t a date,” I say, trying to keep the lightness between us alive.
“If you say so.” He winks, then vanishes into his room.
I change out of my peek-a-boo dress (which apparently did too good a job) into a T-shirt and pajama shorts. After throwing my hair up in a ponytail, I wash my face and study my reflection in the mirror, the silence amplifying my thoughts. I’ve been kicking myself for the past twenty minutes over a kiss that didn’t happen.
I replay the moment at my door in my mind, analyzing his body language and the signals he seemed to be sending. Everything pointed towards a kiss, but it never happened.
Why did he stop?
Did he sense my uneasiness? Change his mind because I’m too crazy, even for a vacation fling? Does he think I’m not interested, or maybe too interested?
I don’t know. Does the why even matter if I do nothing to overcome my fears?
I try to find solace in my reflection, hoping to uncover what my heart truly wants—what my soul needs. But all I see is a fractured spirit, torn between my past and my desire to move forward.
Maybe the invisible barrier I lugged around wasn’t to keep Daniel away. Maybe I carried it with me to protect myself from feeling again.
The last time I allowed my heart to feel, it was stomped on and pulverized.
Shaking off these thoughts, I leave the bathroom and come face to face with my mostly unpacked suitcase, sitting innocently on the floor. My eyes are drawn to the zippered pocket, where my wedding veil lies. The veil that would have adorned my perfectly coiffed hair tomorrow if my eyes weren’t opened.
Turns out Matt was the one who really wore the veil. An invisible one. The entire time we were together, he concealed his true, awful, lying self.
As for me… I wore a blindfold.
If things went according to plan, right now I’d be too excited to sleep—looking forward to married life. A house, kids, growing old together.
And that idyllic existence I imagined would eventually come crashing down because lies don’t stay hidden forever. Eventually, the veil is lifted. And the truth revealed.
I’m lucky it happened before our vows.
“Why did I pack you?” I snap at the zipped-up pocket, then proceed straight to my balcony. I need to think… and stop thinking. A silent therapy session with the moon usually clears my head and quiets over-analyzing every decision I’ve ever made.
Sliding the glass doors open, I’m greeted by the scent of the salty ocean air. The air’s warmth envelops me, like a cozy blanket fresh from the dryer. I sink into one of the balcony chairs and gaze up at the magnificent starlit sky. I sigh, finding solace in the surrounding silence.
There he is, my moon, waiting—his silvery light shining onto me.
“Look at those craters,” I say to my old friend. “Tonight, you’re Gorgonzola.” I chuckle to myself, remembering my moon and cheese conversations with Daniel.
“Good call,” Daniel answers back.
With a wave of relief, my lips curl up, and I gently close my eyes. He hasn’t given up on me.
“Are you butting into my conversations with the moon again?” I playfully scold.
“Maybe,” he teases.
“You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“Actually, when it comes to you, I’m discovering that I have a great deal of restraint in helping myself.”
A sharp breath escapes me as his candidness catches me off guard. I wish I could see his eyes right now. Experience has taught me that the mouth lies easily… but eyes tell the truth.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, twisting my hands nervously in my lap.
“I think you know.”
I think I do.
He has feelings for me. And despite my current state of confusion, this information makes me… happy. And terrified. It’s as if someone has handed me the key to a new beginning—opening the door to a place where I can feel something other than unworthy or discarded.
“Maybe I need to hear it,” I tell him.
“Okay. I like your company,” he states simply. “And I think you like mine. I’d like to get to know you better.”
His words penetrate the wall dividing us, reaching deep into my soul. I swallow hard, tears silently tracing their way down my cheeks. For months, I’ve felt blindsided and numb, disrespected and used. Yet this charming, enigmatic man sees I’m more than the broken fragments of a bad relationship.
He sees me.
“Tess?” he calls out, his voice gentle.
“Hmm?” I barely get a word out, my voice choked with emotion.
“You’re very beautiful.”
Wiping away my tears with one hand, I gaze up at the moon, absorbing his heartfelt words.
“You still with me?” he asks softly.
“Yeah,” I say through a shaky breath. “I’m still with you.”
“If I’m making you uncomfortable, I’ll stop talking.”
A faint smile rises from the corner of my lips. I didn’t think it was possible for him to stop talking. “You’re not.”
“Good.”
“Can I ask you something?” The nagging question buried deep within my mind refuses to back down. I have to know.
“Anything,” he answers.
“Earlier, when we were standing in front of my door, did you want to… Were you going to…” I shake my head and sigh. “Never mind.”
“Did I want to kiss you?” he asks.
A wave of panic sweeps through me. What if I read it wrong and just humiliated myself?
“HmmMmm.”
He takes a quick pause, each millisecond seeming like an eternity.
“Yes,” he answers quietly.
“Why didn’t you?”
“The timing wasn’t right,” he answers. “Something was holding you back. You weren’t ready.”
“I wasn’t,” I admit.
“That’s why.”
“Sometimes,” my eyes well up with more tears realizing that he put me before him, “you can be really sweet.”
“You mispronounced sexy. But I’ll accept your substitution this time.”
With a chuckle, I shake my head in amusement. “You’re also crazy.”
“Crazy about the girl next door.”
I breathe out a sigh of contentment, relishing in his openness. This could all be a line, but my gut tells me it’s not.
“Tess?”
“Hmm?”
“I have a confession,” he continues.
“Okaaaay…”
“The second time we sat together by the pool…”
“What about it?”
“I looked for your book on the chairs and purposely chose the lounger next to yours.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?”
My cheeks heat up. I’m grateful he can’t see the blush across my face. I gaze up at the moon once more, unable to hide the grin spreading across my face.
“Stalker,” I tease.
“Guilty.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” I tell him truthfully.
“Me too.”
“Since we’re making confessions, I guess it’s my turn,” I say.
“Okay. Let’s hear it.”
“Oh God, I can’t believe I’m about to admit this.” Nervously, my stomach flips.
“Now you really have me curious,” he says with humor in his tone.
“You were right.” I squeeze my eyes shut, scrunch my nose, and go for it. “The other day… I soaked in your wet, glistening body.”
“Knew it.” He laughs. “And I don’t blame you.”
I laugh with him, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of all of this. “Hey, Daniel?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you still want to kiss me?”
“I do.”
“Maybe at the end of our second date, you could try again.”
“You think?”
“HmmMmm.” I nod, my smile broadening.
“Looks like you’ll have to wait a while. I’ve been informed I haven’t had a first date yet.”
“Whoever told you that doesn’t know what they’re talking about. I overrule it.”
“So… you’re saying that you want me to kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes.” Wicked quivers of excitement swirl throughout my body.
“A peck on the cheek or the kind of kiss I want to give you?”
“What kind is that?”
“Hot. Wet. Tongue.”
I groan to myself, hoping he didn’t overhear me. My fingertips touch my lips and my heart pounds forcefully in my chest. The air crackles between us. Electric currents are surging through this dividing wall, making a direct hit to my sexual sweet spots.
“Which one are you better at?” I ask cheekily.
He chuckles warmly, his laughter like music to my ears. “That’s up to you to figure out.”
“Maybe we should try both,” I tell him. “So I can make an informed decision.”
I may not see it—but I feel his smile. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful smile.
“So, tomorrow’s itinerary is pool time, dinner, dancing, and wooing,” he says.
“You’re going to woo me?”
“I’m going to sweep you off your ‘never wearing new shoes’ feet.”
“Is that so?” I ask coyly.
“I intend to work for that kiss,” he states, his voice low and seductive.
“I think I’ll like your work.”
“You will. Try to contain yourself while you wait for it.”
“Do you think I have no willpower?” I ask, my index finger grazing across my bottom lip.
“I think you’re touching your lips right now, thinking about tomorrow.”
Dropping my hand to my lap, my eyes widen. How does he know me so well in such a short period of time?
“I was not,” I lie.
“HmmMmm,” he hums skeptically. “I better call it a night before I come knocking on your door, grab you by your waist and give you a preview.”
“I might like that.”
“You would,” he says boldly. “Sweet dreams, Tess.”
Whoever said confidence is sexy knows what they’re talking about.
“Goodnight, Daniel.”
I reenter my room, feeling a thousand times lighter. How did this man, who consistently left me annoyed and frustrated when we first met, awaken my heart? Our talks, our unmistakable connection, the laughs we’ve shared… once we got past our bumpy beginning, things finally clicked.
Closing my eyes, I bite down on my bottom lip and imagine how exquisite his lips pressed against mine will feel.
I’m not fooling myself into thinking whatever happens between us is anything more than a no-strings vacation dalliance. A fling. Like Lily said…an escape.
But I deserve it. I deserve a slice of happiness, even if it’s short-lived.
I mean, I’m not planning on having sex with the guy…
Am I?
I don’t know.
Maybe.
What I do know is there’s a flurry of butterflies in my stomach whenever I’m around him—his breezy sense of humor, his genuine kindness, those gorgeous blue eyes. All of him. Truth is, I love being in his company.
I like him. Beyond a simple kiss. It’s deeper than that. Within a few short days, this incredibly funny and temptingly hot man became the key that unlocked my closed mind and brought healing to my heart, opening up a world of possibilities.
This Crummymoon has improved exponentially, transforming quietly into something…Yummy.
Here I am, on the eve of my disastrously canceled wedding day, head over heels in like with another man.