15. Chapter 14
Crusher – A Week Later
I take a deep breath as I look up at the night sky, trying to control the urge to get on my bike that a prospect towed for me, and bike away, to run away from the pain, the suffocating hurt.
My wife is within reach, yet she feels so fucking far away.
I didn’t choose her, I hurt her, and after all these years, that pain is still shining through, making it hard for me to talk to her, to beg her for forgiveness because she doesn’t want to try with me, she wants to break free.
“I can't deal with the hurt anymore, I need to be broken free.”
I know I shouldn’t have eaves dropped, but I just fuck, she looked done, when she told me to get out after I made an excuse as to why I fucked Roxy when there is no excuses, she looked done.
After eight years of drowning, of trying to find her, I finally have her within reach, only for her to be done.
“Thought I’d find you here,” I hear my dad murmur, and I tense, him being near not good for my fucking sanity.
I’ve barely processed the fact that I’ve finally found my wife, who had my son, but got stopped at every fucking chance of contacting me about him. I’ve barely processed the fact that I had to save my son, I can’t deal with him right now.
“Not now, Killer,” I croak, hoping just this once he listens to me for his own safety.
I don’t have time for him right now, especially when, in my eyes, all this started because of him.
“You blame me,” he says instead of listening to him, and my jaw ticks, “I’d just found out that the night I cheated on your mother, a night that will forever haunt me because I have hurt the one person in my life I need to physically breathe, that I fathered another child.
I didn’t think about my words, or the impact, I didn’t think about your feelings, or your mom's, I opened my mouth out of fear and so much fucking regret because your brother has been brought up by a druggie, while you, I ruined your fucking childhood.”
He sighs, “I could see all my mistakes after I said what I did out of shock on that football field. I was already feeling like shit because you had so much talent and I wasn’t there to support you until your last game.
A game your mother threatened to divorce me over if I didn’t make an effort just once after she reminded me that for years you have jumped, skipped and rolled over every time I ordered you to do something.
I recognized Blaze and fuck, I felt like a complete failure and I thought in my head that I could set you free to do what you want while also working with your brother to earn his forgiveness, to get to know him.
Honestly, son, at the time, I was hoping you’d pursue a career in football because that was your calling, though now I am glad you didn’t.
I’m glad the club fought to have you as an officer because you are fucking amazing but I really fucking messed up.
I am so sorry I caused all this. I know if I’d kept my mouth shut, if I had asked you what role you would have preferred, because lets face it, you would have been amazing as road captain, then your wife wouldn’t be in that building praying that your son wakes up, they’d both be back in your home. ”
Awesome, he’s trying to use my situation for his advantage.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” I choke, “Because if I do, I’m going to hit you.”
He sniffs hard, but I don’t look away from the night sky.
It doesn’t matter what he says, because it’s the truth. He did start all this by opening his fucking mouth, and I just ended things when I broke her trust in one of the worst ways possible.
“I fucking found it!” Trick states, gaining my attention, and I look across the parking lot to see he’s already got his hospital coat on, rushing our way.
The fucker and don’t ask me how, managed to get Kayden transferred to Hill Crest Memorial, something my wife didn’t contest because she knew Clark would be his nurse and Trick would be his doctor.
She hasn’t spoken to her mom, fuck, she hasn’t even left Kayden's hospital room. She’s even banned Belle from going inside, which Crash backed up, pissing his girl off, but she’s allowed his care to be moved.
“What did you find?” Dad asks as he clears his throat, seeing our conversation, or more his, is done.
“Everything,” Trick snaps, “every photo, every fucking text, every call Alex made over the years to you, I found it all.”
I grit my teeth and look up at the hospital before looking back at Trick as he explains, “The bitch even sent her a picture of your mom's old engagement ring, Crusher, and the baby, it’s fucking Willow. Alex wouldn’t have even know the existence of, including a photo of you holding her and fuck brother, honest to god if I didn’t know you, I would have thought you two were together by those pictures she sent,” he huffs, “She made it look like every time she came onto you that you wanted her back and I just don’t know who took the photos.
I’ve searched all the cameras and there is fucking nothing.
Someone was helping her keep you from getting your wife back, and fuck, I’m beginning to think there is a traitor in our club. ”
“Well, looks like we need to start searching, and a certain bitch needs exterminating!” Dad snaps while I look at the hospital again.
It doesn’t matter what he’s learned, years of that kind of shit won’t just magically disappear from my wife's head, not after I lost her trust.
Fuck, I wish I hadn’t allowed the law to take care of that bitch who shot my son, because then I could have gotten my anger out.
Maybe I need to go fight.
***
I gently run my thumb along my bottom lip as I stare at Alexiana half an hour later, her head lying on our son's bed, her hand clutching his, asleep.
Kayden was taken off life support as soon as he got transferred after our doctors ran some tests.
He’s now breathing on his own, but he hasn’t woken, though Trick is optimistic.
Tests have shown brain activity, we just don’t know when he’ll wake up, or if he will, and if he does, there’s a chance he may have problems because of how much oxygen he’s lost.
I sigh as I lean forward and eye my wife again.
Seven days, for fucking seven days, I’ve finally had my eyes on her, and not once has she spoken to me. I’m at a loss as to what to do, especially after she left divorce papers in my bag yesterday, which I tore up and threw away.
I know I made a mistake, but haven’t I suffered enough for what I did? For not ensuring she knew that I’d always choose her after I cheated?
I missed out on her pregnancy, I missed out on the birth, his first steps, his first words, fuck, I may lose him without even knowing him.
I missed out on eight years without the woman I love most.
Why can’t she see that she’s all I want?
Fuck, why can’t she just hit me?
Alexiana breathes in deeply before she shoots her head up, but her eyes tear up when she sees Kayden still not awake. I swear my heart fucking shatters at the heartbreak that shines off her.
“He’ll wake up,” I whisper as she stares at our son, “He won’t leave you…”
“You don’t know that,” she says quietly as she gently moves our son's hair off his forehead.
“I do, because I know what it’s like to live without you, and it is fucking hard,” I admit, and she chastises, “Language, Hayes, he may be asleep, but he could still hear you!” and I smirk.
“Mama bear at her finest, huh?” I goad, and she winces as she side eyes me, and I raise a brow at the look and ask, “What did you do?” instantly recognizing it.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she quickly says, and I grin wide because fuck, this has to be good.
“Freckles, you gave me that same look when you accidentally washed all of my white clothes with a red sock that neither of us even owned, making them pink after I forgot about our first anniversary, out with it,” I state, and she scrunches her nose up.
“Crap, I forgot about that,” she mutters before she relents, “Fine, after he said ‘Dada’ for the first time, he also said shit.”
My lips twitch, and laughter wants to escape, which of course she notices, and she points at me and snaps, “It isn’t funny! He said ‘Dada’, and I literally said shit my phone because I wanted to record it, and he copied!”
My laughter comes out, and she groans, throwing her head back. I can’t help the love that overcomes me, the feeling of old times rushing through me before sadness takes over when she looks at Kayden with heartbreak.
“I’ve missed you, Alexiana,” I rasp, and she flinches and opens her mouth, most likely to change the subject, but I quickly say, “The photo of the baby you were sent, the one I was holding, her actual name is Willow White, who is now nearly seven,” and she looks at me sharply, her mouth parting with shock.
“Miles had a baby?” she gasps, happiness beginning to come through, and I nod and admit, “Two babies, actually. Clark’s pregnant again, and Cage has had two. His daughter Angela, named after little Angie, is nearly one, and Drew has not long given birth to CJ.”
Her eyes tear up. “Oh wow,” she whispers with awe, and I soften as she chokes, “I’ve missed so much…”
I nod and admit, “You have, but honestly, even though it kills me, it’s understandable.
Now I know what your mom did with your first boyfriend,” she cuts me off and says, “Fling,” making me chuckle and change, “Alright fling,” despite the jealousy that runs through me, “I know it messed with your head, I know you’ve been closed off, and I know I broke you in probably one of the worst ways,” I sigh, “Learning what Dad did, it was hard, and I shouldn’t have done what I did and I most fucking definitely –”
“Language,” she cuts me off again.
I continue, “I most definitely shouldn’t have chosen the club over you when my dad literally shoved me to the side.
Freckles, what I can’t change is the past, just like I can’t turn back time and stop Roxy from sending you crap ,” my wife looks my way, her eyes so closed off it’s making me want to vomit, “Yes, I slept with her, once,” she looks away but I don’t stop, “I was drunk again, not that it’s an excuse, and I regretted it instantly but I haven’t touched her or any other woman since.
She’s thrown herself at me, heck, she tried to have me arrested for assault because I shoved her away, causing her to twist her ankle after she threw herself at me.
It’s only been you for eight years, baby, it's only been you since we met. I just lost myself for a moment, a moment I can’t take back, but I do want my wife back. ”
She shakes her head, and my stomach drops when she whispers, “You made your choice eight years ago, Hayes, and now you need to live with it because there is no going back. My trust has been broken, we both need to move on.”
She looks at our son then to me before she says, “A divorce is the right way to go, and honestly we shouldn’t have gotten married so young anyway.
It doesn’t matter if your dad upset you, it doesn’t matter if you had found out you had several other siblings.
You took comfort from someone who wasn’t your wife.
You proved you weren’t emotionally mature enough to have a girl that serious because if you were, you wouldn’t have strayed.
You wouldn’t have jumped into bed with the same girl a few days after your wife leaves heartbroken.
You would have called several times, you would have handed in that cut until she was ready to forgive you and trust you again,” she bites her bottom lip and my breathing intensifies as she says, “Weekends, you can come and stay in Rose Hill and spend time with Kayden but you and me, we’re over, we were when you went to her. ”
Son of a…
“I’ll hand in my cut,” I state, meaning it, just as the door to Kayden's room opens and Cage snaps, “No, you fucking are not!” just as my dad growls, “Like hell!”
“Bellamy, language!” Alexiana snaps, and despite my panic, my lips twitch as he murmurs, “Sorry, Alex…”
Only my wife can make an MC president who she’s known for years apologize instead of snapping at her for using his legal name.
I open my mouth to try and plead, but her shocked gasp echoes, and I stand as the monitors beep louder, while Alexiana bends over our son and chokes, “Kayden, can you hear me?”
I rush forward with Cage and my dad and choke back a sob as my son, a little boy I have yet to meet, blinks his eyes, before they lock on his mom’s, and she sobs as he croaks, “M-mama?”
“I’ll get Trick,” Cage rasps, and I nod as I watch my wife lean over our son, who grips her neck, and she sobs, and my tears fall as his eyes come to my way, eyes exactly like mine.
“Daddy?” he gasps in shock before his tears fall, and my dad grips my shoulder to stop my knees from buckling.
He knows who I am. Fuck, my girl, my amazing fucking wife still ensured he knew about me.
I step forward and lean over, pressing my lips to his head while my hand goes to his mama’s shaking back. He grips my cut with his hand that isn’t gripping his mom. and instantly I feel at home.
He’s awake.
I kiss his head again as my tears fall and I make a silent vow, a promise that I’ll never break. I will get my family back, I will have more babies with this woman, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to her how much she means to me.
I promise to never lose them again, even to her own fears.