Chapter 28
Alexiana
Pain hits me out of nowhere, my arm killing, but my head, oh ouch…
I feel like I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer, and I know I must have fallen and hit my head on the ice like I did when I was seven. I ended up in the emergency room that time with an ugly concussion.
I think that was the only time I actually saw true worry in my mom’s eyes.
I squeeze my eyes tightly and go to move my left hand but a grip on it has me opening my eyes.
I turn and lock eyes with my husband’s tearful ones and everything comes back to me like a bad movie and he chokes, “Freckles, I can’t take seeing you or our son be shot at again,” and I squeeze his hand seeing the redness in his eyes, the fear.
“Kay-Kayden?” I croak, seeing it’s already dark outside.
“With my mom,” he admits, and I nod, but wince at the sharp shooting pain and Hayes chokes, “Be careful, baby, you have a concussion.” I wince but squeeze his hand so he knows I heard him, afraid talking would hurt, while I slowly look around the room.
It looks like a hospital room, yet the rustic walls say otherwise.
“You’re in the club medical room, baby, after we got you a head CT, Trick managed to get you transferred here,” Hayes whispers, and I hum in acknowledgement just as the door opens and Knuckles walks in.
My husband sniffles gaining my attention and the image of that guy enters my mind, him gripping Mom’s head and twisting it when she tried to run to my dad, to stop him from shooting me and I begin to tremble.
“Tell me,” I choke, and a few tears fall down my husband's cheek, which has me flinching.
“Your mama had her neck broken, she died instantly,” he whispers, not sugar coating it, “I killed your father while Crash killed the Charger.”
I nod slowly while trying to take steady breaths.
“Sweetheart, come on, it doesn’t look that bad,” Mama says, trying her hardest not to laugh, and I scowl at her as I point to my mangled hair.
“Mama, I look like someone who belongs in a scary movie! No, actually, I look like the goddamn Chucky doll!” I snap, “Why on earth did you suddenly want to be a hairdresser?!”
Her laughter escapes as she bends, holding onto her stomach, and my lips twitch.
“Freckles?” Hayes chokes, and I blink, then blink again as some tears fall, making him flinch.
“No, you can’t go in there, she's sleeping!” I hear Mama shout, and I suck in a breath and quickly move as her cry echoes along with a slap.
I hide under the bed, right at the back, so he can’t reach me before moving all the blankets in front of me. My heart pounds as Mama cries, “She’s your daughter, she's six, you can’t sell her!”
“I need the fucking leverage with my group!” I hear my father snap, and I suck in a breath before holding it as my door slams open and I jump, just swallowing my scream.
“Where the fuck is she?!” he screams, and I flinch as Mama pleads, “I don’t know, please…”
“Freckles?” Hayes says more firmly as he cups my jaw and gets me to look his way.
“I'm an orphan?” I confirm, and he flinches but nods, and sobs instantly wreck me. I shake as they tear from my throat, and Hayes curses as he quickly climbs onto the bed and holds me close.
I grip his cut and cry my heart out, and confusion hits me.
“W-Why am I so, up-upset, she-she was hardly there?” I cry, and Knuckles quickly sits on the bed and grabs my calf.
“I know,” he says softly, “you’re confused because you’re upset, because you’re mourning your mama, I get it more than most, which is why I’m in here,” and I sob louder, causing him to hold my calf tighter while my head throbs.
“You know my mom was a club bunny?” he confirms, and I nod as my tears fall, “Well, she abused me my whole life, claiming I ruined her, but when she was finally kicked out, she wanted a relationship with me. The one time she defends me, she gets killed and I was so confused because I mourned, but what I’ve come to learn, is that she was my mother, and she loved me in her own way… ”
“She was trying to sell me,” I choke, causing both men to tense, “She-she wanted Kay-Kayden. I-I shouldn’t feel upset.”
Hayes presses his lips against my head while Knuckles squeezes my calf, and I sob for the loss I hate that I feel. I shouldn’t feel upset. Why do I feel so upset?
“She tried to save you, she tried make it right, but I am telling you, darling, you are allowed to feel the loss. Don’t feel guilty for feeling it because that guilt will eat you alive.
I should know because it’s how I’ve felt,” Knuckles whispers and I squeeze Hayes tighter to me and sob my heart out, not able to keep the tears in, so much sorrow filling me.
Sorrow that she lost her life trying to rectify the havoc that she helped cause. Sorrow that I never got the woman who would sing to me before bed after I turned seven. Sorrow for the life she never got to have because she loved the wrong man.
I sob until I can’t breathe, I sob until everything goes black, and I welcome it, my mama’s, “I’m sorry sweetheart,” echoing in my head.