Chapter 30
Alexiana
I smile as I watch Kayden chase Willow around the club’s yard, both giggling and a sense of peace fills me.
Despite losing my mom, despite being confused over the pain that I still feel, I’m content, happy even, something I never thought I would have. Yet, here we are, and I have my husband to thank for that.
Spreading Mom’s ashes made me realize something – I have a husband who centers me, a husband who made a massive mistake but has spent years beating himself up.
I realized I actually have a husband who does love me, something she didn’t have.
I realized all of this as her ashes flew away, that the reason I was pushing my husband away wasn’t because of Dad, or because my love cheated on me.
It’s because I didn’t want to become my mother, a thought I would have occasionally, but would squish until it hit me like a ton of bricks on that beach.
It scared the literal crap out of me and caused my sobs to turn into screams, all while my son, my amazing little boy told me repeatedly that he loved me.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?” Cage asks as he takes a seat next to me, and I give him a small smile.
“I’m okay, I think spreading her ashes yesterday did what it needed to do, you know,” I whisper, and he hums.
“It set you free,” he says, and I nod.
“It did, and having Kayden, Blaze and Hayes there helped. They became my strength that I needed to make the realizations I have spent the past eight years trying to ignore,” I admit, and Cage tilts his head at me while my eyes go to Hayes holding CJ.
“And what were they?” Cage asks as he looks to where I’m looking.
I confess, “That I wasn’t running away from the pain he caused, or because my father would want to sell my son, I was running because I didn’t want to be like my mama.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, “that would do it…”
“I don’t want to run anymore, Cage. I want to be happy, and I know I won’t be without my husband,” I whisper, and he wraps his arm over my shoulders, and I lean against him as Hayes looks our way. As if feeling my distress from a distance, he tilts his head but doesn’t move, seeing I’m with Cage.
“That man would walk across hot coals for you, Alex, and heck, he would even leave the club, not that I would let him,” he says, and I half smile before he whispers, the trust, it will return because you fucking love him enough to see you can’t live without him, so don’t give up, sweetheart.”
I nod as he tightens his arm over my shoulders before Linc walks past us, but pauses, seeing my tears.
I give him a small smile as Cage admits, “She’s finally realized she can’t live without Crusher,” and he smirks and returns, “I thought she realized that last night after I had to change rooms and sleep with my nephew,” and I know my cheeks are heating by the chuckle he gives me while Cage snorts.
“Don’t be a hypocrite, Mr.,” I mutter, “At least I’m screwing my husband, or are you finally going to claim Elenor?”
“Wait, who is Elenor?” Cage instantly asks as Hayes walks over and mentions, “Some girl from the trailer park he’s been fucking since he was like fourteen,” then demands, “Move out of my way,” and I feel Cage kiss my head before he questions, “You’re in love?
” and Linc rolls his eyes making me smirk as my husband takes a seat beside me.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders like Cage did and I lean against him, gripping his cut.
“No, she’s just a really good lay,” Linc states and this time I chime in, “Who you’ve defended against the whole trailer park getting into fights for?”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like her, but that is because she hates my friendship with Linc. Regardless, he’s always going to her, and I haven’t seen him flirt with anyone else, so…
“You claiming her?” Cage asks just as Willow runs up to him, showing every brother who her favorite uncle is, and he chuckles as he picks her up and mutters, “Hey, squirt,” and she grins widely.
I swear that girl is a social butterfly and adores the whole brotherhood.
Trick and Clark did well with her.
“No, I’m not claiming her. Now go spend time with our niece, I’m off,” he states, then points at me, “You need me, you call, but I do believe you are in great fucking hands.”
I nod and rasp, “Love you,” and he softens and murmurs, “Love you too,” as he leans forward and kisses my head before squeezing Hayes’ shoulder.
Cage leans forward and whines, “Hey, where's my kiss? I love you too,” and I laugh as he follows Linc, who runs while my son runs our way.
“Hey, bud,” Hayes murmurs as he plays with my hair.
“Can I stay at Uncle Trick’s tonight, please?” Kayden pleads as he links his fingers below his chin and bats his eyelashes, and I look up and lock eyes with Clark, who smiles wide, and I nod while Hayes confirms, “Yeah, but be good and no breaking windows!”
Kayden winces but nods and mutters, “I am sorry, Daddy, I didn’t mean to hit the puck at the car window,” and I look at my husband with wide eyes, and he winces as our son runs off to Clark before I lay into him.
“He smashed a car window?” I gasp, and Hayes groans, “He’s definitely my kid,” and I can’t help it, I laugh, causing my husband to melt as he cups my cheek.
“I’ve fucking missed your laugh,” he whispers, and I nod and admit, “I’ve missed it too.”
“A lot has happened in the past few months, hasn’t it?” he murmurs, and I nod again.
Kayden being shot.
Hayes being there that day trying to save him.
Hayes trying to keep me together when he was confused and falling apart himself over a child he didn’t even know existed.
Hayes kidnapping me.
Dad.
Mama…
“You are the reason why I’m getting through everything,” I whisper, and he leans forward and gently kisses me before I confess, “I’m going to try to trust you again, it won’t be easy, but I can’t live without you, Hayes…”
His eyes tear as he nods, then confirms, “Does that mean I can knock you up again?”
I snort but shake my head and admit, “No,” and he pouts, making me grin before I admit, “I want to get my degree first, I want to learn to trust you again, and then we can discuss expanding our family.”
“Okay,” he agrees, and I lean my forehead against his chin. Hayes sighs, and I look over the crowd to see Linc walking past his dad, not even looking at him, and I faintly hear Killer mutter, “I really fucking messed up with my kids,” and I wince as his wife hugs him.
“Will he ever forgive him?” I ask my husband as I lean up and look at him, and he looks down at me and cups my cheek, his thumb gently rubbing along my jaw.
“I don’t know because I don’t forgive him, or Mom, which is hard, I don’t want to feel this disconnected to them, but I just can’t help it, you know,” he says, and I nod as my eyes race between his.
“Please don’t ever hurt me again,” I whisper, and he repeats from last night, “Fucking never,” before slamming his lips against mine. I melt into him, finally letting go of the past and the pain, slowly looking forward to a future with him and our family.