Chapter 5
FIVE
“Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.”
—Duchess, Alice in Wonderland
“You look like a deep breath.” Ivory gestures at me with a wave of her hand. “Bunch those shoulders up any higher and they’re going to touch your earlobes.” She grabs me by the upper arms and gives me a playful little shake. “Relax. This is supposed to be fun.”
I’m trying to have fun. Truly. But I’m still suffering from the after-effects of Maddox’s scare.
Tempted, for the thousandth time, to admit the real reason why I came crawling home, I bite my tongue to keep the confession safely locked behind my teeth.
Once I knew I couldn’t stay in Riverton, I came up with a bullshit excuse about not being able to handle Krobes’s academic workload. Blah, blah, blah…
At first, I was a bit…miffed…at how easily everyone bought that load of crap, but I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised.
After The Accident, when I mistakenly took a few too many pills, people looked at me differently.
They believed the worst, that what happened was intentional, and some saw me as weak.
Poor, fragile Alice Knightly couldn’t hack it after her father died.
Poor, fragile Alice Knightly couldn’t hack it at Krobes.
If they only knew what actually happened to me in Riverton. Why I had to leave. Ivory would have a coronary event. And Maddox… Well, he’d commit outright murder, and I refuse to have my bullshit be the gasoline to set fire to those embers simmering inside him.
My mother knows the truth, though, and her first question was, “Alice, what did you do to instigate it?” Because, of course, it was my fault. My mother: world-class victim-blamer.
With a falsely dismissive shrug, I say, “I’m not exactly thrilled about attending Katherine’s grand soiree.” I emphasize the last two words as I grab a frilly pink dress off a nearby rack. I hold it up to my body and do a little twirl, then flutter my lashes. “How’s this? Too much?”
Ivory bursts out laughing. “No fluff is ever enough!” She snatches a big, blue number off the rack behind her and holds it up to her chin. “This totally brings out my eyes.”
“Girl, stop.” I replace the dress, then scroll through the rack of gowns to find another over-the-top dress. “Now, this one is perfect,” I announce, showing her my selection.
Ivory does a chef’s kiss. “Perfection!”
It’s ginormous and offensively purple.
We continue to browse the racks scattered around the cozy, upscale shop. Chandeliers hang overhead, and there’s an elevated alcove with a wall of multi-panel mirrors. This is where Ivory and I bought our prom dresses, and not a thing has changed since I was last here.
“How original,” Ivory drawls when I show her the third black gown in a row.
“What’s wrong with black?” I retort. “It’s timeless. Ever hear of the little black dress? It never goes out of style.”
“True,” she’s quick to agree. “But not for this party. Here.” She thrusts a red gown at me. “This is killer.”
“No thanks.” I shove it right back at her. “I guarantee Scarlett will wear red.”
Ivory furrows her brows and glances back at the gorgeous crimson gown. “So?”
“Sooo…” I say, stressing the word. “Last thing I want is to be matchy-matchy with that bitc—” I cut myself off, cringing. “Sorry.”
Sometimes I forget Ivory and Scarlett are twins, but only because they’re fraternal in every. Single. Way.
“For what? Scarlett is a brat. I know it. You know it. My parents know it and constantly fight over how atrocious she’s become. Heck, all of Wonderland knows it as well.”
Cringing, I say, “True, yes, but she’s your sister, and I love you, and that makes me feel bad for hating her.”
“She hated you first,” Ivory counters.
“Still. I feel bad shit-talking her.” With a sheepish grin, I add, “In front of you, anyway.”
Ivory replaces the gown and pulls out another. “Your loyalty is admirable and appreciated.” She shoves the stunning dress at me. “Please tell me you love this as much as I do?”
The organza is a cloud in my hands, a gradient of blue and white. The white-toned bodice forms a V at the waist, with the bust embroidered with delicate blue ribbon. It reminds me of an ‘adult’ version of my dress on my first day at Hilltop. The dress Maddox remembers me wearing on the day we met.
“It’s perfect,” I breathe.
Ivory claps her hands. “Oh, thank God, because it’s very…you.”
“Me? How?”
“Elegant without being too much. You know?”
“No, I don’t know, not at all,” I admit with a light laugh.
“Alice, you’re effortlessly gorgeous, and you’re going to look exquisite in this gown.”
“Thanks. Now, I just need to find a stupid mask.”
“We’re having ours made,” Ivory tells me, and I know she means her, Else, and Scarlett. “I’ll add yours to the order.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to.”
“Okay, sure. Thanks.” Saves me from wasting any more time and effort on this damn party. “Just tell me the cost so I can pay for it.”
Ivory rolls her eyes. “Absolutely, Alice, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
I shove her by the shoulder. “I hate you.”
“You love me.”
I throw my arm around her shoulders and give her a tight, sideways hug. “Since the day I met you, babe. You’re stuck with me.”
“Like a barnacle on my ass,” she snaps with a laugh.
We cross the store trading insults as only best friends do, and after trying on the gown, I’m glad it fits like a glove. As the pretty, red-haired associate is packaging the dress, Ivory says, “Maddox is going to die when he sees you in it.”
Taken aback, I ask, “Why would I care what Maddox thinks about me when he sees me in the dress?”
“I’m sure you don’t,” she agrees, but there’s a doubtful note to her words. “But that doesn’t mean he won’t be drooling at your feet.”
After I left Wonderland, Maddox texted me that playlist of our favorite songs.
I didn’t answer him, and he never tried to contact me again.
Until today, leaving that damn note and stupid coupon on my car.
Rationally, I know he gave me exactly what I wanted—to be left alone.
Irrationally, I’m hurt he didn’t fight for me.
Not that I wanted him to, I lie to myself…
…because a part of me would have loved it if he had.
“Trust me, Ivory, I won’t even realize he’s there.”
Another lie.
I’ve been aware of Maddox’s presence since the moment I crossed the border into Grimm County.
He seems to be everywhere in Wonderland, even when he’s nowhere around.
He’s larger than life, and although I could have easily left that damned note in my car or crumpled it up and tossed it away, instead, it’s tucked away inside my backpack.
My mind might have tried to forget him, but my heart has never let him go.
Ivory, who always saw right through every denial I’ve ever made about Maddox and me being nothing more than friends, snorts out a laugh. “You keep telling yourself that, and maybe one day, you’ll believe it because I sure as heck won’t.”
“Whatever, believe what you want,” I retort. “Doesn’t change the fact that I want nothing to do with him.”
“No, sure, absolutely,” she agrees with a smirk, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “But those years when you were away? You were never truly gone because everywhere he was, you were.”
I point to my head. “The top hat I bought and watch don’t count.”
“I didn’t mean them, babe.”
“Then what?”
My best friend glances at the sales associate, who is walking back toward us with my gown wrapped in a garment bag. She then leans in low and whispers in my ear, “Supposedly, Maddox, um… He hasn’t… That he doesn’t…”
“Spit it out.”
“You know.” She gestured at her crotch.
“No, I most certainly don’t know.” Then, with a snicker, I add, “Please tell me he caught crabs or something. That would be the cherry on the shit sundae of my life.”
“No!” she insists, horrified.
We go silent when the girl hands me the gown.
“Here you go,” she chirps.
“Thank you,” I reply, and as soon as Ivory and I are far enough away, I say to my friend, “So, what? What did Maddox do while I was in Riverton?”
And why is my stomach in a knot waiting for the answer?
“Nothing,” she assures me. “That’s the thing. He hasn’t… Done the sex.”
The sex?
Oh, my God, okay. No. Preposterous. Maddox Hathorne celibate?
Absolutely not. Ivory has a better chance of convincing me the moon is made of cheese than making me believe that Maddox Hathorne hasn’t had sex in three years.
He and March were gods at Hilltop, both rumored to have infamously lost their virginities way too young to women who should have gone to jail for statutory rape.
“Yeah, right,” I snort out as I pull open the glass door and step out into the bright afternoon sun.
“Whatever, but I’m telling you, it’s true. He never let you go.”
“That’s bullshit,” I insist.
Imagine Maddox practicing abstinence.
Sure, and I can walk on fucking water.
Ivory holds up her hands in mocking defeat. “Hey, I’m only telling you what people are saying. Take it however you will.”
“I’m taking it as nonsense… Perhaps you should do the same and not put stock in silly rumors, especially when they involve Maddox.”
“How about what I’ve seen?” Ivory fishes her keys from her little designer clutch. “Or rather, what I haven’t seen. Alice, Maddox hasn’t dated anyone since you left.”
Shocker.
“Moot point. Maddox never dated anyone.”
What Maddox had was a collection of girls. None of them would be classified as a girlfriend. I despised all of them out of pure jealousy. I’d lie awake at night wishing I could take their place. And then graduation night happened, and I lost him as a friend and as… everything else.
Because you pushed him away.
I silence that annoying voice screaming a fact at me that I don’t want to confront right now.
“No one, Alice?” Ivory asks.