THIRTY
Elton
“You’ve really fucked up this time,” Neive tells me as I make my way back over to her and settle in, placing a blanket across both of us, desperately avoiding any eye contact. One look of disappointment from Neive will be enough to push me over the edge.
“I know you’re recovering, but can we cut the swearing, please.” I need to switch from heartbroken Elton to Uncle Elton. Neive needs me right now. My pain will be dealt with later.
“Why would you end things with Reilly? I mean…that was harsh. And seriously, you can hear everything in this house.” Neive sneers at me, and I don’t blame her anger.
She’s right. I was a coward. I couldn’t even bring myself to open my mouth to defend my decision. Never mind defending myself, I couldn’t even get the words out to tell her. But I didn’t have to. She knew what I was doing, but she doesn’t know why I did it.
Her words hurt, but she was right, and I deserved to hear them. I’ve broken her heart. I’ve broken my own heart, but I’m not important right now. Neive and MJ are. My responsibilities are.
“Please explain it to me, Uncle. I don’t understand. You two are so perfect together.”
“Never mind that now—”
“No!” She cuts me off. “I’m fed up with being told not to worry about it all. I do worry, and you telling me not to doesn’t help. You say I’m just a child, but there’s all this adult stuff going on around me, and I deserve adult explanations.”
Obviously, the trauma has lowered her reserve.
“Please, help me understand why you would do this?”
I take in the young girl in front of me.
Not my tiny baby niece anymore. I forget how much she takes in, how much she sees.
She’s right, she does deserve an explanation.
We unintentionally put her in the middle of the drama in our lives, then try to shield her from the fall out.
But it’s too late, the consequences of our actions started to pile on Neive a long time ago.
“When we were kids,” I start, “after everything that happened with our parents, me and your mum were separated.” I pause to gather myself.
It still haunts me. “I had been sent off to school by Charles’s dad.
I was being educated and so focused on school and my life.
Meanwhile your mum was struggling.” I pull Neive into me and stroke her hair, like I used to with her mum.
“I didn’t see it. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. ”
I was so preoccupied with my own life, and I would keep up the frequent phone calls and visits, but I never truly saw what was happening.
She practically disappeared before my eyes.
My sweet, kind sister became angry and bitter at the world.
Loneliness will do that to a person, suck your soul out of you and strip you bare.
MJ was horrendously bullied in her foster home, which only continued into school – until she finally settled herself in with the wrong crowd, just to find a semblance of belonging.
It was my fault, I should have been there, I should have begged Diane to take her in or for William to send her to school with me. I could have protected her.
The memories of watching her slip away into herself plague me. The heavy drinking and drugs, a hideous spiral that I didn’t stop. I allowed it to happen.
Just like when she fell back into that way of life six months ago, when I had to step in and send her to rehab. Again. Though this time it was so much worse: Neive was suffering.
“Neive, I let things slip again and you got hurt.”
“You can’t blame yourself for the attack.”
“Not that.” Although, I absolutely do blame myself. “Before your mum went into rehab.” I take a breath, ready to admit my shame. “Deep down, I knew things weren’t okay. I should have seen the signs but I ignored them and you suffered. I put my needs in front of yours, and I won’t do that again.”
“Those things would have happened if you had been there or not. You’ve taken me in. You’ve helped Mum. You do so much for us. You get to be happy too.”
I hug my girl. She is wise for her age, but she still doesn’t get it. I can’t lose focus again.
~
“You’re not okay!”
“I’m fine,” I repeat, again.
“You’re clearly not.” Charles won’t drop this. He says I’m cold and closed off since I ended things with Reilly. He’s right, but I won’t admit it. I’m heartbroken. I’m lost. I’m ashamed.
I broke her heart and mine. I never wanted things to end with Reilly. Especially like this. But I had no choice. She was under my skin, and the only way I could release her would be with a quick clean break.
I haven’t heard from her. Neive has, and I can tell whenever they have been in contact because I get the cold shoulder for a day or two.
MJ has been living back home with us and we started looking for a place for them. Ideally, I’d like them to stay here, but I understand MJ’s need to live on her own two feet. I can’t imagine life when they leave.
Jeeves comes into the office, dropping a manila folder on my desk. I slide it towards me and open it.
“This didn’t take you long.” I only asked Jeeves to get me this info yesterday.
“It’s to do with Reilly. I assumed you wanted it as a priority,” he retorts, taking a seat and crossing one leg over his knee. “And I may have already started after you informed me of the incident in the bakery.” As always, anticipating my moves.
Charles eyes us both suspiciously. “Should we be sad or glad the police got there just as you did, Jeeves?”
Jeeves shrugs. The bruising on his hands has turned to a purple-blue, but will properly take a few more weeks before it’s gone completely. My shame, on the other hand, is going to take a lot longer.
First Reilly’s ex attacks her in the bakery, right in front of me, then Neive is nearly kidnapped. Call me Jack Bauer, that was the most intense twenty-four hours I ever had. And I have no plans to experience it again. My girls need to be safe and I’ll take any precautions I deem necessary.
Whatever is going on between Reilly and me, I still care deeply for her. Her safety will always be my priority. She may think her scumbag ex Tim Regent will leave her alone, but I won’t take that chance.
“Anything I need to know?” I ask Jeeves.
“Nothing too concerning. He’s your classic trust-fund rich boy. He’s got a position within his daddy’s financial services company. It’s more symbolic than actually useful. Classic nepotism.”
I wouldn’t have put Tim Regent as Reilly’s type, but she is anything but predictable. I scan the information, considering my options.
Jeeves is staring at me, waiting for his next instructions.
“Keep him occupied for me. I don’t want him to have any time to be bothering Reilly again.”
“How occupied?”
“Nothing permanent. Maybe financial or work-related.”
“Mr Regent is about to make a few bad investments.” There’s an unnerving grin on Jeeves’s face.
“I’m serious Jeeves, no bodily harm.” His grin dips into a disappointed frown. “Of course, we keep our eyes on him. If he goes near Reilly again. Well, then we can reassess,” I tell him as he heads out to do what he does best.
Charles moves the folder in front of him and flicks through it casually.
“Those hackers, the ones who tried to blackmail us with guest information from the VIPs at Waterside,” he starts, staring at the side of my face.
I say nothing, waiting for him to finish his question.
“Was that Jeeves?” His voice was tinged with both suspicion and wonder.
“Why would Jeeves hack our hotel’s security?” It’s a childish response, but ask stupid question, get stupid answers.
I snatch back the folder holding the ex’s information and file it away in the bottom drawer of my desk.
Finally having Charles’s attention, I open the budget report for the hotel on my computer.
Hoping to show him why he needs to stop sleeping with the staff.
Our recruitment costs are out of control.
I show him a breakdown of everyone who has left in the last year.
He rolls his eyes at me. “What happened to them?”
“You slept with them and never called them back,” I tell him, without an ounce of humour in my voice. I can’t believe I need to explain this to him.
“Not them, the people who hacked the hotel’s security system?”
“Not sure. Jeeves dealt with it.” I wave a hand off hoping to move on from this and back to the ongoing problem of his whorish ways.
Charles doesn’t promise these women the world, but his charm and seduction techniques leave a lasting impression.
When the activities aren’t as lasting, people tend to feel a little hurt, justifiably.
So they find new jobs where they won’t have to see his face ever again.
One of these days, he’s going to come across a woman immune to his charms and rejection will hit him like a brick to the face.
“And you didn’t ask …” Charles is still going on about Jeeves’s extra-curricular activities.
“No, I find it’s best not to.” Jeeves keeps things on this side of the law, but he has a habit of taking justice into his own grey area of morality. “Jeeves knows where the line is.”
“Does he?”
I ignore the question. I trust that man with me and mine. And that still includes Reilly, and always will.
“You’re going to love her forever, Elton,” Charles says, out of nowhere.
I sit up and straighten my cufflinks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He laughs. “Come on, man. You love her. This is ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous.”
I tap away at my computer; how long an email can I pretend to write before he gets the message.
He sighs. “You planning on being alone forever? She won’t wait for you. A woman like Reilly will take on the world and it will be a lucky man who gets to stand by her side while she does it.” A deep ache pulses in my chest and a burning sensation starts to fester.
“Mmm poetic,” I deflect.
“She got her bakery,” Charles tells me, swiping his thumb across his mouth. Happiness erupts inside me and I grab my phone to call her. But I don’t have that right anymore. I gave that up.
“How do you know that?” I ask as I slide my phone through my fingers, unwilling to let go of the opportunity to call her.
“She’s not mad at me.” He smirks. I practically growl at him, jealousy raging inside me knowing he’s spoken to Reilly. “Whatever, mate. Don’t lose her while you sort your shit out. You’ll come out the other side full of nothing but regret.”
I’m already full of regret, but I can’t work out how to give Reilly everything she deserves while still being who I have to be for the family