Chapter 7
My second drive to Midnights is less sweaty. Which is great for my make up, but the nerves were still plucking at my system. Meeting Eros without our masks feels more daunting than choosing to come to a sex club in the first place. Almost as if it’s more real somehow.
A couple exits their car at the same time as I do.
The woman offers me a polite smile before taking her partner's hand, confidently strolling toward the building. One tiny, simple gesture and an ache rolls through my gut. Even though I know it shouldn’t.
Weren’t we all here for the same reason?
If anything, I should feel more at ease, but my walk to the entrance is done slowly, with my thumbs nervously flicking along my fingertips.
At least the bouncer is a familiar face. Even if it’s still as stoic with zero hint that he recognizes me. “Name?” he asks, clearly focused on getting people inside and nothing else. When I give him my name, and he doesn’t turn me away, my breathing becomes lighter.
But the relief is short-lived. I have no idea what Eros looks like. All I know is he has dark hair, and looking around more than half of these men fit the criteria. I’m not even sure if any random person would know his code name. I definitely didn’t ask enough questions before agreeing to this.
This is one time I wish I were more outgoing, maybe more like my sister, able to command any room I walk into.
But instead, I slide toward the first empty space I spot and wait for…
well I don’t really know who. That’s my whole problem but melting into the wall is not the way to get noticed by a man who doesn’t know what I look like but it's the only thing that feels right.
My saving grace comes in the form of a smiling Maxine.
She walks directly toward me, politely greeting a few people as she moves through the crowd.
Tonight, she’s in black again, but a jaw dropping two piece fitted suit that glistens with each step, thousands of stars sewn directly into the fabric.
Her jacket hangs open and underneath is only a matching bra that sits against her deep olive toned skin.
“Psyche,” she greets, bending to kiss me quickly on each cheek like she would an old friend.
Clumsily bumping against her cheek, I return the gesture and fumble over a simple hello.
For some reason I didn’t expect her to remember me.
Maxine saw guests every night and while this is only my second night, she acts as if I'm a member she sees regularly. Probably why this place is so successful. If you can make even the most timid of people feel welcome and secure in an environment, then they’ll be more willing to come back.
Although the use of the code name she gave me last time was unexpected. I lean in and ask, “I’m sorry, but are we supposed to use those names still? I thought it was only for the open house.”
Her ruby red lips part in a laugh. “You don’t have to, but I think it suits you.”
I’m choosing to ignore the unknown meaning in her words. Maxine steps out of my view, and I expect her to walk off and mingle with the rest of her guests, but I’m surprised as she shifts to stand at my side.
“Everyone you see here started out just like you.”
My head turns to look at her, “What do you mean?”
“You’re nervous.”
“So everyone keeps saying.”
She laughs again. “One night here doesn’t make anyone an expert. It usually takes quite a few times before someone walks in here confidently.”
“How long did it take you? Assuming your business isn’t the first club you’ve been to.”
“You assume correctly,” she answers before pondering my question for a moment.
“I come from a very religious family where sex is not only not talked about but is viewed as something married couples are expected to do to produce children and that’s it.
It wasn’t until I was in my early thirties that I started to explore my sexuality and sensuality.
Then it was a long time after that when I became really comfortable with who I was. ”
Looking at the woman next to me, I would think she was always like this; strong, commanding, exuding the type of confidence people search their whole lives for. It’s humbling to know how similar we may be.
I sigh and look back at the crowd. “My family isn’t religious, I fear my hesitation is purely internalized. Like I shouldn’t want to want to be here.”
Maxine looks over at me, even in my heels, she still has to look down slightly. Dark eyes study me as a soft smile plays at her lips. “As long as it’s what you want. That’s the beauty of all of this.” She waves around the room. “We can be whoever we want.”
A nervous laugh expels past my lips. “You make it sound so easy.”
She leans over and whispers, “It can be.”
Who am I to argue with an expert?
We spend the next minute in silence, people watching before she speaks again. “Eros should be here soon and asked me to show you to his room.”
At the mention of his name, my heart skips and my stomach clenches. Standing around with Maxine, I almost forgot about him.
Almost.
Maxine slips her hand into mine and I follow her through the main room.
A few people stop and watch us, their eyes jumping between our faces and where our hands are joined with a longing look.
Not necessarily jealous but I got the impression from a few of the people we passed, men and women, that they would do anything to be the person Maxine was leading back to the rooms.
It makes me curious about what she might be like behind closed doors. To command that type of attention, fully clothed, would make me dizzy I think, but she was made for it.
We walk a familiar short path and she unlocks the same door and allows me to enter past her. “Thank you, Maxine,” I say, hoping she knows it's for more than just showing me to the room. Every time I talk to her, it ends up a bit deeper than I intend but she never makes me feel like I’m intruding.
“You’re so welcome, Psyche. Have a good night.” She pulls the door closed behind her.
Alone in the room, my heartbeat begins to take off at a rapid pace. With no mask to hide behind, I suddenly feel more exposed than I expected.
What if he walks in and hates what he sees? What if our last time together was a fluke? What if the mask gave me more confidence than I really possess and tonight ends up one huge disappointment?
What if he’s ugly?
I’m not a shallow person, or at least not more than the average person, but I don’t know if I would be able to finish if I’m looking at someone who I don’t find attractive. No matter how good his cock is.
Okay, maybe that did make me shallow.
I need to get it together, before I start spiraling.
I move to the bathroom to give myself a final once over.
It’s not the dress from the open house but it's as tight, and even shorter, hugging the tops of my thighs.
One slight bend and everything would be on display, which is kind of the point.
Pulling off the long coat I wore over the top for that exact reason, I toss it to the side and lean closer toward the mirror.
Makeup is still in place, hair still full of curls.
The faint sound of the doorknob turning catches my attention. Butterflies take flight in my stomach.
A creak of the door. Flames erupt under my skin.
Heavy footsteps approach behind me. Euphoria trickles through my veins in anticipation.
“Psyche,” Eros' deep timber voice calls out.
I can’t see him in the mirror but he’s here. He’s here, and every ounce of hesitation evaporates.
“Eros,” I call out, quickly turning around, stepping out of the bathroom, meeting him face-to-face.
Except Eros isn’t looking back at me.
A shrill scream barrels out of me. I turn and flee back into the safety of the bathroom.