Chapter 19
INA
For one perfect moment, I was absolutely certain Dane was going to kiss me.
It was the moment I always imagined in my fantasies about falling hard and fast in love.
The snow was falling around us like we were inside a snow globe someone had just shaken. His eyes were locked on mine with an intensity that made my breath catch, and he was leaning in.
My body was practically vibrating with anticipation.
I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was trying to decide if he was going to kiss me or run.
Please kiss me.
I leaned in with my heart hammering so hard I could feel it in my throat. The space between us got smaller and smaller until—
He reached down and adjusted my hat.
I had borrowed it from his car from his hockey bag in the trunk, which apparently lived alongside a golf bag and a tennis racket. His car was a moving gym locker.
“You’re freezing,” he said, his voice rough. “We should get you home.”
I blinked, trying to process the whiplash of the moment. “Oh. Right. Yes.”
We skated back to the edge of the rink in silence. I told myself I completely imagined the almost-kiss. I misread the moment. The intensity in his eyes had been about something else entirely. My romantic girly side got caught up in a fantasy.
Except I was certain I had not imagined the way he looked at me.
No way.
Yes, I could be a little silly and I did like to spin pretty fantasies in my mind, but that look in his eyes had been real. I felt it like I felt the snow falling on my face.
We changed back into our regular shoes, packed up our skates, and walked to his car in silence. The drive back to my apartment was quiet too, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
When he pulled up in front of my building, I expected him to just let me out. Instead, he turned off the engine.
“I’ll walk you up,” he said.
“It’s five flights of stairs.”
“I’m well aware.”
Before I could argue, he came around to open my door, and we climbed the stairs together. On the third-floor landing, where the handrail was still loose, he put his hand in the small of my back. I loved when he did that. It was sweet and polite and I was certain it meant he cared just a little.
When we reached my door, I turned to face him, suddenly very aware that we were alone in a dimly lit hallway and that my roommate probably wasn’t home yet and that if I invited him in we would be alone.
“Thank you,” I said quickly, before I could do something stupid like ask if he wanted to come inside. “For tonight. I needed it more than you know.”
I looked into his eyes and swore I could see the internal struggle. Or maybe I was just seeing my own conflicting desires reflected there.
And then I realized he was probably trying to figure out how to ask me for his hat back.
I reached up to pull it off.
“Keep the hat,” he said finally. “Put it in the next Cupid’s exchange gift box.”
I laughed, surprised. “You want me to give you your own hat back as a gift?”
“You don’t need to buy me anything,” he said.
I couldn’t decide if that was another kind gesture or if it hurt my feelings a bit.
He nodded once and started back down the stairs. I turned toward my door.
This was it. The perfect end to a perfect evening. We’d skated, we’d talked, we had a moment that felt real and significant, and now we were both going to go home and pretend that none of it had happened.
Except something felt wrong about that. Incomplete.
Yes, I was a little on the romantic side and saw magic where others didn’t. But I was certain it was the kind of night that should end with a kiss at least. The kind of night where something was supposed to happen.
“Ina.”
I turned around at the sound of my name. Dane was coming back up the steps. Not slowly. Not hesitantly. With sudden determination, like something had snapped inside him. That expression on his face told me he made a decision and wasn’t going to second-guess it.
And then he was right there in front of me. His hand cupped my cheek. I was not crazy. The man was looking at me with fire in his eyes.
A second later, he lowered his head and brushed his lips against mine.
I reached up and slid my hand to the back of his head, securing his mouth against mine.
The kiss deepened and I felt it everywhere.
Every nerve ending suddenly came alive. His other hand slid to my waist, pulling me closer.
I made a small sound against his mouth before I parted my lips and welcomed his tongue.
I’d been kissed before, but never like this. Never with this kind of hunger that made me forget my own name. His kiss was demanding and thorough, and I met it with everything I had. Our tongues slashed against each other. My mouth opened wider as the man practically swallowed my face.
I welcomed every bit of it.
And then his mouth was gone. I realized I probably looked like a baby bird begging for more.
I quickly snapped my mouth shut and stared at him. His lips were wet from our very exuberant kiss.
I saw a hundred emotions flash across his face—desire, confusion, fear and something that looked almost like wonder.
“Goodnight, Ina,” he said. His voice sounded like he’d been gargling gravel.
And just like that, he was office Dane again.
He walked down the steps. Thankfully, he didn’t run like he regretted the kiss, but he definitely didn’t linger. I stood there frozen on my doorstep, my hand pressed to my lips, my heart racing.
“What the hell?” I murmured.
I fumbled with my keys only to realize the door was already unlocked. I stepped into the apartment in a daze, leaned against the door, and closed my eyes, trying to process what had just happened.
Dane had kissed me. My boss had kissed me. And it was better than all the times I’d fantasized about it.
“Well, well, well,” a voice said from the living room, making me jump about a foot in the air. “What’s got you all aflutter?”
My eyes popped open to find Abby standing in the kitchen with a knowing smirk on her face.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice coming out higher than normal. “You’re supposed to be at work!”
“Friends of the head chef are having a private party at the restaurant tonight. I got offered the night off.” She took a sip of her tea, watching me over the rim of the mug.
“I was making myself a tasty drink when I heard voices outside. I opened the door to see what all the hubbub was about, and can you imagine what I saw?”
“Something that was meant to be private?” I replied.
“That was not a pretend kiss, Ina. That was a real kiss. Like very, very real. You didn’t even realize I opened the door.
You two were so caught up I was worried he was going to mount you right there like something out of a nature show.
So either you two are both really committed to method acting, or something has changed. ”
I covered my face with my hands. “It didn’t mean anything.”
“Bullshit.”
“It was just a slip. A moment of weakness. We got caught up in the magical moment.”
Abby put her hands on her hips and held my gaze. “You can lie to me if you want, but don’t lie to yourself. That was a legit kiss.”
I shrugged out of my coat. “It can’t mean anything. He’s my boss. This is all supposed to be fake. There’s an NDA and a campaign strategy and an end date. It was just a kiss.”
“You’ve been falling for him since the Christmas party. Ever since you laid eyes on him. And tonight, he kissed you. And unless I missed it, I didn’t see any photographers documenting you two sucking face. That kiss was just for the two of you. And your nosy roommate.”
“He pulled away.”
She waved a hand. “Only because he was about to put a baby in you.”
“Abby!”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. I’m going to do nothing. I’m going to go to work on Monday and pretend this never happened.” My voice cracked. “Then I’m going to use my next paycheck to buy a same-day flight back to Wyoming and never look back.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I?” I looked at her, and I could feel tears threatening.
“I came to New York to find love, Abby. Real love. The kind that changes your life. And I found it—except it’s with my boss, who doesn’t believe in love.
He’s only giving me the time of day because it’s good for business. How messed up is that?”
“He doesn’t think it’s just business anymore. If he just wanted to sleep with you, I feel like he would have already done it already. He likes you.”
“This kiss was a mistake. A slip of the tongue. Literally.”
She snorted. “Where do I sign up for a hot billionaire to accidentally slip his tongue in my mouth?”
“It’s not funny.”
“I know this is scary. I know it’s complicated. But running away to Wyoming isn’t going to change how you feel about him.”
“Maybe not. But at least in Wyoming, I won’t have to see him every day.” I squeezed my eyes closed because I suddenly felt exhausted. “I feel like the most pathetic cliché—the assistant who fell for her boss. I’m the silly girl who couldn’t separate fantasy from reality.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Abby said.
“How?”
“I don’t know yet. But it will be. You’re not going to let a little thing like falling in love with your emotionally unavailable boss break you.”
“It feels pretty breaking.”
Abby held out her hand to me. “Come on. Let’s make some tea, put on a ridiculous movie, and tomorrow you can figure out what you’re going to do.”
I took her hand and let her help me up. “What if I don’t know what to do?”
“Then you’ll figure it out as you go. That’s what grownups do. At least that’s what I’ve been told.”
We went to the kitchen and I made tea while Abby scrolled through streaming options, settling on some romantic comedy I’d seen a hundred times but never got tired of.
But even as we settled onto the couch with our tea and the movie playing, my mind kept replaying that kiss.
There had been nothing fake about it.
But I had to distinguish feelings from lust. Desire versus emotion.
Yes, Dane wanted me in the carnal sense, but I would never be okay with that kind of a relationship. I didn’t have it in me to do the casual sex thing.
And that’s all Dane could offer.