Chapter 31
INA
Imade it exactly one block from Dane’s building before the tears started, which was farther than I thought I would get. It wasn’t an achievement to brag about but I was mildly proud of myself.
By the time I reached the subway, I could barely see and any sense of pride had faded.
Thankfully, I was able to find a seat and the usual crazies left me alone.
I imagined I was the crazy lady on the subway today.
Maybe it was a New York rite of passage and everyone had their moment as the hot mess on the train.
Maybe I was just desperately searching for any sort of silver lining to my storm cloud life. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back, and tried to process what I just heard.
Dane’s words kept replaying in my mind, each repetition driving the knife deeper.
I’d been so stupid. I’d thought that the grumpy billionaire CEO had actually fallen for his assistant? That our connection was real?
No.
I was just a warm body he could use to get his rocks off when the mood arose.
What had he called it? A transaction?
My phone kept buzzing in my pocket. Dane, probably, trying to explain. Trying to smooth things over with more lies.
I didn’t look at it. I didn’t want to hear whatever bullshit he had for me.
He clearly saw me as some naive little country bumpkin he could manipulate and use. And it was my fault. I let him do it. I let him get away with exactly that.
By the time I got back to my apartment, I managed to stop crying, but my face was blotchy and my eyes were swollen.
Abby was in the kitchen making coffee. She took one look at me and set down her mug. “What happened?”
“Nothing. Dane was busy. We couldn’t do the market.” I forced a smile. “But I’m free now if you want to go?”
“Ina, you are so full of shit and a really terrible liar.”
“Please. Please can we just go to the market? I don’t want to talk about it.”
She sighed and finally nodded. “Okay. Market. Talking optional.”
We walked to the farmers market in Union Square, and I tried to focus on the stalls—fresh bread, early spring vegetables, flowers that cost too much but smelled incredible. Abby bought cheese and I bought coffee beans. I pretended everything was normal until I couldn’t pretend anymore.
“Would it be crazy to just call this a wash and move back to Wyoming?” I asked.
Abby went very still. “What? Just like that?”
“I mean, I took a risk moving here. It didn’t work out. That’s fine. I can go home, find a job and just start over. I took my shot. I made some memories.”
“Ina Lavin, if you move back to Wyoming, I will never forgive you.” Her voice was intense. “You came to New York to find your life. To find something bigger than your small town could offer. And yeah, things got complicated with Dane. But you don’t run away from complicated. You figure it out.”
“What if there’s nothing to figure out? What if it was all just a silly girl caught up in the fantasy?” My voice cracked. “What if I imagined everything?”
“You imagined nothing. Screw Dane. He’s an asshole.
I hate to break it to you, country girl, but there are a lot of them in the world.
You’re in a city with a massive population, which means a lot of assholes.
Trust me, I’ve had my fair share and I know there will be many more.
But for every asshole, there’s a good guy.
You just have to wade through the bullshit to get to the good stuff. ”
I groaned. “I don’t know if I can survive that long. I’m not built for heartbreak.”
“No one is. That’s what ice cream and sad movies are for.”
I frowned at her. “That is something my dad would say.”
“Hey, heartbreak made Taylor Swift very, very rich. If she can get her heart shattered a million times, you can handle one or two.”
“Easier said than done.”
The weekend passed in a blur of Netflix and ice cream and Abby forcing me to eat actual food at regular intervals. I didn’t manage to write any best-selling pop songs about how men will let you down.
Speaking of disappointing men, Dane texted and called, but I ignored them all. I needed to shake him off. Not that I could really break away from him when I had to sit ten feet away from him, but I was taking the weekend to detox from the spell he had put me under.
I was still trying to figure out how I could sit at that desk outside his office and answer his calls and schedule his meetings and pretend Friday night hadn’t happened.
Abby told me I would be fine, but I really felt like I was different.
I wasn’t the kind of person that could fall in love and then pretend it never happened.
Sunday evening, I was lying on the couch scrolling through job listings when I checked my email. I had one from Cupid’s Arrow.
The subject line indicated they found me a match. Why were they looking? Was my profile live?
I almost deleted it without reading, but curiosity got the better of me.
Congratulations! Based on your profile and preferences, we’ve found one exceptional match!
I clicked to see the profile and immediately felt sick to my stomach.
Not because the profile was bad. It was actually good. Great actually. The person had listed interests that aligned with mine, values that matched, a sense of humor that seemed compatible. I had recently become very fond of what they called dry humor. The guy looked perfect for me on paper.
But all I could think about was Dane.
I closed the laptop and felt tears burning in my eyes again. I was in love with Dane Kavanagh. Completely, irrevocably in love with him. And the idea of being with anyone else made me want to throw up.
“You okay?” Abby asked.
“Cupid’s Arrow found me a match.”
“And?”
“And Cupid needs to keep his diaper-wearing ass out of my business.” I sighed and angrily wiped my eyes. “I don’t want anyone except him. I know. I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You’re in love.”
I pouted and crossed my arms. “Same thing.”
She came and sat beside me. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Go to work tomorrow. Try not to cry at my desk. Probably start updating my resume.”
“You’re not quitting.”
“I might have to, Abby. How am I supposed to work there now? How am I supposed to see him every day and pretend my heart isn’t broken?”
“I don’t know. But running away isn’t the answer.” She squeezed my hand. “Sleep on it. See how you feel in the morning.”
I had a feeling I was only going to feel worse the second I laid eyes on him.
Monday morning came too quickly.
I dressed carefully. I had to look good. It was my only armor against whatever the day would bring. I did my makeup to hide the evidence of weekend crying. I spent twice as long getting ready than I normally would.
I had to. I had to feel like I was putting on a brave face and that meant channeling my inner boss bitch.
I could do this. I could walk into that office, sit at my desk, and be a goddamn professional.
Even if it killed me.
The elevator ride up felt like climbing to my own execution. When the doors opened, I stepped onto the floor and immediately saw Norma standing by my desk like the Grim Reaper.
My stomach dropped.
Keith had snitched, that rat. He’d gone to Norma and the board, just like he’d threatened to do, and now I was about to be fired for sleeping with my boss.
Obviously, Dane wasn’t getting canned. It was his company. They weren’t about to oust him.
I walked toward her on legs that felt like they might give out. I hoped I looked confident with my shoulders back and chin up. I had a fake smile that probably looked more like the Joker than anything friendly, but I was doing my best.
“Ina,” Norma said quietly. “Can we talk in my office?”
“Of course.” I followed her, aware of other people starting to arrive. They definitely noticed.
Everyone knew. Of course everyone knew.
Norma closed her office door and gestured for me to sit. “I’m not going to sugarcoat this,” she said. “Dane came to me this morning. He told me about your relationship.”
My jaw unhinged and fell open. Dane had told her. Not Keith. Dane himself had come clean.
Which meant he decided to end it. Of course, he did. He had to protect himself and the company. He did exactly what Keith had probably advised, cut me loose before I became a liability.
“I see,” I managed.
Norma was quiet for a moment. I could see her trying to figure out what to say. “I still need to do an investigation. It’s protocol. Which means I need to place you on paid leave while I sort this out.”
My stomach was twisted in knots. The unfairness was demanding I stand up for myself. But I didn’t have the energy to do so. Honestly, I wasn’t going to stay where I would be the center of all the office gossip. And I didn’t want to make a scene and add to my humiliation.
My jaw started working again. I clenched it so hard I was certain I cracked a molar.
“For how long?” I asked quietly.
“A week, maybe two. I need to talk to people, review the situation, make sure there weren’t any ethical violations.” She softened slightly. “I’m not trying to punish you, Ina. I’m trying to protect you.”
I snorted. “Of course. It’s all about protecting me.” I didn’t hide my sarcasm. She was being nice, but I didn’t give a shit. I was pissed.
“Am I allowed to get my things or do you have security waiting to toss me out on my ass?”
“I can help you collect your things.”
I rolled my eyes. “Afraid I might go all crazy and knock over desks? Smash things.”
“Ina, I’m so sorry. Please believe me when I say this is for your own good. I need to make sure you can continue to work for him and continue the relationship.”
I burst into laughter, and once again, I felt like the Joker.
“Oh, Norma, don’t worry, there isn’t a relationship. We had sex. That’s what young, silly girls like me do. We bang our boss and then we get fired for doing it while he eyes up the next victim.”
It was her turn to drop her mouth open with her cheeks turning a dark red.
I wasn’t mad at Norma. Not really. I was just so damn angry and hurt and she happened to be the one standing in front of me.
I walked back to my desk with Norma on my heels. I didn’t have much. I tossed what I could into my purse and turned to Norma, who looked like she would rather be anywhere else.
“Ina.” Dane’s voice came from behind me.
I froze.
“Don’t,” I said without turning around. “Don’t you dare.”
“We need to talk.”
“No, we really don’t.” I shoved my mug into my bag, still not looking at him. “You made everything very clear on Saturday. I’m sorry I misunderstood the situation.”
“You didn’t misunderstand anything.”
“Don’t patronize me.” I spun around and glared at him. All that righteous anger was making me vibrate, and if it were physically possible, I would be shooting literal flames from my nostrils and ears.
I saw him flinch and take a step back. That gave me power. I had him off balance.
I took a step forward. “I know what I heard. I’m not an idiot. I’ve got a pretty good command of the English language. You are exactly what I thought you were. I was just too stupid to see the game you were running on me.”
“Ina, there’s no game.” He reached for my arm.
I stepped back. “Don’t touch me. Not here. Not ever again.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection!” My voice rose, and I saw people turning to look. “I don’t need you, but more importantly, I don’t want you.”
I walked toward the elevator, my vision blurring with tears I refused to let fall. Not in front of everyone.
I heard him following me. “Ina, please, just listen to me.”
The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, finally turning to face him.
He looked wrecked. Hair disheveled. Dark circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept. Stubble covering his jaw. His expression desperate in a way I’d never seen before.
“I did listen to you,” I whispered as the doors started to close. “I listened to every word you said to Keith.”
The doors closed and I felt like a tether had been severed.
Good. That’s what I needed. I had to end all of it. I never wanted to see him again. I didn’t care what Norma’s investigation uncovered.
I was done.
It was over.