22. The Truth
Chapter 22
The Truth
A ble to take time in between my classes, I had been able to go to Milton Court, which was where the regiment would enter Milton. When I had done so, there were many people crowding around both sides of the street. When I did go there, I managed to run into Kitty and Raspberry. They were wearing their chambermaid uniforms under their coats and bonnets.
“Lizzy!” Kitty cried when seeing me, “we’re here!”
I ran up to them and they pulled my hand.
“We have a perfect spot,” Raspberry said, and then we moved through the crowd. As we did so, I accidentally knocked into a young and thin woman with straight blonde hair. I knocked her shawl off her shoulder.
“I am sorry,” I said going to pick it up.
“It’s all well,” she said, “thank yer.”
When I looked at her, I saw that I recognized her.
“I know your face,” I observed. “Don’t you work at Marlborough Mills?”
“Yea, yer saw me when you faced down Thornton. My name is Bessie.”
“I’m Elizabeth.”
“Lizzy,” Kitty said, pulling me away from Bessie so that we could get a better view. Tearing my eyes away from Bessie, I joined Kitty and Raspberry as we found a spot to the front of the crowd.
In less than a couple of minutes, the regiment began to march through the town. Seeing them made us all giddy and we all cheered.
“They are handsome, aren’t they?” Raspberry said. “Wait, there’s Plato!”
We followed where she pointed, and there he was, of medium brown skin amongst his lighter company. Seeing Plato solved every reason for how he became a soldier. He was tall, handsome and he looked like a leader. If he had been born to any other reality of time, he might have been a king.
“He looks handsome,” Kitty realized, equally as astonished as I was.
“You sound surprised.”
“Sorry, but yes, I am.”
“Kitty!” I gasped. “Look! There’s Denny, Captain Carter, and Sanderson!”
She scanned the regiment and she saw them. It was the most exhilarating thing.
“I see them!” she cried. “I see them! That means that Lydia is here too.”
We all stood there, marveling at the officers marching through the streets.
“Remember when it was like this?” Kitty whispered to me. “Remember those days?”
“Yes,” I professed. “But it’s more than that. Kitty, for one moment, it feels as if Hertfordshire has come to Milton.”
“I know. This is the best that we can hope for now.”
I couldn’t stay more than a couple of minutes, because I had to return to work.
I managed to make it back to Granger Hall just in time. Which was good because it was Mr. Dennison that I was taking notes for. Both he and I had a silent agreement to not speak to each other. So, I sat there and took notes the entire time. When I finished, he stormed out of the hall so that we would have no chance to speak.
That was fine by me.
Going back to the offices, I sat down and rewrote my notes, then I received word that a gentleman was waiting for me. Curious about this, I put my coat and bonnet on and left the office. My surprise was slight, but still genuine, when I saw Mr. Darcy standing there.
“Mr. Darcy!”
“Good day, Miss Bennet.”
“It’s a pleasure to see you.”
“Thank you. I was wondering if you would prefer another ride home.”
“Only if it is of no inconvenience to you.”
“I can assure you, it is not.”
“Then I will accept.”
We left the hall and soon were on our way to Frances Street.
“Miss Bennet,” he began, “I must apologize for how my behavior was when last we met. And my reaction to seeing your new residence.”
“Thank you, but there is nothing to apologize for,” I assured him. “I am aware of your feelings. You’ve made them plain. Your reaction was merely that of a man who was surprised and cared. You cared for our welfare. Whatever our disagreements, I am sensitive to that. I took no offense.”
“Thank you. But to what you said before of our past disagreements—I wish to talk of that. There is something there that we must face.”
“Mr. Darcy, are you about to ask me about your proposal? If so, I am prepared, and you can tell me anything. And, regarding the matter, I have news about my sister toward Mr. Bingley.”
“No. I wish to have you tell me what Mr. Wickham told you that I did to him.”
“Ah.”
“I am prepared.”
I steadied out my breathing and began.
“He told me about his misfortunes. Of how you robbed him of his inheritance. Of how your father, who favored him, granted him a living in his will, of offering Mr. Wickham the living at Kempton Parsonage, as a clergyman. And how, when your father died, you refused, pointblank, to honor your father’s wishes. And you offered the living to someone else, reducing him to his state of poverty.”
“He said that!” Mr. Darcy hissed.
“Yes. Do you deny it?”
“With every part of my soul. Miss Bennet, I know that Mr. Wickham is very capable of making anyone believe in his lies, but lies they are, and I have evidence to prove it. First, yes, he was given the living in my father’s will. But it was left to him, in condition, only. But he did not live the life of a man who is meant for the church. Wickham is a gambler, and he loves women, but does not honor them. He has had…dalliances with ladies who deserved a better fate than he offered them. His appetites were not what they ought to have been.
“Secondly, when my father died, it was Wickham who refused the living at Kempton. Instead, he requested and was granted 3,000 pounds instead of the living. I was happy that he chose this route, for I was happy to be rid of him. How he lived, I know not, but I do know that he gambled away the money in weeks. Eventually, he returned to Pemberley and demanded more money of me. When I refused, he grew angry, and little did I know that he sought revenge. My sister, Georgiana, was but fifteen years old at the time. She was staying in Ramsgate with a companion named Mrs. Younge, in whose character we were all unhappily deceived. Soon, Mr. Wickham followed Georgiana there, under Mrs. Younge’s information, and he endeared himself to Georgiana so much, that he convinced her to consent to an elopement—his object being her 50,000 pounds. Fortunately, I arrived there the day before their elopement, and Georgiana told me everything. I was angry and disgusted. And when I told Mr. Wickham that, if he married Georgiana, he would never receive any of the money, he quitted the place immediately and abandoned her. That was the last I had seen of Mr. Wickham. Until I saw him walking with you all, in Meryton.”
I felt my heart bursting in my chest.
“This cannot be true?” I gasped.
“It is. Miss Bennet. Would I lie about something like that happening to my sister? You know I prefer the truth behind all things.”
“Yes, I know you do, but…but…”
I leaned back and thought about it.
“And to the truth of it, you can appeal to Colonel Fitzwilliam, who will confirm everything that I had said.”
“Yes,” I whispered, “you are no liar. But can this be true? A part of me doesn’t want to believe it.”
“Wickham is very good at making others love him. While I am not.”
I felt cold as many thoughts and sensations dashed across my mind. There was the very real possibility that I was grossly in error. And feeling its veracity hurt!
“I…this means that I was wrong. This means that I allowed myself to be deceived. I blamed you for things that you weren’t guilty of. You wouldn’t lie about something like that.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
I was horrified.
“Yes,” I whispered. “This is all true. Isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Then this means… I trusted evil. I trusted a liar. I deceived myself.” The shame rose up in me so fast, that I clung to committing a rash and abrupt course of action. “Please stop the carriage.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want you to see me like this. I want to walk. I am mortified.”
“Miss Bennet, please do not propose such. What man would I be for making you walk the rest of the way home?”
“I don’t deserve this!” I cried. “I don’t want you looking at me while I am so ashamed.”
“But I will not let you despise yourself to such a degree. I didn’t tell you this to make you hate yourself. I told you this so that you would know me better and to shield you from a lie.”
“Yes,” I quieted down. “Forgive me, I was being nonsensical. My apologies, but I do not wish to speak for the rest of the ride home. I know that you did this to enlighten me, and you have saved me from my own misunderstanding. I can see that now, but for the rest of me, you don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to sit in a carriage knowing that you wronged the other person. That you hurt them. That you were entirely wrong about everything. Please, I don’t want you to see me in this way.”
“Very well.”
We rode the rest of the way in silence. Eventually, we pulled up to my house, Darcy stepped down and offered me his hand. Taking it, I allowed him to help me down.
“Mr. Darcy,” I breathed in, unable to face him. “Thank you for the ride.”
“It was my pleasure.”
“And thank you for telling me the truth. I just… I need time to face myself.”
“How much time?”
“I shall tell you soon.”
“Very well. I shall have to be contented with that.”
“But understand this… I am very sorry for what I believed.”
He nodded to me.
He got back into his carriage and rode off.
After he left, I ran into my house—my small house—ran upstairs to my bed and fell into it, in despair.
It must all be true.
Would Darcy lie about so much?
About his sister?
His father’s will!
Of course not! And the more that I contemplated the matter, the more that all veracity leaned toward him. Mr. Wickham’s tale was filled with lies, and it showed how blind I was. There was no way that Darcy could have robbed him of his inheritance because Wickham could have easily challenged it with legal address. Every time that Darcy entered society, Wickham shirked away like a retreating cretin. He only spoke ill of Darcy when Darcy was not there. If he was in the right, then he would have stood his ground. But he ran every time. He was a coward. Had I actually been in love with him, I could not have been more blind. But at least love would have been an excuse. But it wasn’t! I was never in love with Mr. Wickham. So, my only excuse was the bad first impression that Darcy had left me.
And now, all of that had been done away in view of everything.
I chose the man who did not love me, over the man who did.
And I didn’t even love the man who didn’t love me at all. How backwards it all was!
And to add to all of this, Mr. Darcy had proven himself to be a very sincere man, intelligent, genuine, passionate, and who did improve on closer acquaintance.
If I had given him a chance, and opened my heart to him, not only could I be married to a man who I respected, and who loved me, but who also could keep my sisters safe from destitution.
And now, here I was, in Milton, with my sisters trying to make a living for themselves in a station that they were not born into.
We are factory women.
Chambermaids.
Notetakers.
Governesses.
All are noble professions, but we have very little savings, we must always struggle, and we are always thrown into the dangers of the unknown.
I could have fallen in love with a good man.
But I deceived myself. And by so doing, I ruined my sisters at the same time.
I had wronged myself.
I had offended myself.
Ruined myself.
I was… the villain of this moment.
End of Book I