Chapter 49
AXE
Lupine Manor hasn’t been this unbearable since it nearly burned to the ground. Flowers and sympathy cards are placed on every surface, brought by members of Bleeding Sun and our surrounding packs. I was hoping the sight would bring comfort to my mate. But she hasn’t been down to see them.
Vessa hasn’t left my quarters. Cora and Nell have been watching over her vigilantly, assuring that she sleeps and that her fluids are restored. At night, I’m back to sleeping outside her door in case the horrors return in her dreaming hours. That is, if sleep comes to me at all.
I haven’t touched her since she shivered in the back of the cargo van as the IV drip nursed her.
Sitting in silence, I could no longer hold back the crushing weight of accepting that my mistakes had put her through hell—had led to my sister taking three bullets for her.
I couldn’t breathe, not even as she twitched in my lap.
I was terrified of accidentally nudging one of her broken ribs or her injured legs.
But against my chest, she slept soundly while Levi’s bitemark drank in the daylight, taunting me in a way that will forever remind me of my failures.
As Dom and Chris discuss tomorrow’s arrangements to lay my sister to rest, Nell joins us on the couch, warming her hands by the fire.
Judging from the weary look in her eyes, she has just been relieved from my mate’s bedside.
Always in tune, Jabir appears from around the corner, handing her a generous pour of wine and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“How is she?” Dom asks.
Nell sighs. Vessa still refuses to let anyone open the curtains. In the shower, she suffered another panic attack, petrified to face Demi’s family. As if any of this was remotely her fault . . .
“I think . . .” she croaks, shifting to face me. “I think it’s time you went and had a word with her. See if you can convince her to take a walk. Or anything that will just remind her that she’s still alive.”
Jabir’s brows lift as he bends to stoke the flaming logs. “What about—”
Tesni kicks through the front door, blowing past Jabir and Cora.
While driving back to Tukkon, I received a message from the Sentinel.
She succeeded in locating our oracle, after catching a lead which diverted her south.
But someone beat her to the job. Detained for trespassing in the capital archives, Maurleen was promptly escorted out by the armed guard of the Yinsew Council.
Oddly, Wyatt and their daughter weren’t anywhere near the vicinity.
Tesni had already changed course by the time I returned the call yesterday afternoon. When I delivered the tragic news.
"How could you? Had I been there, it would've made a difference. You could've called off my mission. You could’ve fucking told me."
I swallow hard. Demi's mate drops his head between his legs.
"There wasn't time. You were a thousand miles away, Tez."
She balks at me. "I would've driven for two days straight if it meant that my best friend could've stayed behind."
Nell pokes her head up with a sniffle. "None of us could've predicted this would happen."
"I don't care! I should've been with the recovery squad. Me! Not her! She was pregnant, Axe. What the hell were you thinking?"
Her words are double-edged daggers, reminding me once again that we didn’t lose one, but two. I can't summon the right words to respond. There’s nothing that can be said. Nothing that will remotely make sense of the loss.
Chris regards her compassionately. "I was the one who failed to reason with her. Demitrya made her choice. You know Alphas don’t go back on their word.
You know from experience that her pregnancies never once prevented her from picking up a weapon.
In fact, they only made her more stubborn.
The only thing that gives me peace is knowing that no one could've changed her mind. "
Tesni shakes her head, fighting back tears.
Chris walks over, taking her hand. "You loved her just as deeply as I did.
So, you know the two things she regretted most in this life were letting Kiersten walk away after my father's death and the night she hid away as your families were slaughtered. She saw a chance to be courageous. To right these wrongs.” He chokes on his next words.
“She—she refused to lose a sister again. "
Tesni crumbles. Nell meets her on the ground, running a hand along her spine.
"Forgive me, Tez," I whisper.
When her head lifts, embers spark in her eyes. "You deprived me of my greatest obligation to my pack. To my Luna. I will never forgive you."
Scorning me, she collects herself and stomps out of the room. Nell puts up a hand. “I’ll talk to her.”
I shake my head. “Don’t bother.”
She is right to aim her hatred at me. My wolf might’ve been erratic, but I still could have called off the hunt for Maurleen and instead sent my best tracker our coordinates.
I could’ve told her right then that Vessa had been taken.
In the end, we accomplished our mission, but at a cost I’ll never be able to live with.
I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness.
Vessa
Though I haven’t seen much of Axe, his rugged scent on the sheets brings me a morsel of comfort. It reminds me of the only night we spent together. The future we could still have.
Twelve. That’s how many times I’ve stood beneath the scalding water, scrubbing voraciously at my skin. So many lost souls cling to me. So many shades of crimson.
Emilia. Fawn. Esmé. Demi.
All so young. Kind. Undeserving of their fates.
So many are dead. Because of me.
No one speaks as the girls ready me for the trip to Belcarra. Not even a sarcastic mutter from Nell as she applies powder and concealer to mask the bruises on my face. When the funeral ceremony concludes, my stomach lurches.
Clutching a hand over my mouth, I dart into the woods where I nearly vomit my guts out.
Cora helps me to my feet, dabbing my mouth and the black turtleneck that conceals my mutilated neck.
Thankfully, none of the bile has stuck to my unbound hair.
When my trembling subsides, she pockets her handkerchief and walks me over to a cluster of lounge chairs in the courtyard.
“I’ll go find some water for you,” she offers, slipping away.
Across the lawn, I spot Demi’s daughters tugging at their dresses. How odd the color of mourning looks on them. Like daisy petals crumpling under the brutal sun.
Pulling my fur coat tighter around me, I abandon my post, strolling over to them. I can hardly bear to look them in their sweet brown eyes. Their blonde hair has been plaited in fishtails, reminiscent of their mother’s. But what I truly see when I look at them is a reflection of myself.
I crouch down to their level. “Hi there,” I whisper.
Lex and Willa echo the greeting.
“Can I tell you something?” I extend my hands to them, blinking through tears as they accept.
“I lost my mom too, when I was young. It feels like you’re trapped in the worst dream you’ve ever had. It took me three years to wake up. I didn’t want to. The last thing I ever wanted was to accept that life would never go back to how it was.”
“It doesn’t feel real,” Demi’s eldest, Lex, murmurs.
My chest aches with the familiar pain one only knows if they’ve felt the shocking thrust of life robbing you of the person who brought you into the world. “I know you’ve only just met me, but I want you girls to know that I care so much for you.”
“Thanks,” Lex mumbles.
She lets go, allowing me to place my hand over my heart. “Your mom will always be with you. Right in here.”
The girls sniffle, placing their hands on top of their own hearts.
“If you ever get lonely, or if trouble finds you and you’re not sure how to be brave, close your eyes and reach for her there.”
Lex and her sister whimper, slipping their arms around my waist and neck. As I stroke their hair, I hear Demi’s fading voice brush against my mind. Squeeze my girls tight for me.
From now on, I will, I push back to her.
The elder daughter pulls away, touching my cheek softly. “Did Mommy die to protect you, Aunt Vessa? Daddy said that bad men took you away.”
My throat bobs. “She did. And I made sure to tell her I would always be here for you, any time you need me.”
Willa wipes another tear away, embracing me fully. She muffles a sob into my shoulder.
Axe strides over to the bench, taking a seat beside me. He bends to press a kiss to each niece’s forehead. His eyes are rimmed red as he takes the three of us and our heavy hearts in his arms.
My brows wrinkle as I notice a crushed letter in his fist. Axe nods pliantly, opening his hand to let me assess it.
I press the paper against the base of the bench, smoothing it over.
It’s an official notice from the capital, signed by all twelve members of the presiding Council.
We are due to report in Yinsew for a disciplinary hearing in twenty-four hours.
If we fail to show, we face an immediate seize and arrest.
“Aunt Vessa?” asks Lex. I wince as she coils tighter around my mending ribs.
“What happened to Mommy . . . it wasn’t your fault.”
My lips part with a quiver. Beside me, Axe says nothing, only encouraging me with a kiss to my temple.
“Thank you, Lex,” I choke, gaping at the six-year-old in wonder.
With a depleted sigh, I stare out the airplane window. I’ve already thrown up in the bathroom twice since our takeoff an hour ago. Slowly, I force myself to guzzle down a thermos of ice water.
My daze is snapped as Tesni plants herself in the seat across from me, mouth downturned. “I apologize if it seems like if I’ve been shunning you. This week—well, it’s been hell.”
I dip my head in agreement. "I understand, given everything that's happened, if you no longer wish to train me."
Tesni unclenches her fist, allowing the rest of her toned body to soften.
"What you did back there . . . You made those monsters pay for what they did to Demi. Risked your neck to get the other captive girls out. Like any trueborn Luna would do. I am grateful for your courage. And your defiance. If my friend wished to see you become a warrior, we will not dishonor her.”
"You—you want to keep working with me?"
The Sentinel nods, a corner of her mouth subtly lifting. I bite down on my quivering lower lip, staring at my folded hands.
“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you do it?”
I’m still dumbfounded myself. Maybe it was all those mind-stilling exercises. Albeit, in my state of dehydration, I shouldn’t have been able to swing my fist, let alone sprint down the hallway or bash a lycan’s nose with a gun. But it came so innately. That vehement surge of rage.
“I suppose it was all the adrenaline,” I admit. “But there was a distinct moment where I felt the pain become too much and all at once, this cold stillness took over. With that rifle in my hands, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I blocked everything out.”
Tesni pauses to take this in. “It’s called the killing calm.”
Oh, I silently mouth.
"What if . . . what if I'm too broken to resume training?”
Tesni’s gaze shifts to the medic, who approaches the empty seat next to me. "We’ll give your body the time it needs to heal," she answers. "And then we’ll begin again.”
I nod, relieved that I have this to look forward to. Encouraged that she still sees a kernel of strength in me.
As she slips out of her seat, she adds, "Just so we’re clear—you're not broken, Vessa. You never were."
Cora sinks down next me and watches the Sentinel reclaim her seat towards the front. “She’s right, you know.”
She hasn’t asked about treating the wound that hasn’t visibly presented.
The trauma taking root in my mind. When the panel questions me today, they will not be sensitive.
They will be thorough and want explanations for every injury, every ordeal.
In addition to my testimony, Cora will have to give an in-depth medical synopsis about what I went through, forcing me to re-live nearly a week of torment.
Cora swallows tightly. “At least, that’s what I remember after I took the stand following my pack’s slaughter. My mother was too delicate to testify, and my father was one of the first to give his life alongside the Alpha. If not I, then who would speak to all the horrors?”
I close my eyes, picturing the faces of all who were lost.
“Emilia was only nine. Fawn, maybe sixteen. The man who is responsible for their deaths can’t be punished by the Council.
What good will I do?” Nausea pulses in my stomach again.
“I don’t know if I can do it, Cora. When I close my eyes, all I see are those gods-awful bright lights.
Blood. Innocent people I had no way of saving .
. . Just saying that sadistic asshole’s name makes me want to vomit. ”
“Violence is their greatest fear tactic. They think that inflicting pain is power, but truthfully, it’s the only thing these monsters have. I’ve grown to pity them for lacking the ability to feel anything else.”
“How old were you when the vampires came?”
For a moment, she freezes. “Seventeen,” she whispers. “Qinnu found me stripped and chained to the fence of the house I grew up in. I’d been raped, slashed, bitten, and nearly bled dry. My mother, too.”
A hand clamps over my mouth. Cora pushes back her sleeve, bunching it around the elbow. The canvas of her skin is covered in thick scars left by the tearing and puncturing of fangs.
She takes my hand and tenderly places it over her forearm.
Empathy gleams in her hazel eyes. “The fear that traps you beneath its claws, the memories that play back in your mind . . . they don’t have to define the rest of your life.
You don’t have to face them alone. I am here for you.
As are Axe and Nell and Tesni, and all the rest who admire you.
When you’re in that assembly room, you remember that you survived.
You are living proof that darkness doesn’t get the final word. ”