Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
T he smooth surface settled me. I rubbed my thumb across it, the cool contact sinking into my bones, reminding me. So smooth, and yet the edges so sharp, much like my emotions.
Sharp. Jagged.
Like glass.
Shattered glass, the sharp edges cutting away at my ribs with every breath I take. It hurt to breathe. Hurt to move. Hurt to be .
I rubbed the polished texture again and closed my eyes, trying to make the scene in front of me go away. To ignore the smells permeating my nose.
When I opened my eyes again, nothing had changed.
The ashes still surrounded me, the reek still coated the air. No one ever warns you about the smell of burning flesh, of burnt love and dreams. No one talks about it, because it’s too big, too terrible to speak of.
Like a nightmare, it can only be born.
I clenched my fist around the crystal and wiped the last traces of ash from its sleek exterior, unable and unwilling to focus on the devastation around me.
Instead, I remembered when Waren gave me the crystal in my hand, the one I pulled from his clenched, crisp hand. The one he brought home for me, an expression of acceptance of who I was and what I could do.
I felt the tears track through the soot on my face as I remembered the look on his face as he handed it to me, hesitant but hopeful, and the smile of amazement when I accepted it. Accepted him.
We were so young then.
I treasured the memory, even more than the crystal I held. For the memory held a far greater power than the simple crystal could. I grabbed on to that power desperately, needing what strength it could lend me to get through the next little while. To do what I knew I needed to do.
With a deep, shuddering breath I picked myself up from the ground where I had fallen in my grief. I fisted my hands at my sides, drawing strength from the crystal sphere. My stumbling steps found the wheelbarrow, miraculously safe from char, and brought it to the front steps of the burnt bones of the house.
I’m not sure how long it took me, or how many times I heaved my already emptied guts on what used to be my front porch, but I finally managed to get what was left of Waren into the wheelbarrow and covered him with my cloak. I couldn’t do much for him anymore, but I could do that much, at least. I would offer him what dignity I could and a peaceful resting place.
I turned back toward the village with my macabre burden and began to walk. With each step I began to build a wall about my heart, stone by stone, brick by brick, until my emotions were firmly shored away. They were too much, too big for me to handle and take care of Waren. For that was now my only goal - to take care of Waren as he had taken care of me.
I don’t know how long it took me to arrive at the village with my burden, but by the strength of my will I finally managed it. Every muscle in my body ached, but I didn’t have the luxury of rest.
Peace. Waren deserved to finally find peace, even if it was in death, and I would ensure he received it.
Pushing the wheelbarrow over the cobbled streets, I walked slowly, ensuring I wouldn’t dump my precious cargo. I pushed him all the way to the mayor’s house.
He wasn’t really the mayor, King Almains would never allow someone so far removed from his reach enough power to govern, even as a lowly mayor, yet Ademar assumed the role. It was him I needed to seek out.
I pushed my soot covered wheelbarrow past the blacksmith’s shop, the apothecary, the pub, and I could feel the stares adding to my weight as they followed me. I ignored them.
Ademar was my only goal.
Finally, shoulders and back burning, I stopped in front of the mayor’s house. Gently settling the wheelbarrow down despite my over sore body, I walked to the door and banged.
The stares didn’t lessen, and I could feel them like a brand about my neck.
Squaring my shoulders, the door opened to the sour face of Ademar’s steward.
“What have you got there?” The thin squawk slipped from the lips of the steward guarding the door.
I swallowed. “I’ve come to see Ademar. Can you tell him I need to speak with him?”
She sniffed. “He’s busy.”
“I must speak with him.” I hurried to add as she took another breath to refuse, “I’m not leaving until I talk to him.”
With a huff, she turned, leaving the door open behind her. I slipped in and closed the door behind me.
Standing in the room the steward impatiently waved me to, I glanced around at my surroundings. By village standards, it was opulent. Dainty doilies covered most flat surfaces, and the cushioned chairs were covered in cream fabric, very unpractical.
I waited in the middle of the room, so I didn’t get anything dirty.
Just as I was contemplating resting my feet and soiling the cream monstrosities, Ademar arrived with a flurry of - more cream.
“Ms. Katharina, it is most improper showing up unannounced.”
I clenched my fist. I hated asking Ademar for anything, but for Waren… I took a steadying breath. “I have come to request a burial spot in the village cemetery. I know it is customary for a male -”
“Why the sudden urgency, Ms. Katharina?”
My spine stiffened at the rudeness, but I pressed on. “I need to lay Waren to rest, Mayor Ademar.”
Ademar visibly started. “Waren? Your half Fae hex-blood?” He spat.
I saw red. “Waren was more of a man than you could ever hope to be, Ademar. Who was it that aided Bierhal when he lost his sheep to the rabid wolf pack? Who was it that stood beside Willems when the soldiers tried to wrongfully imprison him? Where were you at any point when the people of Bur?l needed you? Because Waren was always there!”
Ademar slowly changed colors throughout my tirade, and now he was a rather startling shade of purple.
“You - you!”
“Look, all I’m asking for here is the plot of land that he is owed as a member of this town. Just tell me where I can lay his body to rest,” my voice cracked.
“You and your hexblood lover are not town members, and therefore are owed nothing by this town.” Ademar snarled, all traces of civility stripped from his face.
I felt the floor sink from beneath my feet. Flashes of town events, town tragedies that Waren and I had been a part of, stood shoulder to shoulder together for, and yet now … My breath hitched, the knowledge that I had lost not one, but two homes, and now Waren - I didn’t know what to do. Ademar couldn’t - he just couldn’t!
“Oh, but I can. And I just did. Our business here is finished. Sahne will escort you to the door.”
The mayor’s steward stepped up and ushered me out the door, ignoring my mental breakdown.
I stumbled down the steps to my sad little wheelbarrow and tried to think of what I should do now. What I even could do.
How could Ademar refuse Waren his due?
Numbly, I began pushing the wheelbarrow, unaware of my destination. I only knew I must move, I had to find Waren a safe resting place.
I failed him before.
I couldn’t fail him again.