Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I looked back at Ruhan, really looked at him, deciding how I was going to answer him. What could I say that would explain, that wouldn’t incriminate me? How much could I tell him, did I dare tell him?
“You know how,” Fiach interrupted from my shoulder. “She’s touched by blood magic.”
I glared at my familiar, but straightened my shoulders. After all, it wasn’t like I could hide it anymore. No, I wouldn’t back down, but I also couldn’t give him the answers he wanted. I didn’t even know how. Instead, I looked him in his unfathomable eyes and let him come to his own conclusions.
If I needed to leave, it’s better I know now instead of later.
The air felt charged around us, growing heavier as the moments passed, neither of us saying a word. My eyes roved across his face, taking in the rugged edges of his features. That same strand of hair still hung over his forehead. My fingers itched to fix it. As I fixated on that piece of hair I realized there was a small scar slashing from above his temple through his brow and down the top of his nose. How had that happened, I wondered, fascinated that I’d never noticed it before.
That same scar seemed to loosen, and my eyes shifted to meet his. I saw in their dark depths that he seemed to have come to a decision.
“Will you tell me your story?” he said softly.
My eyes pricked, but I pushed the soft feeling away. How often had those I met, when faced with the opportunity, refused to give me the benefit of the doubt and instead always assumed the worst? How often had I had the opportunity to explain myself? I would repay his benevolence with the truth, as much as I could.
“I’ve had magic for as long as I can remember, and have always had to keep it hidden.”
His searing eyes bored into mine, and I paused to get my bearings. I was encouraged by his nod to keep going. “I was raised in the castle by my Mutti, who was one of the cooks in the kitchen. I remember trying to pretend I was invisible so that people wouldn’t find out my secret, so that Mutti wouldn’t worry so much. But no matter how often I would hide, I always seemed to be in the way and would get into trouble.”
I took a deep breath before continuing on. “That’s how Prince Berengar found me.”
Ruhan blinked, and I returned his glance wryly.
“Berengar and I became the most unlikely of friends. I realize now he was just a lonely boy looking for someone who didn’t judge him, but at the time - I was charmed that he would give me the time of day. We grew up together, mostly. I was still the daughter of a servant and he was still the Prince, but my friendship with him, I think, sheltered me from a great deal.
“But, he was also a sickly child, and when King Almains wasn’t inundated with his kingly duties - he often was quite harsh on Berengar. I remember I would get so upset sometimes, and Berengar would get so afraid that I’d say something and get hurt.” I huffed a humorless laugh. “Turns out, he wasn’t far from the truth.”
“What happened?”
I bit my lip as tears filled my eyes. I sniffled, and Fiach rubbed his head against my cheek. “Berengar got sick. I thought he was going to die. I think the king hoped he would. But, I knew I could save him.
“So, I did.”
Ruhan’s breath caught, and knowing filled his eyes. “And the king found out.”
I nodded. “And the king found out.”
The thoughts behind Ruhan’s eyes began swirling, and it distracted me for a moment. I watched as he weighed each thought, sorting through each possibility before arriving at the right one. “You’re alive because of the Prince,” he said softly.
“Yes. Berengar traded his freedom for my life.” There was no stopping the tears now. They trickled down my face like condensation down a foggy window, and I didn’t try to stop them. “I had to leave everything behind, but I was able to keep my life.”
“The Prince traded his freedom?”
“Yeah.” I let out a watery laugh. “He had always wanted to join the scholars in the temple, had planned to defy his father and abdicate the throne, but when the King found out I had magic - even though it saved his son…”
“I see. What about your - Mutti?” he asked gently.
“If she came with me, he said he’d kill her. He would only agree to let me live if Berengar agreed to follow in his footsteps, and my Mutti remained working for him. I think he just wanted to hurt me. I was banished from the castle that very night with nothing but the clothes on my back. I survived on the charity of strangers along the road until I found my way to Bur?l. To Waren. He showed me how to keep on living.”
Ruhan pushed a strand of my hair back, his fingertips barely brushing my cheek in an oddly comforting gesture. I took the strength he offered and kept going, purging everything. “I blamed you for Waren’s death,” I said softly, and shame filled my cheeks with heat.
The light behind Ruhan’s eyes dimmed, and it grieved me that I was the cause.
“I understand. It’s hard to see beyond the rumors.” His eyes left my face for the first time since I started my story, and the loss hit me hard.
“I’m sorry.” I reached out to rest my hand on his arm in apology, and he stiffened.
“Katharina -”
I snatched my arm back, ashamed at my boldness and almost knocking Fiach off my shoulder with the movement. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
He wrapped his hand around my mouth to silence me, and the shock of it held me still. “Shh. Look!”
Stunned, I looked where he was pointing, and he removed his hand from my lips.
There, on the edge of the meadow creeped a small, curious animal. It looked like a hare, except - of all things - it had the tiniest antlers. It was such an odd sight that I forgot to be offended at Ruhan’s silencing hand.
“What is it?” I breathed, afraid I’d scare the skittish creature away.
“It’s a very rare Dare.”
I barely held back my muffled laughter. “A Dare?”
He smirked. “Don’t mock. It’s a half deer, half hare animal. Dare.”
I looked back at the small rodent. “No way. There’s no way a deer and rabbit could… Could do that .”
Ruhan’s soft laughter puffed against my hair as I stared at the Dare in disbelief. “No, a rabbit and a deer couldn’t ‘do that’.”
Now who was mocking who? I rolled my eyes at him, and he mercifully continued his explanation.
“It’s a rare and magical creature that’s neither hare nor deer, but something else. My people believe that a Dare brings good fortune to those who see one, though it’s a surprisingly ferocious and bloody creature when cornered.”
I nodded and turned back to watch it in wonder. How many people had been fortunate enough to see one of these mysterious Dare? Ruhan and I watched the small animal in silent companionship until Fiach became bored and flew into a nearby tree, sending it scuttling back into the forest at the disruption.
Ruhan turned to me and I felt caught in his powerful gaze. So much had changed for me recently, but I found that I was no longer as angry about the changes as I had been. Today had allowed me to see things in a different light. To view my past not through the eyes of youth and mourning, but rather of growth and opportunity.
As I returned his dark gaze, I wondered at his life. His story. Would he ever deem me worthy to share his story?
“Would you like my help?”
“Uh, sorry?” So lost in my own thoughts, I completely missed what Ruhan was trying to say.
“Your magic. Would you like me to help you balance it?”
It seems I wasn’t the only one who had changed their tune. He was finally asking instead of assuming! We had both made great strides today. Instead of crowing like I wanted, I instead responded with a demure, “Yes please.”
I was very proud of myself.
Ruhan leaned back and assumed a more teacherly pose. “Blood magic is often thought to be linked to evil, but that isn’t always the case. It’s the only magic that even non-magics can occasionally use, and thus its secrets are closely guarded.”
“But I’ve never been taught about blood magic. Or any magic, really,” I interrupted.
He sighed and waited until I agreed to remain quiet before continuing. “It can have unforeseen consequences, so the Fae do not often use it except in the most dire circumstances. But to explain blood magic, first you must have an understanding of elemental magic.”
He held up his hand at my look of confusion, reminding me to remain quiet. A reminder I didn’t actually need, and I glared at him.
With a smirk, he continued, “Most Fae are only ever proficient at one element, though some, like myself, can learn to combine magics. But this process typically takes years to learn, as wielding the different elements requires finesse and skill. You, however, seem to have an intrinsic knowledge of how to effortlessly combine your elemental magic, allowing you the ability to heal.”
My eyes grew larger the longer he talked, until I couldn’t handle it anymore. “Wait - you mean to say not everyone can use their magic to heal?”
He speared me with a reproachful look, but answered, “No, not many can do what you do, human or Fae. Healing is a very rare skill.”
He allowed me a moment to ponder than before I motioned for him to continue. With a raised brow at my impertinence, he did.
“Blood magic, however, is different. It has to be taught, and once blood has been spilt it can never be satisfied.”
“I’ve never used blood magic,” I interrupted again.
“You don’t have to. Someone could have used your blood for a spell, or they could have spilled blood to form a bond, either to you or close to you. What do you know of your father?”
“Not much,” I admitted. “Mutti rarely spoke of him. I just know that he died shortly after I was born. Do you think he could have been a blood magic user?”
Ruhan shrugged. “It’s possible.”
I considered that. I supposed it was, but I couldn’t fathom why Mutti wouldn’t tell me that. Not when I had questioned her so much growing up about the source of my magic. She’d always insisted it was a gift, even as she taught me how to hide it.
“But because you are blood touched, you need to work harder than normal to keep it balanced, or it could become erratic and dangerous.”
And for the next several hours, Ruhan relentlessly trained me how to do just that, until I was certain there was no way I could make it back to my little cottage.