Chapter Twenty-Four. In Which the Girl Must Wrestle with （Her Own） Skittish Feelings #2
“You do!” He let out a growl and ran his fingers through his hair. His curls turned even wilder than before from his constant raking them through. “I can’t figure it out, but that’s fine. We all have secrets. I don’t care what yours is. I don’t care if you never break my—” He froze, horrified.
That punched her breath right out of her chest.
“What?”
He shook his head. Tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. Stuttered, “Th-that—”
She repeated herself: “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing—”
“All this time, you’ve been accusing me of keeping secrets?” She laughed, and he flinched at the sound. “You’ve only been keeping me around to break you out of a curse.”
“That isn’t it at all!” He shook his head. “I don’t want you here because of what you can do. I want you here because—”
How could she have been so blind? Of course the prince didn’t care about her.
He cared about her nonexistent powers. Brunhilda had promised a witch.
Now he had his own, and it was only natural that he wanted to keep her at his side, no matter how wrong he was about what he thought she could do.
He thought she was keeping him safe. Why would he give that up?
She was right. They weren’t friends.
Staring at him, she sensed nothing. No magic, no heat across her skin that hinted at power, nothing but the faint sound of something within her shattering.
“Risa—”
She held up a hand. “I am certainly glad I kept my walls up, like you said,” she spat, pointing at the door. “Now go.”
For a horrible moment, she thought he might argue with her. He looked unsettled. Furious, even. But then, without another word, Javi left.
A bad feeling woke her up from a dreamless sleep.
It gnawed at her insides as she dressed.
Churned over in her stomach until she had to excuse herself from breakfast and wait outside in the cold away from Javi and his silent treatment, away from Amina’s questioning glances, and away from the Regent’s prying eyes.
The feeling grew as Risa leaned against the railing, watching as the crew got the airship ready to depart.
They moved efficiently despite the frigid morning temperature, their sure-footed steps never faltering even as they crossed the steel plank between the Flying Palace’s dock and the airship several times.
For a moment, Risa thought her twisting guts were warning her about the ship itself.
Watching the crew pull out tools and nodding appreciatively at the measurements calmed her somewhat, though the sinking feeling remained.
Wind whipped the balloon trousers she’d been given to wear, but the cold was a welcome reprieve from the heat crawling over her goose-pimple skin. The knot in her stomach twisted when she heard the Regent’s booming voice and the shuffle of many feet, marking the Regent, Javi, and Amina’s arrival.
Eventually, the airship was determined ready, and Javi was the first to board after the small crew.
He didn’t look at Risa or say a word as he passed.
He paused at the threshold for a loud, drawn-out goodbye to his great-aunt, promising that he would return soon, then disappeared within the bowels of the airship.
His silence was unusual enough for Amina to pull Risa out of the queue and drag her some distance away from the metal ship’s prow. “What the curses did you say to him?”
She shrugged out of Amina’s strong grip. “That’s none of your business.”
Amina shook her head. “I told him not to say anything,” she mumbled. “She is emotionally skittish, I said, but does he listen—”
“I’m not emotionally skittish,” Risa said, searching for the nearest escape.
“You are literally trying to get away from me instead of talking about your feelings.”
Risa quickly turned back to the princess, who gave her a knowing look from beneath her hood.
“Look, whatever you are hiding—” Amina wrung her hands.
“You do not need to tell me. I will not press until you are ready.” She lowered her hood and took a deep breath.
“You can’t convince someone they can be a better version of themselves if they don’t see that version being a possibility.
You can’t break a curse that doesn’t want to be broken. ”
How could she ever tell Amina about the loneliness within her, a yawning maw with an unquenchable appetite? It made a home inside her heart, carving out a piece every day, moving in until she couldn’t imagine filling the void.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’m trying to be your friend. We’re trying to be your friends.”
She gulped down the bile that rose in her throat. She could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips.
“I don’t need—”
The princess rolled her eyes. “You push everyone who loves you away. You think the whole world is against you, that no one understands you. Has it occurred to you that no one understands because you don’t let them?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Come on! I tell you I am trying to be your friend, and you say you don’t need one. Then what do you want?”
“I don’t need—”
“I’m not asking you what you need, I’m asking you what you want.”
“Nothing!” Risa shouted, earning looks from everyone in the courtyard.
Except Javi, of course.
“Fine,” Amina snapped. “I told him you weren’t ready, but Javi was determined to tell you—” She clamped her lips shut.
At this, Risa lowered her voice. “Tell me what?”
“It’s not my place.” The princess flexed her jaw.
“Then you can keep your secrets, too,” Risa spat, ignoring the wretchedness she felt for picking fights with everyone and not knowing why.
Disappointment was written all over Amina’s face as she turned back toward the airship, apparently fed up with the argument herself.
“For someone who can see curses, you can’t see things very clearly.”