Chapter 7 #2
“I’ll be reading them as soon as I can to ensure I’m up to date with everything that’s happened. We don’t want to risk any mistakes.”
My mouth fell open, and a bolt of shock slammed into my ribcage. “What? You don’t need to read my journals.”
“I think it makes sense that I do.”
“But those are private journals. You can read my grandmother’s journals; she’s packed those, too, and they have sufficient information about me.”
He shook his head, dismissing me. “Your grandmother’s journals will be helpful, but nothing will be better than something written by you.”
“But we could just talk and get to know each other.” I couldn’t hide the sarcasm in my tone any more than my disdain for this marriage.
“If we relied on that, you’d only tell me what you want me to know.” A crude smile tipped his lips.
“But—”
“No, Elariya.” He set his shoulders back and levelled me with a harder stare. “The matter isn’t up for discussion.”
“But it should be.” I balled my hand into a fist on my lap, trying to hold in my fury. “Those are my private things. There shouldn’t be any discussion.”
“I appreciate there are private things you probably don’t want me to read, but we’re in a very unique situation. I think I’m entitled to have all the information I need.”
I stared at him as if he’d just struck me with the back of his hand. The nerve of this asshole. How could he seriously think he was entitled? “I understand we’re in a unique situation, but I’m a person.”
He didn’t like that comment. “Be that as it may, I’m going to read the journals, whether you like it or not.”
What an absolute asshole.
This controlling behavior was why I never liked him. There was no need to read my journals. He was just being a bastard because he held power over me and my family.
No doubt he wanted to know my secret thoughts about him. And anything else about anyone else I may have been with in Stormfell.
In his twisted mind, I was sure he also probably wanted to make sure I was a virgin.
I glared back at him, wanting nothing more than to tell him to fuck off and get away from me. But once again I held my tongue and restrained my pride.
If I said anything of the sort, we’d lose everything. And it would be my fault. I couldn’t allow that to happen.
Damn it. My journals had everything. Records of kissing friends like James were the least of my worries. One read of any of my journals and Thayden would know I’d been using magic, especially most recently.
When I retired to bed later, I’d have to go through the journals and locate where I talk about my aversion to him and anything about too much magic. I could tear out those pages and hide them here in my bedroom. I may even have to hide away entire books.
That would mean I wouldn’t have access to those memories.
I hadn’t found the time to write down what I’d seen at the tavern yet. I’d could do that later and hide it, too. I may have made up that whole scenario with the Fae male and the silver threads, but I didn’t want to forget.
Thayden reached out and took my hand. The contact of his unwanted warmth pulled me from my thoughts. “I only want to make sure I’m able to give you what you need. Reading your journals is one of the best ways.”
“Is there anything else I should know about?” I didn’t want to talk about the journals anymore. It wasn’t like he was going to change his mind.
He released my hand and a heavy sigh at the same time. “Let’s just go over a few key things, and we can talk about everything else tomorrow. We shouldn’t keep our guests waiting.”
“Okay. Tell me.” I mentally and physically braced myself.
“The main thing you need to be aware of is that I’ve spoken to your mother about us limiting contact with your family. I need to make sure you adapt to a healthy lifestyle in Zyvaris on your own.”
“What exactly does that mean?” I needed to see my family as often as possible. Moving away was enough to worry about.
“I think we need enough time and space to grow together as a couple. Surely, you can agree with that.”
“Yes, of course.”
“I’m glad you agree because I think we should have that time together for the next few months.”
The air froze in my lungs, my heart slowed, and my skin suddenly felt too tight.
As if I’d stolen it from someone else and it didn’t fit me anymore.
I couldn’t imagine what spending the next few months with Thayden would be like without my family.
“What happens when my memory resets? I need my family around then.” I hated how weak my voice sounded.
“No. I will take care of you.”
And mold me into whatever he wanted. “It’s not that simple.”
“I’m going to be your husband. We need to make it that simple. Your family will be welcome to see us for the holidays, and they can come more often when we start having children—”
“Children, Thayden? Can we slow down a little?” Before I faded away into the ether.
“You must produce heirs as soon as possible, so you won’t be renewing your elixir when your dose runs out.”
Blessed Mother. I was being tossed and trapped in a gilded cage where not even my body belonged to me anymore.
My lips parted, but the words died in my mind. My body felt light as water and like I couldn’t keep myself together.
“Look, I can see I’ve shaken you up.”
“Can you blame me for being shaken up?” I gave him an incredulous stare.
“In time, you’ll come to see that you belong with me. Whether you remember or not.”
I was going to throw up. This was a disaster. Everything. Every single part.
“Why don’t we go out to the celebration?” He rose with fluid grace and held out his hand for me to take, his lips curving into a smooth smile. As if he hadn’t just dropped a fucking bomb on me. “Everyone is waiting for us.”
I didn’t answer. I just stood and took his hand, my heart reluctant, my soul desperate to flee.
Shaking legs carried me into the hallway and by the time we reached the grand hall, where all the guests awaited, I wanted nothing but to run far, far, far away.
Everyone cheered at our entrance and Thayden smiled, oozing that odious charm that twisted my guts.
Blessed Mother, this was all too much. And there were so many people here. It seemed like everyone in the village had come out to celebrate with us. Including Chancellor Blackthorne and Friar Jameson.
A cold ripple spread beneath my skin, sharp and severe, like a nest of snakes had come loose in my veins.
Chancellor Blackthorne and Friar Jameson stood off to the side by the hearth, unmoving and watchful. Unlike everyone else who wore cheerful colors, they were cloaked in funeral black.
I looked away from them and found my family standing at the head of the hall. My gaze fixated on Emabelle, my soul crying out to her to save me.
I knew she couldn’t do anything, but I still hoped all the same.
Thayden and I stopped in the center of the room. There, he summoned everyone’s undivided attention. That’s when my mind shut down, and I moved through the next motions like a hollowed-out shell.
I spoke when I was asked a question, said what I thought people wanted to hear, ate when I was supposed to eat, smiled when I was supposed to smile.
Two hours passed like that.
I didn’t breathe again until Thayden got the men talking about hunting and Mother and Grandmother slipped off to the garden with Thayden’s parents. Finally free to escape, Emabelle and I made our way to the drinks table.
The moment of reprieve and the tangy wine she handed me took the edge off the torment that roiled inside me.
“How are you holding up?” Emabelle asked, leaning in close, brows knit with worry.
“I’m not.”
“Just breathe and focus, okay? Breathe and focus.” She inhaled and exhaled deeply, guiding me on how to breathe.
I barely took a sip of air before my lungs burned, so I set my goblet down and picked up a linen cloth to dab the sweat from my cheeks.
But then I froze as words suddenly appeared in the center of the fabric:
Breathing and focusing won’t work for you, Ziyka.
My stomach dropped. A tremor slid through my spine, and I stared at the words, unable to look away, as if the cloth had whispered the words directly into my bones.
What in the hells was this?
And what, or who, was Ziyka?
For a moment, I wondered if I was seeing things again, but as I took in the words written in swirly black letters, I knew they weren’t just inside my head. And that they had magically appeared.
“Hey, you’ve gone pale. Are you okay?” Emabelle touched my arm gently.
My breath hitched, sharp and shallow in my chest as I struggled to answer her. “Can you… can you see this?”
I showed her the cloth, and she looked from it to me with narrowed eyes.
“What am I looking at? There’s… nothing there. It’s just a cloth.” She shook her head.
“But—”
The words shuffled, instantly forming new ones, the letters shimmering.
Only you can see.
Just like you did at the tavern…
Oh. Gods.
My eyes riveted to those words, and it was like…
Like I could feel them deep inside my mind in that place where memory and desire lived.
The words curled through my ribs, whispering to every part of me, igniting what I felt only last night at the tavern when I saw the handsome Fae male.
But it wasn’t real.
He wasn’t real.
The words shuffled again:
Come outside and see me.
I’m waiting for you…
This time, I couldn’t breathe.
“Elariya, perhaps you should go rest for a bit.” Emabelle rubbed my shoulders.
I glanced at her. She still couldn’t see the words.
So, either they were inside my head and another side effect of portaling or very real and magical.
It was easier to believe I’d made them up, but the part of me that had loathed every aspect of tonight beckoned to me.
Go outside, the note said.
Go outside and see.
See him.
Maybe I was crazy and this wasn’t real. But I’d rather be crazy right now than stay inside this room for another minute.
“Elariya?” Emabelle shook my arm.
“You’re right. I’m going to rest for a while.” I nodded.
“I’ll come with you. You don’t look so good.”
“No, no. I’ll be fine. I just need some time to myself. Maybe take a nap.”
The understanding in her eyes made me feel guilty. But not guilty enough to change my mind. “Okay. Go rest. I’ll stall anyone looking for you for as long as I can to give you some more time.”
“Thank you.” I flashed her a grateful smile then headed out of the hall, the cloth with its magical words dangling between my fingers.
I took the hallway near the kitchen. Going outside that way was my best chance of avoiding my mother and anyone else who would undoubtedly stop me.
I went through the door, stepping into the crisp night air that unlocked the tension in my lungs.
I looked around. Heard the light laughter coming from the garden. Smelled the scent of ale wafting on the wind. I searched the shadows of the forest but saw nothing except the swaying silhouettes of trees against the indigo sky.
Where was he?
I looked down at the cloth in my hands, hoping for another message. But the
words hadn’t changed.
He was still waiting.
I just had to find him.
Gods, I was really doing this, searching for an elusive Fae male I’d made up.
I closed my eyes, trying to think. Where should I go? Where would he be?
A gust of wind swept around me, lifting the hem of my gown and curling through my hair.
A prickle crept along my spine. I opened my eyes and looked toward the upper-level terrace. Something stirred in the air there. Something familiar, crackling like lightning in my blood.
Like the whisper behind the message on the cloth, it beckoned me to go up there. So, I did.
Dragging in a deep breath, I climbed the stone steps, my heart hammering, anticipation wrapping around my nerves like a fog.
I reached the top, and the moment I walked out onto the terrace, I stopped.
Because there he stood.
The Fae male from the tavern.
My blood stilled. Then surged back to life, galloping like a horse fleeing from fire.
He stood by the stone railing, still and unyielding.
Cloaked in midnight, his coat billowed behind him like wings torn from a storm. His hair was wild and windblown, tangled with menace. Even the points of his ears added to the alluring image of him.
He was exactly as I remembered. Dangerous beauty carved from shadows and starlight.
The air seemed to bend around him as he turned. And those silver-blue eyes… Gods, they pierced through the darkness, reflecting the moon's glow like twin pools of celestial fire.
He looked at me. And through me. As if he could see past every wall I’d ever built.
A smile curved his mouth. Rich with danger. Rich with things no one should ever want. He tilted his head, dragging his gaze over me from head to toe.
“Hello, Ziyka. You found me.”