Chapter 34
Elariya
“The Silence He Left Behind”
Rich scents of honeyed bread and spiced tea hung thick throughout the dining hall, but none of it warmed me like it had over the last few days.
I sat at the long oak table trying to eat the lunch Sirril had prepared for me. Silence and the soft sound of my breath were my only company.
Though I wasn't hungry, I stabbed my fork into the slice of meat pie on my plate and nibbled on it. I didn't want to offend Sirril any more than I already had.
He'd gone through a great deal of trouble to cook me something extra special—as he'd said. The meals were still supposedly ones Wolfe had seen me eat back home, though I couldn't remember having meat pie before he took me.
Since my captivity, food inspired by home had been a gentle comfort, but today, it felt more like a mockery. Sirril bore me no such ill intentions, but every bite reminded me that I had no way to get back to the people I loved.
I'd been sitting here for a little over an hour, pretending everything hadn't cracked wide open yesterday and that I wasn't slowly unraveling inch by inch, going insane.
Nothing had happened after Wolfe left me on the balcony. No one said anything to me, and there was no word of any plans to follow.
Arielle stayed with me until nightfall but discouraged any conversation about the incident and practiced magic as his lordship had commanded. I was surprised by her restraint, though I supposed it was because she didn't know what to tell me.
I understood she might not have wanted to say the wrong things, but there was so much I wanted to talk about.
Like the spell and my dream about the Nyzith strands, which I didn't think was a dream.
If it had been, I wouldn't have been right about the name.
I'd never heard anyone speak of Nyzith strands before.
And I still had no idea what they were. Even if they'd been spoken about during a forgotten reset, I wouldn't have retained that information. That was how my curse worked.
Wolfe and I were the only ones who could see them. There had to be some valid reason for that.
All Arielle told me was that it was best to wait until Wolfe came back to us with a solution. When she left, I briefly saw Garrick, but we didn't speak. I didn't know if that was because of the situation or the crazy don't-touch-my-mage warning he'd gotten from Wolfe, which still jarred me.
Sirril was the only person I'd seen this morning. The poor guy must have known things weren't right because he'd done everything to try to cheer me up. Every attempt made me feel bad that I couldn't feel better for him. Until I knew what the new plans were, there was nothing better to feel.
At least yesterday morning—before the spell went to the darkest hell—I'd had some form of hope. I didn't have much to cling to, but it was something.
Doing the spell had been The Plan. It was the only thing Wolfe and I had discussed at length while we were at sea. I'd fully believed it was the solution to resolving our problems. He'd believed it, too. They all had.
We were aware there would be a period of trial and error, but yesterday proved that something else was at work that neither of us understood. The fact that I hadn't seen anyone else yet was testament to our extinguished hopes.
Blessed Mother, playing the game and being compliant had gotten me nowhere. All that had done was confuse the hells out of me when it came to Wolfe.
Just thinking his name made my head hurt. And my heart.
I was certain I'd felt his presence again late last night in the garden. I was sure he was there.
Last night, his presence was almost as tangible as my journal. He'd watched me and ignored my plea. Of course he would.
Like a fool, I'd succumbed to vulnerability and told him I was scared. I didn't know why I said that, but I did. The part of me that refused to let go of the connection I felt with him clung to hope that he might have comforted me.
Common sense told me he didn't care about me that way, but even now, that connection was still screwing with my mind.
The ghost of his hand holding mine as we stood on the balcony watching the Nyzith strands was still there. So was his lingering presence.
He wasn't here, but I could feel him in my mind and through the shackles.
I hated that he'd ignored me last night.
I hated being told to stay away from the caves and that he'd left me.
I hated that he'd lied, telling me I'd been mistaken. He knew I wasn't. He knew I'd heard the dragons' song and that it meant something. The haunting melody still lurked in the corners of my mind as if it hadn't ended at all.
I hated these feelings I had for him. Any sadness I felt was supposed to be for my family. Only for them.
A wave of sorrow hit me as I thought of them again. The wave coursed through my soul and wrapped around my heart like a clamp. I set the fork down. I couldn't eat. There was too much on my mind.
I was sure Wolfe and the others would have discussed the situation. I just wasn't invited because I was still a prisoner. The living tracker. Little more than a thing to them.
Once again, waiting and wondering in this helpless state was all I could do.
I loathed feeling weak. There was nothing worse than weakness during a time when you needed to be strong.
Sirril walked through the door with a plate of cookies. His face fell when he noticed I'd barely touched the food.
“My Lady, is there something else I can bring you to eat instead of the meat pie?” He came over and set the cookies next to my plate.
I shook my head. “Sorry, Sirril, I'm just not in the mood. I'll try a cookie, though.”
He frowned, his blue skin deepening in hue. “My Lady, cookies are snacks even here in Galaythia. My Lord would have my head if he found out that's all you had for lunch.”
“Just don't tell him.”
He smirked. “That may be difficult. Lord Nightblade checks in with me every day to make sure you've eaten and all your needs are tended to.”
Hearing that made my heart stumble. Wolfe was such a puzzle. I couldn't figure him out. How could he do such sweet things then turn around and be a controlling bastard?
“Just blame me. He'll understand.” I pushed to my feet, deciding I couldn't sit here or stay inside another minute.
“Where are you going, my Lady? Master Garrick has encouraged me to keep you inside today.”
Of course. Because Wolfe didn't want me going near the caves. “Where is Garrick?”
“Tending to the elk.”
“When is Arielle getting here?”
Sirril gave me a troubled smile. “I'm afraid she's not coming by today. She had business to attend to in Artemiye.”
Great. So I was probably going to be alone for most of the day. It would have been nice if someone had told me Arielle would be away. Today was the one day I could have used her company. “I'm going for a walk.”
“Please don't go too far, my lady.”
“I won't.”
“I'll make some strawberry tart for later.” Sirril gave me a hopeful smile.
I smiled back at him, grateful, though I was holding back tears. “Thank you.”
He dipped his head. I did the same and left.
I went through the back door and into the garden, allowing the gentle breeze and floral scents to wash over me.
I made my way down the path, and despite promising I wouldn't go far, I ended up on the beach. This was the furthest I'd gone on the grounds, but I felt like I could have the privacy I needed to cry here. So I did.
I gazed out at the vibrant blue sea watching me, a stranger in the magical realm, and let the tears flow from my aching heart, one by one. They streamed down my cheeks and dripped onto my pants as I hugged my knees to my chest.
What am I going to do?
The hollow question rang through my mind as I sobbed.
Life was so unfair. It just kept throwing shit at me every time I picked myself up and found strength to keep going.
I didn't know how many times I could keep doing it.
There had to be a line drawn somewhere. A limit to how much a person could take before they crashed and burned. I was approaching burnout fast.
It felt like fear was the only thing keeping me going. Fear of time catching up with me. Fear of time running out. Today was day thirteen of my reset. In another thirteen days, we'd be mere days away from the next new moon.
“Hello, there,” a gentle voice spoke beside me.
I looked up. It was Zyrra, Wolfe's sister. She looked as flawless as she had yesterday.
Feeling embarrassed, I dried my tears quickly and tried to compose myself. “Hi, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.”
“No need to apologize.” She studied my tear-streaked face, concern filling hers. “What happened? Why are you crying?”
What could I tell her? There was so much I wasn't allowed to say.
I kept my expression neutral, weighing how much I dared reveal. “I just...” My voice trailed off, and I couldn't think straight, so I decided on some element of the truth. “I miss my family.” That excuse couldn't cause any harm. Everyone missed their families when they were away from home.
Her fashionable dress forgotten, Zyrra lowered herself next to me in the sand and stared back at me with sad eyes.
“I sense you miss them a great deal and you fear it will be a long time before you see them again.” The accuracy of her words made my chest tighten, but I couldn't afford to let her see how deeply she'd struck.
“I'm just worried about being away from them.”
“I know.”
The air of certainty in her tone piqued my interest. “You... know?”
“I'm an empath.” Her lips curled into a small smile. “I read emotions so well people think I can read their minds.”
“Oh, wow. Now that's an impressive gift to have.” And possibly a little scary.
“It's useful sometimes. Maybe like now, since I sense there's a lot more you're worried about.”