Cursed Forevermore (Shadows and Curses #3)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

ELARIYA

What was I going to do?

What was a person supposed to do when hope hung by thin threads and life felt like all was lost?

Numbness still filled me, cruel as the breath of winter. Harsh as the heart of the deepest frost.

The feeling had lived in my body since yesterday when I got the news about Wolfe.

Wolfe Nightblade. My husband. My everything. My soul.

Now a Deathwalker, imprisoned by the Citadel for the murder of his uncle.

Like poison, the numbness had spread from the top of my head and spiraled down to the tips of my toes. There it stayed. Lingering.

But perhaps it was better to feel numb than the dull ache of grief and helplessness that accompanied worry.

I leaned back in my chair, eyes on the window.

I’d taken refuge in our bedroom, seeking solace in the one place at Vyrenth Hollow where I could truly escape the looks of pity that came from my friends.

Night had slid into place long ago with its shimmering stars, whispering to me. Perhaps an attempt from the Blessed Mother to soothe me and remind me that my memory loop curse was broken.

I’d remember this starry night without the aid of my journal. I’d remember the love of my life. I’d remember my magic and all that I’d unlocked.

I was moving forward now in memory.

Nothing was hidden from me anymore, buried beyond my reach.

But what good was any of it?

What was the point without Wolfe?

Trying to suppress another wave of tears, I drew in a long, deep breath. If I cried again… Gods, I didn’t think I’d be able to bring myself back. Yesterday was hard.

Crying never helped anybody, even if it was said to be a release for the soul.

Crying made me feel weak. Weakness was the rot that consumed me for years. All that time, year after year, month after month when my memories would reset on the rise of the new moon.

The candle beside me flickered, the flame burning low. I might have another half an hour before it went out. I shouldn’t light another like I did last night. Even I knew I wasn’t doing myself any favors by staying up all night and losing sleep.

But every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Wolfe and imagining what must be happening to him.

I didn’t know the ways of the Citadel, but they must have had some strong hold on my husband to keep him captive. Something that was undoubtably unhinged and beyond his power. I knew him. Wolfe wouldn’t willingly stay otherwise.

My heart shied away from each thought.

Read a little longer.

It was best to. Reading had served as good distraction. I could continue until the light went out.

My hands trembled against the leather cover of the journal in my hands.

Wolfe’s journal.

Though it might not be the wisest choice for a distraction, reading his words made me feel closest to him.

Awe gripped my heart that he wrote it for me, recording his thoughts and treasured moments between us. Things he knew would mean everything to me.

My gaze drifted back to where I was when I’d first started reading.

Ziyka,

I worry that your obsession for dragons is as bad as mine.

I think you’ll forget that they’re dangerous creatures. But those worries are mine.

Love makes you worry more. About everything.

It would be an evil thing for me to deny you the pleasure of being with the dragons. You love them dearly.

Thank the gods, they love you, too. I can’t wait for you to find your dragon. The bonding experience is indescribable.

It goes without saying that the best person to teach you that is me. I may not be able to do anything else to help you harness your mage abilities, but I can do that. It’s one more thing I get to share with you. One more thing between you and me. One more thing to treasure.

I long for the day when your memories return. Sometimes, I think if I say it enough and believe it hard enough, it will happen. I guess we’ll see.

Until then, I’ll be right by your side…

I stopped reading, yanked away by the stab of sadness piercing my heart.

Oh, Wolfe. How cruel fate has been to us.

I looked down at my hand and took in the ring he’d given me on our wedding day. Then I turned my hand over and stared at the soul mark.

Velastra.

Soul mates.

Bonded.

He’d given me his soul mark even though he knew my curse prevented me from always choosing him.

But Wolfe Nightblade had made me fall for him twice.

Now that I had all my memories and I remembered every part of our relationship, everything he’d done and made me feel carried more of an impact. My heart physically hurt with the ache of not being with him.

I’d gotten my memories back, found the location of the ring, and I remembered him, remembered how much I loved him. But he wasn’t here to see any of it.

We’d all worked endlessly to figure out a way to locate the ring. It seemed impossible at every turn. Then I figured it out.

I actually figured it out like I was meant to.

Only for this to happen.

Now I’m without him and he’s trapped. Trapped in his curse. Trapped by the government.

And I didn’t know what to do.

A knock sounded at the door.

I dragged in another breath to steady myself and straightened.

“Come in.” My voice emerged rough and worn.

The door opened, moving against the shadows. Alaric appeared. The sight of him threw me.

He looked so much like Wolfe. Funny how I tended to draw that very obvious similarity between the Nightblade brothers at the worst of times.

Alaric walked in, gaze on me, wearing simple clothing I didn’t often see—a black long-sleeved shirt and slacks. His long raven hair was also tied back, highlighting the distinct points of his ears.

And his eyes…

The bright blue captured that same fierceness I’d always associated with Wolfe.

Alaric had been away today. At the Citadel trying to sort out this mess. From the solemn expression on his chiseled face, I already knew he had nothing good to tell me.

I just hoped it wasn’t the thing I feared most.

Death.

I held my breath as he stopped before me, pulled up a chair, and lowered himself to sit. “Elariya…”

“What happened?”

He gave a tiny shake of his head. “Nothing.”

That should have assured me. But I knew better.

Nothing was not good. Neither was it anything to take comfort in.

“My request to administer the stabilizing potion was denied.” His jaw tightened, his shoulders following suit.

“Denied?” I whispered, my hands shaking.

Alaric nodded once and bit the inside of his lip.

My heart squeezed. The potion was the one solid idea he’d come up with that might have helped us. While it wasn’t a permanent fix, we hoped it would stabilize Wolfe’s wraith form. Wolfe would at least be able to tell them what happened.

At the moment, he even couldn’t speak.

Unlike the wraith that had attacked me the first night of the Phantom Moon, Wolfe had become a real-life nightmare. A monster given form.

“They most likely think I’m going to give him something to make him more powerful and uncontrollable.”

My brows knitted. “But they can test the potion themselves.”

“They won’t. They refused to even hear me out.”

“Did they allow you to see him? At least?”

“No. They wouldn’t allow it.” He sighed heavily and glanced out the window a moment before returning those piercing eyes to me. “There is to be a trial in five days.”

I brought my hands to my heart. “A trial? How can they have a trial when Wolfe can’t even defend himself?”

“It doesn’t matter. They think he’s guilty and dangerous. No one has ever dealt with a Deathwalker before.”

“But he’s not dangerous. He’s—”

“He is.” Alaric held my gaze, forcing me not to break eye contact. As though he needed me to really pay attention to what he wanted me to understand. “He’s dangerous, Elariya. This isn’t the glimpses he’d given us. Death is taking over.”

My breathing slowed as my thoughts circled right back to the one thing that had made our lives so much worse. “Because of me. This is happening because he gave Erethis a hundred years of his life to save me.”

No one had said that was the cause. They didn’t need to.

I’d foolishly gotten myself caught in Erethis’ lair and the demon tricked me into taking my soul. Wolfe got it back. But it cost him his Fae essence.

That was the price. Giving over a hundred years of a time he could have lived weakened his essence. Up until that point, he’d always managed to control his powers.

I’d been told he’d shifted the night before the incident. Sirril gave him a potion to stabilize and stave off the change.

Then Wolfe found out Dreynthor had played a part in his father’s death and he must have lost his mind. And with it, full control.

My fault.

Alaric reached forward and took my hand. “This was bound to happen eventually. No one would have you blame yourself. The ring cursed him, not you. Only the ring can save him.”

“But it doesn’t sound like we’re going to get him back the way he was.”

“I’m trying not to think that way.” He sighed and released my hand.

“I spoke with the others, and they agree we should stick to the plan and retrieve the ring. We still have to find it and deal with the threat. At least we know where the ring is. You can go to Hyxian with Arielle and continue your lessons with Archmage Magdalena to prep for your dragon bond. And you can start your training with me in the morning. We need to just keep moving. Keep trying.”

My gaze dropped to the journal in my lap. “What if we fail? Or we’re too late? What if I can’t form the dragon bond and we spend another lifetime trying to get to the ring? I know he doesn’t have much time.” Finally, I lifted my head and met his gaze.

He stared at me for a long moment. In his eyes, I saw real worry. The Galaythian warrior was holding it together, though, even barely.

“My father once told me …” He released a slow breath. “You fail when you stop. The moment when you give up, that’s when you fail. It’s not the fact that you tried and never made it. It’s when you stop and don’t try. Then you never know what could have happened. So, we won’t stop, my Lady.”

A tear rolled down my cheek, hot against my skin. Overwhelmed by emotion, all I could do was nod.

He pushed to his feet, his expression less tense. “I have sent word to your family, letting them know what’s happened. They may visit after the trial.”

My heart lifted. “They can come here and see me?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do.” He gave me a curt nod.

“What will happen now? We just wait?”

“Yes. I have Kaem trying to check out a few things. He’s trying to find evidence to support Wolfe. I don’t know if we’ll get it.”

Kaem was loyal to Wolfe. He treated him like a son. I’d seen it for myself, and it filled me with awe. I had no doubt he’d do his best to find whatever he could to help Wolfe, but I had to agree with Alaric. I didn’t know if he could get any evidence, either.

All these secrets floating around us had been buried so deep not even the air knew them.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Alaric asked, searching my eyes. “They say you haven’t eaten.”

“I can’t eat.” I shook my head.

“You must try. You have to keep your strength up.”

“I’ll have a bigger breakfast tomorrow.” I probably wouldn’t, but I didn’t want him worrying over something so trivial.

“Alright.” He dipped his head. “Come and find me after breakfast. I’ll be in the garden. We’ll train for an hour or so. I have some ideas.”

“Thanks.” Learning to use a sword was way down on the list of things to do, but it was a better distraction than reading Wolfe’s journal. And I needed to be able to defend myself. Perhaps now more than ever.

“Get some sleep. It’s late.”

I nodded, then I thought of something else that’d been bothering me. “Alaric.”

“Yes, my Lady.”

“You’re the next in line to be king. What if…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Death was the only way that kings were chosen in Galaythia.

“I’d feel it,” he filled in. “We would all feel the change in the air. When my father died, we all felt it. Kind of like an ominous feeling. A warning in every breath we took. Galaythia has not felt the same since. It’s been waiting for its king.”

“So… we’d know if Wolfe was completely lost?”

Slowly, he nodded. “It’s the way the dragon magic works. And if we… lost Wolfe and still hadn’t found the ring, I’d become a Deathwalker, too. So, I guess that’s one more sign.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Wolfe would want me to do what I could to end this.

“Nor I, my Lady.” He smiled faintly. “Aside from the danger, Wolfe deserves to wear the crown.”

“Have you never wanted it?” The question might seem harsh, like I was asking where his loyalties lay, but I was glad he didn’t appear to interpret it that way.

“Never,” he answered with certainty. “Of course, if I was entrusted with the crown, I would rule, but I was always meant to stand at Wolfe’s side as Lord Commander. I want nothing more.”

Not like Dreynthor, who’d obsessed over it. I didn’t know how my father got mixed up with him, but he did, and now they were both lost to the world. “Do you think Wolfe killed Dreynthor?”

The discomfort in Alaric’s eyes was palpable. “That I do not know. Everyone is aware of the tense relationship between them. And Wolfe… he had reason to kill him. I can’t even blame him. If we can get the ring to him, we’ll know the truth.”

“This all started with my father,” I muttered. “It needs to end with me.”

He stepped closer and rested a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a Nightblade now, Elariya. It doesn’t matter how it started, it will end with all of us. Finding the ring is not a burden you will bear alone. Neither will you blame yourself for anything that’s happened. Do you hear me?”

I sniffled, wiped away another wayward tear, and nodded. “I hear you.”

I knew Wolfe. He would have asked Alaric to take care of me, but those words, they came straight from the heart. I appreciated hearing them and took a moment to acknowledge that I’d gained a real-life brother from all this.

“See you in the morning.” He stepped away.

“See you.”

He dipped his head and left.

I closed the journal and returned my focus to the shadowy view beyond the window. The candle was burning lower, the flame flickering against the window-glass.

My hopes were as dark as the endless night, but I still prayed to the Blessed Mother that I’d find a way to fix this.

Bring my husband back to me.

Please. I pray thee.