Chapter 14 Green Fields and Expensive Cups #2
He made an odd face and said, "That must be nice.
I live in a very white apartment. It's pretty bland," he admitted, the echoing her own assessment of him making her feel a twinge of guilt.
She was being too quick to dismiss him. With a wide smile and a resolve to start over she tilted her body to face him and smelled hay and something too cold, like freezer burn.
"But I mean, that's what women are good at, right?" His eyes were alight and she internally tensed for what he was going to say next. "All the decorating and stuff."
She covered up a pursed look by drinking from her water bottle. "Yeah, I suppose that is a female-forward hobby of sorts. Though I've known many men who also decorate."
He shrugged. "Guess I'm not one of them. I wouldn't say I'm very domestic."
She nodded slowly. Not decorating and not being domestic were worlds apart and she got a bad feeling, which she didn't have to wait long to have validated.
"I mean, I joined the force because I'm that kind of man, you know?
I've always been into really manly things and hobbies.
Three brothers. Lots of experience there.
You know, fishing and hunting and we do marathons together.
And my dad was a firefighter. Older brother too.
Becoming a cop just always made sense to me, even though they like to give me hell for it," he laughed loudly and she smiled trying to hold onto that resolve from moments ago.
Then he sobered and said, "I like helping and protecting the community.
" It felt like a line as if he were standing in front of a classroom of first graders for career day.
She nodded, the picture forming easily in her mind. She was about to ask about his mother but he continued talking.
"My two other brothers are race car junkies. They own a garage together fixing up cars in their free time and race them. Neither one of them is married, as you could probably guess," he joked.
She nodded again with a tight smile.
"But me, I need a woman. Keep me on the straight and narrow," he said then raised a hand and added, "or decorate! God knows I need help there," he laughed again.
She laughed with him. Or at the situation, really, but he couldn't tell the difference because this was a monologue that she was witnessing rather than being a part of. And she didn't mean to be cruel, not really.
"So anyways, I was talking about that on shift. About wanting to find a good woman, you know?"
"A mother-like figure, yes," she replied, feeling as though she were interrupting him even though he had asked her a question.
A slight look of confusion crossed his face and he said, "No, I have a mother. I meant, looking for a woman. For me. So here we are," he gave her a smile that would be considered handsome on his rather nice mouth if it hadn't been accompanied by everything coming out of it.
"And then Taylor said he met this cool girl, new to town and, well, we all know he doesn't date," he laughed and she looked over to where Taylor was talking with Jenson and Ursula.
Casper was fully leaning into the man and enjoying head pets.
There was an ease in his shoulders that she could only describe as welcoming, but his body movement stilled as if he sensed something and he turned his head, his eyes connecting with hers.
The contact of his blue eyes with hers was unexpected and before she could feel herself tumble, she pulled her eyes away from him.
Taylor White was not for her. He was off-limits.
So she looked back at the man at hand. The super manly man.
He was looking at her with a hanging question in his eyes and she shook her head.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I just said, since Taylor doesn't date I begged him to hook me up with you.
Because if he notices that you're cool, then you've got to have the whole package.
And now here we are." The way he said it was like they were in the middle of a months-long relationship instead of where they were, which was in fact a cool, early morning soccer field meeting for the first time where he was running the entire date without her help.
He was now moving onto one of his hobbies, which had something to do with a frisbee and little baskets, and she imagined taking her hand and just..
.covering his mouth. What would he do? Did she care?
No. But, it would be rather rude, and maybe that wasn't the best move on a first and final date, because she had decided about twelve minutes ago between him assigning her decorating duties and keeping him in line, that this was a guy who needed the kind of woman that wanted to take care of a guy.
There were many women out there who desired that.
She did not.
"I like that you don't have one of those cups," she heard him say.
"What?" she asked, sure she'd heard him wrong.
He pointed to her black matte water bottle, one that she sold at her cafe in Florida with their logo.
"That. It's not one of those big jug cup thingies that women go crazy for whenever a new color comes out.
I always say it's the mark of a high-maintenance woman so it's nice that you're not one of them. You're obviously not like other girls."
Had someone handed this man a script on misogyny?
She pulled in a breath and held it for a beat, trying to decide between war and peace before turning toward him. "No," she said. She was finished with this.
"No?" he asked, a silly, confused smile on his face.
"Don't say that. Don't say that I'm not like other women as if it's a point for me, because that system is built on taking away value from other women and we've been brainwashed into being pitted against each other for too long.
I'm not like them?" she asked and tilted her head as a very confused, slightly scared-looking Ivan had the good sense to not answer.
"I laugh and cry, sometimes in the same conversation.
I worry about my weight and if I'm only half a woman because I don't want to have children.
I get excited when I see colorful bunches of flowers and I love eating pie straight out of the pie dish with my best friend while we talk about nothing and everything.
I don't feel complete without other women in my life.
Guilt isn't an emotion for us; it's an entire hobby trying to battle it, understand it, and eradicate it.
I love dressing up and I have a thing for tutus which I am pretty sure has followed me from girlhood and sometimes I dream up scenarios in which it would be appropriate to wear one.
And then I wonder why I think it wouldn't be appropriate.
I also like wearing sweatpants and putting my hair up into an obscene pineapple while walking around with a pint of ice cream.
I walk into rooms and wonder if I belong, even if I own them.
I don't waste my time with half-assed desserts.
I get hot flashes like crazy." She paused and watched him take a self-protective stance of arms crossed over his puffed-out chest. She looked at his face that didn't match his strong stance, recognizing he was guarding himself.
She softened her tone. "I like women who carry those big jug cup thingies that women go crazy for.
Because their personality, character, and struggles don't fit inside of one of those cups, contrary to its size.
So, don't look at me and tell me I'm not like other women as if it is a compliment.
I'm exactly like them and I'm glad for it and I'm finally learning how to celebrate that.
" She looked over to see Ursula, Jenson, and Taylor looking at them.
Her voice hadn't been loud, so she knew she wasn't making a scene, but then Casper pushed away from Taylor and loped over with his big gray body until he was leaning into her with his large comfort.
Ivan stepped back in surprise at the invasion of the large hound who was putting himself between them.
"Ivan, it was okay meeting you, but I'm not the kind of woman you're looking for. Enjoy the game," she said with a smile and let Casper lead her back to their friends.
When Ivan called after her asking, "That's it? Where are you going?"
She turned while walking backward and smiled big replying, "I heard there's a new color coming out for one of those cups: high-maintenance maroon. I'm going to go get in line." She saluted and then turned back around with a smirk on her face.
"Hey, little mermaid," Ursula said carefully. "Not go so well?"
She gave her a knowing look and then turned to Taylor. "I think I'll pass on the manly man cop. Appreciate it, though."
He shifted slightly to look behind her where she had left her date and then shifted back with raised eyebrows. "He talk about himself the whole time?"
"He did. Though he did talk about women a few times."
He grimaced. "Yeah, I never hung out with him but on the short drive here I realized I wouldn't date him if I were a woman."
They all stood and watched as the man walked off of the field in a clipped march.
"Why did you come?" she blurted out the question that had been humming in the back of her mind. She wanted to pull it back but seems she hadn't placed her filter back yet.
His eyes found hers and he fully looked at her for the first time that morning.
She could read so many things flashing there but before he could answer she decided she didn't want to hear it, whatever it was.
So she smiled with a laugh saying, "You wouldn't date him if you were a woman? Thanks for the warning."
He held up both hands, the relief of not having to answer her unfiltered question visible. "Hey, I'm not actually a woman and I wouldn't presume to know what you want in a man."
"Fair," she said easily.
"Alright, well I'm his ride so I better take the manly man back. See ya guys," Taylor said tipping his head.
"We're grilling tonight at The Lost Souls. Why don't you come over at six?" Jenson invited in his deep voice.
Taylor smiled brightly. "I'll be there. I'll bring my famous mac and cheese," he offered as he walked off.
Ursula and Jenson were looking at Eloise.
"What?" she asked, then rolled her eyes.
"If you think I was being difficult and unfair to the manly man, I am happy to regale you with the one-sided conversation that was like being an audience in a play about Sparta," she said the last word with a low, baritone and Ursula laughed while Jenson chuckled and shook his head.
"No, I think we're good," Ursula said.
"Then why are you both looking at me?"
The couple shared a look and Jenson said something about going to grab the team snacks out of the truck before he kissed Ursula on the cheek.
"Spill," Eloise demanded kindly.
"While you were off being charmed by John McClane-"
"Nice," Eloise held her hand up for a high five at the reference.
"Taylor was on edge."
"What do you mean?" she saw Ursula's look and then held up a hand.
"No. He doesn't date. Also, he made it clear the other day when I tested out the waters that he didn't see me that way.
Do you know what I like about a man that is upfront about that?
" Ursula shook her head, a slightly bemused look on her face.
"It immediately takes the pressure off and there are no mixed signals or confusion.
And yeah, he's attractive and sometimes when he looks at me I feel like the only woman in a ten-mile radius," she took a breath as Ursula's eyes twinkled.
"But I know where we stand. We can hang out and be friends and laugh about a massive hawk landing on my shoulder and giving me jewelry but know that it's just that, a moment shared between friends. "
"Wait, what? A hawk gave you jewelry?"
She waved the words away. "Yeah, I'll tell you later. Oooh, over pie. I made an impressive speech to Ivan-ho over there and it had pie in it, and now I can't stop thinking about it."
"Apple butterscotch?"
She groaned. "Yes. I'm so glad you're my dessert-spirit-friend. Pie, and let's discuss the cursed men ratio in this odd town."
She laughed and leaned into Eloise while Casper leaned into her other side creating an Eloise sandwich. It was gentle and as the sun poked through the thick cotton clouds, the apricity landed on them giving them a comforting squeeze of warmth.
"El?"
"Hmm?"
"I love how well-adjusted and sensible you are, but don't brush off that zing you have with Taylor so easily."
Eloise smiled and kissed the top of Ursula's dark head. "And I love how you think I'm sensible when really, I'm just waiting for Aragorn to come sweep me away."
"Aren't we all?" Ursula replied wistfully and they smiled, leaning against each other and watching the game.
A girl on Bess's team scored a goal and the women jumped up and down with their arms around each other.
The moms with the expensive cups cheered as they passed around high-fives and in that moment Eloise felt a connection to each one here on the field, so glad that she could be old enough to feel that connection that too easily felt like competition when she was younger and less wise.
"Love you," she whispered easily to a smiling Ursula who whispered it back.