Chapter 6 - Boone #2
"Bullshit. I've known you my whole life, Boone. I know what you look like when you want something you think you can't have. Seen it before with that mare Frank told you not to buy. With the land on the north ridge you wanted to expand into. With—"
"This isn't the same."
"No," he agrees quietly. "It's not. Because those were things. Nikky's a person. My person. My best friend since we were kids."
"I know who she is."
"Do you?" He steps closer. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you're seeing someone different than the girl who used to steal cookies from our kitchen and fall asleep on our couch during movie marathons."
He's right. I don't see that girl anymore. Haven't for three years.
"She's an adult," I say. "She's been an adult for a while now."
"She's twenty-two."
"I'm aware."
"You're thirty-eight."
"Also aware."
"And she's been hurt enough without—" He stops himself, jaw working. "How long?"
"How long what?"
"How long have you wanted her?"
I could lie. Should lie. But Colt's my brother. More than that. He's my best friend. And I'm tired of carrying this secret alone.
"Three years," I admit. "Since she was nineteen. Since that summer she came back from college to take care of her mom."
Colt's eyes widen. "Three years? You've been… Jesus, Boone. Three years and you never said anything?"
"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, little brother, I know she's your best friend but I can't stop thinking about her'? That would've gone over well."
"Better than me finding out like this."
"You weren't supposed to find out at all."
"Why not?" His voice rises. "You think I'm gonna lose my shit? Forbid you from what, exactly? Having feelings?"
"I think you're going to tell me all the reasons it's a bad idea. Which I already know. She wants to leave Blackwater Falls. I'm never leaving. She's got dreams about traveling the world. I'm committed to this ranch. She's your best friend. I'm your brother. The math doesn't work."
"So, you just... what? Suffer in silence? Want her from a distance? That's your plan?"
"That's not a plan. That's reality."
Colt stares at me for a long moment. Then, surprisingly, he laughs. It's not a happy sound.
"You're an idiot," he says.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You're a fucking idiot." He shakes his head. "You know what Nikky told me two years ago? After she got drunk on her birthday?"
My heart pounds. "What?"
"That she thought you were the most incredible man she'd ever met. That any woman would be lucky to have you. That she wished—" He stops, staring at my face. "She wished she was older. More established. Someone you might actually notice."
"She said that?"
"Not in those exact words. She was drunk and rambling.
But yeah. That was the gist." He runs both hands through his hair.
"And I laughed it off because she was hammered and you're my brother and it was weird.
But she brought you up again last month.
Asked if you were seeing anyone. Got this look on her face when I said no. "
"What kind of look?"
"The same kind of look you get when someone mentions her name." He pauses. "You're both idiots. You know that, right?"
"Colt—"
"No. Listen to me." He steps closer, his expression serious.
"I'm not gonna lie, this is weird as fuck.
You're my brother. She's my best friend.
I literally cannot think of two people I care about more.
But you know what's weirder? Watching both of you be miserable because you're too scared to just fucking talk to each other. "
"It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
"Because she wants to leave! She told me last night. She has dreams about Italy and Ireland and Japan. She wants to see the world. And I can't give her that. I made a promise to Frank—"
"Frank's dead," Colt interrupts gently. "And I'm pretty sure he'd want you to be happy more than he'd want you to be chained to this place forever."
"I'm not chained. I chose this."
"Then choose something else too. Choose her." He grabs my shoulder. "Look, maybe it doesn't work out. Maybe she does leave and you stay and it all goes to shit. But maybe she stays because you give her something worth staying for. Ever think of that?"
I have. God help me, I've thought about it constantly.
"What if I fuck it up?" The words come out rougher than I intend. "What if I'm not enough? What if she realizes I'm just some ranch hand who'll never be exciting or worldly or—"
"Stop." Colt squeezes my shoulder hard. "You're the best man I know.
You're loyal and hardworking and you believe in things like honor and promises and doing the right thing even when it's hard.
You punched out a guy for her without hesitation.
You'd die for the people you love. And if she can't see that, then she's blind. "
"She deserves better than me."
"She deserves someone who looks at her the way you do. Like she's the only person in the room. Like she's worth fighting for." He releases my shoulder. "And for what it's worth? I think you deserve to be happy. Even if it's complicated. Even if it's scary."
Down the hallway, I hear the guest room door open. Hear Nicole's footsteps.
"So, what do I do?" I ask quietly.
"Talk to her. Tell her the truth. See what happens."