Chapter Twelve
Carys had been quiet on the ride to her apartment. Too quiet. Blaize had half a mind to ask what his family might have said to her. He decided to let it ride instead.
He parked on the street in front of her bungalow.
The crease in her forehead when she glanced at him concerned him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
A beat passed. “Maybe nothing. I’m not sure. I think the trash can has been scooted closer to the window. I don’t leave it there.”
“Do you want to come with me to check it out or stay in the Jeep while I take a look?” he asked, reaching for the door handle.
“I’m coming.” She was out the passenger side before he could open the door for her.
Carys took the lead as he scanned the area for any unusual activity.
The trash can had been pushed against the wall underneath what looked like a kitchen window. Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. “The storm could have blown it over or tossed it down the street. A well-meaning neighbor might have returned it.”
“That’s a good point,” she said. “Mind if we take a walk around the house before going in? Just to be sure nothing else feels funny?”
“I’m right behind you.” He was behind her and a little bit to the side so he could block her using his body should anything come flying at them. A stalker made more and more sense as they walked. She turned the second corner, looked at the window, and froze.
“The window is cracked open.” She pointed. “See that?”
“I sure do,” he said. “Do you ever leave them like that?”
“Not usually. I don’t normally leave the house without checking.”
“You had Rue with you. Right?” It was possible she might have forgotten.
“True.” She shook her head. “I’m probably searching for something that just isn’t there, you know?
My mind is tuned to finding something because of the trash can.
You’re most likely right about it. The storms were fierce.
It’s highly likely the wind tossed it around while I was gone.
It wouldn’t be the first time that happened. ”
“We’ll check every inch of the house before we let our guards down,” he said.
“Sounds like a plan.” She walked to the back door, opened it, and entered the kitchen.
The place was simple, orderly, and clean.
It looked like she put everything in its place with care.
A You Had Me at Merlot dish towel was draped over the oven handle.
Under different circumstances, he would have chuckled.
Right now, he was focused on ensuring no one was hiding in a closet somewhere.
Room by room, he cleared the house. The bedroom window—the cracked one—was last. “No one is hiding here. I’ve checked every nook and cranny.
” That was the good news. Her unsettled feeling had him concerned.
It was never a good idea to ignore intuition.
“If someone was here, they’re gone now.” He stopped short of saying they were safe. “Does anything look out of place?”
The living room consisted of a small sofa with a matching chair, a coffee table with a book on top, and a side table with a lamp.
A blanket had been tossed onto the couch, and the pillows were messy.
It looked like someone had been sitting here, relaxing, and then had to get up in a hurry with no time to straighten up. The Rue effect?
“I don’t remember. It’s hard to say. Everything is usually in its place, but having a little one around really changes things.”
He let himself smirk—Rue effect.
“All I could think about was her and how pitiful she sounded,” she said. “Hearing a baby cry and being helpless to stop it is the worst possible feeling in the world.”
“Agreed.”
“I’ll just grab a few things, and we can head out,” she said before disappearing through a doorway in between the living and dining room.
“Okay.” He took a step and heard a rattle.
He withdrew his foot as though a snake bit him.
A memory punched him. Damned if he hadn’t suppressed it until now.
Until looking down and seeing the baby’s rattle on the carpet.
He bent over and picked it up, studied it.
Moisture pooled in his eyes. He’d been so focused on Lynn that he’d forced the memory out of his mind, pushed it down somewhere deep where it couldn’t surface without the right trigger.
“Hey.” Carys’s voice caught him off guard. He didn’t realize that she’d walked back into the room.
Blaize grunted, set the toy on top of the coffee table, and then headed toward the front door. “Lock up so we can get on the road.”
He didn’t look back. Didn’t want her to see the emotion pooling in his eyes, threatening to spill over.
Dammit.
Blaize walked right past Carys, not stopping until he was seated on the driver’s side of his Jeep. He turned the engine on, and waited. She took a few minutes to appear. For a second, he wondered if he’d offended her.
When she set her bag in the back seat, she didn’t make eye contact. Her demeanor was calm. Too calm? Part of him wanted her to get mad. Hell, cuss him out.
Instead, she took the passenger seat and said, “Ready when you are.”
He banked a U-turn after setting the GPS toward Austin.
They drove for a while before she cleared her throat and asked, “What about the baby’s rattle upset you?”
“Nothing.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” she said. “I’ve been picking up on something…call it a vibe. And it’s been causing me to wonder how you feel about starting a family.”
“What do you mean?”
“The way you look at Rue when no one is watching,” she said.
Blaize clamped his mouth shut rather than bite out a retort. She was spot-on with her observation. The rattle dislodged a memory. One he’d been holding in for a long time. Too long?
Opening up felt like cutting open a vein. Stuffing it down felt like a time bomb waiting to explode.
“Have I mentioned Lynn had bipolar disorder?”
“You have.”
“Right.” Here goes…
“She was pregnant once,” he said. “She showed me one of those home pregnancy tests.”
“What happened?”
“I was thrilled when I saw the result,” he said. “For some reason, a rattle just like Rue’s came to mind. It was the first thing I wanted to buy. But Lynn started crying, and they weren’t exactly happy tears. She unraveled, said she needed to stay with a friend to clear her head.”
“That must have been hard for you, and her.”
“It was. She shut me out during a difficult time for both of us.”
“What happened?”
“Lynn turned up three days later. I came home from work to find her sitting on the couch drinking wine straight from the bottle.” The memory threatened to burn a hole in his chest. Talking about it tamped down some of the blaze.
“Said all the stress must have made her lose the pregnancy but that she was relieved because she didn’t want kids with me anyway.
“I lost it,” he said. “I’m not proud of my actions, but my temper got the best of me. I said words that I wish I could take back.” Guilt punched him again like it happened yesterday.
“I’m sorry, Blaize. For both of you.” A few beats passed. “Did she say why? You obviously wanted the child. Had you ever talked about having a family with her?”
“Yes,” he said. “We wanted kids, or so I thought. She said the possibility of carrying a child woke her up to the fact she didn’t actually want kids.
Before that, she’d wanted two, a boy and a girl.
I didn’t care. She said she couldn’t risk passing on the disorder to children.
Said it wouldn’t be fair to them or to me.
Said she was enough of a hot mess without adding to the equation. ”
“I bet that was hard to hear from someone you loved so much.”
“It was.” He could admit that much. “So, if you catch me looking at Rue and thinking about what might have been, you’re probably catching a weak moment.”
“That’s not weak, Blaize. You are the strongest person I know.” She reached over and touched his hand, sending warmth spreading through him. “The more I get to know you, the more respect I have for you. Life hasn’t been easy. Has it?”
“I never expected easy,” he said. “I’d hoped for fair instead.”
CARYS DIDN’T WANT to like Blaize more than she already did. She was already treading dangerous waters, barely keeping her head above water when it came to the man. His raw honesty wasn’t helping her keep an emotional distance.
“Fair isn’t always on the table, is it?” she asked.
“We’ve talked too much about me. What about you?” He turned the tables. “You lost your mother at a young age.”
“That’s right. I already shared that with you.
” Where did she begin with her other parental relationship?
“As far as my father is concerned, we haven’t spoken more than two words in six years.
He cut me off when we disagreed about my future.
Told me to go away and not worry about coming back. That he no longer had a daughter.”
“That’s harsh. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No one does,” she agreed. “I get that he was hurting after my mom died. But his reaction made it like losing two parents in one blow. You know?”
“I can see that.”
“Losing her caused him to double down on protecting me. His grip was so tight, I was tempted to rebel. I didn’t. I guess it made me want to help others even more, especially kids.”
It made her think about Rue. “What’s going to happen to that little girl back at your house if her father turns out to be a criminal?
Or if we never uncover his identity? The courts would never give her to me.
Plus, I wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby full time.
I was an only child. And I might have had responsibilities around the house, but I was never responsible for a human life.
I’ve never even kept a plant alive. I don’t even want children, which is part of the reason I chose this profession.
I can help them without the day in, day out responsibility that I have no idea if I’ll ever be ready for. ”
“Parents do a real number on kids sometimes, don’t they?” It was a rhetorical question.
“Thank you for listening,” she said after catching her breath. “And not judging me or telling me that I’m supposed to want kids and a family.”
“Why would I do that?” he asked with genuine care and authenticity in his voice.
She shrugged. “Isn’t it supposed to be natural to want to have a baby?”
“Every person has a right and responsibility to make that decision for themselves.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” Since most of the trip had been heavy with conversation, she changed course. “You know what sounds good right now to me?”
“What’s that?”
“Ice cream.”
Blaize laughed. “How about Amy’s Ice Cream?”
“Is there a better place?”
“Not as long as Mexican Vanilla is on the menu,” he said. She appreciated him going with the flow. Talking to him was a little too easy, and she needed to pull back before the connection deepened. She was already swimming in new territory and needed to get her sea legs.
The very real threat of being sucked out by a strong current and drowned slammed into her. As much as her heart wanted to lean into Blaize, rational thought took over, warning her not to get too close.
“Mexican Vanilla happens to be my favorite, too,” she admitted, wishing they didn’t have so much in common. It would be easier to walk away if she didn’t like him so much.
The rest of the short drive to Amy’s was spent in silence. They needed to recalibrate and come up with a plan of attack for the bars. They had time. Ten o’clock was early for the bar scene.
Now that they had a picture of Stephanie, they could ask questions. If she was a regular, a good bartender would know it.
After getting ice cream that Blaize had insisted on paying for, they found a spot at one of the outdoor picnic tables and sat down. He took the seat across from her and leaned in. It was next to impossible not to feel like they were on some kind of date, especially since he paid.
Carys pushed those thoughts aside, tried not to focus on those gorgeous full lips of his—and more importantly, what they could do to her!—and forced a calm over her that she didn’t feel.
Fake it till you make it was the worst advice she’d ever heard.
It ranked right up there with saying things to yourself in a mirror that you didn’t believe.
Somewhere deep in the back of your mind, you would know that you were faking it.
Except when it came to smiling. Someone had once told her to smile, even when she was in a bad mood, and that worked miracles.
She’d faked being happy to make her father worry less for too much of her life. It didn’t work on him, either. Maybe Blaize was onto something about Rue recording the world around her deep in the back of her mind.
“Are you okay?” Blaize’s voice brought her attention back.
“Yes,” she said, faking it. Too bad it didn’t work like the smile. They had three bars to visit. “Where do you want to go first?”