Chapter Eight #2
“It’s fine. It’s a good rule, you don’t have to explain.” He wanted her to though. If only to tame his fears that she wasn’t truly ready for what they were about to do.
“It might make it feel too real,” Sammie finally said. “For me.” Her eyes were wide, her cheeks a light pink, and her teeth were digging into her bottom lip as Kieran mulled over her words.
Should he call the whole thing off? If there was even the possibility that Sammie might develop feelings that he wasn’t ready to reciprocate, that he might never reciprocate, the smart thing to do would be to put an end to the whole endeavor.
It had happened before. Sasha from Seattle. His ex.
They’d fallen into bed together, because that part was always easy for Kieran.
One night together became two, then three.
They were dating before Kieran really knew it was happening.
His routines hardly changed, almost as though they lived separate lives.
And when Sasha finally told him she loved him, Kieran hadn’t been able to say it back.
They got along, the sex was great, but even though he dug deep, desperate to unearth anything more, Kieran had come up empty-handed.
He didn’t love Sasha, and knew he never would. The feelings just weren’t there.
When Sasha had asked if they could stay friends, Kieran had hoped they might be able to.
But their relationship had never been based on any sort of friendship.
The foundation wasn’t there. And so, after Kieran moved back to Chicago, the messages they sent to check in on one another slowly faded to nothing more than liking each other’s posts occasionally.
If there was any chance that Sammie might still harbor feelings, this could all be a mistake. A massive one. Kieran knew his limits, knew that romantic feelings on her part would only lead to hurt when he couldn’t return them.
But then he thought of their other lists, of the things they both wanted to do.
Together. And fuck. He did miss having a partner to try things out with.
And Sammie was a big girl. She’d never had a problem advocating for herself.
Kieran needed to trust that she wouldn’t be doing this with him if she knew it would only lead to hurt.
“Kissing is off limits.” Kieran nodded sharply. “Got it.” Unfortunate, because he was a big fan. Of kissing.
Sammie’s shoulders relaxed, and she leaned her elbows on the counter, reading off his first few rules.
“Yours all make sense.” She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face.
Kieran fought the urge to reach out and push it back for her.
So she could see more easily, of course.
“Condoms, no faces or identifiers. What about tattoos?” She glanced down at her thigh and the tattoo Kieran had only seen a glimpse of, hidden beneath her sweatpants.
“As long as you don’t have thousands of fans who will recognize it, we should be fine.” It wouldn’t be a problem, and besides, Kieran was curious now. He wanted to see it, the full image spreading along her thigh.
“What’s this last one?” Sammie pointed at the page. “A contract?”
Kieran flushed. He’d meant to have that ready before she arrived, but had run out of time. Being unprepared was a feeling he didn’t much enjoy. “I’ll get one written up for us. All the standard stuff for working together, how we’ll split profits, nothing crazy.”
“Oh.” Her stare was still fixed on the paper in her hand.
“Of course.” Was that disappointment in her voice?
Kieran couldn’t tell, but something had changed, judging by the awkward shift of her stance, the way her teeth dug at the inside of her cheek.
He waited until her gaze finally flicked up to meet his.
“You can back out at any time.” Kieran stepped forward, leaning his elbows on the cool counter, matching her pose. He wanted them on the same level, wanted to make sure this was something she understood.
“I know.” Her words were soft, just more than a breath. The clouds in her eyes were gentle. A storm waning.
“And you’re sure you still want to do this?”
One heartbeat. Another. Kieran could feel his pulse in his fingertips, a drum in his chest.
He wanted her to say yes, even if he couldn’t understand why.
“I’m sure.” Sammie nodded, a spark of lightning cracking across her storm clouds. She stood to her full height, looking down at Kieran. “Let’s do this.”
“I was thinking we could start with something simple.”
Sammie followed Kieran back into his room. It had been a shock earlier, seeing the tripod set up, Kieran’s phone already clipped into place. The room was a stage, and it felt distinctly different from a bedroom because of it. Sammie wasn’t sure if that made it all feel better or worse.
Not worse. No, an undercurrent of anticipation had been singing through her veins all day. She was by no means dreading what they were about to do.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous.
“We don’t have to post anything from today.
” Kieran was still talking her through it all as he smoothed out wrinkles that she wasn’t sure were even there on his comforter.
He was being so… matter-of-fact about it all.
“If today just turns out to just be a warm up, a way for us to get comfortable, to make sure we’re still okay with continuing, that’s fine. ”
He’d brought that up several times already, making sure Sammie was still on board. It was sweet, knowing he wanted her comfortable, knowing he would always make sure she was okay. But the way he talked about it all like any other business transaction, and the contract they were both going to sign…
It wasn’t fair of her to let her mind keep going in that direction. Sammie knew that what they were doing was only business. Kieran had been open about that from the start, as they’d sat beneath the flickering lights in the diner.
Sammie was the one who hadn’t been completely up front with him. She had been the one to hide the remnants of her feelings for Kieran.
But even with the many opportunities he’d now given her to back out, Sammie was set on pushing forward. She was nothing if not stubborn, and money was money.
“So,” she began, hovering close to the foot of the bed.
The mirror was behind her, and she was steadfastly ignoring its presence.
Kieran having a thing for watching hadn’t been something she’d seen coming, and the knowledge set off a low burn, twisting her insides.
She pulled in a shaky breath. “What are we going to do?”
Did she need to… take her clothes off? Change into one of the fancier options for underwear that she’d shoved into the bottom of her bag?
Kieran yanked his shirt over his head, tossing it into a hamper by his dresser. Sammie averted her eyes, even as heat flared over her cheeks. Tracking his movement from the corner of her vision, she saw jeans fly through the air as well.
Oh god, oh fuck.
Kieran McCullough was mostly naked.
He was mostly naked, and now he was walking toward her.
“I’ll just…” Sammie grabbed the hem of her shirt, ready to pull it off as she actively fought against bursting into flames. A hand closed around one of her wrists.
“Leave it.” Kieran was right there, right there, in nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, the callouses on his fingers rough against her skin.
She could see tan lines on his arms, probably from helping out his dad on the farm.
The scent of cedar hit her, warm and enticing, mixed with something a little sweet and something a little sharp.
Mango and black pepper maybe? Whatever it was, Sammie felt herself leaning closer for more, even as her eyes failed to meet Kieran’s.
“Just take these off.” He tugged lightly at the loose, gray fabric of her pants.
Kieran McCullough had just told Sammie to take her pants off.
She hadn’t imagined the moment playing out quite like this, but Sammie sure wasn’t going to deny him.
Her sweatpants were off and flying across the room in a heartbeat.
At least they matched, him in his black briefs, her in her plain black cotton panties. They were nothing special, but the cut of the fabric did make her ass look great.
Kieran’s hand was still around her wrist. He sat on the end of the bed tugging her close. “The camera’s already going.” Sammie was between his legs, the bulge in his underwear right there. She panicked, finally looking up and meeting his stare.
“Still good?” His eyes were warmer than usual, maybe from the heat building between them, maybe in an attempt to calm her.
Spring grass, fresh and promising. He had his hair down, something Sammie rarely saw, since it was usually pulled back for games.
His curls were loose, tucked back behind his ears, more golden than strawberry under the daylight spilling in through the single window.
Until he plopped that same black ball cap onto his head, the one Sammie had already seen when she’d discovered his content. Her mouth went dry.
“Still good.” Sammie watched his eyes trail down her body until they landed on the tattoo branching down her leg.
The black ink started at her hip, a mass of vining limbs and branches, creeping and spreading down over her thigh to just above the knee. Leaves bloomed from every branch. The lower leaves were plain, blank, empty. The ones higher on her leg, though, those leaves were full of words.
Kieran’s hand landed at her hip, his thumb brushing the crease there, running over some of the words.
“What are they?”
His hands and eyes on her had her heart threatening to burst from her chest, her blood steaming in her veins.
“They’re book quotes.” He ran a hand along the tattoo, reading several of the leaves, following them down until he arrived at the blank ones.
“Every time I fall in love with a new book, it gets a leaf.”
“They’re beautiful.”