Chapter Eleven
“SO.” MEREDITH WAVED her fork. Sammie braced herself. “When did this become a thing?”
Kieran sighed, and Sammie fought the urge to drop her head into her plate.
They had almost made it through the meal, talking about the farm, Greta’s house, Kieran’s upcoming games.
Sammie had begun to hope Meredith might forget the fact that she and Kieran had arrived together, as well as the fact that they’d sat in his truck a bit longer than normal for people who didn’t have anything going on between them.
“It’s not a thing.” Kieran stabbed at a carrot on his plate.
“Sammie.” Meredith turned to face her fully. “Is it a thing?”
Grant laughed, earning an eye roll from his son. He would be of no help to either of them.
“It’s not,” Sammie began, swallowing the large mouthful of meat she’d hoped would keep any questions from being directed her way. “Kieran just offered to help with the repairs.”
Meredith seemed delighted by that answer, much to Sammie’s confusion, her smile bright as the full moon shining in through the dining room window.
“Oh, Greta would be so happy!” Meredith’s attention returned to her food as Grant began to question Kieran about the upcoming tournament.
Sammie returned to her meal as well, Meredith’s words sticking with her even as the conversation moved to other things. On one hand, the mention of her granny filled Sammie with a nostalgic sort of joy, a spark of warmth that lit up her chest.
On the other hand, Sammie never really liked to think about how Greta would react to any of her relationships.
The conversation in Kieran’s truck was still hovering in her mind.
Fear had kept Sammie from ever letting Greta fully see that side of herself.
It was something she tried hard not to regret, but regret was like sharp needles strewn across a path, difficult to avoid and a specific kind of stabbing pain.
Greta would have loved if this thing between Sammie and Kieran turned into something more. On the outside, they would look like any other straight couple. And that was the part that Sammie didn’t like to think about. How, if she ended up with a man, people like her granny would deem her acceptable.
It was still something that needled at Sammie, any time she imagined introducing a partner to Greta. Picturing what that would have been like. On her worst days, images of disgust or shame would twist her granny’s features, morphing her into a monster that Sammie cowered from.
Greta would have accepted her with Kieran, but Sammie doubted her granny would have ever accepted Sammie’s queerness, and she knew that question would always haunt her.
“Let me help you clean up,” Sammie announced, as Meredith began to gather their empty plates. Anything to distract her from the dark place her mind was threatening to go to.
It had been easier than she’d expected, sharing a meal with Kieran and his parents.
Sure, she had the knowledge that she made their son come in his pants just two days earlier hanging over her head like a neon sign, but neither Grant nor Meredith had seemed to pick up on anything strange going on, so Sammie counted the meal as a success.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Meredith nodded toward her son. “He’s on dishwasher duty whenever he’s home, so he’ll help out.”
“Thanks for letting me stay, and for the meal. It was wonderful.” Sammie gathered a load of dishes before following Kieran into the kitchen.
“Anytime!” Meredith’s voice sounded out behind her, an echoing grunt of agreement from Grant.
Sammie did appreciate their offer of their spare bedroom.
Normally, she would stay at her old home, basking in the comfort of her childhood bedroom.
But tonight, well, she wasn’t quite ready to walk in and face the damage she knew she was going to see.
She definitely wasn’t ready to dwell on the cost of all the damage.
“Here.” Kieran took some of the plates out of her hands. “Let me.” He began to load the dishwasher as Sammie scraped the remaining plates off into the garbage can.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Sammie whispered, helping to load cups into the top rack. Kieran laughed, a full, delightful sound. The few curls that had escaped his bun hung around his face, and Sammie wanted to reach out and push them back so she could fully see the smile he was giving her.
“No, it wasn’t.” He rose to his full height. Sammie hadn’t realized just how close they were standing. Her cheeks warmed as she came face to face with his broad chest and the way his t-shirt pulled tight across it.
“They love you,” Kieran continued, still smiling down at her. Sammie’s mouth felt suddenly dry. “Maybe more than me. They definitely like you more than me. You and Atticus can do no wrong in their eyes.”
“That’s not true.” She poked the chest in front of her, ignoring how solid it felt. Ignoring the urge to place her palm against him, to feel his heartbeat under her hand. She wondered if it was beating as fast as her own. “Your parents think you hung the moon.”
Kieran scoffed. “Maybe. But I do have a way of disappointing them.” He glanced over his shoulder as if to make sure they weren’t being spied on.
Sammie frowned. What was he talking about?
Kieran was incredible. He’d been scouted right out of high school, and had become one of the best outside hitters in the league.
He had made his dream a reality. And he’d said they didn’t know about his online presence.
How could anyone be disappointed in him?
“Come on,” he said, tilting his head back toward the dining room. “Let me show you to your room. Mom moved things around since the last time you visited.”
Sammie let herself be guided through the old farmhouse, saying a quick goodnight to Meredith and Grant as she followed Kieran.
He led her up a narrow staircase to a hallway she remembered from her childhood.
Kieran’s room had always been at the far end.
She’d sat in the chair at his desk countless times when their small group of friends had come back here after a day spent at the park.
She’d been so enamored with him back then, the older boy that everyone looked up to, that had taught her and her brother so much about volleyball.
That was how she’d fallen, all those years ago.
Kieran standing next to her, showing her the motions of a jump serve.
Kieran staying late with her and Atticus, the sun setting on the park as they practiced receiving.
Kieran cheering her on, wrapping an arm around her shoulder after she broke past a triple block with a spike that had the other boys pouting.
“Here you go.” Kieran opened the door of the bedroom next to his, flicking on a light switch as he gestured Sammie forward. “All yours for the night.”
Sammie dropped her overnight bag onto the fluffy yellow comforter, taking in the room.
It seemed to be a sort of catch-all for decor Meredith didn’t know what to do with.
The walls were covered by countless framed photos, mismatched with no discernible pattern to how they were displayed.
A dresser in the corner was covered in trinkets and more frames.
It felt… homey. Even if it was just a room to store things that had no other place in the house, it was a room full of memories.
“What did you mean?” Sammie fiddled with the zipper on her bag before turning back to face Kieran. He still stood in the doorway, backlit by the bright light of the hallway. She moved closer, closing the distance between them as she held Kieran’s stare. “How have you disappointed them?”
Kieran sighed, a small thing, leaning against the door frame, arms crossing over his broad chest. “They want me to take over this place. Sooner rather than later.”
Oh. Sammie didn’t know what she had expected him to say, but it hadn’t been that. “And you don’t want to?”
A flicker of something flashed across Kieran’s face as he gave her a strained look.
He ran a hand over his face, fingers rasping against his short beard.
“I don’t know,” he said. Sammie heard a reflection of her own deep-seated worries in his voice.
“It’s a lot to think about. Two years ago I didn’t even know I would be living in the same state as the farm.
I don’t know if I’m ready to face that kind of decision yet. ”
Sammie understood. There was a unique sort of weight that she had always felt, from the moment she had inherited her grandma’s house. A pressure to live up to some unseen expectation.
“That is a lot. Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Kieran gave her a small smile, dimples creasing on his cheeks. “Not prying. I’ll tell you anything you want to ask about.”
Fuck. That was a lot too, even if she knew he meant it. The way Kieran had snatched her hand up in his truck. His gentle words, when he’d told her they could make something special together. Did it all mean anything more to him? Did it mean what Sammie wanted it to mean?
She knew it was dangerous, letting her thoughts head in that direction. His boundaries had been clear from the start, and Sammie knew she shouldn’t read more into his actions. She should take his words at face value. But the questions were still there, hovering faintly in her mind.
“I’m gonna crash for the night,” Kieran finally continued. “You good in here?”
Sammie nodded. She felt as though an opportunity had slipped through her fingers, the chance to ask him if there was any possibility for more, and now he was turning away, arms falling to his sides as he waved a gentle goodnight.
Before she could think better of it, Sammie was reaching out, grabbing his hand just as he’d done with hers on the drive down.
“Thanks.” Kieran’s soft gaze was searching her face, and before Sammie knew what she was doing, she was pulling him into a firm hug. “Thanks for helping out with the house,” she continued, pulling back as quickly as she’d moved forward, hoping desperately that she hadn’t done the wrong thing.
That small smile had yet to leave his face, and when Sammie dropped the hand she’d grabbed, Kieran raised it, pushing her hair back from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear.
“Night, Sammie.” He finally turned away, leaving her standing in that spare bedroom, her thoughts whirling as the smile he’d left her with burned in her mind.