Chapter Nineteen #2
The question was a heavy blanket over the room, weighted and smothering. Kieran couldn’t find a way out from under it.
“Well.” Coach twirled the wedding ring on his left hand, spinning it round and round while a smile creased the corners of his eyes.
“Atticus sure will have something to say about that. It’ll be loud, and he’ll say it with the subtlety of a bulldozer, especially if you’re considering quitting over something as small as a sprained ankle. ”
“That’s not the only reason.” The words were out before Kieran could think better of them.
Coach nodded, still twirling his ring, a faint tan line from years of wearing it showing as it moved.
The action made Kieran think of Sammie (he would ignore the fact that a wedding ring had brought her face to his mind).
He’d been the reason her brother was hurt, even if everyone else was denying it.
Would she want to continue working with him?
Or would she be as disappointed in him as he was with himself?
Why did the thought of that terrify him?
“I know you haven’t given me all the details of what’s going on with your family.” Coach’s words pulled Kieran back to the present, away from that new, terrible what if. “But I find it hard to believe they would be okay with you giving up on your dream.”
Kieran snorted. “I’m not so sure.” Coach raised a brow in question, and he looked so sincere, like he truly had meant it all the times he’d told the team that his door was always open for anyone who needed to talk.
So Kieran talked. He laid it all out, everything from the situation with the farm to the unending comments from his mother that were slowly but surely wearing him down. He felt awful for it. He was painting his parents in a most unflattering light, and he didn’t want anyone to see them that way.
But something about talking to Coach, telling someone who Kieran knew would be on the other side of the argument, someone who would root for Kieran to stay and keep playing, it was more relieving than Kieran could have imagined it to be.
“Tough position you’re in.” Coach’s words mirrored the ones Kieran had offered Sammie.
It felt like a lifetime had passed since then.
“I’m not going to pretend like I have any solutions for you.
Sometimes things don’t have clear cut answers.
Sometimes it’ll suck either way.” He paused, mulling over his thoughts.
“All I know is that I’ve seen you at your happiest, and it’s when you’re out on the court with our own little family. ”
Putting it that way, calling their team a family, hit Kieran like a punch to the gut. He’d been struggling to understand why the thought of letting them down, of letting them go, felt so much harder than turning down his parents’ request.
They were his family too. Kieran had spent the summer worried about letting down one family while wanting to stay with another. Both were equally important to him. Both were equally loved by him.
“I don’t want to retire yet,” he said softly.
At some point, the dripping that had held his attention had stopped.
The quiet of the room had turned peaceful, no sounds other than the gentle echoes of their voices.
It made Kieran feel safe. Safe enough to keep going.
“I don’t want the farm. I still have good years left in me, I could play for another decade.
” Barring any injuries that turned out worse than the one tonight.
“You’re young,” said Coach. “But you’re not a kid, McCullough. You’re allowed to tell your parents no, if that’s what you really want to do.”
Did he? Kieran thought that he’d known the answer to that for a long while. No, he didn’t want the farm, and nothing was going to change that.
But was he brave enough to tell them? Brave enough to see the disappointment he knew he would find in their eyes?
Coach pushed himself up from the floor, complaining about creaky hips and knees the whole way. “Come on,” he said. “My wife, Carmen, always tells me that sleep is like a reset button, and you look like you could use one.” He patted Kieran on the back. “It’ll all look better in the light of day.”
Kieran hoped he was right.
Ivy: since your brother so rudely disrupted our plans for tonight, wanna pick a different night soon? we neeeeeeeed our crash out time!
Sammie: I’m gonna tell him you’re blaming him
Sammie: He’s already getting too comfy being doted on
Sammie: It’s pretty cute actually, never seen Kai be so… sweet?
Ivy: awwww they’re so gross, i love them
Sammie: But yes, let’s reschedule
Ivy: lots going on leading up to the next game, but i’ll let you know when i’m free!
Ivy: too much time apart and i’m gonna start getting needy
Sammie: Haha
Sammie: You sound like Attie
Ivy: noooo you like me more than him :)
~
Sammie: Sorry I didn’t stick around after the game, went home with Attie and Kai
Kieran: Don’t be sorry, I was in a shit mood. Wouldn’t have been good company.
Sammie: You know it’s not your fault right? I hurt him worse by spiking a ball into his face when we were thirteen
Sammie: He’s a baby, he’ll be fine
Kieran: That’s what everybody keeps telling me.
Sammie: Because it’s true
Kieran: How’s the baby doing btw?
Sammie: Bossing us around like he was born to
Sammie: I’ve never seen Kai dote on someone before
Sammie: He’s like a momma cat
Kieran: He’s good for Atticus.
Sammie: He is :)
Kieran: So Atticus is still up?
Sammie: He’s a little high on pain killers, but yeah, he’s still awake
~
Kieran: I’m sorry man, my head wasn’t in the game and I should have been paying more attention.
Atticus: You can make it up to me by giving me insider info on what’s going on between you and my beloved sister
Atticus: Since she likes to be cagey as fuck about literally everything
Atticus: Not the sex stuff though dear god don’t tell me about that
Atticus: But like… there IS something going on there, right???
Kieran: You’ve sustained an injury but all you want to know about is if Sammie and I are an item?
Atticus: Sammie and I
Atticus: Item
Atticus: You’re so fucking funny
Kieran: Good to know the pain killers don’t make you less of an asshole.
Atticus: You love me :D
Atticus: You also owe me :D:D
Kieran: And how mad will Sammie be if I tell you anything?
Atticus: Doesn’t matter, I’m the bedridden one. Take pity on me
Kieran: Unfortunately, I have no juicy details to share. We’re just working together, that’s all.
Atticus: You’re both idiots
Kieran: Weighing my guilt against the urge to break your other ankle…
Atticus: I’m gonna say this because the pain meds are *working* and i’m not scared of you
Atticus: Please don’t hurt her
Kieran: I don’t intend to.
Kieran: Should I be worried?
Atticus: Sammie has a big heart with a lot weighing on it
Atticus: Don’t tell her I said this
Atticus: But frankly, she’s a little soft
Kieran: This conversation needs to end before your mouth gets you into trouble and SHE breaks your other ankle.
Atticus: It’s just a sprain!
Atticus: Out for the next game though, which is a pretty massive fucking bummer
Atticus: I wanna be out there with you guys when we earn our spot in the tourney
Kieran: I know man, I’m so sorry
Atticus: Oh my god I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you let me be miserable in my own stupid way
Atticus: If you say sorry again I’ll tell my sister you have a small dick
Kieran: Penis size isn’t important when it comes to pleasuring another person.
Atticus: I cannot believe you typed those words out and decided to hit send
Atticus: I can’t wait to find the perfect moment to casually slip this screenshot into the team chat
Atticus: This is the best day of my life
Kieran: Besides, she already knows that isn’t true.
Atticus: FUCK NO STOP I SAID DON’T TALK ABOUT THE SEX STUFF
~
Sammie: You don’t have to tell me
Sammie: But you seemed off before the game even started. Everything okay?
Kieran: Yeah.
Kieran: Actually, no.
Kieran: Mom called, said they’re scheduling dad for a hip replacement.
Sammie: Oh :(
Sammie: Sorry man, that sucks
Kieran: It’s been in my head all night, can’t seem to get past it, and now Atticus is hurt because I was distracted.
Sammie: You need a new distraction
Sammie: What’s your favorite color?
Kieran: Blue.
Kieran: I think.
Sammie: You don’t know?
Kieran: It’s blue. My turn.
Kieran: What’s your favorite beer?
Sammie: Oooh a tough one
Sammie: Bet you didn’t think I’d have an answer ready
Sammie: Alas
Sammie: There’s a place in WI, right over the state line, a tiny microbrewery. They’ve got this blonde ale made with pickle juice
Sammie: Best thing I’ve tasted in my entire life
Kieran: That sounds horrific.
Sammie: You don’t like pickles????
Kieran: I don’t like pickles in things that don’t normally include pickles.
Sammie: Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it :P
Kieran: Maybe after the season we can roadtrip up there and you can prove me wrong.
Sammie: It’s less than an hr away so not much of a road trip
Sammie: But I’m in
Kieran: Thanks for the distraction Sammie. :)
Sammie: Anytime :)