Chapter Twenty-Eight #3
It was late. Visiting hours would come to a close soon, and Kieran hadn’t yet gone into the room where his father was recovering from the surgery.
Garrett was in with him now. He’d asked Kieran to wait at the door, in case things went sideways. Not that Kieran had ever been able to sway his father in any sort of direction once the man had dug his heels in. Stubborn to a fault. A trait that, unfortunately, ran through the entire family tree.
On both sides.
Kieran’s mother approached, her sneakers squeaking on the shiny linoleum floors of the hospital hallway.
He’d known she would show up eventually.
Kieran had been betting on it. It was why he hadn’t gone in to see his father yet.
He didn’t think he could face Grant before he’d had a chance to at least try and smooth things over with Meredith.
“Mom.” Kieran’s voice cracked from disuse.
Meredith only watched him with a calculating gaze.
He cleared his throat to try again. “Mom. I’m sorry for getting so angry the other day, and for taking it out on you.
I didn’t mean to blow up like that.” Silence spread between them as her eyes stayed glued to his face, her expression blank.
Unyielding. Kieran felt the urge to keep going, to try to explain away his frustrations, to keep talking until she finally relented and said something.
Anything. Breathing deep, he settled on a final, “I’m sorry. ”
Meredith matched his heavy breath with one of her own, letting out a sharp exhale as she finally looked away. “I appreciate the apology. For my part, I’m sorry that you felt so backed into a corner that you had to lash out. That’s never what I want from my child.”
Her words were good, right, what Kieran had hoped to hear, but still something was wrong. An unease spread through him, a creeping fear that he couldn’t pinpoint, but felt acutely regardless.
“However,” she finally continued. “I am disappointed in you, Kieran. Your father and I want nothing more than for you to be safe. Comfortable. But that does not mean I will stand idly by and watch you throw your future away.”
Kieran froze. He went numb from his chest down to his fingertips as realization settled over him. A fog that burned, one that he couldn’t find his way out of.
“Porn, Kieran? Really?” Her words were hushed, but no less heated. Daggers thrown, and he couldn’t see through the fog to avoid their sharpened edges. “I’ve never been more disappointed in you. How could you do this to your father and I?”
The fog cleared with a sudden gust of clarity. There was no anger, heat. A little resentment? Maybe. But not enough to topple him. Not enough to break the solid mask that Kieran felt click into place.
“Okay.” Kieran pulled a steadying breath into his lungs, let it fill him, ground him.
“I understand. But I don’t need your permission to do what I want with my life.
” Meredith opened her mouth, a fire in the eyes that were nearly the same shade of green as his own.
Kieran held up a hand. “You don’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway.
What I do, whether it’s for work, for fun, for anything, has very little to do with you.
And while I appreciate everything you and Dad have done for me, all of the support you’ve given me since I decided to go pro, none of that means that I have to consult with you before I decide what I want for myself. ”
Meredith’s lips parted with shock. Kieran hadn’t even pushed back all that hard, but it was so out of character, so different from how he normally brushed off her demanding nature, that he’d left her speechless in a way he never had before.
“I love you, Mom. Dad too,” he continued. “But I’ll be damned if I let what you think is best for me keep me from the things I know that I want. That I need.”
His voice didn’t shake. Kieran wasn’t sure how he managed that, considering the pounding in his chest. He could feel every beat of his heart, every pulse of blood through his veins. A steadying rhythm, but one that rattled through him more with every passing second.
As his mother watched him, still too shocked to find the retort Kieran knew would eventually come, he refused to let his mask slip.
Because if she was unwilling to accept every part of him, as he was now, standing before her, then she didn’t deserve to see the parts of him that he found so hard to share. The parts that were a gift reserved only for those who made him feel seen, who made him feel safe.
“You can go in now.” Garrett’s voice tugged Kieran’s attention away. His uncle stood in the doorway to the room, a gentle smile curling his lips, even as confusion filled his eyes when he looked between Kieran and Meredith.
“I’m going to tell Dad the same thing I just told you.” Kieran let finality seep into his words, his tone quiet but firm. “I hope he’s more willing to listen.”
A final jab, one that Kieran didn’t wait to see land as he turned, pushing through the door, letting it click shut behind him.
His father lay in the hospital bed.
Grant was awake, if only barely so. Kieran hesitated, pressing his back to the closed door. He’d never seen his father look so weak, frail. The strength had been sapped from his body, shown in his sallow cheeks and tired eyes.
“Dad.” Kieran moved toward the bed, toward all the machines his father was hooked up to.
“Hey, Kier.” Grant smiled. It was a fragile thing, shaky and uneven, but happy.
Content. Not what Kieran had expected to see when he’d walked into the room.
It unlatched something in his chest, a door he’d been holding shut against all the things he feared from his parents.
His mother had battered that door, but one smile from his father had Kieran holding it open wide.
He was at Grant’s side in an instant, forgoing the single chair in the room to kneel by the bed.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here earlier.” Kieran wrapped his hand around his father’s forearm, squeezing softly. “I’m glad you made it through okay.”
“Hurts an awful lot,” Grant said, grunting as he tried to shift.
“Need me to get somebody?”
Grant waved a hand, the motion sluggish. “Nah, I’ll be fine. Can’t have more medicine yet anyway, Doc said I need to wait another hour.” He paused, his gaze settling on Kieran’s face. “Thanks for coming, kid.”
Kieran nodded. “Of course.” And even though both of them were happy to see one another, the air between them still felt heavy. Awkward. All of Kieran’s words from their video call spread in the space between them. Glass strewn over their only path ahead.
“Listen, Kier.” Grant sucked in a breath, clenching and unclenching his jaw several times before continuing. “Garrett’s gonna start helping out around the farm.”
Oh. Kieran’s calves were beginning to burn, so he reached back, yanking the chair closer. “What’s that going to look like?”
Grant sighed. “Not entirely sure yet. But I need help, something your mother has reminded me of daily for the past two years, and he wants to help.”
“So it’s over? All the time you two spent fighting?”
Grant frowned. The lines of time etched into his face seemed more prominent than they’d ever been before.
“Funny thing about fighting with someone you’re tied to for life.
After enough time goes by, it all starts to look a little less important.
We both said our piece. Putting it all out there, into simple words.
With all this”—Grant patted close to his hip—“going on, it made the whole thing look sorta silly. Besides…” He paused, raising a brow in Kieran’s direction.
“I’m not going to keep pretending that you’re responsible for my future. ”
Years. Years of two old men set in their ways, letting their anger turn into a palpable, pervasive thing, and all it took in the end was an honest, open conversation.
Kieran still didn’t even know what it was that had cracked open the divide in their family, but maybe Kenna was right.
Maybe, at the end of the day, it didn’t really matter.
If the two brothers were willing to let the anger between them finally rest, then Kieran could move on from it as well.
Even still, guilt gnawed at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help. “Dad, I never wanted to leave you in the lurch. I just… didn’t want to be your only option. I’ll always help. Anytime you need me, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“But your life is on a different track now.” Grant reached up, rubbing at the stubble around his jaw. “Took your mom and I a long time to see it.” He cut a sharp gaze that lacked any heat toward Kieran. “Could have eased us into it a little more.”
Kieran’s eyes fell to his hands, to where his fingers played with the edge of Grant’s thin blanket. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so upset with you, that’s never how I wanted any of this to come out.”
Grant grunted an affirmative sound. “Have you apologized to your mother yet?”
Kieran nodded, still unwilling to meet his father’s stare. “Didn’t go all that well. She… she doesn’t approve of what I’m doing. Of the decisions I’ve made for myself.”
Long fingers wrapped around Kieran’s hands, stilling his fidgeting. There was the strength he’d always seen in his father. Localized to one point, to the hand that held onto Kieran. A strength that had always protected him, that was searching for a way to do so now.
“I can’t promise you that she’ll come around.
” Grant’s voice was soft. A little sad. A fist tightened around Kieran’s chest, even if he’d already known the truth in his father’s words.
“She was raised a certain way, with certain ideals and expectations. A moral compass that has been hard to keep pointing the right direction as the world threatens to move on without her. I’m not saying she’s right,” Grant sighed.
“But give her some time. She loves you, more than anything. If there’s anyone she’ll come around for, it’s gonna be you, kid. ”
Every breath that Kieran pulled in felt sharper than the last. He steeled himself. “And what about you?” He finally looked up, meeting his father’s watery eyes once again. “You gonna come around on this life I’ve picked out?”
Grant blew out a hard breath, puffing his cheeks.
“It’s a lot to wrap my head around. Think I’ll probably need a little more info about what all it is you’re doing before I feel totally comfortable with it.
” He squeezed Kieran’s hands again. “But I trust you, Kier. Always have, always will. You’re good.
Good to others, good to yourself. If this is what you want to do, if this is what makes you happy, who am I to tell you whether it’s right or wrong? ”
The fist holding tight to Kieran’s heart loosened at last. He could breathe deeply for the first time since setting foot in the hospital that morning.
The weight of his mother’s anger, of her disappointment, it still pressed in on him from every side.
But knowing that at least one of his parents had his back, that was enough.
Enough for Kieran to finally, finally see the path forward.
“You should rest.” Kieran rose, but Grant still held onto him, gripping his wrist with a feeble strength.
“I love you, kid. Always have, always will.”
Kieran swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to cry here, not when Grant needed sleep and peace to recover.
“Thanks, Dad,” he said with a nod, gripping Grant’s wrist tightly. “Love you, too.”