Chapter 5
Five days later
“You know, I could use a little bit of help with this, D,” Ben said as he walked into her bedroom. In his hand was a spiral notebook of crossword puzzles. Just the sight of it made her cringe.
She raised her eyebrows. “With a crossword puzzle? Please.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“What I think we both know what it means, Ben. I’m terrible at crosswords.
” Not only did she not enjoy them, she was a rather poor speller.
Every time Ben told her that a word had five letters, she felt a minor panic attack.
Years of poor spelling grades in school came back to haunt her with a vengeance.
“Sometimes you’re helpful.”
“Sometimes you make me feel as if I am, though both of us know that the only time you do that is when it’s a special occasion, like my birthday.”
“That’s not true.” When she directed a knowing look at him, he said, “You helped me solve that giant crossword a couple of Christmases ago.”
It was a wonder she didn’t have nightmares from that experience. Ben, with his big brain and years of schooling, loved big words and puzzles of all kinds. He never wanted to believe that she hated word games. “No offense, but I think you’re going to let me get a right answer today, too.”
He looked away. “If you did just happen to get a right answer on this crossword, that doesn’t mean I’m letting you do anything.”
“I love you, Ben, but maybe you could just sit with me instead of making me name rivers in Oklahoma or attempt to think of the names of various world leaders in 1972? It would be less stressful and I’d be much better company.”
“Fine.” He carefully sat down on the bed next to her and put the notebook on her side table. “Is this okay?”
She had a queen-sized bed. It was another purchase she’d made after realizing that she wasn’t going to be owning a farm anytime in the near future.
Every one of her family members had been against it.
She’d not understood why until Lukas had told her that most people only got a queen-sized bed after marriage.
When she’d pointed out that no one had said a word about Ben buying a bigger bed, he’d rolled his eyes and reminded her that he was several inches over six foot.
No way was he going to sleep in a small bed.
Then he’d pointed out that while she might be what a lot of people called “big boned,” she wasn’t so big that a twin wouldn’t do.
Her mother had even gone so far as to refuse to sit on the side of it for two days after the deliverymen came to the house, put together the metal bedframe and put her lovely new mattress and boxspring on it.
Daisy hadn’t regretted the purchase for one moment. Not only had she gotten a good price on it, but it was comfortable, roomy, and now there was room for her leg and its very large cast.
And, it seemed, her brother Ben.
“Jah,” she said at last. “It’s fine. You ain’t bothering my leg at all.”
“Want to tell me how you’re doing now that you’ve been home for three days?”
She’d had surgery the following morning, had been released the next day, and now she’d been home for the three he mentioned. Nothing about her recuperation had been easy or all that pleasant.
She wasn’t going to tell him that though. “I’m okay.”
“Daisy.”
“What, Ben?”
With exaggerated patience, he lowered his voice. “Daed told me that you haven’t complained about your pain once.”
“You’re acting as if that’s a bad thing. I’m supposed to be all right.”
“You not only had to get your tibia fixed, but you had anesthesia. I also heard from the nurses that you had a lot of bruises and a minor concussion. And a pair of bruised ribs.”
“My concussion is better. I barely have a headache.”
“I know, D. But you seem to be intent on staying silent about the pain after your surgery. Mamm and Daed are worried and so am I.”
“You shouldn’t worry so much.”
“No, you should tell me what is going on in that head of yours. Why are you so determined to keep all your discomfort to yourself?”
She knew why, but she was fairly sure that her reason wouldn’t do either her or Ben any good. At best, Ben would tease, and at worst, he’d get upset with her. So … she shrugged.
He tucked his chin so their eyes could meet. “Come on, D. Talk to me.”
“Ben, I know you mean well, but I’d rather not.”
“And I know you are thinking that keeping whatever is in your head inside is for the best, but it isn’t.” He shifted.
The movement caused her mattress to adjust.
Which sent a few uncomfortable twinges through her sore body. And yep, she winced.
Ben almost appeared pleased. “Come on, Daisy. It’s time to be honest. Tell me what is going on inside your head.
Are you keeping silent because you’re worried about the medical bills?
If that is the case, don’t give it another thought.
Not only are Lukas and I going to help you pay the bills, but Daed spoke to the administrator at the hospital.
They’re going to reduce some of the costs and put the rest on a payment plan. Everything is gonna be fine.”
No, it wasn’t. Everyone around her was going to have to foot the bill for her stupid bicycle accident.
Worse, she hadn’t even started worrying about how to pay for the accident. But now that she realized the strain her hospitalization and surgery was going to put on everyone she loved, she felt even worse.
She took a deep breath in a futile effort to not sound like she was about to cry. “Ben, I know you are thinking that you’re being helpful, but you aren’t.”
“Are you worried about taking your medicine?”
“Nee.”
“The nurses said that the extra-strength pain reliever will help but we should expect you to still be pretty sore for several days. She said if the pain gets really bad, the doctor will call in a prescription for a few real strong pain relievers. She said that sometimes a patient needs one or two of those to take the edge off the pain.”
“I don’t need any prescribed pain pills, Ben.” She didn’t know how to get that through his head.
“Fine. If it’s not the bills, and you’re not in pain, then what is wrong? Talk to me, Daisy.”
“Fine.” She sighed. “I feel like I’ve wasted my life.”
“At twenty-four?”
And … there was his grin, which looked more like a smirk. Seeing that hurt.
She felt like pushing him off her bed. “I can’t believe you’re smirking. Ben, this is why I didn’t want to talk to you.”
Immediately his amused expression faded. “Hey, are you being serious?”
She waved a hand. “Of course I am.”
Frustrated with their conversation—and the fact that she hadn’t wanted to have it in the first place—Daisy glared at him.
“Not only do I not have a family, I’m not married.
I’m not even seeing anyone.” Too afraid to utter the complete truth, which was that she’d never been courted, not even once, Daisy blurted, “I don’t have a job, I’ve spent money on things that I shouldn’t have bought, and now I’m reaping the rewards. ”
“Are you comparing yourself to Grace?”
“Nee.”
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t believe you brought up her name.” Grace and she had once been best friends. Grace was beautiful, she was popular, and she aced every spelling test. Daisy had known that she was none of those things.
They’d still been close, though. Even when Winter Walker had started making fun of Daisy.
By the time they’d graduated the eighth grade, things between them had changed. Jacob Beachy, Grace’s longtime not-so-secret crush, had started paying attention to her. Not too long after, he’d become her boyfriend. When she was seventeen, he’d begun paying formal calls on her at her house.
Grace had been engaged at eighteen and gotten married a week after she’d turned nineteen. Now she had four kinner, and lived in a lovely house that Jacob’s parents had given to them as a wedding present. She had also retained her figure and did all kinds of volunteer work.
Though they were still friendly with each other, they were no longer close. They didn’t have much in common with each other anymore. And sometimes, if her mother got really frustrated with her, she’d bring up Grace and how happy she was.
Which hurt. A lot.
And now, here was Ben bringing her up!
“Grace has nothing to do with what I’m feeling, Ben.”
“I hope not, because she has nothing on you, Daisy.”
He was so wrong. The truth was that Grace had everything on her. “If you thought that comparing me to Grace was going to put me in a better mood, you were very mistaken. Go away.”
“Daisy, I know you think that she has had a charmed life, but no one likes her much.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. What did Grace do every time that she got the award for winning the year’s spelling bee?”
“She went out of her way to tell everyone that I always refused her help to study.”
“Uh-huh. And she might have gotten Jacob to marry her, but she never looks very happy with him.” He lowered his voice. “Or he with her … because she nags him. They aren’t happy together.”
“Don’t put her down, Ben. Grace’s life has nothing to do with mine.”
“All I’m trying to say is that you’ve worked hard for as long as I’ve known you and put up with Melissa’s bossy ways for years.”
“I don’t know what to do now. My goal was always to get a piece of land and farm it.”
“Lukas would let you help around here. I’m sure he would.”
“That’s not the point. I mean, I’ll be glad to help Lukas around here.
I have helped him, and I will again. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll always be glad to help him and our parents.
” She took a deep breath. “But, don’t you see the difference?
Helping my older brother around our farm is always going to be that.
I’m going to feel like I’m not making a difference. ”
“You know that every job on the farm is important. Don’t forget the chicks, right?”
She groaned. When they were all much younger, their father used to point out how even a small job like taking care of baby chickens helped the farm. She could hear his low, caring voice in her ear now. Your care makes a big difference in their lives, Daisy. Don’t you ever forget that.
Sure, it was true, but she wanted to do more than take care of small things.
“What I’m trying to say is that I want to do something on my own. I want to accomplish something on my own. I want to do something that I can be proud about.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” She studied his expression. “Do you really?”
He nodded. “There’s a reason I decided to work at the trailer factory. I didn’t want to have to compete with Lukas here.” Looking sheepish, he added, “Plus, I don’t enjoy farm life all that much.”
“You really do understand.”
“I do. But you must take your pain relievers and take care of yourself, Daisy. This time in bed isn’t forever. It’s just a temporary blip in a long life.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“In a couple of weeks, your cast will be off, you’ll be mobile again, and you will have another job. Maybe one that you like better.” Ben paused, then added, “Also, if you have your heart set on farming, I’ll help you look for the right place.”
Before she could interrupt, he added, “There are other farms, Daisy. If land is what you want, you could always move.”
“Move?”
“Jah. Sure. You could move to Kentucky or Missouri or someplace where land isn’t as expensive.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.” But was she willing to leave her whole family for her dream?
Now she was even more confused than ever.
“Don’t start twisting things and act like I’m trying to push you away. But I am saying that you have options. You are a smart woman, a hard worker, and a good farmer. Use this time to start making plans.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Jah. You’re right, Ben. Do you like hearing that?”
“Of course I do. Why, it’s music to my ears.” He grinned. “Want to say it again?”
She giggled. “Nee. I don’t want your head to get any bigger.”
“So … if you don’t want to do crossword puzzles, want to play cards?”
“Sure.” To her amusement, Ben pulled out a deck of cards. “You just happened to have that with you?”
“Yep.” He winked. “Before we get started, tell me the truth. On a scale of one to ten, how much are you hurting?”
“A seven,” she finally admitted.
He stood up, filled a glass from the water pitcher on her dresser, and then got out two pain relievers. “Take these.”
“Danke.” She took them dutifully.
“The nurse said every four hours. It’s two o’clock now, you may have two more at six. When you are eating your supper.”
“Okay.”
Looking pleased, he moved to the chair by the bed, rearranged the table in between them, and then started shuffling cards. “Chin up, girl. I promise, the Lord has a plan. Trust in Him.”
“I’ll try.”
“That’s all you can do. So … gin?”
“Yes, but we have to keep score. And you can’t let me win.”
Ben looked appalled. “Have I ever done that?”
“Nee.”
“You are right. I have not, and I’m not about to start now.” He retrieved the notepad and a pencil off her desk. “You set it up, I’ll shuffle the cards a couple more times.”
“Danke, Ben.”
Looking completely serious, he nodded. “Anytime, D. Anytime at all.”