Chapter 23
Preacher Eli had been wonderful-gut. He’d had a lot to say about a great many things and his soothing voice had calmed all her nerves. For the first time since her accident, Daisy had found herself to be perfectly happy to sit still, pray, and feel the Lord’s blessings in her life.
Never had three hours passed so quickly.
“Daisy, I’m so proud of you,” Mamm said as they walked out of the barn.
“For what?”
“You seem at peace at last.”
She was glad that her mother was pleased with her, but it was embarrassing if it was because she was finally sitting still and not fidgeting. “I do feel rather content,” she replied. “But Preacher Eli had a lot of good things for us to focus on as well.”
“You know what I mean, dear. You seem more at ease and positive. In spite of the fact that your leg is in a cast and you’re a bit at loose ends.”
“I think I’ve finally realized that so much that has happened was out of my hands. All this time, I’ve been upset that I had that accident in the first place. Now I realize that was a waste of time. I can’t go back and change the past.”
“That’s right. You can only go forward.”
Mamm patted her hand. “Do you want to sit with me and Daed at lunch?”
“Danke, but Lila and I were going to sit together.”
“Okay. I’ll see you after then.”
When they separated, Daisy scanned the area for Lila. She was sitting next to her husband, Brandt, but there was plenty to room for Daisy there, too. She hurried over.
“Hi!” she called out. “I can’t believe you already got your food.”
“Hiya, Daisy,” Brandt said. “This is my fault. I told Lila I was starving. I got in line before she did.”
“Do you still not have your food yet?” Lila asked.
She shook her head. “Mei muder wanted to speak to me about something. I’ll get it right now. Save me a spot?”
“Of course.”
By the time she got in line, she noticed that Kyle was walking with his full plate to Brandt’s and Lila’s table.
She hadn’t realized that Kyle had gotten to know Lila’s husband, but that was going to be perfect.
The four of them would have lots to talk about.
Maybe they could even plan to get together again, just the four of them.
Perhaps even at Lila and Brandt’s house.
It would be just like a date, and she’d finally feel grown up and independent.
And boy did she need to feel that way. She’d had to rely on her mother for help during the last few weeks and hadn’t been able to do her part of the chores. Or do much of anything.
Lukas and Ben were starting to act like she was a teenager again. She needed to remind her family that she was still capable and productive.
Feeling even more hopeful than she had during the service, Daisy reached for a plate.
“Oh! Daisy, wait a moment, would you please?” Winter asked as she hurried to her side.
“Oh. Uh, sure. Did you forget a fork?”
“Nee. I was inside helping Rachel with her toddler while she changed her baby and I’m only just now getting out here. I hate to ask, but would you mind if I got in line in front of you?”
There were only about ten people behind Daisy, so it seemed rather rude of Winter to ask. “Well …”
Winter glanced at Martha behind her. “You don’t mind, do you, Martha? Mei friends are waiting on me and I sure don’t want to make them wait any longer to start.”
“I don’t mind.”
Winter smiled at Daisy. “See? It’s not a problem.”
No, she kind of thought it was a problem, but by now it felt wrong to say that. “Come on in, then.”
Winter carefully stepped in front of her and picked up her plate, silverware, and napkin. “This food looks so good. Is the pasta salad as wonderful as it looks?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten through the line yet.”
Winter’s eyes widened. “Oh! I had no idea. I thought this was your second time through.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Only because you’ve done that before.” She smiled at Daisy, but there was a bit of triumph in her eyes.
She couldn’t believe it, but she supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised.
Winter’s jab wasn’t anything new. Five or six years ago, when the Beachys had hosted church, they’d needed extra help.
She’d gotten up at dawn, helped Ellie Beachy with everything, from setting up tables to making punch for children, to cutting up vegetables.
She’d skipped breakfast and had only half of a sandwich when she went through the line the first time.
After everyone went through the line, she and Ben had gotten back in line to get more to eat. Unfortunately, Lukas had teased them.
Even more unfortunately, no one seemed to pay any mind at all to Ben’s second helpings. But several classmates noticed that she’d gotten more food and teased her about it for weeks.
“That was a long time ago, Winter,” she said at last.
“Of course it was. All I was doing was making conversation.” Winter put her plate down and carefully poured herself a glass of lemonade. “Oh dear. I always wish I had more hands,” she joked. Loud enough for several men to look her way.
“I’ll help you, Winter,” Kyle called out as he strode forward.
“Danke, Kyle,” she said in a soft voice. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without your help.”
He smiled at Winter as he carried both her plate and her glass across the grass.
Behind her, Martha grunted.
Well, at least Daisy wasn’t the only person who tired of Winter’s dramatics!
“I’ll come back for my glass in a minute, Martha,” Daisy said.
“Ain’t no problem. You’ve got a good excuse. It’s hard to carry much when one’s hand is holding a crutch.”
Daisy smiled at her before carefully navigating her way through the tables to Lila’s.
And then, she couldn’t believe it, but Winter was sitting in her spot. Right next to Kyle.
“What’s going on?”
Looking embarrassed, Lila said, “Winter needed a place to sit and Kyle thought she could join us.”
“Oh.”
“Come sit over here at the end of the table,” Brandt said. “James just stood up behind us. I’ll bring his chair over.”
“Danke.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to just sit in James’s empty seat?” Winter asked. “I mean, if you did that, Brandt wouldn’t have to go to so much trouble for you.”
“It’s fine,” Lila said quickly. “Brandt doesn’t mind helping Daisy.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
Realizing that she’d forgotten to get her drink, Daisy stood up again. “I’ll be right back. I need to get my drink.”
“Hey, I can get it for you, if you’d like,” Kyle said.
“She can get it,” Winter blurted. “I mean, she ought to be able to do something on her own, right?”
Looking confused about what to do, Kyle turned back to her. “Daisy—”
“It’s fine,” she said before he could finish.
“I’ll be right back.” Of course, it wasn’t all that easy to move around the tables on one crutch, pick up a plastic cup, and then maneuver through the space without spilling her drink on anyone.
She did it, though. Of course she did. She was even a little proud of herself for being so self-sufficient, too.
But every bit of those feelings of self-worth evaporated when she returned to the table. Brandt and Lila were already finished. On the other side of the table, Winter was smiling at something Kyle was saying. No one looked her way when she sat down.
While Kyle continued to tell a story about something that he and his friend Aaron had done long ago, Daisy bowed her head in prayer.
When she lifted her head, Winter was leaning close to Kyle and gazing up at him with adoring eyes. Kyle appeared like he was very pleased.
She took a bite of her turkey sandwich.
“How is your sandwich, Daisy?” Winter asked.
“It is good,” she replied as soon as she was able to swallow. “It’s the same as everyone else’s I imagine.”
“Oh! Yes, of course. I suppose that was a silly question to ask.” She fluttered her eyelashes. “I was just trying to think of something to say.”
“It was a perfectly fine question, Winter,” Kyle said. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Danke. I mean, I do try to include everyone in a conversation. I don’t want Daisy to feel like she is the odd one out.”
Daisy exchanged a look with Lila.
“You are so sweet,” he said. “I wish my sister, Sarah, had a woman like you nearby.”
Kyle had told Winter about Sarah. Even though it felt wrong, Daisy still felt crushed. When Kyle had confided about his sister’s hearing loss, Daisy had felt as if he was sharing something with her that he didn’t often voice. She’d felt as if they were getting close.
But maybe it was just her who’d thought that.
“How old is your sister, Kyle?” Lila asked.
“She’s fourteen. There’s just the two of us, so we’re close.”
“That’s a big age gap.”
“It is, but I’ve enjoyed having a little sister. She was adorable when she was little.”
“She’s blessed to have you.”
“She’s a wonderful girl. The Millers enjoyed getting to know her when she and my parents visited a few weeks ago.”
“They are kind people,” Winter said. “I mean, it must have been hard to communicate with your sister since she can barely hear.”
“They are kind, but Sarah did all right.”
“Sarah was a lot of fun,” Daisy said.
“Oh yes. You got to see her, too. I forgot you don’t have a lot to do right now,” Winter murmured. “Or have your circumstances changed?”
“Hmm,” Daisy replied, which was the best she could do since she’d just taken another bite.
Lila giggled. “Winter, you have a knack for asking Daisy questions when her mouth is full.”
“Do I? Gosh, I didn’t notice. I’m so sorry, Daisy.” Before Daisy could respond, Winter said, “So, are you two looking forward to hosting the gathering tonight?”
“We’re not sure yet,” Brandt joked.
“I don’t blame ya,” Kyle said.
“What gathering?” Daisy asked.
Lila flushed. “It’s nothing. Just, ah, Brandt and I are hosting a party for some unmarried couples in the area.”
“You know how it is,” Brandt said. “All the parents want their kids to have a good time, but it’s awkward because none of the teenagers relax because they’re being watched by all the parents.”
“This is news to me. I didn’t know you two were hosting singings.”
“This is the first one that we have hosted,” Brandt said. He grinned. “It might very well be our last, too. Lila thought we should have hot dogs and s’mores. And watermelon. And lots of chips. She’s been worrying about it for two weeks.”
Lila had been planning it for two weeks and had never said a word to her.
You’re still wearing a cast, she reminded herself. Of course Lila wouldn’t mention a party that she couldn’t attend.
Not wanting Lila to worry that she felt left out—even though she kind of did—she said, “You must be expecting a large group. I hope everyone has a good time and behaves themselves.” Daisy grinned.
She’d heard more than one story about teenagers sneaking off for a few unsupervised moments together.
If she and Lila had been alone, they would’ve probably started giggling.
Back when they’d been in eighth grade, half their conversations had revolved around those parties and all the things they couldn’t wait to do.
“Oh, it’s not that kind of party, Daisy,” Winter said. Lifting her chin, she said, “I think it’s going to be a great group. We’re all older, too,” Winter said. “I don’t think anyone attending the get-together is only fifteen or sixteen.”
We. Winter had said we. “Oh. You’re going?”
“I am.” Resting her fingertips on Kyle’s arm, Winter lowered her eyelashes. “We can’t wait.”
Kyle nodded, though he didn’t look nearly as excited as Winter did. But it was probably because Daisy was feeling very awkward.
“Oh. Now I understand.” She attempted to smile, but no doubt she looked as sick to her stomach as she felt. “I’ll, um, have to hear about it when it’s all over.”
Winter clapped her hands together. “Yes! That will give us something to talk to you about when we see each other at church again in two weeks.” She winked. “It will give you something to look forward to, Daisy.”
Lila looked down at her plate.
“I can hardly wait,” she said. And yes, there was a good amount of sarcasm in her voice.
But who could blame her?
She didn’t care what anyone said. Winter Walker was not a nice woman.
She wasn’t even close to being nice.
She could not even believe that Kyle was dating her. She couldn’t believe that Lila had become such good friends with her either. When had that happened? When had everyone around her changed so much while she’d stayed the same?
But maybe everyone else wasn’t the problem.
Maybe everyone else had done what everyone had always planned to do, but she was the one who’d done everything wrong.
She’d been the one who’d had the outlandish dream to own her own farm.
Why had that been what she wanted instead of being a farmer’s wife?
And just like that, every little bit of optimism and happiness evaporated. In its place was the same feeling that she continued to be unable to shake.
The feeling that she was never going to fit in and never going to be able to move on.
Holding her hands in her lap, she pinched the skin in between her thumb and forefinger. She needed to concentrate on that pain instead of what was going on inside her heart.
But maybe she should be used to it by now. After all, it was starting to feel true.
“Daisy?”
She turned to Kyle. Met his gaze. “Jah?”
“Um, are you all right?” He gestured to her plate. There was still half a sandwich, some fruit, a few chips, and a cookie on it. “You’ve hardly eaten.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I always am.” She smiled, though she was sure it was tight and awkward.
Luckily, the conversation moved on. Before too long, everyone stood up, cleaned their plates, and then helped clean up.
Eventually, she joined her parents and they helped her climb into the buggy. The three of them sat on the bench, her mother for some reason discussing tomatoes.
Later, she’d lain on a lounge chair off the back patio, presumably to read. A barn cat joined her, choosing to doze under the shade of a sycamore tree.
Everything felt the same but so much different. Daisy wasn’t sure if there was anything she could do about it or not.