40. Evie
forty
All the pregnancy tests came out positive.
I was pregnant by Ethan Thorne.
I’d known this the moment we returned from the Tramway.
Still, I let us have sex at the facility. I couldn’t deny it anymore. What I felt for Ethan was more than lust or anything.
It was love. I loved him. My heart skipped at the four-letter word– the word I refused to admit to myself.
It’s why I was a fool for him.
He could do many things… hurt me… make me feel unseen... and when he came running… knocking on the doors of my heart, I’d open up.
I didn”t have the heart to shut him out, not even when my relationship with Dad was at stake.
I couldn”t be selfish when it concerned him. Rational thoughts melted at his presence. Important decisions seemed menial when he was involved.
I should have known. Falling for him was inevitable. But I should have also considered the risk.
A tear slipped down my cheek, just like it had been since I saw the positive tests.
Dad had left space for me to return. Would I return with a pregnancy? More so without Ethan knowing? Could I bear the shame? Dad’s anger?
Another tear rolled down my cheeks as I adjusted in my seat.
Was I ready to tell him? Ethan?
I knew a baby changed everything. But would this give me what I”d longed for or would it hinder my progress?
What did I even long for? Something real with Ethan? A fixed relationship with Dad?
No. I wanted me. I just wanted to be free. Free from carrying someone else’s burden. I wanted to be able to breathe without considering anything.
More sobs wracked my throat.
I just wanted to leave. I wanted to quit without the feeling of guilt pulling me back. Was this even the right time to quit?
Did Ethan even deserve to know? If he did know I should stand up now, walk to his office and spill the news.
Why was I scared? Confused?
Because I was inevitably fucked.
My stomach curled in sadness. The hurricane of thoughts collapsed my mind.
Did I want a child? Was this the fucking right time?
Sophie was just recovering, the issue with Laura was still hanging in the air so technically everything, on both ends, was still at stake.
Then I”d waltz into his office and tell him I was carrying his child?
My hair clung to the wetness on my cheek as I shook my head.
Was it even good news or bad news?
Before I could think of an answer, the telephone rang.
My heart was pounding in my head when I answered it. “Okay.” My voice was hard.
It should have been this way when we fucked in the testing facility. I should have known sex with him was stabbing myself with a burning knife. I should have stood my ground.
Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I tightened my fist against the table.
If only Mom was here, she’d tell me what to do.
Shutting my eyes, I attempted to steady my breathing.
No, maybe I didn”t need Mom. This was what I always did, allowing circumstances to make decisions for me.
I needed to be strong. For me... Instinctively, my hand reached my belly— for us…
I waited a bit more to allow my eyes dry. Whatever decision I’d make, I”d do so in strength… not weakness.
I exited my office and reached his. When I knocked, he answered. “Come in.” His voice was soft. That”s how soft his voice had been since the event with Laura.
I entered and made my way to his table.
“Have a seat.” He gestured to the usual chair. Holding a thick breath, I sat.
I didn”t know why he called me, but— I furrowed when he brought out two plates from the drawer. Rice bowl.
They furrowed even more when he brought out another. Chicken salad.
Then his hands reappeared even fuller. The small box like carton was filled with turkey and cheese and drinks.
This wasn”t what I expected. Food and an anticipating Ethan.
He held my gaze, breathing through slightly parted lips.
My heart did a three-sixty, melting at his gaze. I tried to decipher what was going on.
“Lunch.” He suddenly spoke.
Of course, it was lunch.
“I… I didn”t know which to get, so I brought options.”
My stomach fluttered. Did he stutter?
I stared at the food. Options… or did he know I was pregnant? No, he couldn”t.
“Eat,” he breathed.
Even if I wanted to do otherwise, the aroma was inviting.
Instinctively, I tugged the rice bowl closer, grabbing a spoon as I did so.
The tension in my bones eased when I shoved the first bite down my throat. It was delicious. I shoved another.
His hot gaze burned my skin, but I didn”t look. Somehow, it reminded me of how hungry I suddenly was.
“Slow down.”
My cheeks heated up when I raised my head to find him staring at me.
“Favorite food?” he asked. I shook my head.
“What is?”
“Bread and jam.”
He arched his brow. I dropped the spoon. Should I even be indulging him?
“You think...” I trailed. “...it isn”t… worthy to be a favorite food?”
“I didn”t say that.” He twirled his fork in his food.
“Favorite place?” I briefly wondered why he was asking questions.
“Barcelona.”
He dropped his fork, tilting his head before furrowing his brows. “
Not Greece or Paris?”
I shook my head. “Not Greece or Paris.”
He mused, tilting his head slightly.
“What”s yours?” I leaned a bit against the chair. This could make me temporarily forget my worries?
“Favorite food or place?”
“Both,” I breathed.
“My favorite food is pasta, and I don”t have a favorite place.”
“Pasta?”
“I didn”t judge you for your favorite meal,” he chuckled.
I couldn”t help my own chuckle. “Okay, but no favorite place?”
His brows furrowed. “I”ve visited most countries. Quite honestly, there”s nothing thrilling.”
“That may be because you go there for business, not leisure.” I licked my lips.
His eyes followed the movement. I shivered at the unfamiliar expression that briefly crossed his eyes.
“But, I”ve never been to Barcelona.”
I was thankful when he tore his eyes away from me. He brought his phone, typing a bit before raising his brows.
“It doesn’t seem bad.”
He turned his phone to me. There was a hint of excitement in his eyes.
I didn’t know, but something about a forty-two-year-old excitedly showing a picture of a city made my insides flip. And not in a bad way.
Evie, not now.
I was suddenly thirsty. I moved to grab the glass of water when somehow my hand hit his plate. I gasped when the bowl of rice poured on his shirt.
“Shit. I”m so—”
“It”s okay. I”ll fix this.” He stood up, dropped his phone, and headed to an adjoining room.
I heard the sound of water rushing before he shut the door.
Oh, there was even a bathroom.
Sinking further into the chair, I shut my eyes.
What will you do, Evie? What”s your choice?Fuck.
I moved to grab water again when something else fell. Why the fuck was I so clumsy?
When I lowered my head, I saw his phone. I quickly dove to take it when it buzzed.
The screen lit up, and I caught sight of my name.
I furrowed my brows, raising my head to normal position.
It was an iMessage… a chat. I held my breath as I let my eyes scan the chat.
My advice remains the same– do away with Evie. Bring back Alice. The girl is an unnecessary burden.
The world paused as blood rushed to my head. Do away with Evie. Do away with me.
Shooting a glance at the bathroom door, I brought my thumb to click on the message, it took me to the chat wall. Then my blood ran cold.
I will. I just need time.
My eyes scanned his response over and over again, my fist clenching around the phone.
I will. I just need time.
I couldn”t stop the tears that flowed down my face. I couldn”t stop the searing pain that struck my heart.
Of course, I was indispensable.
“Evie, what are you—”
The hurt doubled in me at the sound of his voice. My heart broke into pieces as I turned to him.
“How long have you wanted to get rid of me?”
“What do you mean?” His confused expression didn”t sway me.
“You know it”s funny how I dedicated most of my time to helping….” I trailed. It was my job to help her. But fuck it, I sacrificed to be here… to remain here.
“How long have I been an unnecessary burden?”
Realization crossed his eyes.
“Since the fight with Dad or since you fucked me?”
“Evie, no. It was never that.” He took a step forward.
I shook my head. “Then what was it?”
“Please just listen–”
“You treated me like trash. Still, I looked past your flaws. I understood the burdens of your past and even shared in them. And this… this is what I get in return?”
“I promise you, it wasn”t that. I was—”
“I stayed, Ethan,” my voice broke. I couldn”t hold back my emotions… the words.
“I stayed for Sophie. I stayed because I loved you.”
With the back of my palms, I wiped my tears.
“I should have expected nothing less from a self-centered prick like you.”
My jaw clenched, the energy in me slowly draining.
There were still words to be said but they refused to come out.
I didn”t deserve this. Any of this mess.
Dad was right. And I was a fool for thinking Ethan could be a better person.
“I quit.”