Chapter 36 Tish
TISH
The tears come without warning, hot and fast, spilling down my cheeks before I can stop them.
I press my hands to my face, mortified that I’m falling apart like this. What must Jake think of me? What must any of them think?
“Hey, hey,” Jake’s voice is soft, concerned, and suddenly his strong arms are wrapping around me, pulling me against his warm chest. “Tish, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
I try to speak, but only a sob comes out.
This is so embarrassing.
I’m a grown woman, a mother, and here I am crying like a child. Jake’s hand strokes my hair, his touch gentle and soothing, and somehow that makes me cry harder.
“Did we hurt you?” His voice is tight with worry. “God, Tish, if we did something—”
“No,” I manage to choke out, my voice muffled against his chest. “No, you didn’t hurt me.”
“Then what is it? Please, baby, talk to me.”
The endearment sends a flutter through my chest, even through my tears.
I take a shuddering breath, trying to compose myself enough to explain. But how do I put this into words? How do I tell him that I’m crying because I’m ashamed of how much I enjoyed what we did?
“I’m not,” I start then stop, wiping at my eyes. “I’m not crying because I regret last night.”
Jake pulls back slightly, his green eyes searching my face. “Then why?”
Heat floods my cheeks, and I have to look away from his intense gaze. “I’m crying because I enjoyed it.” The words come out in a rush, barely above a whisper. “I enjoyed every second of it, and what does that make me?”
Before Jake can respond, there’s a knock on the door. My heart jumps, and I quickly try to wipe away the evidence of my tears.
“Tish?” Ash’s voice comes through the door, followed by Carl’s deeper tone.
“We brought coffee,” Carl adds.
Jake looks at me questioningly, and I nod, even though I probably look like a mess.
He goes to open the door, and both men step inside, their expressions immediately shifting to concern when they see my tear-stained face.
“What happened?” Ash demands, his brown eyes flashing as he looks between Jake and me. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything,” Jake says, holding up his hands. “You just interrupted me trying to help.”
Carl sets down a tray of coffee cups and moves toward me, his blue eyes soft with worry. “Trisha, what’s wrong?”
The way he says my full name, the gentle concern in his voice, nearly sets me off again. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to meet their gazes.
“I was just telling Jake that I’m not upset about last night,” I say, my voice still shaky. “I’m upset because I enjoyed it so much.”
Ash’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “I don’t understand. Why would that upset you?”
“Because what kind of woman does that make me?” The words burst out of me, all my shame and confusion spilling over. “What kind of woman sleeps with three men at once and loves every minute of it? What kind of mother am I?”
The silence that follows is deafening. I can’t bring myself to look at any of them, certain I’ll see judgment or disgust in their eyes.
“Look at me,” Carl’s voice is firm but gentle.
When I don’t comply, he steps closer, his fingers tilting my chin up until I have no choice but to meet his gaze.
“You’re a woman who deserves to feel pleasure.
You’re a woman who’s been taking care of everyone else for so long that you forgot to take care of yourself. ”
“Carl’s right,” Jake says, moving to stand beside him. “There’s nothing wrong with what we did, Tish. Nothing wrong with you enjoying it.”
I want to believe them, but the voice in my head keeps whispering that good girls don’t do things like that.
Good mothers don’t abandon themselves to passion with three men at once.
“You think less of me now,” I whisper, the words barely audible.
“Never.” Ash’s voice is fierce, and when I look at him, his brown eyes are blazing with intensity. “If anything, I respect you more.”
“We all do,” Jake adds, his hand finding mine and squeezing gently.
Carl nods, his thumb brushing across my cheek to catch a stray tear. “You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, Trisha. What happened last night doesn’t change that.”
I search their faces, looking for any sign of deception, but all I see is sincerity. Slowly, some of the tension in my chest begins to ease.
“I’ve never done anything like that before,” I admit quietly. “I’ve only ever been with one man before last night, before you three, and that was…different.”
“Different how?” Ash asks, though something in his expression suggests he already knows the answer won’t be pleasant.
I think about Mica, about how he took what he wanted without caring about my pleasure, about how he made me feel small and used. “He didn’t care if I enjoyed it. It was always about what he wanted.”
The temperature in the room seems to drop several degrees. Jake’s jaw clenches, and Ash’s hands curl into fists at his sides.
Carl’s expression darkens in a way that reminds me he’s not just a gentle coach, but a man who’s seen his share of battles.
“That bastard,” Jake mutters under his breath.
“He’s in the past,” Carl says firmly, his eyes never leaving mine. “What matters is now. What matters is that you know you deserve to feel good, to be cherished, to be worshipped the way you were last night.”
His words send heat spiraling through me, and I feel my cheeks flush.
The way he’s looking at me, the way they’re all looking at me, makes me feel beautiful and desired in a way I’ve never experienced before.
“So none of you regret it?” I ask, needing to hear it one more time.
“Hell no,” Jake says immediately, his grin returning. “Best Christmas Eve of my life.”
Carl’s lips curve into a small smile. “No regrets, Trisha.”
I turn to Ash, waiting for his response. He’s been quieter than the others, and I can see something conflicted in his expression.
“No regrets,” he says finally, but there’s something in his tone that makes me think there’s more he’s not saying. “Though I’ll admit, part of me wishes…”
He trails off, shaking his head, and I can see the jealousy he’s trying to hide.
He wants me to himself, I realize.
The knowledge sends a complicated mix of emotions through me—guilt, because I can’t give him what he wants, and a feminine satisfaction that this strong, controlled man wants me that much.
“Ash,” I start, but he holds up a hand.
“It’s fine, Tish. I knew what I was getting into.” His smile is strained but genuine. “I’d rather share you than not have you at all.”
The honesty in his words takes my breath away.
Before I can respond, there’s a soft sound at the door, something sliding across the floor.
We all turn to look, and I see a white envelope that’s been slipped under the door.
“What the hell?” Jake moves toward it, but Ash is faster, scooping it up before anyone else can touch it.
“Don’t,” I say, a chill running down my spine. “Don’t open it.”
But it’s too late. Ash has already torn it open, and his face goes pale as he looks at whatever’s inside. Carl and Jake crowd around him, and I hear Jake curse under his breath.
“What is it?” I ask, though I’m not sure I want to know.
Ash looks up at me, his expression grim. “It’s a picture. From last night.”
My blood turns to ice. “Let me see it.”
“Tish…”
“Let me see it,” I repeat, my voice stronger this time.
Reluctantly, Ash hands me the photograph.
It’s blurry, taken from outside the window, but you can make out figures.
My dark hair is visible, as is Carl’s distinctive silver hair.
The image is grainy and indistinct, but anyone who knows us would be able to identify us.
My hands shake as I stare at the photo. “Someone was watching us.”
“The same someone who’s been sending you those other pictures,” Carl says, his voice tight with anger.
“The same someone who’s been sabotaging the team,” Jake adds.
I think about all the incidents over the past few weeks—the broken-down bus, the missing equipment, the anonymous photos that have been arriving with increasing frequency. At first, we all assumed it was someone with a grudge against the Thunderwolves, but now it’s undeniable that it’s not.
“Ash is right,” I whisper, the acceptance hitting me like a physical blow. “This isn’t about the team at all.”
Ash nods grimly, his brown eyes hard as steel. “The sabotage isn’t against the Thunderwolves. It’s about you, Tish.”