Chapter 16
With one question,my whole night goes downhill.
“Shannie, I trained you. Why didn’t you come to me with this?”
Shannie’s soft brown eyes go hard. “You left.”
“I was never further than a phone call away,” I protest.
She shrugs and sinks further into the guest chair in my office. Mac crosses behind her and gives me a hard look. I’m fucking this up.
I rise from behind my desk, hold my hand out to Shannie, and lead her over to the couch. I sit in my desk chair when I’m dealing with Emily. It reinforces our roles. But Shannie doesn’t need a Dom right now. She needs a friend.
I sit next to her on the couch and hold her hand loosely. Mac circles around to lean against Emmy’s standing desk.
“I’m sorry, Shannie,” I say gently. “I didn’t realize you felt abandoned. I thought I was leaving the house submissives in good hands. When I did my last check in with you, you said you were developing some real connections at the club and working toward your submission goals.”
“I was,” she says. A crystal tear trembles on her dark lashes, then slips down her cheek.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I ask. Cappa’s been pushing me toward interviewing Shannie but she was reluctant to talk with me. Now I understand why. I’m glad Javier wore her down and got her to come today, then gave me an excuse to take her into my office and question her.
She shakes her head. “It won’t help.”
Mac moves suddenly, kneeling on the carpet in front of Shannie. “You don’t know me, Shannie. I know you’ve only got Brenna’s and Logan’s say-so that I’m trustworthy. But I care about what happens to the house submissives. Whatever you tell us stays in this room. And we will help. No matter what you say.”
Shannie glances at Mac, then at me. I nod.
She looks down at our joined hands. After a moment’s silence, she squeezes my fingers. “Remember how one of my submission goals was to submit to two masters?”
“I do,” I say encouragingly.
“Master Rob’s been asking to do scenes with me more an’ more. He said we should start talkin’ about being exclusive. I wanted to reach that goal before things got serious with Rob. Now I wish I’d just let it be.”
Mac reaches out and takes Shannie’s other hand. “Did something bad happen with Rob?” Mac asks.
Shannie shakes her head, her black braids swishing over her shoulders. “I haven’t been able to tell him about this, though. I think ... he’d take it wrong.”
“How would he take it wrong?” I ask.
“He’d be angry at Ty and Hart. It wasn’t their fault. I didn’t use my safe word. If I had, they’d have stopped.”
Mac rubs the back of Shannie’s hand with his thumb. “Did they take a scene too far?” he asks, his voice going rough.
She shakes her head. “They were doing what we’d agreed on.”
Mac and I are both silent for a beat, waiting for Shannie to continue. When she sits sad and slumped, tears dripping off her chin, I prompt, “Did you stop wanting the scene? Shannie, you have to communicate with your Doms?—”
A grunt from Mac shuts me up.
“Shannie, I can see you’re scared,” Mac says. “What’s more, I can see you’re shamed by whatever happened. If the scene went too far, that’s on your Doms. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Can Doms get scared, too?” Shannie asks.
“Yes, we can,” I say, trying to recover from my fumble. “I’m scared right now.”
Her dark eyes flash to me. “You are?”
“I’m scared of failing you. I’m ashamed I have in the past,” I admit. “I want to do better. I want to make sure you feel safe at Blunts.”
She sniffles.
Mac spreads his impressive wingspan, snags a box of tissues off my desk, and offers the box to Shannie. She blows her nose and then takes our hands again. “I don’t feel safe at Blunts anymore,” she says, her voice so small and soft it makes my stomach roil.
“Why, Shannie?” I ask.
“The scene with Masters Ty and Hart, it was an open scene,” she whispers. “When they started the scene, it was with a paddling. Master Javier and a couple other masters were watching. There were some men I didn’t recognize, too. People came and went while I was bein’ paddled. I wasn’t paying much attention to them. I was in subspace for part of it.”
She stops and picks up the tissue in her lap, wipes her eyes and blows her nose, before continuing, knotting the tissue between her fingers. “They moved me to the bed. Master Ty was behind me. Master Hart was in front of me. They was ... both ... you know.”
Shannie’s soft, Southern twang becomes more and more pronounced as she speaks. When she was in training, I loved hearing her twang because it meant she was relaxed in the scene. That’s not what this is. She’s pulling back, drawing into her roots, to protect herself.
“They took you at the same time?” I ask.
She nods. “I wasn’t really paying attention to who else was in the room until I began hearing the voices. They weren’t talking. It was more like ... chanting. They were gathered around the bed, real close.” She drops her head and stares at the tissue in her hands. “The things they was sayin’. So hateful. I doan mind dirty talk in the moment but that’s not what this was. It was like they were tryin’ to spur Ty an’ Hart on. To be rougher. To be mean and hateful like them.”
I take one of her hands again. “I’m sorry, Shannie.”
She twitches her head to the side like she’s shaking off my words. “They all began sayin’ the same thing. Chantin’ it. ‘Split her, split her, split her.’ I got real scared. Scareder than I’d been since I came to New York. Master Hart was bein’ rough with my throat. Really poundin’ at it. I’m okay with that usually. But it felt like he was movin’ to their chant, like he was caught up in it, an’ I didn’t know if I could stop him.”
“The most important part of being a Dom is being in control,” I say. “Did you feel Ty and Hart were in control?”
Shannie shakes her head. “Not really. I felt like if they went along with it, it’d be okay but if they stopped or told ‘em to stop chantin’, it would turn ugly real fast. They felt ... I don’t know how to describe it right but it felt like they were bigger than us. Like they were a group an’ we were just us, too small to stand against them.”
“I’m sorry you ever felt that way, Shannie,” I say, shame curdling my gut. No submissive should ever feel that unsafe. “Who were the people chanting?”
“I didn’t know them. They were with Master Drew when they came in but he left.”
“He left guests alone with you in a scene?” Mac growls.
“Ty and Hart were there,” I offer, knowing there’s no club rule about leaving guests with other members.
Mac shakes his head.
“I don’t want Ty or Hart to get into trouble,” Shannie says. “It weren’t their fault.”
It was if they lost control of the scene.
“Did you tell them afterwards that you felt unsafe?” I ask, keeping my tone gentle.
Shannie hangs her head, shaking it slowly. “They were so happy with the scene they high-fived each other afterwards. An’ at first, I felt good about it too. I’d submitted to both of them. I’d made them both happy. But that chant kept comin’ back to me. It made me feel like nothin’. Worse than nothin’.” She sniffles. “I haven’t felt that way since I joined Blunts.”
I rub her back. “I’m so sorry you felt that way.”
“Shannie, what can we do to make this right?” Mac asks. “What can we do to help you feel safe again?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t want to say anythin’. I don’t know how anyone could fix this. It’s just somethin’ I gotta get past?—”
“No, no, Shannie, it’s not. We can start with a rule about staying with guests at all times. You shouldn’t ever have felt that you, Ty, and Hart were outnumbered or unable to control Drew’s guests. Drew should have stayed with them. We’ll start there. Is that a good start?”
Shannie nods. “I don’t want to do any more scenes with Ty and Hart,” she whispers. “I don’t know how to tell them without makin’ them feel real bad.”
“We’ll take care of that,” Mac says, patting Shannie’s hand. “You focus on you. Feeling safe. Feeling more grounded and confident.”
“Oh-okay, I’ll try.”
“Is this something you feel comfortable talking to Master Rob about?” Mac asks. There’s a little edge to his tone, like he’s gritting his teeth.
“I don’t want to make this his problem. He spends time with Ty and Hart, like hanging out. He goes to Master Hart’s gym. They’re friends. I don’t want him to be mad at them.”
“I know this is hard but nothing improves if we keep secrets. Give Rob the opportunity to help you and deal with his relationships with Ty and Hart in his own way.”
Shannie looks dubious.
“What’s wrong, Shannie?” I prompt.
“Master Rob’s just mentioned exclusivity. That’s what I want. What if this scares him off?”
I glance at Mac to see if he has any thoughts.
Mac rubs the back of his neck. “We don’t want to do anything to scupper your relationship, sweetheart. But if Master Rob finds out about this through the club grapevine, it might hurt him more than if he hears it from you.”
Shannie dabs at her eyes and blows her nose. “I need to think about it.”
“Okay, Shannie,” I say. “We don’t want to push you. We just want to help. You tell us the best way to do that.”
“A rule about guests would be good. Then it wouldn’t have happened.”
I don’t know Drew well, and some of our members use the club more like a country club, shuttling guests in and out of the nightclub, spa, and restaurant, than a lifestyle club with vulnerable employees. Maybe we need a retraining for members as well as a new rule.
“Is there any other way Logan and I can help make this better for you?” Mac asks.
Shannie glances from Mac to me. “Are you really stayin’ this time?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I am. And Mac’s helping me this time. We’re not doing this alone, Shannie. Not any of us.”
She nods. “I know why Annabelle quit. It ain’t my story to tell and she’s not gonna speak to you about it. You’re part of the membership committee. But if Master Mac called her, I bet she’d talk to him.”
Mac’s eyebrows shoot toward his hairline. “I can do that.”
“It’s bad,” Shannie says. “You’re not gonna like it.”
“This isn’t about our comfort,” I say. “It’s about making Blunts safe for you again. Please give us time, Shannie. Please don’t quit the way Annabelle did.”
Shannie nods. “I wasn’t plannin’ to. I need the money. But I was gonna refuse scenes with anyone who asked until Rob an’ I go exclusive.”
“Fair enough,” Mac says. “And don’t worry about Ty and Hart. We’ll talk to them tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Shannie gives Mac a small smile. “I can see why Bren picked you. You’re a good man.” She flushes and glances at me. “I mean, you both are.”
I pat her back. “It’s okay, Shannie. I know Mac’s a much better man than I am. That’s why I’ve looked up to him for so long.”
Mac snorts. “Logan gets the job done, which is the important thing here. You know how to reach Logan but I want you to have my number, too. You need anything, you call me, Shannie.”
“I will, sir.” She pulls her phone out of the pocket of the little sweater-dress she’s wearing, since I’ve made an exception to the no clothes for subs in the house rule with Javier’s friends Faolan and Matty joining us tonight. Mac puts his number in. Shannie tucks it in her pocket and then asks for a hug from each of us, which we give her. I rock her in my arms for a minute and murmur to her.
“I’m so sorry I let you down, Shannie.”
She pats my back. “I forgive you. Just please don’t do it again. All of us, we really need you.”
“I’m here. I won’t let you down again.”
Her smile as we leave my office and rejoin the party makes the discomfort worthwhile.
Emily notices my mood shift. She sticks to my side like glue for the rest of the dinner party. She lets Mac and Bren clean up with barely any supervision and when I sit down on the floor next to Livvy’s sensory mat, Emily worms into my lap.
“Hi, baby doll.”
“Hi, Daddy. I know everything’s not okay because you have your frowny on. Can it wait until milk and cookies or do you want to talk now?”
I circle my arms around her and hug her tightly. “You are such a little wonder.”
“ILY, Daddy.”
“ILY too, baby. It can wait until milk and cookies because you’ve already made me feel better.”
She rubs her thumb over my forehead until some of my tension eases. Then she scoots around in my lap so she’s facing the baby. While I dangle the brightly colored shapes, Emily puts her palm under Livvy’s feet and encourages her to kick. When I ask her what she’s doing, she explains that she’s helping Livvy strengthen her leg muscles.
“Next month, we can start holding her upright with her feet on the ground or on our legs and see if she’ll push against us but for right now, it’s better for her to be lying down with her head and back supported,” Emmy says.
“You learned all of this helping your friend Gracie?”
“Mmm-hmm and reading baby books.”
“You’ve been reading baby books?” I ask. She’s been doing it when I’ve been out at work if she has, because she certainly didn’t tell me about it.
“Master Mac recommended a couple and we read them together.”
Mac really is the best man I’ve ever known.
“That’s wonderful, baby doll. Tell me about this stage of development.”
She explains the physical changes Livvy’s going through this month while the party winds down around us.
Javier, Faolan, and Matty are the last to leave. I wish I could offer a way for them to stay the night but our guest room’s gone and Javier’s given me his opinion on the bondage bed in the basement several times. Emily and Matty talk about an “art attack” play date they’re planning, as well as their dragon costumes, while Javier and Faolan thank me for the fun day.
“Logan, I hope I don’t offend you if I say that Blunts is more our speed than the playgroup,” Faolan says to me.
“Not at all.” I glance at Javier. “You may find a little resistance to age-play and daddykink at Blunts. But we’re working to change that.”
Javier nods. “We’ve talked about this.”
“I plan to apply for membership,” Faolan says. “I hope you’ll support my application. If you have any concerns about it, please talk to me.”
“I’m happy to support it and I don’t have any concerns. Matty seems happy and healthy. I think she had a great time today.”
Faolan nods. “She did but we need heavier play and I’m not sure how receptive the playgroup will be to that.”
“I hear you,” I respond. “Emily’s one of the few masochistic littles at the playgroup. But Jack and Sammi also go for heavier play, particularly on the punishment side, which you’ll appreciate Sammi earns often.”
Faolan chuckles. “I noticed. I’ll have a word with Jack. I plan to keep coming to playgroup but I think it’s important for Matty to connect with other masochists. Javi tells me many of the house submissives are masochists.”
I blink. I’ve never, ever heard anyone call the fearsome Master Javier “Javi.” Not even Maude would dare.
Javier’s mouth twitches but he doesn’t acknowledge it otherwise.
“Yes, they are,” I agree. “As is Mac’s fiancée, Brenna.” I glance around for her but she must be upstairs, because I don’t see her with Mac, who is rocking Livvy in front of the TV while she coos madly at him.
“Good. I’ll put my application in this week.” Faolan offers his hand, which I shake. “I’ll look forward to seeing you on Tuesday. I gather we’re doing arts and crafts.”
I gather that, too. “Emily will cook, because not even Mac can keep her out of the kitchen but if you’d like to bring some snacks, that would be welcome. Emily’s food is on the very healthy side.”
Faolan glances at our littles, who are hugging goodbye in the hallway. “I noticed. Matty makes an amazing trail mix that I could, quite frankly, live on. I’ll encourage her to bring that.”
Javier rolls his eyes. “What is wrong with potato chips? Long live salt and fat.”
We all chuckle.