Chapter 23
My little girl is a miracle.
Somehow, in the two hours that I napped, not only did she mobilize the entire playgroup to join us at the Museum of Natural History but she also broke through to True.
When I come downstairs, True’s sitting at the dining room table between Theo and Maude. They’re on a video call with True’s social worker and the biker Mac pulled out of his back pocket who is somehow law enforcement and a certified foster parent. I take in the expressions of the three people I can see—amused, defiant, and out-for-blood—and decide I don’t need to be involved right now. Mother Maude is on the war-path. My work here is done.
Instead, I intercept my little miracle-worker as she’s heading into the kitchen to make lunch for everyone. I send her off to pack a day-bag for Livvy, which takes her all of two seconds because she’s so organized but at least it prevents her from preparing another seven-course meal.
I thumb over to the caregivers chat and post that we’re going to the Deli at West 76th to pick up sandwiches before we head into the museum. Everyone quickly agrees on the Deli as a meet-up point. Warrin organizes sandwich orders to call in so the Deli’s not overwhelmed when we descend on them. Bravo says he’ll bring chips and snack packs for the littles since he’s got an industrial supply. Henry offers to bring drinks for everyone who is non-dairy or no-carbonation, which is the majority of the littles. Emmy, reading over my shoulder, volunteers a bag of oatmeal cookies, so I throw that into the chat.
I’m used to how things get done in large groups of people because of my years in the Navy and at Blunts but the playgroup is a different experience. Maybe it’s because we’re caregivers. Maybe it’s because Blunts is something of a rich man’s club and the members are used to being catered to instead of caring for their subbies. But it’s a completely different mindset. The mommies and daddies of the playgroup just get shit done. There’s no waiting for a committee vote. There’s no delegating to an assistant. Someone gets an idea and they do it.
I haven’t felt as confident in the competence of a group of people since my days serving under Mac.
Although I’d planned to take the train up to West 79th and then walk back to the Deli, somehow Manny and his limo have been conscripted. Probably Emily. True’s eyes nearly swallow her face when the big, black limo pulls up and we all climb in. Theo death-glares the kid when she starts opening the cubbies across from her seat but I wave him off. If she wants a can of pop, she can have one. She should have the complete limo experience. Manny doesn’t stock alcohol in the limo except when it’s been pre-ordered, so there’s nothing she can get into that will hurt her.
We stop in Hell’s Kitchen to pick up Cappa and Fleur, who seem to have become honorary playgroup members. Brenna pulls Fleur into her conversation with True and, before we hit the edge of Central Park, I can see True’s got another friend among the subbies.
Warrin’s waiting for us outside the Deli with a sandwich for Manny. Once we all climb out of the limo, the group of caregivers and littles staying warm inside the shop emerge. There are hugs all around for Aggie, Amy, Robyn, Yummy, Sammi, Henry’s little Leda, red-headed Matty, and a reserved, black-haired newcomer named Saoirse.
We’re our own crowd as we start off down the street toward the museum. Sandwiches in crinkly butcher paper get passed around along with warm drinks. I steer Livvy’s stroller so that Emmy can enjoy her sandwich. She reserves meat for dinner, usually, and rarely eats red meat but the hot roast beef from the Deli on West 76th is an exception. I’ve gotten it, too, souped up with horseradish gravy. The Deli’s rare roast beef is so good it should be its own food group.
Emmy’s eyes roll back in her head with her first bite and I wrap my free arm around her waist to keep her from bumping into anyone.
She chews ecstatically ten times and smiles up at me with her eyelids fluttering. “Omigosh, Daddy, sooo good.”
“Orgasmic, baby doll?”
“Not Wolfy-Daddy big Os.” She shakes her head, curls bouncing under the adorable blue beret she’s popped on top of them. “But sooo good.”
On Emmy’s far side, safely sandwiched between Brenna and Fleur, True exclaims over her own hot roast beef sandwich. She’s gotten hers with crispy onions and her cheeks bulge like a chipmunk’s as she chews her mouthful of beef and onions. Nothing wrong with the kid’s appetite. Either she’s naturally small and skinny like Emmy or she just hasn’t been getting enough food.
If it’s the latter, I’m pretty sure this group is going to ensure that changes.
Our progression to and through the museum is slow with a group this large but it’s marked by excited chatter and laughter. Such a contrast from Blunts, where most large scenes and gatherings are quiet except for moans, groans, and the slap of flesh. Although many things about kink are serious, I wonder if the club hasn’t lost the sense of fun, of play, that’s the heart of kink. Maybe the Nursery opening will bring laughter back to the club’s halls and dungeons.
I’m not the only one enjoying the group’s exuberance, I discover, as we linger in the Hall of Gems. Matty and Faolan, who are some combination of geologist and archeologist that I didn’t quite understand when it was explained to me during our outing to the corn maze, are holding forth on why some of the sapphires on display have stars in them and some don’t. “Oohs” and “ahhs” rise from the excited littles and teenager. Even Livvy is gummily cooing at the gems as Emmy holds her up to the glass.
A tall blond man stops near me, watching the group, his eyes lingering on the black-haired little, Saoirse. He looks vaguely familiar but I can’t remember if he’s been to playgroup or if we’ve met at an outing.
“It’s good to see them enjoying themselves,” he says.
I nod. “The laughter of littles is a balm to the soul.”
His green eyes flick to mine.
“Well said.” He holds out his hand. “Sutter James. I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet. You’re Logan, Emmy’s Daddy, right?”
“Yes, good to meet you, Sutter. Your face is familiar. Have you been to playgroup?”
“Mmm-hmm. I think we missed you that week. But we have another connection. You voted me in at Blunts last week.”
It takes me a minute and then I place his face: on a picture attached to an application I barely read. There were four applications voted on during the meeting but I gave them cursory attention, consumed by the vote on Mac. “I remember. You came to Blunts on a recommendation from a club in England, right? Winter’s Sin?”
The man gives me a megawatt smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes and for no reason I can name, it reminds me of De Leon, even though Sutter maintains eye-contact in a way Myles avoids.
“Winter’s Sin is my family’s line of clubs. My aunt runs it. She’s friends with Chess.”
“Ah,” I say, noncommittally. I know, of course, that there’s a lot of “good old boy” networking at Blunts. It’s a little surprising Chess would welcome someone who’s basically playing for the other team, even if that team’s across the Atlantic. There certainly wasn’t any mention of it when Sutter’s application was voted on. It was barely debated at all. “Did you put on your application that you’re in a caregiver relationship?”
“No.” A dangerous gleam lights his eyes. “Was I supposed to?”
I scratch the back of my neck. These are choppy waters. As a committee member, if I find out that someone’s withheld information from the club, I’m supposed to bring it to the committee. But on the other hand, I’m happy to have another daddy at Blunts.
“Did you check age-play and DD/lg on the kink list?” I ask, referring to part of the membership application.
He nods.
How the fuck could Ten and his cabal have missed that? Were they as wrapped up in Mac’s application as I was?
“No issue, then,” I say, pleased at getting one by Ten and his pack of assholes. “Are you coming to the Nursery’s grand opening?”
“Wouldn’t miss it. We’ve played in there the last two nights. I’ve already ordered an adult cradle for home, my little darlin’ loves the one at Blunts so much. The Nursery’s awesome. I’ve never seen anything like it anywhere. I heard you and your little designed it?”
“With a lot of help from Brenna,” I nod at the blue-haired submissive, who has her arm draped over True’s shoulders as they exclaim over gemstones bigger than their fists.
“Get ready for a stream of requests to design nurseries at other clubs. I predict word of Blunts’ Nursery will spread through the kinky world like a shot.”
That wouldn’t be the worst thing. Emmy and Bren make a great team. I can see them designing a nursery here and there once they’ve finished the book they’re collaborating on. Something to while away the short days and long nights as winter settles in.
I shrug. “We’d be open to that. Designing the Nursery was a lot of fun. I’m glad to welcome another caregiver to the club. We’re a bit of a rare breed.”
“I’ve heard,” Sutter says. He nods at his submissive. “My baby girl used to work at Blunts. She never explored her little side there because the members condemned age-play. I put my application in expecting to have to knock some heads together but I see the revolution’s already underway.”
I chuckle. “Yes, it is.”
Sutter’s eyes wander away from mine, over the group of caregivers and littles. “Wouldn’t be surprised if you have a few more applications after the Grand Opening, either.”
Warrin’s already mentioned it; he slipped it into conversation casually, idly wondering aloud what the application process was like. I explained it and said I’d be happy to find him a sponsor. It was while we were at playgroup and I’d have had to be blind not to notice how closely Bravo, Jack, and Henry were following our conversation.
“Good,” I say. “The more caregivers there are among the membership, the easier it will be to sweep away any lingering prejudice.”
Sutter grunts. “Is it the old pedophilia argument?”
“Mostly a lot of resistance to change.”
“Well, I put on my application that I’m bringing youthful enthusiasm and energy to the club. Happy to weigh that against the old guard and see how the scales balance.”
I look more closely at him. He’s deeply tanned, with some white lines fanning from the corners of his intensely green eyes but I think those lines are from squinting into the sun rather than age. His skin’s very smooth, no bags under his eyes, no five-o’clock shadow.
“I must have missed it on your application, how old are you?”
That wide, white, slightly vicious grin breaks across his face again. “Twenty-two.”
Fuck’s sake, can he even grow a beard?
“Youthful enthusiasm and energy, huh?”
“Mmm.”
I’ve been fucking played. We all have. Chess used Mac’s application as a distraction to push Sutter’s through under everyone’s radar.
“You’re the youngest member of the club,” I say. “By about a decade. Possibly the youngest member of the club ever.”
Sutter nods. “I’d assumed so.”
“What do you want with Blunts? To take it over for your family?”
Sutter shrugs. “My immediate interest is revenge. The club hurt my little. It made her afraid. It made her feel less than. No one hurts my baby. I’d thought about exposing the members, making the club’s activities public. Maybe an exposé in the New Yorker.”
I swallow hard.
“And longer term?” I ask.
“Dismantle it, brick by brick. No institution that hurt my darlin’ girl stands.”
I cough to clear the tightness in my chest. This kid’s six years older than True. Over a decade younger than me. Yet I don’t have any doubt he means every word. Could he take on Blunts? Maude’s not the only heavy hitter there. There’s serious wealth at the club and wealth can make a formidable obstacle.
But there are a lot of secrets within Blunts’ walls, too. If Sutter makes those secrets public ... the walls might crumble.
“If the club could make amends to you and your girl?” I ask cautiously.
“That’d be something worth considering.”
I rub my hand over my face, the good taste of roast beef in my mouth souring. “Excuse me.”
He tips his head to the side. “Hope our talk hasn’t put a stone in your shoe.”
I give him a hard look. “I understand being protective of your girl?—”
“Fiancée,” he corrects.
“Fiancée,” I acknowledge. “I would feel as strongly about any group, any institution, which hurt my little.”
“But?”
“But the club’s my family. Some of my best friends are members. You’re threatening my family.”
Sutter nods slowly. “I considered it gentlemanly to give you fair warning. I’ve heard you’re a power player on the membership committee. As one daddy to another, I thought giving you a head’s up was only sporting.”
He sounds like he’s at the country club. But he doesn’t look like part of the polo-playing crowd. He looks like he wrangles broncos for breakfast. He just needs a black cowboy hat and some spurs.
“And if I run back to the management committee and have you punted out of the club?” I ask.
Sutter tips his head from side to side. “It will be interesting to see who has the greater punching power. You and your friends or the Chairman and my family.”
“This is a test,” I say. “You want to see how much clout I have.”
“And to see if you take care of your own problems or squeal to the committee like a little piggie.”
Heat rises to my face. I feel my nostrils flare as my body gulps oxygen. I know he’s baiting me but my body’s rising to it.
“Are you making yourself my problem?” I ask.
“Not today,” Sutter responds. “Today, I’m just enjoying a trip to the museum with my girl’s new friends. Tomorrow.” He shrugs. “Tomorrow’s another day.”
“So it is. I guess we’ll see what comes tomorrow.”
“I guess we will,” Sutter says. “See you at the Grand Opening.”
I nod. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“You, too.” Sutter rocks back on the heels of his boots, which look like they’ve seen their share of real work and hooks his thumbs in his belt loops as he watches our littles.
I cross the room to Emmy, tap her on the elbow, give her the hand-signal for “follow me” and lead her out of the Gem Hall to the nearest bathroom. I walk into the handicapped bathroom and close the door behind Emmy.
“May I kneel, Daddy?” she asks, her wide eyes on my face.
I shake my head. The floor looks dirty.
“How do you know what I’m feeling before I say a word?” I ask.
“Your frowny line.” She blinks, a rim of crystal forming along her lashes.
I hold my arms out. She rushes to me. I catch my girls up in my arms, cradling Livvy between us.
“You met Saoirse and her daddy?” I ask, pressing my lips to her forehead.
“Yes, Daddy. You looked like you were having an intense conversation with Sutter.”
“You could call it that. He wants to tear Blunts apart. I guess his little used to work at the club. I don’t know who it was but they scared her and intimidated her about her littleness. He’s back for revenge.”
Emmy rests her head on my collar and turns so she can see Livvy. Livvy reaches up a fist; Emmy blows a raspberry against her fingers.
“I love you, baby,” I say softly. “I don’t want to hurt someone who could be your friend. But I’ll fucking crush him like a cockroach if he tries to destroy the club.”
“Cockroaches are uncrushable, Daddy. They’ll survive a nuclear apocalypse along with Twinkies. Saoirse said her daddy was just voted in. Why would he join if he’s going to destroy the club?”
“Easier to do it from within, I guess.”
“I don’t think that’s the whole story, Daddy.”
“I wish you’d heard the conversation. You could tell me what I missed. He certainly seems hell-bent on revenge.”
“Can you hold Livvy for a moment?”
I nod and Emmy passes my daughter to me. I cradle her in my right arm and smile down at her.
Emily wraps her arms around me, sliding her hands under my sweater and rubbing her palms up and down my bare back.
“Thank you, baby doll.”
“You’re shaking, Daddy.”
I am. I flushed with adrenaline talking to Sutter. When I managed to control myself and refused to rise to his bait, the adrenaline had nowhere to go. That’s why I needed Emmy. I need to bleed off the adrenaline or I’m going to crash.
“That feels good, sweetheart. Talk to me.”
“Should I tell you about the exhibit? Or what I learned about Saoirse and Sutter? Or what Matty was telling us about the properties of corundum?”
“The first and last sound a little dull, baby. Gimme the tea.”
She smiles up at me as she continues to rub, giving me the tactile comfort I need.
“I really like Saoirse. She’s a swimmer; she was headed to the Olympics when she tore her rotator cuff. She had a reaction to anesthesia during surgery. She’s much better now but she still has seizures under stress. She teaches swimming. That’s how she met Sutter. She was working at a lifestyle club out west. He was cleaning the pool.”
My eyebrows shoot skyward. “That bloke is not a pool cleaner.”
Emily grins. “No, he’s a billionaire. Or a multi-millionaire at least. His family business is wine and kink clubs. Isn’t that cool?”
“Very cool, except if part of his motivation for joining Blunts and destroying it from within is eliminating the competition.”
“Daddy, I’m not sure what’s happening but Saoirse really didn’t seem like that. She’s friendly. She wants little friends. She’s excited about coming to playgroup and she was describing the most wonderful scenes that they’ve been doing. I understand why her daddy might want revenge if the members at Blunts hurt her but I don’t understand him bringing her back to the club for all those good scenes if he’s going to destroy it. You wouldn’t do that. I think ... I think maybe Sutter’s more like you than is comfortable. Maybe that’s why he made threats and upset you, Daddy. Maybe he needs to start from a position of strength. I’ve seen you do that, too, sometimes. Like when you interact with Mr. De Leon?”
I sigh and relax even further into her touch. “No one starts in a position of strength when dealing with Myles. We all start at a severe disadvantage and just claw our way up the hill.”
“What’s the hill?” Emmy asks.
I shake my head.
She peers up at me, squinting one eye closed. The quizzical koala. The cuteness of it does as much to even me out as the gentle circles she’s rubbing over my back.
“Is this like the Miranda thing that I don’t need to know and don’t want to know, or is this like the Lucy thing where I don’t need to know but kind of want to know?”
My breath catches in my chest. What now? Emmy’s seemed okay with me topping Lucy. I’ve been careful to include Emily in any scene where there’s physical topping. The mental topping and caregiving has all been via Max’s app. Emmy doesn’t like the app and only uses it to log her water consumption. I thought what I’ve set up to help Lucy is sufficiently different from our relationship that it wouldn’t bother my baby girl.
“The second. We’re going to circle back to that in a minute, little girl. The hill with Myles is that he’ll always be willing to do more. Myles doesn’t operate within the social and legal limits the rest of us do. Everyone’s at a disadvantage in dealing with Myles because there’s a point at which all of us stop where Myles keeps going.” I drop kisses on Emmy’s forehead and then Livvy’s, smiling at the soft giggles I get from each of them. “Now, let’s circle back. What do you mean like the Lucy thing where you don’t need to know but kind of want to know? What do you want to know about Lucy?”
“I don’t really need to know why you’re still topping her but I kind of want to know.”
I shift Livvy until she’s cradled in my right arm and I have a hand free to stroke Emmy’s cheek. “Still? Did you think there was an expiration date on me topping her?”
“Not an expiration date but I thought once she was better, she’d go back to the club.”
“Ah, I see. Yes, that’s the goal. I don’t have a twelve-point plan or anything but that’s what I’m working toward. I specifically asked Rob and Karl to handle the punishment she earned last week in order to reintroduce her to Karl. I’m planning to do the same thing with Franco when she next earns a punishment. I think that’s better than just throwing her at them when I feel she’s up to their level of sadism.”
Emmy smiles up at me. “You’re right, Daddy.”
It’s good to be right about one thing today.
“I need to talk with a few people about Sutter. I can’t let them be blindsided by this.”
Emmy runs her warm hands up my back and squeezes my shoulder blades. “The way you were?”
I nod. “Chess set me up. He set us all up. He ran Sutter right through under our noses, while we were all fighting over Mac’s application. I don’t understand why. Even if he doesn’t know about Sutter’s revenge, he knows Sutter’s working for the competition. Why let him in?”
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?” My little wonder suggests.
“Mmm, maybe.” I press a final kiss to her forehead. “I love you, my sweetheart. Let’s enjoy the rest of the day, huh? I’m sorry I let him get to me.”
“I’m not.” She smiles up at me. “Always happy for Daddy-time.”
“I’m always happy for little girl time. You’re amazing, Emmy.”
She stretches up on her toes to press a kiss on my chin, then takes Livvy and bounces her until Livvy breaks into giggles. I take her hand and lead her back to join the group.