Chapter 29
I keep findingnew sore spots. They make me smile.
Is there anything hotter than a wolfy Daddy? I know the circumstances were bad. I don’t like it that the Blunts Doms are fighting, although maybe it’s necessary but it still makes my chest ache.
Whatever the circumstances, the tangible memory of wolfy Daddy keeps me smiling. Daddy’s mood isn’t as buoyant as mine. I thought we’d stay the night at Blunts after the party but Daddy wants to leave as soon as most of the littles and their caregivers do.
I’m not too disappointed. Despite the hiccups, I still think the Grand Opening was a success.
Before we leave, I get to see the second floor of the Nursery. It’s even better than I imagined. The magical tree comes up through the hole in the floor and I can stand on the plexiglass and wave down at my friends on the lower floor. There’s a corner with a dollhouse, a corner with puzzles and games just like my little room, and a red-carpet corner for dressing up with a brightly-mirrored vanity built into the wall and a catwalk that’s going to have to host a fashion show sooner rather than later. I text Cynnie with fashion show ideas; she drags Max upstairs to see the red-carpet area. We huddle for a few minutes, making plans, before Daddy and Max pull us away. There’s a very small part of me that wants to protest leaving before my bedtime, when there’s still fun to be had. But Daddy’s had a rough night and needs TLC. A little takes care of her Daddy, too, and tonight he needs lots of snuggles and reassurance and a few of the red-velvet cupcakes he likes so much that I squirrel away for a rainy day like this.
As we take a taxi home with Mac and Brenna, the Littles Army chat blows up. Sammi demands a full day of play in the Nursery, unsupervised by Bigs. Imagining him swinging from the tree and then launching himself into the wet play area with its beautiful fish tank, I propose an outing to the Aquarium instead followed by a few hours at Blunts playing mermaids in the pool and then napping in the Nursery.
I know just what to wear and it’s a plan that can accommodate Livvy, too. Although I know Manny and Jen will take good care of her tonight and I’ll see her in the morning, I’ve missed her.
As I cuddle against Daddy in the taxi, I voice that thought.
Daddy kisses my temple. “We’ll see her in the morning.”
“I know but I’ve missed her. Have you?”
Daddy sighs. “I honestly haven’t thought about her very much, baby. I’m not sure what that says about me as a parent.”
“Nothing other than you have a lot on your mind, Daddy. Maman was a parent who always said she lived for her kids. Even when I was her kid, I could see that wasn’t healthy. We’d call it a helicopter parent now, always hovering. She spoiled Frances rotten and gave me anxiety and body dysmorphia. I’m not going to repeat her mistakes. I want to fold Livvy into our lives instead of focusing our lives on her. If we do that, it’s natural there will be times we don’t think about her as much because we have other things going on. It doesn’t mean we love her less. You’re a wonderful daddy to me and you’re a wonderful daddy to Livvy. Don’t ever think otherwise.”
Daddy squeezes my shoulders. “Thank you, baby doll. I’m sorry I’m distracted. You still enjoyed the party, didn’t you?”
“I did. Everyone did but you, I think. I’m sorry, Daddy. It should have been fun for you, too.”
He kisses my temple again but doesn’t answer. The party wasn’t fun for him after the Hunt. I love and respect my Daddy but sometimes he sees the world in black and white. It’s not a terrible quality in a daddy. It makes him a stickler for rules and I need that. But it also means that when something goes wrong and Daddy’s mood goes south, it can be hard to turn around.
While I’m mulling over ways to help that exceed the restorative power of red-velvet cupcakes, Mac starts talking quietly to Daddy. Brenna’s got her head down on Master Mac’s shoulder and seems asleep—they did a whipping scene in the Stables while we were in the Nursery that I gather was super-intense—but Mac is awake and looking as troubled as Daddy.
“Think we have to accelerate our timeline, son,” Mac says.
“I’m thinking that, too. The committee’s not scheduled to meet until the first week of December. There’s a provision in the by-laws for emergency meetings, though. I think I should call one with a motion to remove Drew and Emmett as members. If Chess refuses to schedule an emergency meeting, then maybe the meeting we call is a vote of no confidence in his chairmanship. I thought I had enough votes for Maude to take his place but after tonight I’m not so sure. I sent Bull a picture of Maude and Twitch taking care of Georgie during the party and he’s left me on fucking read. Even if he’d sent back a ‘fuck you’ or something, I’d feel better. Ignoring me? That’s not like Bull. I’m worried I’ve fucked a friendship tonight.”
I blink up at Daddy, trying not to let my shock show. I knew he was worried about Masters Drew and Emmett after talking to Shannie and Annabelle, although he hasn’t told me everything they said but I didn’t realize it was that bad. And removing Master Chess as the chairman? Master Chess is as much a Blunts institution as Master Javier. What will be left of Blunts once Daddy’s through cleaning house?
I quietly take out my phone and thumb over to my message string with Queen Twitch.
Serious poop going down. We need to talk and help fix this.
A response immediately pops up.
Girl, I was just going to message you! It is a shitSTORM. Lunch tomorrow without the boys?
I send back a string of thumbs-up.
When we get home, Master Mac carries Brenna upstairs, which I’ve never seen him do before. She doesn’t even argue, just curls into him and loops her arms around his neck. It’s getting close to my bed-time and I’d really like a bath because I’m still a little sticky, even though I did clean up after wolfy Daddy had his way with me. But taking care of my Daddy tonight is more important, so I head into the kitchen, take some frozen cupcakes out of my secret stash in the freezer, and give my kitty some overdue attention while they defrost in the microwave.
My phone buzzes non-stop with messages. I’ve been added to a new “dragon + princess chat” with Laurel, Aggie, Sammi, Matty, Yummy, Amy, and Cynnie. I barely got to see Laurel and her Dom tonight. They had a family obligation earlier today so they flew up late for the party but they’re staying for three days, so I’ll have a chance to catch up with them. Turning the guest bedroom into Livvy’s room means we can’t offer them a place to stay anymore but Jiro told Daddy he didn’t mind and was happy to stay in a hotel.
It occurs to me that they’re staying at the same hotel as Miranda, which makes my eye twitch a little as I think about it. It’s the closest hotel, so there’s nothing sinister about it. Well, nothing beyond the Mir-witch’s base level of sinisterness. Still, ugh.
Daddy joins me in the kitchen as I’m reading through the dragon plus princess chat and smiling at the enthusiasm for the Nursery. Everyone really did have a great time tonight except Daddy.
“Master Theo asked Amy out,” I tell Daddy as the microwave dings.
Daddy smiles but it’s a strained smile. “Glad something good came out of tonight.
I plate up the cupcakes on a pretty, flowered, China plate that Cynnie helped me thrift and take it over to the breakfast table. Daddy follows like a blood-hound. I swear, he’s sniffing the air.
“Are those cupcakes for me, little girl?”
“Two are,” I say casually, like offering him cupcakes after eleven o’clock at night isn’t a big deal for me. “One’s for me.”
Daddy rubs his hand over his mouth, eying the cupcakes. I think I better be quick to claim my cupcake before the Cupcake Monster nabs it.
I return to the kitchen counter for the tea service: an adorable tea-pot shaped like Dr. Who’s telephone box and Dalek-shaped mugs that I found in the same second-hand store where I got our mismatched China plates. Sure enough, by the time I bring the tea service to the table, Daddy’s scarfed down one of the cupcakes and has his huge wolf paws curled around the remaining two.
“Daddy!”
With obvious reluctance, he pushes the plate back into the middle of the table.
“I really like your cupcakes.”
“I know.”
He chuckles. “Thank you for making everything better, little wonder.”
“You’re welcome.” I cut my cupcake in half, take my half, and leave the other half on the plate which I push toward him. He eyes it like it’s going to run away before he pops it in his mouth. I don’t even think he chews. “I think Daddy needs to chew his food ten times.”
He smiles at me guiltily as he unwraps the last cupcake. “But they’re so good.”
“How would you know? You can’t possibly have tasted the one you just inhaled.”
“I’m just making sure I eat the cupcakes before your cat gets them.”
I laugh, remembering Sable’s red-velvet-cupcake-stealing ways over Halloween. Goodness was he stinky the day after. Red-velvet cupcake does not agree with my kitty’s tummy.
“Daddy, what Master Mac was saying in the taxi sounds very serious. Anything I can do to help?”
Daddy pauses in the act of stuffing the cupcake in his mouth. He takes a more moderate bite, chews, and swallows, before he says, “Sweetheart, I don’t want to burden you with this. A lot of it is very ugly.”
If we were just partners instead of Daddy and little, I’d say something like “your burdens are my burdens.” I must have said that to Ash a few thousand times. But it was a lie. My burdens in that relationship were my own.
I’ve given my burdens to Daddy and he’s shouldered every one. That’s what being a Daddy is for Logan. But that doesn’t mean he has to weather the storms on his own.
I stretch my hand across the table and Daddy wraps his huge wolf paw around it. “Thank you for protecting me from the world’s ugliness. I appreciate it. But a little takes care of her Daddy, too, and I can see you’re going through it. How can I help?”
“I need to solidify support at the club. Could you reach out to some of the subbies? Twitch, Moon ... I hate to ask but Pence, too? I need to know Bull, Sean, and Harry are with me on these votes. I got blindsided when Chess, Caddy, and Cris abstained on Mac’s vote. I need to be a hundred percent sure.”
“I already messaged Queen Twitch. We’re meeting for lunch tomorrow. I’m sure Sean will support you but I’ll contact Moon. Maybe Bren should contact Pence? I think he still holds a grudge about what happened over the summer.”
Daddy nods. “I haven’t always made the best choices in the heat of the moment. Or maybe they seemed right at the time and it’s only with hindsight that I’m seeing how I’ve hurt my relationships at the club?—”
I shake my head. “You’ve done some tough things but I think most of your friends at the club realize they were the right things. I heard Master Harold say Pence was out of control and needed correction. He agreed with the punishment. He took part in it. He can’t blame you for it now, Daddy.”
“I hope not but I need to make sure.”
“Something you can be absolutely sure of is that the house submissives are behind you. Did you notice that almost all of them came to the Opening? Even Apple and Skye, who almost never come to Monday Madness or our other events, were there.”
Daddy rubs his temple, smearing a few red-velvet crumbs into his sideburn. I control a giggle. I’ll clean him up later. A cardinal rule of dealing with a wolfy Daddy? Do not come between him and his food.
“I hadn’t noticed but you’re right.”
“I know facing the storm isn’t easy, Daddy. I know you have lots of worries. But you’re not alone. I’m right here, no matter what happens.”
He squeezes my fingers. “I’ve never doubted that for a second, my little wonder.”
When I wake in the morning, I’m alone in our big bed, which isn’t unusual because Daddy likes to work out with Master Mac first thing and leaves me to have a lie-in. But he usually wakes me up for nookie before he goes, or at least a blow-job. That he didn’t this morning niggles against my happiness as I contemplate Livvy coming back, lunch with Queen Twitch, and a mermaid afternoon.
I’m stretching and thinking about unburying myself from the lovely cocoon of warm blankets when the bedroom door opens and Daddy walks in, carrying a tray.
I sit up in the bed. “Morning, Daddy!”
“Morning, baby. How’d you sleep?”
“Excellent.” Which is the truth. I haven’t had any nightmares in weeks. Daddy’s rigid adherence to my bedtime means I wake up every morning feeling rested and refreshed.
It occurs to me that I’ve responded as well to Daddy’s schedule as Livvy’s responded to Gracie’s. Hmm. Well, maybe little humans just need consistency.
“Good to hear.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and fiddles under the tray, opening the supports. When he has them unfolded, he sets the tray over my legs. The amazing smell of toasted bagels fills my nose. Daddy takes one of his mother’s pretty dishcloths—I think the British call them tea-towels—off the top of the tray, revealing a breakfast spread underneath. There are three kinds of bagels, split open and piping hot. A bowl of cream cheese sits to one side, with a plate of smoked salmon. Breakfast tea steams on the other side, adding its spice to the air.
I clap my hands in delight. “Daddy! Ta so much! Did you go to Mr. Jan’s deli so early to get bagels?”
“I did. He sent along homemade cream cheese for his favorite little customer.”
I knit my fingers together to keep them from fluttering all over our breakfast. There’s a garnish of ruby-red grapes with the bagels and I decide that’s safest to start with since everything else looks hot. I twist off a grape and munch it while I decide between the poppy seed, onion and sesame, and whole grain bagels. After much deliberation and some stamping on that inner voice that barely ever whispers at me anymore, I decide on the poppy seed bagel. I point at it and let Daddy prepare it for me.
“Thank you so much for this, Daddy. It’s a lovely way to wake up.”
He smears on cream cheese like he’s mortaring a brick wall. I bite my tongue to keep from saying that I only need a third of what he’s slathering on my bagel. Daddy shows love through generosity. I never want him to think he needs to moderate showing me love.
When he finishes piling on enough smoked salmon to choke a grizzly bear, he offers me the bagel. I take it and try to figure out an approach vector to get it in my mouth, since the heaping bagel is nearly the size of my head.
“I thought you might like breakfast in bed. With Mac and Bren living here now we don’t do it as often as we used to. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you putting me first, little wonder. I love my girl.”
“I love you too, Daddy.” I mash the salmon down with my thumb and finally manage to get my teeth into it. I chew ten times, which is necessary with the fresh bagel, before I swallow. “Queen Twitch said no boys for lunch, so I was thinking we could meet at Konk? I’ll take Livvy with me for fresh air.”
Daddy nods as he makes his own bagel. “Sure. I hear we’re going to the Aquarium this afternoon.”
Honestly, how are Littles’ Army plans supposed to stay secret when our chat leaks like a sieve?
“Sammi?” I ask.
“Probably. Jack was the one who put it in the caregiver chat.”
“It was just a suggestion,” I explain. “Sammi wanted a day in the Nursery without Bigs?—”
“No,” Daddy says immediately.
“Right? Can you imagine? The potential for destruction really can’t be measured by man.”
Daddy chuckles.
“I thought, instead, we could have a mermaid afternoon. That’s gender-inclusive, of course. Mermen are welcome, too. We can go to the Aquarium. Livvy will love seeing all the fish. Then we can have a swim at Blunts followed by naps or quiet play in the Nursery.”
“Emmy, baby, I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. You don’t have to include Livvy in all your plans, though. I’m sure we can find a sitter if you want.”
I start to say I am Livvy’s sitter but stop myself. Daddy clearly wants me to feel like her parent and, if I’m honest with myself, I feel that way more and more every day.
Instead, I say, “There will be times I want to do things just you and me or me and my little friends but today’s not one of them. Today, I want to be mermaids and Livvy’s the littlest mermaid. Wait until you see the swimsuits Bren got for us.”
“Brenna bought you a swimsuit? What’s wrong with the pink polka-dot one? I really like that one.”
He likes that one because it’s vintage, another find of Cynnie’s, and ties in the front so my boobs are presented like eggs in an Easter basket. Daddy’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me wear it for the first time.
“You’ll like this one, too,” I promise him, hoping seeing me and Livvy as mermaids distracts him from the lack of breast-presentation.
“Well, that sounds like a plan. I’ve got a quick job this morning, just a CCTV design, so I’ll get that banged out while you’re writing. If you’re going to Konk for lunch, how ‘bout I take Livvy for an hour and take her to see the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center? We can meet up there and take the D to the Q train to Coney Island if you want to go to the big aquarium?”
I nod. I love the aquarium in New Jersey. It’s very cozy and interactive. But that might not be the best thing with Sammi. I can see him squeezing the life out of a starfish. Besides, Laurel’s visiting and my dragon friend deserves the big aquarium with its tunnel of stingrays and sharks. Even though I’m a little scared of the sharks, I won’t be if I’m with my flight.
“I’ll make it an early lunch with Queen Twitch. Brunch if that’s okay with them.”
Daddy boops me on the nose. “Thank you for doing that, baby.”
“It’s not a hardship, Daddy. I love spending time with Queen Twitch. They’ve read everything I’ve read and fifty thousand other books besides. We can talk books for days.”
“I’m glad you’ve found a friend there. I know Bull worries that Twitch’s circle of friends is so small, they don’t have people to lean on when things get rough. Thank you for making such an effort with the other submissives.”
“I’m happy to, Daddy. You asked me to reach out to Master Ten, too. He didn’t come last night. Do you want me to try again?”
Daddy shakes his head. “I appreciate the effort you’ve made. I think we’ve done enough there.”
I’m not going to push because I don’t know all the ins and outs of Daddy’s political maneuvering but I’ve actually come to like Master Ten in the months since I first met him. He’s a grizzly bear of a Dom. Growly and grumpy. But I suspect underneath he’s fiercely loyal and expects that of anyone close to him. When they act in ways he doesn’t expect, he feels betrayed. I understand betrayal. I still have the scars it leaves, even though Daddy’s helped soften them a lot. I didn’t expect to ever be anything but scared of Master Ten but I actually feel some sympathy for him.
“Can I invite him to the Aquarium?” I ask.
Daddy winces. “Why?”
“Because it’s neutral ground. He didn’t want to come to the party last night and I understand why but I’d still like to include him whenever we can. I think he’s very lonely. Besides, Cappa and Fleur will come since they’re pretty much unofficial Littles’ Army members now and, although it is always a good thing for subbies to outnumber Doms, I don’t want it to get too unbalanced.”
“Particularly since Sammi’s coming.”
“Right? I have visions of him in the shark tank.”
Daddy groans. “Do not tempt fate, little girl. Yes, you can invite him if you want to. Don’t be hurt if he ignores you.”
“I won’t.” I’m happy to keep shining my ray into Master Ten’s life. It doesn’t matter if he refuses to reciprocate. The sun doesn’t care if you draw the black-out blinds; it keeps shining.