Chapter 31
Emily successfully distractsme with her wonderfulness. Daddy’s little mermaids. My heart is so fucking full.
Until I get to the Dom’s changing room and find Bull waiting for me.
Unlike the last time we ran into each other in a changing room, he’s dressed, which is something of a relief. I’m just wearing my swim shorts and after the moment’s shock at seeing him sitting on one of the changing room’s padded benches, I take off my shorts, grab a towel and my toiletry bag out of my locker, and walk my naked ass over to the sink to shave. He’s seen me naked plenty of times. My nakedness isn’t quite the weapon his is, and maybe looking vulnerable will help this conversation along.
“I got your message,” he says, each word clipped. “I didn’t like it. You’ve got no fucking room to judge me.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” I respond. “I regretted sending it a second after I pressed the button. I should have left it to you and your trio to sort out with Maude. My blood was up after seeing Emmy upset. I apologize.”
“You’re doing a lot of that lately,” he retorts but his posture softens. “I should apologize, too. I know you’re a good man, a good Dom, and a good friend. I’ve been letting innuendo twist my head around. You wouldn’t do anything to destroy the club.”
“Is that what people have been saying?”
I don’t point fingers or name names. After Emily had brunch with Twitch and Ten showed up at the Aquarium, I have a damn good handle on who is a real threat to Blunts and our submissives.
“I’m ashamed for having listened to them,” Bull says. He pauses as Theo comes into the changing room, followed by Jack, Bravo, and Faolan. They nod or glance meaningfully at me but head into the showers when I just nod back. “You’ll leave what’s going on with Georgie for me to resolve with Maude?”
“Absolutely.” I’ve been in the middle of wrangles over subs before. There are no winners. Best to let the people involved sort it out unless the submissive asks for help.
“Thanks, Lo.” Bull taps his fingers against his jeans. “Twitch mentioned you’re worried about, um, politics. I’ll always do what’s best for the club.”
“I’m struggling with what that is right now,” I tell him. “I’ve got solid testimony from multiple house subs that we have two members who are putting them at risk. I want to remove them from the club immediately before they have a chance to do any further harm. I emailed Chess about it this morning.” I check my phone to make sure I haven’t missed a message. “As of right now, he hasn’t responded. This is an emergency. I know he likes to ‘sleep on things’—”
“The welfare of our subs isn’t something we can sleep on. I get it. If you want me to help you force an emergency committee meeting, I will.”
“Thanks, it may come to that.”
“You gonna tell me who they are?” Bull asks, his tone slightly abrasive.
There’s no mincing around this. “Drew and Emmett.”
Bull drops his head to look at the floor. “Fuck.”
“I can guess who was behind the ‘innuendo.’ It’s smart, actually, waging a disinformation campaign before I go after them.”
Bull lifts his head. “That’s not gonna stop you?”
“No.”
“You know the committee is split right now,” Bull points out.
“I know.”
“Lo, this is an ask. I’m not saying I don’t believe you?—”
“Is it me you don’t believe, or is it them?”
Bull hangs his head again.
“Drew’s views on dealing with submissives are controversial,” Bull admits. “But I’m not sure they’re wrong. We talk a lot about giving submissives what they need instead of what they want. That’s what his alpha theory is, just taken to the next level.”
I put my shaving supplies away. It’s not the best shave I’ve ever given myself but in my defense, between our conversation and meeting Bull’s eyes in the mirror, I’m a little fucking distracted. I’m lucky I don’t have any serious nicks. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I go to sit on the bench with him.
“Tell me about this alpha theory,” I say. “I haven’t heard it.”
“Drew says he can figure out what a submissive needs after a few scenes and going through a series of questions. Then he comes up with a plan to help the submissive reach and exceed their submission goals by giving them what they need instead of what they say they want. It’s ... it’s not crazy.”
No, it’s not crazy. It’s what I’ve done with every one of my subs, including Emily. As I struggle to find the difference between my approach and Drew’s—because I won’t share anything with someone who hunts our subs in a fucking pack—I latch on to that feeling of Daddyness.
“Does he do it out of a place of love or out of a place of manipulation to force the subs to give him what he wants?”
Bull’s mouth hangs open after my question. He shuts it with a snap.
“It’s fucking cold of you to question a brother Dom’s motives after you’ve turned this club upside down so you can play with your submissive the way you want.”
“If you’d sat with Shannie and Annabelle and seen how hurt and betrayed they feel by Drew’s alpha theory in practice, you wouldn’t say that.”
Bull tips his head from side to side until his neck cracks. “I don’t know what’s going on with Annabelle. I don’t know much about her past the fact that she’s damn new. You, of all people, know that the club can be a shock at first to subs who have only submitted at play parties and shit like that. Blunts isn’t a play party?—”
“Agreed,” I say.
“But I’ve heard about the thing with Shannie,” Bull continues. “One of her submission goals was to submit to two Doms at the same time. Drew brought guests into that scene—which was an open scene—to help her get over the hurdle. Hart told him she’s been struggling with it for months. Drew primed his guests and they did exactly what he asked of them. They distracted her enough to get her out of her head. They gave her what she needed. Hart says it was a successful scene.”
“Shannie doesn’t think so. She was so intimidated by their presence and chanting that she won’t scene with anyone but Rob again. She doesn’t feel anyone else can protect her. And if anyone’s going to get her out of her head, it should be her Doms, not rando guests whose training and experience none of us have evaluated.”
“Drew evaluated them,” Bull objects. “They’re all experienced Doms.”
“They’re not members. Drew left them in that room with Shannie?—”
“And two Blunts Doms. They weren’t unsupervised or anything like that.”
“Shannie felt it devolved into a mob mentality. She was frightened.”
“But it worked. Sometimes it’s frightening to be pushed past a limit. You know that. I just—I hear what you’re saying, Lo. I really do. I’m just not sure you’re right.”
“You won’t vote to expel them, or even suspend them?”
Bull looks down at his feet again. “Not on what you’ve told me so far.”
I rest my hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for being honest with me.”
Bull sighs. “I hate this.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“I’ve always considered you a friend. One of my best friends at the club. You were the third call I made after we got Kiki’s diagnosis. How the fuck did we end up here?”
I squeeze his shoulder gently. “I’m sorry for causing strife within the club. I want us all to be friends. It’s a gut punch hearing you question my motives. Please believe I’m trying to protect our submissives.”
“I know you are.” He snorts. “I’ve just connected the dots, you know. You’ve always been a Daddy Dom. You were just daddying our entire roster of house submissives. Now you’re daddying one little and our entire roster of house submissives.”
I hold my hands up. “You’re probably right.”
“We need you, Lo,” Bull says. “Whatever the fuck happens, don’t let anyone railroad you out of this club.”
“Not a chance.” Theo’s voice breaks into our tête-à-tête.
I lift my head. Theo’s leaning against the wall separating the changing area from the showers with a towel slung over his shoulder and everything else on display. He’s gotten some new tattoos.
“Logan even thinks about resigning and I’ll tie him to Chess’ fucking chair,” Theo continues. “There’s no fucking parole for you, buddy. I’ve been reluctant to get involved in club management before but whatever you need, you have from me now that I’ve heard what’s going on. Drew’s been a Dom half as long as I have and hasn’t ever been in a relationship with a submissive that lasted longer than five minutes. Bull, you’ve been married to your submissives for years. You’ve walked through the fucking fire with them. Why are you letting someone with half your experience and a tenth of your wisdom dictate to you?”
“He’s not dictating to me—” Bull protests.
“The fuck he isn’t. I know shit with Kiki has been hard, man. You’ve got two fucking challenging submissives and I bet they make you question your dominance every day. God knows, Lynn did with me. And, yeah, I believe in giving our submissives what they need instead of what they want, some-fucking-times. But not when it terrorizes them. Not when it makes them run from us. Is that what this fucking alpha theory is at the end of the day? Because that’s not okay. Yes, we can push them but it’s to help them, not to fucking victimize them. I’m with Logan on this. Believe me, I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye with our Master of Training. He’s an asshole?—”
“Thanks,” I say dryly.
“You are,” Bull says.
I lift my towel and flash both of them. “Eat me.”
“But,” Theo says, “he’s right about this. Dominance is earned. We’re not earning our submissives’ trust if we’re pushing them so hard they’re leaving us in fucking droves. Has the turn-over in house submissives ever been this bad before? It hasn’t in my memory.”
Bull and I shake our heads.
“I can’t think of a clearer sign that something’s fucking wrong,” Theo says, crossing his arms over his chest.
Bull rubs his hand over his face. “I hear what you’re both saying.”
“What has Drew said that was more compelling than what we’re saying?” I ask.
I need to know before I hear it from the membership committee.
“His methodology is appealing,” Bull says. “And I’ll admit I’ve been putting it into practice with Twitch and things have gotten better.”
“Have things gotten better because you’re putting this alpha theory into practice or have they gotten better because Kiki’s recovering and Twitch is leveling out now that he knows the other love of his life is going to be okay?” Theo asks. “Give yourselves some grace, Bull. You three have been through hell this year.”
Bull hangs his head, nodding. “I’d like to say it’s down to me but I’ll admit I’m not sure. I love him more than I can fucking say but Twitch is endlessly manipulative. He could very well be leveling out because he wants me to think the things I’m doing are making a difference.”
“Fuck, man.” Theo rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t envy you.”
“Me, neither,” I say, although I know that Emily could manipulate me as easily if she wanted to. Miranda certainly did. The difference is that my little wonder believes in me. Somehow, despite all my mistakes, I’ve earned her trust. “If you want an objective opinion, you know I’d be happy to scene with you anytime.”
Bull pats my arm. “I know. Don’t take this the wrong way. Twitch doesn’t want to scene with Emily. It’s not about her littleness or the age-play or anything like that. Twitch needs to be ruined in scenes and he doesn’t want Emily to see him as anything less than fabulous.”
“Ah.” I nod. “I understand.”
“I don’t,” Theo says. “Fuck, I’d use that against them. Softy. Another thing I don’t understand? Why you don’t use ‘they’ for Twitch. I’ve heard them ask other people to.”
A sly smile breaks over Bull’s face. “Part of our thing.”
“Sure,” says Theo. “It’s just fucking confusing for the rest of us.”
Bull shrugs. “Where did we end up in all of this? I got lost somewhere in the feels.”
I chuckle. “Sorry, mate.”
“No, it’s good,” Bull says. “Maybe I was getting my head turned around. Theo’s right. The last few months have been a lot. I’ve been thrown severely off my fucking stride. Twitch has been acting out like a motherfucker, the way he does, and I’ve been so wrapped up in taking care of Kiki that I haven’t been able to rein him in the way I should. I need to stop fronting to cover up the cracks in our relationship. I thought Georgie was going to fix everything but he’s just a band aid. I need to fix our dynamic before I even consider bringing in someone else.”
I reach out and squeeze his shoulder where it meets his thick neck. “That’s a tough thing to realize and an even tougher thing to say.”
Theo grunts. “Good talk. My balls are getting cold. Are we storming Chess’ penthouse or what?”
I check my phone one last time. Nothing.
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“No, we are,” Bull says, lifting his head and meeting my eyes.
“Thanks, mate. I will do this on my own but it means a lot not to have to.”