Chapter 36
After everyone leaves,I sit with my head in my hands and parse through my fuck-up.
Did I fall for the fall-guy? Did I let the true villain of the piece get away? I can’t accept that. No, I don’t always “get my man.” As I told Emily months ago, my clients often don’t want the publicity and potential recriminations of an arrest. Often it’s enough to stop the crime, get the money back, get an apology. Have I let the confines of my usual cases blind me when it mattered?
Slowly, I become aware that not everyone has left the room. Mac’s sitting beside me, staring off into space, rocking Livvy’s car seat on the conference table. That’s not surprising.
What is surprising is that Ten is still sitting across from me.
Ten’s expression is even more surprising. He’s not red-faced and scowling. He’s ashen.
“Fleur’s missing,” he says, when I meet his eyes.
“Cappa’s on it,” I reassure him.
Ten shakes his head, pulls his phone out of his pocket, and holds out the screen to me. I can’t read the small type across the table.
“He’s been back to her apartment. She’s not there. There’s no sign she’s been home.”
A cold finger runs up my spine. “Since when?”
He works his jaw for a moment before he says, “I mighta been the last one to see her. We did a scene after the party the other night, the Grand Opening, her, Cappa, and me. Cappa left afterwards for his shift in the nightclub. Fleur stayed with me until breakfast. I had a ... thing. Once I was finished, I went to lunch in the Trattoria. She wasn’t there and we hadn’t planned anything, so I assumed she’d gone home.”
“That was two days ago,” I say, parsing through his timeline.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.” I pull out my phone and call Theo.
He answers on the second ring. “Hey, I just heard. Good fucking job?—”
“It isn’t but I’ll tell you why later. Fleur’s missing. Cappa’s been to their apartment. She’s not there. Ten saw her at breakfast two days ago. That’s the last time anyone’s seen or heard from her.”
“Fuck,” Theo says.
“My sentiments exactly. Hospitals?”
“And morgues. Don’t repeat that to anyone. Panic doesn’t help,” Theo says. “Do you know who her medical emergency contact is?”
“Cappa, I’d assume.”
Theo grunts. “No point in you calling around. They won’t tell you anything. Have Ten and Cappa file a missing person’s report with my office. She’s been gone long enough. I’ll make sure a junior detective starts making calls as soon as the report’s filed.”
I lift my head and relate what Theo’s said to Ten.
“You’re with Ten?” Theo asks when I finish.
“Yes.”
“Pass the phone over to him. I’ll coach him through the report.”
I hand my phone to Ten and while he listens intently to Theo, I turn to Mac.
“How badly have I fucked up?” I ask.
Mac chews on his lower lip for a moment. “You haven’t. With the information we had, you did the right thing. You protected the house subs. That’s your job, Lo.”
“Caddy said?—”
“I heard what Caddy said. That was a massive fucking guilt-trip. Based on what I’ve heard about her, I understand where it came from. She has my sympathies. But we have a justice system for a reason. You’re not judge, jury, and executioner, Lo. You’re a private investigator and you haven’t even been hired by the damn club in this case. You exposed the bad guy. She’s likely right that it won’t stop the abuse but he won’t be able to do it here. Take the win.”
“Is it a win?” I ask. “What if there are Wolfpack members still at the club that we haven’t exposed?”
“Then we’ll find them and expose them,” Mac says. “Caddy says Drew’s the alpha of their pack. The rest of the pack will lay low without him. We’ll keep an eye on the subs. If there’s a whisper of a member stepping out of line, ignoring a safe word—” He throws Ten a hard glance; Ten lowers his eyes to the table. “Or breaching hard limits. We’ll be all over them. I like Maude but she’s not a warrior. Yeah, we have to win the war but that don’t mean we can afford to lose battles. This was a battle we had to win. We won it.”
His words soothe a little of the carnage in my chest. A sense of failure still weighs across my shoulders.
“C’mon. Time to go home,” Mac says.
“But—”
“No, no buts. I’ve seen that expression before, Lo. You need to regroup. You need time with your little. Emily’ll help you put this in perspective. We can pull Max into the search for Fleur.” Mac nods at Ten, who seems to be wrapping up with Theo and is tapping on his own phone. “You’ve got better resources at home and Emmy’s there. Time to go.”
“Okay,” I agree.
Ten says goodbye to Theo and slides my phone back across the table. He finishes typing on his phone and looks up. “I’m going to meet Cappa at Theo’s station. Make the missing person report.” He swallows. “Afterward, can I bring Cappa to your place? I know I’m not your favorite person right now but Fleur?—”
I wave off our differences. “Of course you can.”
“Thanks. Hopefully we’ll be at yours by two. We’ll bring lunch.”
Mac snorts. “Emily will already have a five-star buffet laid out. Bring a pizza or something since Cappa eats like an alley cat but don’t worry about feeding the masses.”
Ten nods.
“If it gets lost in the shit,” Ten says, his eyes flicking from me to Mac. “I’m sorry. I apologized to Brenna already but I’ll say it to the two of you. I’m sorry. I’ve been talking to someone ... she’s helped me see that I let my fears get the best of me sometimes. I don’t like change. It makes me feel like fuck. The changes you’ve been making ... I’ve hated them. I let that translate into a hatred of you. But I know you’re good Doms. Everything you’ve done with this Wolfpack fuckery, you’ve done the right thing?—”
I know I shouldn’t engage. He’s apologized and that should be enough. But the sense of failure that’s heavier than a hundred-pound barbell plate on my chest pushes out the words, “You voted for Drew.”
Ten shakes his head. “I voted to kick out both Emmett and Drew. I’ve scened with Annabelle. She might be green but she’s not a liar. You were short two votes on Drew. Three Cs abstained. Sure, I see what Caddy was tryin’ to do and maybe she shared her fucking master plan with Chess and Cris but don’t let her lay all of this fuckery at your door.”
“If Drew walks away from this and does it somewhere else?—”
Ten shakes his head. “This ain’t over. Not by a long shot.”
I take a deep breath and let it lift some of the weight off my chest. “Okay.”
Ten nods at us before picking up his coat off the back of his chair and leaving.
“Honestly didn’t think ‘sorry’ was in his vocabulary,” Mac says after the door’s closed behind Ten. He picks up Livvy’s car seat but I hold my hand out for it. I need to feel one of my girls close.
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve heard it before, either,” I admit.
Mac slaps me on the back. “Never let it be said this place is dull.”
I grin at him. “Nope, it’s never that.”
Ten and Cappa don’t come for lunch.
Cappa finds Fleur first, after utilizing the Blunts subbie network to call every hospital in the Tri-State area. I appreciate Theo trying to go through official channels and utilize his resources but he underestimates the ability of our submissives to get shit done. Cappa gives his personal information to the extended subbie network and with ten different men pretending to be him, they track down Fleur in less than two hours.
Manny offers to drive Ten and Cappa to Trinifas, a hospital outside Elizabeth, New Jersey, who have a Jane Doe matching Fleur’s description. A tense hour later, information begins filtering back to the assembled crowd at my house, which swells through the day. A man who identified himself as Cappa but ran when hospital staff asked him for ID, left Fleur in the ER. She was taken directly into surgery. I walk Laurel and Emily out of the room when Ten, on speaker, begins describing her injuries.
Emily watches me with her big eyes, wet and red from the last few hours.
Jiro joins us in the kitchen, closing my office door behind him. He folds Laurel into his chest. “Enough, petto.”
“I promise I’m okay, Tatsu,” she says but she clings to him in a way I haven’t seen before.
I beckon Emily to me. I need a hug even if she doesn’t.
“When she wakes up, we should go, Daddy,” Emily whispers as I wrap her in my arms.
“We will,” I promise.
“She’ll be okay,” Emily says but I hear the quaver in her voice. “She’s a dragon, too.”
“I hope so, baby.”
Maude’s the next to emerge from my office. She has two spots of red high on her cheeks which match her eyes.
“I’m arranging to have her airlifted to Presbyterian,” Maude tells me. “I don’t trust Trinifas. It has one of the worst ratings in New Jersey. No wonder they hadn’t even identified her yet.”
I nod. “What can I do?”
“Hold down the fort.” Maude glances at the dining table where True is sitting with Cynnie, playing a board game and watching Livvy while she naps. “Keep everyone here level. Georgie’s coming over after work. I anticipate several more of the house submissives will arrive later as well. They’ll need calm guidance as they process their emotions.”
“Here rather than the club?” I ask.
She pats my shoulder. “If you haven’t already figured it out, Logan, your house is a symbol of safety for practically every submissive I know. I’ll be back once Fleur’s settled at Presbyterian. Forgive his presumption but I believe Javier’s just booked your business partner’s transportation services for the next week. He should be here any minute to pick us up.”
“Of course, it’s fine,” I agree. Max will rearrange any jobs Manny had lined up. I don’t even have to ask.
“Create a rota while I’m gone if you have a moment,” Maude says. “A Dom and at least one submissive at the hospital during visiting hours for the next five days. Four-hour shifts max. Austin probably still has the template we used when you were injured. He’ll be here by dinner time.”
“You had a rota for caring for me?” I never heard about this.
Maude pats my shoulder again. “Of course we did. We couldn’t have that madness that descended when you first arrived home continue. It frightened Emily. I’ll call when Fleur’s settled. I’d prefer Georgie stay here tonight rather than be alone if I don’t get back at a reasonable hour. I apologize if that’s an imposition.”
“It’s not an imposition.” I already suspect we’re going to have a subbie sleepover in front of the telly tonight. “If you need anything, just call.”
“I will.” She gives me a final pat, holds her arms out to Emily for a hug, then walks away.
I wrap my baby doll back into a hug and drop my face into the warm, sweetly-scented curls on her crown. “We’re all lucky to have that woman in our lives,” I murmur.
“I never got to talk with her about Georgie, Daddy,” Emily whispers back.
“I think it’s okay. Bull’s realized he was using Georgie to plaster over the cracks in his trio. He’s going to work on fixing things before he tries to add Georgie into the mix again. Maybe by then they’ll have figured out an arrangement that suits everyone.”
Emily snuggles, squeezing my ribs, which I discover are sore. Probably all the tension. “I’m glad. I don’t want to come off as partial but I’m really rooting for Maude and Georgie. She’s been alone for so long. She deserves all the happiness.”
“We all do, baby,” I say, a little breathlessly after another hard squeeze. “We all do.”
I’m not wrong about the subbie sleepover.
Emily sets up her tent and a parade of subbies bring down armfuls of pillows and blankets. More people trickle in after their jobs end for the day and by the time Livvy’s gone down for her “little sleep,” there are over a dozen subbies camped out in the great room. Most of their Doms are also milling around, although Sammi is solo after Jack heads to Presbyterian, where he has surgical privileges. I give Emily a firm warning about Littles’ Army shenanigans, since Yummy and Amy are also here but the mood is so somber, it’s probably unnecessary.
When Theo sends me a text saying he’s on the way, I warn Max. He and Cynnie quickly decamp. Curiously, they take Amy with them.
After I see them out, I beckon Emily out of the subbie pile and draw her to the side.
“Something go wrong between Amy and Theo?” I ask.
Emmy bites her lip. “No.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Spill, little girl.”
“Well, you know how Max used to do bad hacking things and now he does mostly good hacking things and only bad hacking things for a good cause?”
I’m not sure I’d characterize Max’s online activities that way but I nod.
“So, he’s like a morally gray hacker,” Emmy continues.
“Sure,” I say, not knowing where this is going.
“Amy’s also a hacker, only she’s a completely ethical hacker. Max calls her a ‘white hat,’ but I don’t like to use that term because it correlates purity with color and that kind of language promotes racism ... anyway, Amy’s helping Max with the hacking and I don’t think they want Master Theo to know.”
I nod along but what I take away from this is that the Littles’ Army has its own hacker.
“In any given situation, little girl, how many definitions would you say there are of ‘good’?”
She gives me the owl-eye. “Is this a trick question?”
“No. I’d like to understand if there’s a Daddy version of good, a little version of good, and a Littles’ Army version of good.”
Instant angry koala face. I knew it.
“Let me be clear, little girl. If the mommies and daddies find out that Amy has been hacking chats or whatever else in furtherance of Littles’ Army plans, there will be hell to pay and I don’t care if Amy doesn’t currently have a caregiver. I will administer that punishment myself. This is a safety issue.”
“So, when you say—” Emmy begins.
“No, this is not the time for qualifications. Are we clear? Amy doesn’t do any type of hacking that would prevent the mommies and daddies from monitoring the Littles’ Army plans and ensuring you’re all safe.”
Emily scrunches her face up further but slowly nods. “Okay, Daddy. That means we don’t ever get to surprise you with anything, though.”
“A situation that’s extremely good for my blood-pressure, little monkey. Don’t you want to put on a movie for everyone?” I nod at the big screen on the wall, currently dark.
“You don’t think that’s disrespectful?” Emmy asks, her tone hesitant. “I don’t want it to seem like we’re having a party when Fleur’s so badly hurt.”
Sweet baby. I kiss the tip of her nose. “No, it’s not disrespectful, baby. I think it will help keep everyone’s spirits up so we can give Fleur the support she’s going to need. Put on something you think everyone will enjoy.”
Emmy nods. “Goose movie.”
I’m not sure what the goose movie is but I send her on her way with a pat on her panda-onesied bottom.
When Theo arrives, it’s with the good news that the district attorney has agreed to issue warrants for five of the identified Wolfpack members. The Doms cluster around the dining room table, listening to Theo elaborate, while I wake Livvy for a feed and her bath.
Taking care of my daughter calms and centers me the same way taking care of Emily does. It’s the same set of core needs: to care and to protect. But there’s no lingering shame. Emily’s helped me unpick my caregiver needs from my sexual needs. Even topping Lucy and Cappa outside the club has helped separate the two. As I smile down at Livvy, and she coos and burbles back at me, I realize this is another gift Emily has given me. A future with my daughter without doubt, without fear that the feelings which tainted my adolescence might haunt my future.
I lean down and rub noses with Livvy as I dry her and put her in a fresh diaper and onesie. “Your mommy, the mommy of your heart who is the only mommy you’ll ever know, is a wonder and we’re going to spend our lives making sure she’s the happiest little wife and mother there’s ever been.”
Livvy burbles in confirmation and grabs at my nose.
I carry Livvy downstairs for good nights. Checking on the subbies, I find several of them already dozing. Sammi’s completely out, curved like a string bean in his green onesie between Bren and Lucy. I approve of the containment. Yummy’s up on the couch under one of Emmy’s fuzzy blue blankets. Austin’s yawning as he watches a gaggle of geese run around after a girl on the TV screen. Emmy, Moon, Justine, and Laurel are painting each other’s toenails. When Emmy sees me with the baby, she hops up and waddles to me on her heels, keeping her iridescent toes, trapped between bright pink foam spacers, elevated.
“Good night, Livvy-bit.” Emmy takes the baby from me for a cuddle and a kiss before handing her back. “You’re okay putting her down, Daddy?”
“I am, baby girl. And you have earned such a big reward.”
“I have?”
“Mmm-hmm. I’ll tell you why later. Relax with your friends.”
Despite today’s horrors, she smiles at me and returns to the subbie pile.
Livvy fusses when I take her upstairs and lay her down in her cot, probably stimulated by the attention. Even a week ago, I’d have panicked at hearing her little cries. But I’ve seen Emily deal with this. I give Livvy a pacifier, settle my hand on her tummy in case she’s having trouble digesting her bottle, and sing to her.
Before I’ve finished Lennon’s “Imagine,” she’s still and silent, sucking gently on the pacifier. I brush a kiss across her forehead and turn off everything but the adorable turtle night light as I leave my daughter to sleep.