Chapter 39
Isit confirmation that the Mir-witch has left her hotel?
Is it that surprising hug from Master Ten?
Is it knowing that there are bad men out there who hunt and hurt submissives?
Is it the reminder of Daddy Sutter’s threat to tear down Blunts?
Is it having my flight around me?
I’m not sure what it is but I am a fierce, white, baby dragon today.
After Mac takes Livvy off to daycare and Laurel arrives with her Dom, I drag Laurel upstairs. Together, we assemble a white dragon outfit. White thigh-highs, of course, because all outfits should start with thigh-highs. A white, patent leather mini-skirt that I honestly never thought I’d wear outside of Blunts. My sheer black shirt with thumb holes, because thumb holes.
“It’s my obsidian skin,” I explain to Laurel as I tug my shirt on. “Slings and arrows slide off it.”
Laurel nods. “Very important for a white dragon.”
I thought so, too.
We debate what to put over the shirt but eventually agree on a corset that I usually wear with my steam-punkier outfits like the ones I’ve been wearing to the Blunts Marketplace. It’s white with black velvet stripes over the boning and black satin ribbons. Laurel helps me lace up. Cat ears on top, of course, because even though I’m a baby dragon today, baby dragons need cat ears. Well, this baby dragon needs cat ears.
I check my armor in the mirror. No holes in my breast like Smaug. My collar gleams at my throat. My engagement ring glitters on my finger.
“Ready for battle,” I declare.
“Good. Let’s destroy this wolfpack. Wolves don’t stand a chance against dragons.”
I agree but that’s not who my battle is with today.
I’ve never been happier. Livvy was the addition to our family I didn’t know we needed to make it feel complete. I can’t imagine loving any man more than I love Daddy. And for the very first time in my life, I’m completely certain that the man I love, loves me the same way. We fell fast for each other but our love isn’t fragile or fickle. It’s weathered some serious storms; it’s forever. After Ash, I didn’t think I could believe in forever-love again but Daddy convinced me. He keeps convincing me every day. No matter what life throws our way, he won’t stop loving me.
And I won’t ever stop loving my Daddy.
But there’s been a niggle in my happiness. I’ve tried to ignore it because I want to be the bigger person. But having her show up in my safe space last night when I didn’t invite her and having her lean on Daddy for emotional support crossed a boundary.
I’m okay with him topping her with his app and their once-a-week scenes. I’ve watched enough of them to know that, for Daddy, it’s purely service topping. He’s helping Lucy explore her masochism safely.
Listening to the subbies tell their stories to True, telling her my own, I realized that I’ve been jealous not just of Lucy herself but also that she’s getting something I wish I’d had. My first tops were good tops. They taught me a lot. But they weren’t as wholly unselfish and caring as Daddy. It’s an impossible standard, I know. There’s a reason Daddy’s Master of Training at one of the most prestigious lifestyle clubs in the country.
It”s a jealousy I’m happy to set aside. Lucy deserves what so few of us get: a truly loving sadist. I’m happy for Daddy to continue giving her that.
I’m not happy for her to seek anything else from him, though. They don’t have a relationship outside of the service topping. She’s not allowed to look to him for emotional support. She has her own friends and family for that. Daddy might have been her friend before he withdrew from the club, and she could have been mine but when she asked him to top her outside of Blunts, she made herself not our friend. She moved our relationship onto a different plane. Maybe we can be friends in the future but I’m not okay with her now.
It”s time she knows where the line is.
Once, this kind of situation would have sent me into a spiral. I’d have withdrawn into a book or one of my hobbies. I’d have let my insecurities convince me it wasn’t worth the fight. Or I’d have let the niggle build until I exploded and provoked a confrontation. I always come out of confrontations humiliated, diminished, and indignant. I don’t like them but I didn’t understand how to manage myself to avoid them.
Not until Daddy.
As much as Daddy’s made a safe space for me to live my best little life in, he’s also made a safe space for me to express myself. He’s taught me how to ask for what I want without shame, without confrontation. All I have to do is tell my Daddy what I need and he’ll help me make it happen.
I don’t stomp downstairs, because even fierce, white, baby dragons are respectful of their Daddy’s staircases. Also, I think I heard Mr. De Leon come up for a nap in my little room while I was dressing, so I don’t want to wake him. I go arm-in-arm with Laurel. She mentions wanting to find a dragonish present from the flight for Fleur and I agree.
At the bottom of the stairs, I kiss Laurel on the cheek and tell her I’ll meet her in the kitchen.
I turn into Daddy’s office.
He’s sitting at his desk, typing something on his computer. I kneel next to his desk and wait.
After a minute, he stops typing and I hear the whoosh of a sent email. I don’t think Daddy knows how to turn off notification noises. My poor Luddite Daddy.
He turns in his chair and puts his bare feet on either side of my knees.
“That’s a spectacular outfit, baby doll. I feel like it needs a jeweled pink butt plug, though.”
Daddy and his thing for pink.
“May I be excused to get the plug, Daddy?” I ask.
“In a minute. Did you come to check on me or is there something you’d like to say?”
“Something I’d like to say.”
“You have my full attention, little girl.”
I fold my hands together in my lap and look up at him. “I’d like Lucy to leave. And I’d like to make it clear to her that I have no objection to your topping arrangement but I’d prefer that she doesn’t come over outside of your scheduled scenes. The house is my safe space. I don’t want her in it.”
Daddy rubs his chin. “Okay, sweetheart. I hear you. This is absolutely your safe space and if there’s anyone you don’t want in it, I’m happy to exclude them. In fact, I’m happy to move my remaining scenes with Lucy to the club. Can I ask what brought this on?”
“I don’t like that she came here seeking emotional support. I know what’s going on with Fleur is upsetting for everyone. But she shouldn’t be leaning on you for emotional support. That’s not the relationship she asked for, nor the one you agreed to. I feel like this is pushing the boundaries in exactly the way I told you I was afraid of at the start. I’ve been understanding of her asking you to top her. I’ve been the bigger person even when I’ve felt the green-eyed monster nipping at me. I’ve obeyed your rules about being respectful to guests. But I’m not okay with her crossing this line.”
Daddy smiles and holds out his arms. “Come here, little girl.”
I climb up into his lap. He gives me a deep, sweet kiss, sinking his hand into my hair and holding me in that daddy way that tells me I’m safe and loved and appreciated.
“I am so proud of you, Emmy,” he breathes against my forehead when he lets me up for air.
“Because I’m a fierce, white, baby dragon wearing cat ears?”
His chuckle buzzes against my skin. “Yes, that’s exactly why. But also because I know how much courage it took for you to tell me this. You’re my wonderful, brave little girl and I am so proud of you.”
“You’re not a little mad that I’m excluding Lucy from your house?” I ask.
“Not the tiniest bit. First of all, it’s our house. You have just as much right as I do to say who can and can’t be in our house. Second, I’m just so proud of you for recognizing that this crossed a boundary for you and telling me that I don’t have any space in my heart to be mad. I ask a huge amount of you, Emmy. It’s very important that you be able to say, ‘this is enough, Daddy.’ You say it so rarely, and I’m so pleased you have.”
I squeeze his firm middle.
“Would you like me to go tell her?” Daddy asks.
“If I do it respectfully, can I?”
“Of course, sweetheart. Do you want backup?”
I consider it for a moment. “If I do it in the hallway with the office door open so you can hear me and make sure I’m saying the right things, would that be okay?”
He kisses my forehead. “It would but whatever you say will be the right thing, baby doll. This is your house, your safe space. There’s nothing wrong about asking someone who is making you uncomfortable to leave it.”
As resolute as only a baby dragon can be, I nod and climb off his lap. “With or without the butt plug?”
“Whatever will make you feel more comfortable, my sweetheart,” Daddy says, sliding his hand up my skirt to pat my bottom. “But please put it in afterwards if you decide to speak with Lucy without it.”
I give him a cheeky salute, trot out of his office and upstairs to get the plug. The jeweled plugs don’t hurt. They’re not a trial to keep in. They’re just a nice reminder of Daddy. I put in the plug, wash my hands, and shoo Sable away from the door of my little room. Some of the older doors in the house have antique handles that Sable can get a grip on with his naughty claws. If he catches them right, he can get the door open. I’ve watched him do it a few times, mostly to Daddy while he’s in the bathroom. I haven’t stopped my kitty those times because the results can be very funny. But I’m not sure how Mr. De Leon will react to having five pounds of cat land on his chest when he’s trying to sleep. Or worse, ten claws embed themselves in his feet.
I click my fingers at Sable, which I hope won’t wake Mr. De Leon but should persuade my kitty to follow me to the kitchen for a treat.
Meowing his head off, like he hasn’t already had breakfast and a treat today plus a bug he found somewhere whose wing he left me to admire, Sable follows me down the stairs. He sounds like an air-raid siren. Poor Mr. De Leon. I grimace at my cat. I swear he smiles back at me. Maybe he doesn’t like Mr. De Leon invading his space any more than I like Lucy invading mine.
I give Sable a treat to keep him occupied. Lucy’s sitting at the dining table talking with True, Yummy, Sammi, Justine, Hunter, Laurel, and Jiro. While I’m thinking through what to say to Lucy, my phone buzzes with a text. It’s Cynnie saying that she and Max are on the way over now that Theo’s left. I send her back a million thumbs up and buzzy-bees.
I make myself a cup of chamomile tea and sip it, looking out at the blustery, gray day through the French doors. It’s gotten cold since that day we played Doms v subs paint ball at Blunts. There’s a little snow in the corners of the yard where it fell overnight and the watery sun hasn’t melted it yet. There hasn’t been a white Christmas in New York City in a long time. Certainly not while I’ve been an adult. I remember reading that the City had a white Christmas every six years on average, so we’re overdue. But maybe with global warming that’s a thing of the past. It would be nice to have one this year, although we won’t be around to enjoy it for very long since we’re flying to Vegas for the wedding right after what Daddy calls “Boxing Day”: the day after Christmas. We’re going to take in the opulence of the casinos, fly over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter, and go kayaking at this pretty place called Emerald Cave that Daddy said he’s always wanted to see. Niall, Shaan, and Vashi are joining us for the week and everyone else who’s coming to the wedding is filtering in before the ceremony on Sunday.
Like our collaring ceremony, there are a crazy number of people coming to what was an attempt to quietly elope. Daddy can’t do anything quietly. I’ve overheard Master Javier and Mistress Maude plotting in the club’s Library; something about Elvis. Between them and Master Niall who is coming as Irish Elvis and the penchant of our friends to role-play, I’m a little concerned the wedding might be attended by fifty Elvises of various ages and girths.
But one person I know isn’t coming? The blonde sitting at my dining room table laughing at something True’s said. She’s not coming because I haven’t invited her. Just like I haven’t invited her into our house today.
Time to make sure she knows she’s not welcome.
I put my empty teacup in the sink and walk quietly over to the table. I tap Lucy on the shoulder. When she looks up at me, I smile and ask if I can have a word with her. She looks startled but smiles back at me before she excuses herself.
One may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
I thought that about Miranda. Quite a bit actually and look how she turned out. I don’t think Lucy is a villain. Just unhappy and looking for a way to carve out her own happiness. I understand that but I’m not going to let her carve her happiness out of Daddy.
As we pass through the great room, I nod at her bag which is sitting behind the couch with a dozen other bags. Most of the people who went to the hospital left their bags, so I assume they’re returning tonight. I’m good with that. I like having a lot of friends around in times of crisis.
They just have to be friends.
“You might want your bag,” I say.
“Oh, okay.” She snags her bag with the straps over her forearm. It’s a small bag. Maybe she didn’t intend to stay a second night. She probably has to work tomorrow. I don’t care. Another hour of having her in my house is too long.
I close the door to the great room behind her when she follows me into the hallway. She looks at me, her brow beetling, when I find her coat on the coat rack.
“Emily, is everything okay?” she asks.
“No, it’s not,” I say. “I’d like you to leave. I’m okay with you coming to the house to do scenes with Daddy but I’m not okay with you being here at other times.”
Lucy blinks her blue eyes rapidly. Is it a blue-eyed, blonde thing that makes me feel particularly threatened? Hmm, probably not. Daddy’s ex Rachel has caramel-brown hair and brown eyes. It’s not even all of Daddy’s former subs, because I get along well with his ex, Luisa.
“Emily, have I done something wrong? Have I offended you?”
It sounds mean in my head to say she has. But Daddy always encourages me to be honest. I try to say it kindly.
“I’m not offended,” I say. “But I’m not okay with you seeking emotional support from Daddy.”
“I-I’m not—” She sputters, then closes her mouth. She looks around, like she’s seeking answers. When her eyes settle on me, they have tears in them. Her cheeks burn crimson. “I’m so sorry, Emily.”
I nod. She’s not a villain. She’s a nice person at heart. Before she asked Daddy to top her, I felt close to her. Maybe when he stops topping her, we can be friends. But she’s carrying a torch for Daddy and those feelings have driven her here, to seek solace from him, in my safe space. And that is not okay.
She holds out her arms. I could refuse her. Shove her coat into her waiting hands and push her out the door. But that’s definitely not being the bigger person. I hug her quickly and give her an extra pat when I release her. She takes her coat and slides her feet into low boots. She lingers by the door and I can tell she wants me to say something to make it better. To excuse her actions and show she’s forgiven.
She’s not and I don’t. I open the door for her and give her a smile as she leaves.
I close the door behind her and lean against it, drawing a deep breath in and letting it out slowly.
I am a fierce, white, baby dragon. Hear me roar.
Even if I roar quietly and with a smile.
Through the open door to Daddy’s office, he calls, “Come here, my little wonder. I want a hug.”
Grinning, I trot through and dive into my Daddy’s embrace.