Chapter 23 Tati #2
“Your father is a calculating man,” he says. “There’s a good chance he was waiting to see if I would be stupid enough to make a mistake that he could catch me in.”
“You’re so full of shit, Viktor.” I say it with a scowl.
I’m so tired of these fucking spy games, I could vomit.
“You know something? Maybe that story might work for some doe-eyed girl who thinks the big, bad wolf is cool, but I grew up in this shit. I know what you are. I know what you do. And most importantly, I know who you are loyal to above all. My father gave you a fucking order and now you’re telling me that you actively disobeyed him?
After killing for him for all these years? ”
“I’m telling you what happened,” he says, standing up and towering over me.
His voice starts to boom with bass as he speaks.
“Tati, what could I possibly gain by lying to you now? No matter what happens from this point on, we’re stuck together if you want to live and we both know it.
Or else, good fucking luck out there on your own. ”
Something in that stings me worse than I expect and I bark back, “Take that back.”
“The fuck I will. Nikolai is a monster and now we both know it. His man took a shot at you, at me.” He pulls his collar to one side to show me the fresh scar on his neck.
“No matter what happens after tonight, my allegiance to him is over. That said, I have nothing to gain by lying to you about what happened.”
“You’d gain me,” I say, my voice starting to crack. “Isn’t that right? At least after all this, you’d still get the girl. Well, it’s not gonna be that easy, Viktor. I’m not that easy.”
I’m crying. Shit. The tears are just coming with these big sobs from my chest. I watch as his face softens and he steps toward me, reaching out to pull me back. “Come on—”
“No.” I jerk away from him, backing away until the bathroom door is in view, and I retreat, slamming it behind me and locking myself in.
I stumble to the toilet and sit on the lid, tears running down my face. I don’t know who to trust and I don’t know where to go. How do I get out of this? How can I get out of this?
After a few minutes, I hear him through the door.
“This isn’t over, Tati. You and me… we’re not over.”
“Says you.” I say it low, my voice creaking under the stress.
“I meant what I said back in the apartment. I’ll die before I let them touch you.”
He sounds like he means it. He always sounds like he means it. How can I believe him? What if all this is just a ruse to get me to come out so he can take me out himself so he can crawl back to my father for forgiveness?
“Tanechka,” he says, and suddenly, I hear the desperation and heartbreak in his voice. “Open the door, love.”
“No,” I say, but it comes out as a whisper. “I can’t.” My hand covers my stomach again. The baby I’ve been working so hard to keep, to protect… who am I protecting it from?
“You’re so fucking stubborn.” He says it with a little laugh. Then he goes quiet. I sit in the same silence with nothing but the sound of my sniffling to keep me company.
“That day I first saw you after all these years,” he says softly, “climbing out of a second-story window in a dress that was flowing in the breeze, flashing that little red thong to all the world, I remember my first thought was that Nikolai was on a date gone wrong. That some young thing he brought home was trying to escape.”
That almost makes me chuckle. I swallow it back down.
“Then you turned around and… I’ve never been stopped on a dime like that before. You had me, Tanechka. From that very moment, I was locked in, whether I wanted to be or not.”
I look down at my hands. I remember that night just as if it just happened. Seeing him and thinking about all my teenage fantasies about him…
“You make it sound like love at first sight,” I say.
“Maybe it was because every time I look at you now, I feel the same way as I did in that moment.” He stops, letting the sentence hang between us.
Did… did he just say that he loves me? Is that what he’s trying to tell me?
“Tanechka—”
“Stop,” I say. “Please, Viktor, don’t say any more.”
He whispers my name again, and I start to weep. If he loves me… if he really loves me… can it all be okay?
It’s such a risk. I hold my stomach, wondering if it would be worth it for him to know. Will it change all these flowered words of love for me?
I stand up and go to the door. The moment my hand touches the knob, I start to doubt again. Once I let him in, that has to be it. There’s no turning back. There’s no second-guessing. We’re in this together right to the end or we’re not doing any of this at all.
I’m up for forever if he is. But before we even get there, I need to tell him. He’s gotta know about the baby.
I take in a shaky breath… and unlock the door.
It opens and he’s standing there, so tall that I’d have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him if he doesn’t lean in. Shoulders as broad as the door. The light behind him from the windows reflect half of his face as he leans against the doorframe.
It’s almost symbolic, this wall protecting me from everything out there that wants to hurt me. I hope I’m not wrong about him.
I take a breath and say, “I’m… I’m pregnant.”