4. Start Over #2
Deja smiled helplessly as Esme approached her.
Esme tenderly caressed Deja's cheek as she stared at Deja's lips.
She tore her eyes away as she affectionately touched Deja's belly.
"You have to disappear..." Esme whispered.
"Where they can't find you." Esme looked into Deja's eyes. "That means you can't go home."
Deja's face fell. "But-"
"Deja, they are obsessed with you… They may have agreed not to look for you. But that doesn't mean you should go to the obvious. If you want to keep your family and friends safe, stay away from them," Esme warned.
Deja's heart tightened in her chest. "...okay..."
"Com'ere! Sit! No, no, sit! Good boy!" Smiling, Deja fed her puppy a treat.
"How old is he?"
She looked up at the couple approaching her and leaned back in the lawn chair. "2," she answered.
"Ah, he's in his teen years," the husband chuckled, crouching down to pet him.
"Are you giving them both away?" the woman asked, pointing to the kitten in Deja's lap.
Deja looked at Scully and frowned. "Um… yeah..."
"How come?" she asked.
Deja nibbled her bottom lip. "I recently moved here. My landlord doesn't allow pets. He gave me 3 months to find them another owner."
"3 months," the man said, petting Mulder. "That's generous."
"Guess he decided to take pity on me..." Deja said, absentmindedly rubbing her rounded belly.
The woman looked at her curiously. "Are you expecting?"
Deja immediately froze. "No. I mean… y-yes..." she stammered.
The woman smiled. "Congratulations! You may be losing your pets, but at least you're getting a baby!"
"Thanks..." Deja muttered, annoyed. "Are you guys interested or what?"
"Reggie," the woman smiled at her husband. "Would be good practice before we have our own baby."
Reggie picked up Mulder. "It's hard for me to say no to my Cecily," he grinned. "We'll take them both off your hands."
Deja strained a smile as she handed them a folder. "They have all their shots. Scully needs dry food. Mulder is slightly blind in his left eye, so just be wary of him walking into walls sometimes."
"Aww, the little cutie! We'll take good care of him," Cecily said, kissing Mulder's head.
Deja watched the couple nuzzle both of her pets as she swallowed down a sob. "P-please… please take care of them… Show them so much love."
Cecily smiled at Deja. "We will! Promise!"
Deja folded her lawn chair and grabbed the adoption sign as she headed back to her new apartment building. Taking the elevator to the 4th floor, she avoided the people in the hallway and stepped into her lonely apartment.
She tossed her sign and plopped down on the couch, folding her legs beneath her. Grabbing her laptop, she opened it to check her emails when she spotted a green book on the floor. Leaning over, she picked it up.
"...Roselyn's Memoir..."
Sophie had gifted it to her months ago. Before Deja had killed Jax. Before she escaped the Donovans. She would often read a few pages right before bed. Strangely, it helped her sleep.
A FaceTime call popped up on her computer screen, and Deja quickly dropped the book. Wiping the tears from her face, she tried to put on her best smile as she answered.
"Deja!"
"Hi, Mom," Deja tried to speak enthusiastically.
"I just wanted to check in on you to see how you were doing. Your father and I have been worried about you since you won't come home."
"I know," Deja said. "I just… am really deep into this work for the Underwater Forest."
"Well, maybe we can come visit- "
"No!" Deja blurted abruptly. "I mean… we're constantly moving to find the right climate for each life globe. I haven't been in the same spot for more than a week."
Her mother frowned. "Deja… we really miss you..."
Deja tried to fight back her tears. "I-I m-miss you too, Mom. B-but, I um… I promise I'll… I'll figure something out soon."
Her mother looked at her worriedly. "You've gained a little weight in your face… I'm glad you're eating."
Deja tried not to groan. "Yeah, thanks, Mom… I gotta go. Give Pops a hug for me."
Deja quickly ended the call and tossed her computer aside. Her head fell into her hands as she screamed into her palms. Tears streaked down her face as she pulled her hair in angst. After taking a few deep breaths, she grabbed her laptop again and went back to work.
Deja sat in the small garden behind her apartment building.
One of the few promising things about moving across the country to Portland was being close to nature again.
She couldn't tell if her landlord was racist or a creep from the way he sized her up before approving her lease.
And being 1 of 4 Black people in the entire building certainly didn't help.
But tenant access to this beautiful garden made it all worthwhile. It allowed her to get back to her first love.
Deja resigned from her position as a scientist at McIntosh Research Center and took on a remote, independent contractor role. That way, she didn't have to completely remove herself from her project while still remaining hidden.
She tried not to view these changes as a step back in her career, but rather as a challenging new opportunity. Adjusting the glasses on her face, she jotted down notes while inspecting the soil she had sampled.
"You like playing in dirt?"
Deja glanced over her shoulder to see her landlord, Torrence, standing at the door. "Hi, Mr. Torrence. I'm actually working," she said politely.
He snorted. "Playing in dirt is working? Whatever… Long as you make rent. You get ridda dem animals like I said? I don't wanna hafta throw you out, but your 3 months 'bout up-"
"I did," Deja said, trying to hide her irritation. "Earlier this week. They're gone."
"...good..." He stared at her as she focused on her plants. "...you got a boyfriend or somethin'?"
Deja sharply exhaled. "Mr. Torrence, I really just need to work."
"Calm dem titties, girl. Issa simple question," he mocked.
Deja sighed. "Actually, I do," she said dismissively.
"I neva see him 'round here..."
Deja realized he wasn't going to leave her alone. She packed up her notebook and grabbed her samples before standing to her feet as she headed for the door. But Torrence stepped in front of her. "Where you goin'?" he asked.
"Inside," she said, trying to step to the side, but he stepped in front of her. Deja sighed impatiently. "Mr. Torrence."
His gaze lingered on her chest.
"Mr. Torrence!" she snapped.
He raised an annoyed brow. "Your kind not usually ‘round here. You should be nicer to me."
Deja's jaw tensed. "Can you move, please ?"
Grinning, he stepped to the side, letting her through.
Deja rushed to the elevator and returned to her apartment.
Taking deep breaths, she tried to wipe off the icky feeling her landlord gave her.
If it weren't for the fact that she was alone in a new state, she would have told him off and searched for a new place to live.
But her options were as limited as her funds.
Exiting the elevator, she headed for her apartment.
"Baby, what are you doing here?"
Deja instinctively spun around at the sound of Jax's voice. She knew he wasn't there. Shaking her head like the madwoman she had become, she entered her apartment.
Deja stopped rolling her shopping cart when she found the peanut butter and hungrily scanned the variety. Her pregnancy cravings had been driving her crazy. Most of the weight she had gained was from how much she was eating.
She called it comfort food for her crippling depression. Looking up at her favorite chunky peanut butter, she stood on her toes to reach. Deja cringed as her fingers just grazed the jar.
"Need help?"
She glanced over her shoulder at a man wearing blue jeans and a green V-neck sweater, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
"Nope. I'm good," Deja said dismissively.
He watched her as she struggled. "It's really no big deal-" he started.
"I said I'm fine," she snapped.
He sighed, watching her continue to struggle, before he approached her from behind and grabbed the jar.
"I said I didn't need any help!"
"Okayyyyyy, but… you looked like Frodo trying to climb Mount Doom," he said.
"You're hilarious," Deja muttered sarcastically. She stepped on the ledge to reach for another jar.
"Really? You're gonna try again when I'm holding a jar right here?"
"I said, I didn't need your help."
He smiled amusedly. "Wow. You're really stubborn."
"And you're really annoying. Would you just leave me alone?
" she growled. Suddenly, she lost her balance and fell backward.
She felt his hands grab her waist as the back of her head hit his chest. Deja blinked up at him, startled, as he stared down at her.
He had the most striking hazel-green eyes. His gaze softened in awe of her beauty.
But Deja's face quickly twisted into a snarl as she shoved him off of her. "Don't touch me!"
He quickly raised his hands in surrender. "My bad! You looked like you were gonna fall like Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back."
"Wow. You're just full of bad movie metaphors," Deja muttered.
"And you are clearly not nice when you're hangry," he said, looking at the peanut butter jar in his hand. "Chunky, huh? Smooth is elite, but we can't all be perfect."
"Would you just give it to me?" she snapped.
He looked at her, surprised. "Oh, now you want it?"
"You know what-" she said, grabbing her cart.
"I'm just kidding! Sheesh!" he laughed. "My lady," he dramatically bowed, handing it to her. "May it cure your unbridling rage."
Deja sucked her teeth and grabbed the jar, but he wouldn't let go. She looked at him, impatient and annoyed. "You're welcome?" he asked.
"Thanks," she muttered, taking it. He watched her throw the jar in the cart before she walked off.
Holding the half-empty tub of chunky peanut butter in one hand, Deja stared at herself in the mirror, rubbing her belly. Each day, she was starting to show more.
And she hated it.
She hated how drastically her body was changing.
How much her feet had swollen. How few of her clothes fit.
Her skin was breaking out. But most of all…
she hated doing this alone. She wanted so badly to tell her mother.
To run to her for help rather than to Google for guidance.
She was always hungry. Always tired. And her emotions were a wreck.
She often found herself missing Jax...
That scared her the most.
A whirling sound outside snapped her out of her thoughts.
Looking outside the window, she spotted a group of men in the garden.
"Oh fuck!" she blurted. Deja quickly threw on a pair of sweats and an oversized sweater before hurrying to the elevator.
When she got downstairs, she rushed out the door towards the garden, where she saw two men ripping plants out of the ground while another used a weedwhacker.
"Excuse me! Excuse me! " Deja shouted angrily at them.
The man stopped the weedwhacker as she ran up to them.
"What are you doing?!" she blurted. "You're ripping up my plants!
" But the man only looked at her, confused, and pointed to the earbud in his ear.
Deja snarled. " You’re destroying my plants ! " she screamed.
The man merely shrugged, which sent Deja into a fit. She hastily grabbed his weedwhacker, and he looked at her like she was crazy. "What are you doing?!" he blurted.
"You’re destroying my work!" she growled.
"Hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?"
Deja glanced across the garden and saw the same man she had run into at the grocery store, standing in blue jeans, an open red flannel rolled to his elbows, and a plain white T-shirt underneath. He was covered in dirt and grass.
" You?!" they both said simultaneously.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Deja snapped.
"Uh… I'm the Landscape Architect. Mr. Torrence hired me and my guys to work on his property year-round," he said with a raised brow. "...and you?"
"I live here !" Deja snapped. "And your ' guys' ruined my plants!"
He looked down at the garden. "I mean… they're weeds-"
"It's for my job!" Deja snarled. "You know?! How I support myself!"
"Okay..." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well… Can't you just take your work somewhere else?"
"No!" Deja said, annoyed.
He sighed. "Well… At least put the weedwhacker down before you hurt yourself-"
But Deja stepped back from him. "Are you gonna replace my plants?"
"Are you seriously holding my equipment hostage?" he asked.
"Until you fix my plants," she threatened.
He ran his hand over his face in frustration. "Guys, let's call it a day," he instructed his men. Deja watched the men gather and leave before she looked back at the source of her aggravation. "How about we section off a part of the garden for you?" he tried to reason. "I'll fix what they tore up."
Deja looked at him warily. "...fine..."
"Can I have that back now before you chop off a toe?" he asked. Deja reluctantly handed him the machine. He looked at her curiously and smiled. "Look at that… She can be reasonable..."
Rolling her eyes, Deja turned around to head inside. "Wait," he called out. Deja sighed and turned as he approached her. Looking up at him, she realized he was actually… rather handsome...
"Second interaction… figured you should know my name. I'm Caleb," he said, holding out his hand to her.
Deja looked at his hand and then at him. "Congrats," she said sarcastically, before turning around and heading into the building.
Caleb shook his head with a chuckle. "Jeez..."