20. Suffocating Lovers
CHAPTER TWENTY
Suffocating Lovers
“We’re back, bitches!”
Esme pushed through the front door, carrying several shopping bags.
“Did you buy the whole mall?” Keith asked with a raised brow.
“Shut up,” Esme sucked her teeth.
“Almost,” Renee chuckled simultaneously.
“Uh oh! Someone's got a stinky diaper!” Sophie cooed, cradling Chloe.
Dropping her bags, Deja gestured towards the bedroom. “You can help me change her,” Deja offered. Sophie squealed with surprised delight. Deja exchanged glances with Jax before disappearing into the bedroom with his sister.
Disconcerted, Jax looked at Esme. “What-”
“So, here's the deal,” Esme started abruptly.
“We think she's got postpartum depression.” The men looked at her, surprised.
“Don't look at me like that. It's not like being locked up in this rinky-dink cabin with you four watching her every damn move is helping. Especially after what you’ve put her through.”
Jax opened his mouth to protest, but Esme was already cutting him off. “Big Daddy J, I know you want to argue because it’s literally in your Donovan blood to be contrarian, but I need you to listen for a minute, okay?”
Looking at her, annoyed, Jax waited for her to continue.
“Surprised that actually worked,” Esme muttered.
“Look, I know you guys are trying to protect her from these suicidal Reapers who clearly have forgotten just what kind of psychopaths they're dealing with, but you need to do more to make her feel comfortable.”
“Such as?” Caleb asked.
“Treat her to her favorite foods. Buy her shit she'll actually enjoy. Give her some freedom to do the things that she likes to do, even if you have to tag along. Just don't make her feel like an inmate,” Esme insisted.
“What she really needs is to see her family,” Renee added. “This is her first child. And though I'm sure you guys are trying to help her, what she really needs is her mother.”
Jax grunted frustratingly. “That's not an option right now.”
Renee sighed. “Okay, then. Here's some advice- Not because I like you guys since you tried to kill me,” she said quickly. “But because I like Deja.”
Ian smirked. “Noted...”
“To be blunt: Deja is a Black woman. She has needs,” Renee insisted.
“Like...?” Keith probed.
“Like her hair,” Renee started. “Black hair can be extremely fragile and needs constant upkeep. Especially while postpartum. You need to get her some Black hair products. Here. I made a list,” she said, handing Keith a note.
Caleb glanced at the note. “Some of these brands sound familiar...”
“She did tell us about the research you did when she was staying with you. That’s good, but you need to do more,” Renee lectured. “Also, you need to buy her moisturizer. Y'all can't have my girl looking ashy.”
“ Ashy ?” Ian repeated, confused.
“Yes. Like dry and flaky- Look it up, Donovan!” Renee said, annoyed. “Another thing. She's become really self-conscious about all the weight she's gained, so-”
“I actually like the weight on her,” Jax interjected.
“I have to agree. She looks absolutely delectable ...” Ian said, biting his lip.
“Ass like a tank. Backshots gonna sound like a warzone. Can't wait,” Keith grinned, playfully rubbing his hands together. He casually tilted his head to the side as one of Jax’s daggers went flying past his head and lodged into the wall behind him. Caleb shook his head with a groan.
Renee looked between an annoyed Jax and a smirking Keith.
“Okay. Y’all are definitely freaky. But kudos for loving her extra weight.
Make sure she knows,” Renee chuckled nervously.
“Also, consider putting her in therapy. Some women with postpartum depression can be a danger to themselves and their children.
Not saying that's the case with Deja, but… better safe than sorry.”
Esme grinned proudly. “You heard the expert. I have nothing to add.”
Jax nodded gratefully. “Thank you, Renee. This information was invaluable.”
Renee looked at one of the most dangerous men she had ever met, completely shocked by his respect, and nodded.
Tenderly stroking Chloe’s head, Sophie sang a soft melody while Deja changed Chloe's diaper. “She's going to look so adorable in this!” Sophie mused, holding up one of the many outfits she had bought for Chloe. “Promise me you'll send a picture when she tries it on?”
“Of course,” Deja said. She suddenly felt Sophie's gaze shift to her. “Something wrong?”
“I just wanted to apologize again… for killing Carmen,” Sophie started.
Deja's face dropped as she turned her attention back to Chloe. “I really don't wanna talk about that right now-”
“I just need you to understand that I really care about you, Deja. And that I care what you think of me,” Sophie insisted.
“I don't think kindly of anyone who takes glee in killing others,” Deja said bitterly. “I don't care if it's a religious belief. It's wrong.”
“Isn't it religion that determines what's right and wrong?” Sophie asked.
“No. People determine what's right and wrong through their own morality,” Deja argued.
“Are people not taught morality? Are people not taught their beliefs? Is it inherent?” Sophie persisted.
“Sophie, I really don't wanna have this conversation with you,” Deja said, annoyed.
“But how is my religion different from any other religion? Is it also not deserving of respect? What you consider morally bad is simply my duty to my god,” Sophie explained.
“It doesn't matter,” Deja argued. “Killing will never be acceptable.”
Sophie hummed pensively. “What if someone tried to hurt Chloe?”
Deja looked at Sophie, startled. “Is it acceptable then? What about the landlord you killed? Or the Reaper who attacked you? Is it still not acceptable?” Sophie persisted.
“That's different, Sophie. Both cases were self-defense,” Deja argued.
“Is wiping the planet of its destroyers not self-defense just because it's not directed towards you ? Is the earth not worth defending?” Sophie asked curiously.
Deja opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know how to argue against Sophie. What kind of argument could be conjured against someone who genuinely believed their terrible misdeeds were for the greater good of the world?
Sophie caught Deja’s silence and smiled, gently touching her hand.
“I don't want to upset you, Deja. I just want you to understand my perspective. I love this world so very much. Almost as much as I love my god. And I would do anything to protect this world just as much as I would do anything to protect you, Chloe, my brothers… my family. ” Sophie’s smile was…
off-putting . It felt sincere but was enshrouded with disturbing intent.
“Regardless, there is no reason why you had to kill Carmen,” Deja reminded her.
Sophie submissively lowered her eyes. “You're right. I reacted too strongly. I'm… I’m so sorry...”
It was Carmen's death that had launched Deja into depression.
Every day, she missed her friend. But for some reason, she found it difficult to harbor any resentment towards Sophie.
As if she were an abandoned child who didn't know any better.
Desperately clinging to what made her feel safe to be herself.
Somehow, Deja had become Sophie’s safe place.
Sophie grabbed Roselyn's Memoir from the dresser. “There's a chapter where Roselyn talks about the persecution of her people. How she could have saved her people if she had just killed her oppressors sooner,” Sophie hummed.
Deja picked up Chloe. “Is this like the Batman metaphor Keith told me, where Batman lets the Joker go only for the Joker to destroy more lives?" Deja rolled her eyes. "You can't hold one man responsible for another man's actions.”
Sophie smiled curiously. “On the contrary. The Joker is merciful and effective. It's Batman who drags out the cycle of pain.”
Deja snorted. “Siding with the bad guy in a fictional story is the first sign of madness.”
Sophie shrugged. “But who determines who the bad guy is?”
“It's about time,” Esme said, as Sophie and Deja walked out.
“Aht Aht! Get back in there so we can finish unpacking your bags,” Renee shooed Deja back into the bedroom.
Sophie headed to the back of the cabin and stepped outside, where she saw her brothers and cousin speaking in low voices. “Conspiring again, are we?” Sophie hummed.
“You know that's not what we're doing,” Jax said.
Sophie looked around the garden. “Did you create this garden for her, Caleb?”
Caleb folded his arms across his chest, watching her. “I did...”
Sophie crouched down, admiring a rose bush. “I remember when you used to give me flowers. That is… when you still liked me...”
Caleb sighed. “I still like you, Sophie. We’re family.”
Sophie chuckled. “As if that means anything. Jax is my brother, and he locked me away for years ...”
“Sophie-” Jax started.
“I know. You did it to… protect me ,” Sophie smiled. “That's why you have Deja locked up... to protect her. ” Jax irritably looked down at Sophie as she wrapped her arms around his muscular waist and looked up at him with a smile. “Do you still love me, dear brother?” Sophie asked.
“Of course, I do,” Jax sighed.
Sophie stared into Jax's eyes but spoke to her other brothers. “And you, Keith? Ian?”
“Why are you asking these obvious questions?” Ian asked.
“Sometimes a girl just wants to hear that someone loves her...” Sophie smiled.
Keith sharply exhaled. “...you know we do...
Lifting onto her toes, Sophie tenderly caressed Jax's cheek as she held his gaze. “I like seeing you in love. You’re more… human ,” she mused. Jax narrowed his brows as Sophie grabbed his hand. “Do you remember the bunny you got me for my 13th birthday? Mr. Bugsy.”
Jax tilted his head curiously. “...yes...”
“I used to take him everywhere,” she chuckled. “The mall. The movies. School-
“The boys’ restroom where you forced us to beat the dog shit out of the guys you provoked,” Keith said with a raised brow.
Sophie looked up thoughtfully and smiled. “Oh yes! I remember that! That was fun!”
Ian snorted. “For who?”