Chapter 13 Natalya #2
The thought won’t leave my mind and I feel like I’m going crazy. I put the car in drive and make a beeline for the nearest drugstore. It’s probably stress, but if it’s not, I need to know right damned now. Let’s just get this out of the way so that I can focus on more important things.
“I mean, your appetite has really been up lately,” Ilya says.
I’m back at the apartment, sitting on the edge of the tub in the bathroom and waiting for the little stick to tell me whether or not my life is about to change forever.
She’s leaning against the door, waiting with me while she brushes her hair.
When I came back, she was right in the middle of getting dressed.
I rushed in, explaining the whole thing to her in passing as I went into the bathroom.
Now we’re sitting here, waiting. I glance over at her and say, “This is serious, you know.”
“I’m being serious,” she says. “You have been eating more lately. I thought maybe it was just stress. You haven’t exactly had a peaceful couple of months, you know.”
“If only everything could be explained away by that.” I run my hands down my face in exasperation. “I cannot believe one night of pleasure might lead to…” I don’t know how to finish that sentence. I cover my face completely with my hands. “What a mess.”
“Hey, don’t do that,” she says, sitting down next to me. “It’s not all bad, you know. My babushka always used to say that a baby is always a blessing. Even when it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. This could be good for you.”
“Your babushka was an eighty-year-old woman with dementia,” I say. “I don’t think her take on this is valid.”
“I disagree.” Ilya sits up straight, a little bit of her confidence shining through. “If you’re pregnant, then you’ll get the chance to be a better parent than the ogre who raised you. I mean, if you get nothing else when all this is cleared up, you’ll have that.”
I think about that for a moment. My father seemed to cursed the day I was born for my entire life and I never even got to meet my mother.
The circumstance of how I came into this world and into the Petrov bloodline isn’t a great one.
It’s a pretty shitty one, actually. Maybe Ilya is onto something here.
I couldn’t possibly do any worse than them.
My phone chirps, signifying the end of three minutes. Ilya takes my hand and says, “Whatever it says and whatever you decide to do after, I’ve got your back.”
I squeeze her hand. It makes me feel somewhat better to have her on my side. Hell, it feels good to have anybody on my side at this point.
“Okay,” I say. “Let’s have a look.”
It takes me a second, but I find the will to stand up and walk over to the sink. I’m not even all the way there before I see the word in the stick’s tiny window, as bold and unmistakable as day. Pregnant.
I pick up the stick and stare at it. These new pregnancy tests leave little to question. No little double lines, plus or minus signs, or color changes. Just two words so that there is no mistaking it. Pregnant or Not Pregnant.
And…I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. I’m fucking carrying Anton Romanov’s baby.
“Holy shit,” Iyla says as she reads the tiny screen over my shoulder. “So… it’s real now. You’re going to have a baby.”
“Yeah.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes, the room thick with our thoughts. I’m pregnant and among all the possible people who might want to kill me, this baby’s father might be one of them. Would the news of the pending birth of his child change that?
I don’t know. I don’t even know if Anton would even want to be a father in the first place. I know almost nothing about him, in fact. In the end, it might boil down to me and this baby and that’s it. Me and this child. My child. My. Baby.
“You’ve got to meet with Anton in about forty-five minutes,” Ilya says softly. “Are you going to tell him?”
My hand instinctively covers my belly. “No,” I tell her. “I don’t think so.”
She doesn’t say anything to that and I get it. My situation isn’t a usual one. It’s completely extraordinary with extraordinary players. It’s 4D chess on a starship.
“In fact,” I add, “I don’t think I’m going to tell anyone. Who else really deserves to know?”
She blinks at me and I can see the question in her eyes before she asks it. “Not even the father? I mean, he could be on board with this pregnancy.”
I sigh. “Romantic fantasies aside, I don’t really know him.
I had a one-night stand with a Brava boss.
He could be just as cruel as my father. For all I know, he could be a worse father than mine is.
No, this is my secret to keep. Nobody gets to know about this baby but us.
” I look at her, focusing on her so she knows I’m serious.
“No one. Not even Rodney. Got it? All knowledge of this baby stays in this bathroom.”
“Natalya, you can’t keep this baby a secret forever. I mean—”
“I can keep it a secret for now. As far as later… well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Maybe I’ll have enough money to get out of this town by the time I’m showing. My point is that I don’t want anyone to know about this. It’s important. You understand that, right?”
“Yeah,” she says a little tentatively.
“Lee—”
“I got it, okay? Mum’s the word.” She sighs and crosses her arms. “Oh, boy. This is something.”
“Tell me about it.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and glance at the time. “I should get going. I’m going to be late. Will you be here when I get back?”
“Yeah. I’ll be here. Text me when you’re on your way so I know you’re okay.”
“I will.”
I leave the apartment and with every step, I become more and more sure about this decision. This baby is my secret. No one is going to protect it but me, so I need to do just that. I get into my car and start the engine, rubbing my tummy.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe.”