Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Corvus
Hudson stepped out onto the patio, already frowning at me.
It was well past midnight, probably near two or three in the morning.
I’d tried sleeping, but it was evading me.
I could have stayed with Kip and Michelle another night, but I’d wanted to spend the evening with Kreed and Hudson, especially after Kreed had called to inform me my parents had been arrested, one of the heftiest charges being child fucking pornography.
They even had it on VHS cassettes. Videos of me as a little kid.
I’d wanted more details on the arrest and what I might be looking at when it came to their court cases, but I hadn’t wanted to do it over the phone. So, I’d come over for dinner and decided to stay the night.
I still hadn’t told Kip and Michelle about the child pornography, and I wasn’t sure how to. How did I tell them that fuck knew how many people had seen me as a little kid being fucking assaulted? Raped? That they’d sold it and probably made copies?
“Figured you’d be out here,” Hudson mused as he took a seat on my lounger, forcing his body onto the already tight space.
I grunted and frowned at him as I scooted over, the armrest digging into my ribs and hip. “Yo, what the fuck? There are four other fucking loungers you could have picked.”
“Yeah, but they don’t have my moping best friend sitting in them, so it’s not the same,” he retorted.
I scoffed. He was such a dick sometimes.
Hudson crossed his arms over his chest and shifted, getting more comfortable, which just made me more uncomfortable. I wasn’t a big guy, but I wasn’t exactly a twig either. And while Hudson wasn’t muscular, he was broad shouldered and took up a lot of fucking space.
“You’re such a dick,” I griped.
“Takes one to know one, or so I’m told.”
I huffed, half annoyed and half amused.
“What do you want?” I finally asked.
“To know why you’re sitting out here in the middle of the night.
I heard you leave your room. Waited for you to come in, and you never did.
So, now I’m coming to you.” He turned his head, looking at me.
“Thought we went through this bottling up shit once already. Talk to me, Corvus, or I’m calling your Mommy and Daddy. ”
“Oh, fuck you,” I muttered. They definitely wouldn’t be happy to know I was bottling up shit inside again, but old habits died fucking hard, and I was still terrified my shit would make them walk away from me.
Or maybe, they’d run. Any normal, sane person would take off in the other direction to get as fast and as far away from me as they possibly could.
I came with so much baggage.
“You were a kid,” Hudson said quietly. “You realize that, right? Even what they recorded as recently as Thanksgiving isn’t excusable.
You were a victim. You had no idea they were recording what happened to you and selling it.
It doesn’t matter how you try to twist it, Corvus.
They assaulted you. They got what they wanted from you by promising a few months of peace.
People like you and me who haven’t known peace and happiness until now?
We’d do anything to grab it with both hands. No one can fucking fault you for that.”
I blew out a harsh breath. “I don’t know how to tell them any of this,” I confessed.
“They have to know eventually. I know that. They’re going to find out my parents were arrested, and they’re going to find out why.
I need to tell them before they find out elsewhere.
But I’m fucking terrified to, Hudson.” I leaned my head on his shoulder in a rare show of vulnerability.
My best friend wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“What if they decide I have too much baggage? What if—”
The backdoor opened, cutting off my words.
“What if we still just love you anyway, chibi?” Kip asked. Kreed was behind him and Michelle. I swallowed thickly, my stomach turning, threatening to make me puke. I shrank against Hudson’s side, suddenly terrified I’d fucked all this up already.
“I called them before I came out here,” Hudson confessed.
I jerked away from him—well, as far as I could considering he practically had me trapped in the chair.
“Be pissed at me if you want, but I know if I was doing this to myself, you’d tell Kreed.” He squeezed my shoulders then stood, going to his fiancé, who wrapped his arms around Hudson and softly kissed him. “Let them take care of you, bro. They want to, and I want this for you.”
“I hate you,” I muttered, but there was no real heat behind the words.
Hudson smirked. “I know. I’d hate me, too.”
Then, he grabbed Kreed’s hand, and they walked inside, sliding the door shut behind them, officially leaving me alone outside with Michelle and Kip.
Silence stretched between us, and like the stubborn ass I could be, I refused to be the first person to break it. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose them, but I was even more afraid of them knowing everything.
“I think maybe we didn’t lay out the rules clear enough,” Michelle finally said.
I shook my head then scrubbed my hands down my face. “No, you laid them out fine. I broke them. I’m aware of that.” I dropped my hands to my lap. “I know sorry doesn’t change what I did, Mommy. I was aware of what I was doing.”
Kip settled on the end of the lounger. I sat up, crossing my legs. Michelle settled beside me.
“Then why did you?” she asked.
I huffed, staring down at my lap.
“Because I don’t know how to tell either of you this,” I confessed. My hands shook. I fisted them in my lap. I wanted to crawl out of my skin to escape this horrible sensation crawling through my veins—this horror and fear.
“Tell us the easy part. Let’s start there,” Kip suggested.
He hadn’t called me chibi again since he’d first walked out here.
Had I already fucked up everything? In fact, neither of them had called me by my nicknames.
Everything was ruined. All my fears were right.
They were going to make me spill, and instead of me being able to fix what I’d done wrong, or even getting a punishment for breaking their rules, they would walk away because I was right. My baggage was too goddamn much.
“Bub, breathe.” Michelle’s hands were suddenly on my face, and her pretty eyes stared into mine.
At some point, Kip had moved, and he was behind me now, dragging me between his splayed thighs. Hot tears ran unchecked down my cheeks, splashing onto Michelle’s hands.
“Whatever is going on, bub, we’ll help you. I swear we will. But you’ve got to breathe.”
“You’ll leave,” I cried.
“No, chibi, we won’t,” Kip soothed, pressing tender kisses to my bare shoulders. “We’ve got you. We’ve always got you.” He tightened his hold on me. “Deep breath in, okay?”
I sucked in a long breath, forcing my lungs to expand, even though it hurt. I hadn’t even realized I’d spiraled into a panic attack until a whimper escaped my throat.
Michelle stroked her thumbs over my cheeks, never relinquishing her hold on me. “I know, bub. I know. It’ll pass. Release that breath slowly then take another deep breath.”
Once the panic attack had passed, I sank into their holds, tucking my face into Mommy’s neck and trembling through the aftershocks of my panic attack.
“You’re safe,” Michelle whispered. “You’re safe, bub, and we’re not going any fucking where. I swear. We belong to you, you hear me? Always.”