Chapter 31
Wait. What? That wasn’t what she’d meant to say.
What the hell!
“What kiss?” he asked. “Did you kiss someone?”
No, no, no, no, no.
That wasn’t what she’d meant to put in at all. How did that happen? Stupid autocorrect!
“Addie,” he said firmly. “Eyes on me.”
Drat. She raised her gaze to his.
“Now, what kiss?”
Why did he look so grouchy? She hadn’t meant to say kiss.
“I meant to say, want to talk about this?” she typed out.
“This? As in, what just happened before?”
She nodded and typed. “Yeah. That’s what I meant.” Not kiss. Eek.
Cash nodded and sat down on the bed, facing her. “Sorry if I embarrassed you. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She twisted her fingers together. How did she explain this when her emotions were all messed up, and she didn’t want him to know how she felt about him?
“I know I’m not your Daddy,” he told her. “But I also feel responsible for you. Like I said earlier today, you crawled into my truck, and I feel a sense of ownership over you.”
Right. She was the canary and he was the sexy, tattooed, biker guy.
“I shouldn’t have said anything in front of everyone. Do your sisters know you’re a Little?”
She nodded.
“Was it because Butch was there? It’s always because of that bastard.”
Huh? What? She shook her head. “It wasn’t Butch.”
She hated feeling like she was being made fun of. Not that she thought Cash would do that . . . at least she didn’t after thinking it through. In the moment, she’d just reacted.
If they’d had something real, she knew that she wouldn’t have felt this way.
“There’s something more, isn’t there?” he asked.
“It isn’t real.”
“What do you mean, it isn’t real?”
“I know you feel responsible for me, but you aren’t really,” she wrote.
“You aren’t my Daddy Dom. I’m not your .
. . your problem. You’re a good person and you seem to truly care, but you don’t have to pretend to be anything because you think I need it.
I want someone who takes care of me, who is my Daddy, because it’s what he needs and wants as well. Does that make sense?”
Cash was silent for a long moment, and she wondered if she’d said the wrong thing. The last thing she ever wanted was to upset him.
Was she being an idiot? Here he was, watching over them in his free time, maybe even putting his life at risk. And she was complaining because she didn’t like the way he was doing it.
“I’m sorry,” she typed. “Just ignore all that. You can do whatever you want.”
What was she thinking? She always just went along with what anybody else wanted. Why couldn’t she do that now?
Him trying to Daddy her hurt more because it wasn’t real.
But she couldn’t tell him that, could she? That she wanted it to be real, but she knew it never would be. And that it would hurt even more to say goodbye.
Yep, she’d made a total mess of this.
“Why are you apologizing for telling me what you need?” he said to her. “Don’t do that. You told me what was wrong. You were honest with me. I appreciate that. Do you think you’ve upset me?”
She twisted her fingers together. “Haven’t I?”
This time she spoke and her voice seemed to sound a bit better. Or maybe that was wishful thinking.
Suddenly, his hand slid over hers. “Nope, you haven’t. I’m in the wrong here, Addie. And even if I wasn’t, we can still talk about it. We’re adults. We know how to communicate, right?”
He might. She was pretty shitty at the whole communication thing. She tapped at the tablet as if to show him that.
“You know that’s not what I mean by communication. You can still use your words by typing them.”
Darn it.
“What if I don’t want to use my words?” she said, her throat complaining.
Shoot.
“There is nothing wrong with going non-verbal sometimes, as long as you communicate when you need to. Being non-verbal also requires a level of trust. You have to know that the person with you is going to look after you. That they aren’t going to push you too far, or into something that you don’t want. ”
He was right. It would require a lot of trust.
“I get why you feel this way, Addie. We barely know each other, and here I am claiming ownership over you.” He gave her a small smile.
“Would it make a difference if I told you that all of this caught me by surprise too? I wasn’t just trying to give you what I thought you wanted.
My Daddy side wants to look after you, but you can always tell me if you don’t want something.
I’m not ever going to get mad at you for telling me the truth. ”
Jesus, how was he so perfect? It boggled her mind.
It was like someone had reached into her brain and plucked out a man that would be perfect for her. It was just cruel that she couldn’t have him.
“Can I give you a hug?” he asked.
The way she was feeling right now, with her skin all tingly and electric, she might shoot up in flames if he touched her. But there was no way she was saying no.
So she nodded, and then he moved closer, pulling her into his arms and holding her gently. She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed in his scent.
God, he smelled so good.
“Are you sniffing me, Stowaway?” he asked, sounding amused.
She stiffened. Oh my God. She was sniffing him. That was embarrassing.
“Sorry, you smell good,” she said croakily.
Cash leaned back and gave her a stern look. “You’re supposed to be resting your voice, Little girl. Shit. This is going to be hard.”
She bit her lip, wondering if she’d made a mistake. For a few days, she could have a Daddy, and not one who was just doing this out of obligation, but because he actually wanted to.
Addie felt torn. And she also felt like she had to explain part of the reason why she’d run off just before to hide.
She typed into the tablet. “As a kid, I experienced some bullying. And my mother . . . well, she never trusted anyone. It made me very wary and untrusting. Now I worry about being made fun of.”
He frowned. “You shouldn’t be worried about what Ralen or Butch think. Ralen is a Daddy Dom too. And, while it’s hard to believe that anyone would want that overgrown rhinoceros, Butch is too, apparently. Nobody here is making fun of you, I promise. And if they ever did, I’d take care of them.”
That was a vow, a promise.
“I will try to rein myself in. Won’t lie, though, that will be hard. You send my Daddy instincts into overdrive.”
She did? Was that good or bad? She couldn’t really tell.
“So you really like doing this sort of thing?”
“This sort of thing?” he asked.
“Daddying people.” Was Daddying a word? If it wasn’t, it should be.
“I like Daddying you. The truth is that I haven’t done anything like this in a long time. I haven’t been to a club, had a Little as a girlfriend, had any sort of girlfriend in ages. I just haven’t felt in the right headspace.”
But did he feel in that headspace now? Was it this situation?
Or her?
Definitely not you, idiot.
You’re nothing. No one special.
Just a girl who is scared of life. Who can barely speak. Who barely lives. And has so many hangups that she can’t remember a time where she wasn’t scared of something.
No. Definitely not her.
“But you are in the right headspace now?” She typed the words slowly, reading them over before pressing send. It was somehow easier to talk with Batman asking the questions.
He tilted his head to the side as he stared down at her. They were still so close that parts of them were touching.
And those parts of her were all tingling and warm.
“I guess I am. However, I’ll stop.”
Oh shoot. She didn’t want him to do that, though, did she?
She just wasn’t brave enough to tell him that.
“Friends?” he asked, pulling back to smile down at her.
Addie had to fight the urge to cry as she nodded.
“Friends.”