Chapter 42
Cash paused as he walked into the bedroom.
How long had he been gone? He could swear it had only been ten minutes, long enough to warm up some soup and make some sandwiches with soft bread and the crusts cut off. But as he walked back into the bedroom, it felt like he must have been gone for hours.
Because when he’d left, she’d been sitting on a plastic mat he’d placed on the floor, happily playing with a squishy they’d made.
And now she was completely covered in slime and glitter. As she stared up at him, her lower lip started to tremble, and worry flooded him. He set down the tray of food on the bed and rushed over to her.
“Oh, baby. What happened?” he asked. “Did it explode on you or something?
She nodded. “S-sorry.”
“It’s all right. You’re okay. It’s just a bit of slime and mess. There’s nothing to get all upset about.”
Her reaction seemed a bit over the top, and he couldn’t work out why. Was she scared that he was going to get mad?
She pointed at her onesie, where there were patches of slime.
“Are you upset because your onesie got all dirty?” he asked. “We’ll just stick it in the wash.”
She sniffled as tears dripped down her face. And, ignoring the mess, he sat and picked her up, putting her on his lap and holding her in his arms.
Poor baby was trembling.
“It’s all right. You’re okay. We’re going to get you changed and all cleaned up. I’ll wash the onesie. Nothing’s the matter. Nothing’s wrong. Addie’s fine. Addie is a good girl.”
He held her until she stopped shaking, and then he stood with her in his arms and carried her into the bathroom, setting her down on the counter. He turned on the shower since some of the slime seemed to have gotten into her hair.
“Wow, it really went everywhere, didn’t it? You know, if you want pink hair, there are other ways to go about it rather than putting slime all through your hair.”
She sniffled, and he turned back to her in alarm to find her lower lip trembling again.
“Hey, baby. I was just making a joke. Okay? I know you didn’t do that on purpose, and even if you did, who cares? It will all come out. It can all be fixed. There’s nothing to get upset about, all right?”
She nodded. He slowly stripped off her onesie. He wanted to take off the rest of her clothes. But they didn’t have that sort of relationship and it wasn’t his right.
He’d felt bad after that spanking. He hadn’t thought her bottom would get so red and sore-looking. Not that she hadn’t deserved it, but for a moment there, he’d thought that she would be upset. That he might have triggered her.
Cash was very protective of women. He’d never harm one unless they hurt someone he cared about. But he’d nearly messed up by not immediately taking her into his arms and giving her aftercare.
That had been a dumb move.
He wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
“Want me to leave the room so you can get into the shower?”
She stared at the shower, then down at herself, and then at him. Then she wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head.
Surprisingly, she wasn’t even trying to talk.
Maybe this was just all too much for her right now.
“How about we take you down to your underwear?” he suggested. “And then you can just hop in the shower with them on.”
She nodded, and he stripped her off. He noticed that she was wearing a pair of the period panties he’d gotten for her. He tried to keep his gaze averted, his touch light and gentle.
Then he helped her clean up. His movements focused and almost clinical.
Yeah, that should have made her feel better.
Addie was feeling terrible, and she didn’t know what to do about it. It was obvious that Cash didn’t want to touch her. He couldn’t even look at her. His movements were brisk, to the point of being impersonal.
It made her feel terrible, but she couldn’t tell him that. Here he was trying to help her, and she didn’t want to seem ungrateful. She was the idiot who had gotten slime everywhere.
It had gone pop! And somehow landed on her hair, on her face, and on her lovely onesie that he’d just bought her.
Her poor, poor onesie.
Growing up, Addie hadn’t had much and very rarely had she had anything new. Her sisters had given her things of course, but this had come from Cash, so it was special.
Part of her couldn’t believe that he hadn’t gotten upset with her for making such a mess. Her mother would have.
Logically, she knew that she wouldn’t be yelled at now. Or, that if she was, she could just get up and leave.
Sometimes logic didn’t always work, though. Sometimes she operated on pure emotion and feeling, especially when she was in Little headspace.
After drying her off, he wrapped a towel around her. She was still dressed in her wet panties and bra.
“Can I get you some clean underwear?” he asked, running his hand over his hair and looking kind of awkward.
In fact, he almost looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here.
She shook her head. She’d get them herself and get herself dressed.
“Good. Okay. I’ll just take your onesie and put it in the wash.” He moved so quickly, she didn’t even have a chance to react. Right now, she was glad that she was supposed to be resting her voice, because she couldn’t find the words to say anything.
She’d heard what he’d said to Ralen about their relationship, and she still remembered how he had decided that she wasn’t quite right.
Those things had all hurt, but somehow not as much as the way he had treated her in the shower just now. As though she was an object rather than a person.
Moving into the bedroom, she grabbed a bra and some more period panties and took them back to the bathroom to get dressed. Luckily, her panties hadn’t leaked in the shower. That would have been embarrassing.
Walking into the bedroom, she found her hoodie and tights, pulling them on. And then she started to tidy up the mess.
At least everything had landed on the mat and not the carpet. That would’ve been terrible.
And not a very nice way to pay Ink back for all the things that he’d done for them.
“What are you doing?” Cash asked as he walked into the room. “I would have cleaned that up.”
She shrugged. Well, now he didn’t have to, did he?
“Here, hop up and let me do that.” He reached out for her, and she shied back away from him.
They both froze. She hadn’t actually meant to do that. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, just something that had happened.
Oh, no. Why did she do that?
“Addie, you’re scared of me?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“I need you to use your words.”
He grabbed the tablet. She stared down at it for a long moment. How on earth did she explain any of this without making herself feel like an idiot or giving away how she felt about him.
So she decided to give him part of the reason why she was feeling off right now.
“When I was a kid and I made a mess, my mother would scream at me. She’d get so mad.”
“But you know I would never do that, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course, sorry. It was just an instinct thing, I think. I feel a bit overstimulated or something. Like my skin is all weird, and I don’t want to be touched. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, eyes on me,” he commanded, waiting until she raised her gaze to his. “Never say sorry for your needs, Addie. Understand me? All I want to know is how to help you.”
Right, because he was a great guy.
“I can’t believe that no one helped you get away from that abusive woman,” he said angrily.
“She never hit me or anything. In fact, there were days she barely spoke to me at all or noticed I was alive. I guess it depended on how she was feeling that day.”
“She was neglectful and abusive, Addie.”
She nodded sadly. “What was your mom like?”
He’d mentioned a few things about his family but she wanted to know more.
Cash sat on the floor, resting his back against the end of the bed. “I think I told you that my mom worked a lot after our dad died in a car accident. She had to in order to pay the bills and keep food on the table. And my older brother, Aidan, he looked after Greer and me.”
Without thought, she reached over and placed her hand on his. If he’d moved away from her, she would have been so upset. But he simply turned his hand and took her hand with his. That felt amazing.
“I remember that my mom used to sing and dance a lot. That she’d twirl around the kitchen and laugh.
Then after dad died, she lost that spark.
That joy. I don’t think it was just having to work all the time.
I think she died a little when he did. Sometimes, when she wasn’t too tired, she’d tell us stories about our dad.
About what adventures he got up to before they got married and had us.
” He shook his head. “I got into trouble with Ralen. I fucking hate that now. That I caused my mom, Aidan, and Greer so much grief. I don’t know what my problem was.
I think I was just acting out, frustrated that Dad had died and Aidan was trying to boss me around.
He was looking out for me, but in my mind, he was just being a bossy older brother, and I didn’t want to listen to him.
I really should have. Soon after I disappeared, Mom died. She died thinking that I was dead.”
Oh God. That was terrible.
“I should’ve found a way to contact her.
I was so dumb. I thought that if I did that my family would be harmed, because the Devil would figure out that we were alive somehow.
Maybe he would have. Maybe I was right to keep quiet to keep Greer and Aidan safe.
But I just wish that Mom could have known I was still alive. ”
That must have been so hard for him. And she didn’t know what to say to make him feel better.
“You did what you thought was right,” she told him, typing it out. “And I’m sure that she knows that now. I’m sure she never stopped loving you either.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I also wish I’d been there for Greer.
She was attacked by her boyfriend. Aidan beat him up and was charged with assault.
When I found out, I sent a . . . a friend to watch over Greer.
He took things a little seriously, let’s say, and helped her out in more ways than I thought he would, which I am grateful for.
But poor Greer thought she had some sort of helpful stalker. ”
Her eyes widened. Oh, no, poor Greer.
“I just feel guilty that I was never here for them when they’d always been there for me. That’s why I’m glad I’m back here, so I can help them as much as possible.”
“Does that help, including giving Hack a hard time for being Greer’s fiancé?”
He grinned. “Got to make up for lost time. I’m just worried that one day I’ll get moved on, and I’ll have to say goodbye to them again. I mean, at least this time, they’ll know I’m alive. They’ll know where I am. But it’s hard having someone else call those sorts of shots for you.”
“You think Bonnie would make you move?”
“Not Bonnie. But if her stepbrother wanted her back in Mexico, then we’d probably go too.”
Oh, well, that would really suck. It must feel like he wasn’t in control of his life at all. Was that part of the reason why he enjoyed being in control of her?
It made sense. It wasn’t really about her. She was a convenient outlet for his need to be in control.
Not that she thought he was being mean or anything. It just was what it was.
“What shall we do now? We could watch a movie and eat some lunch that I can reheat.”
She nodded. Zoning out and watching a movie actually sounded perfect.
“You need to eat some more, Little Stowaway,” Cash said to her as she set down her sandwich. She’d barely touched it or her soup.
They’d turned a movie on and were sitting up in bed watching it. But something felt a bit off about it all, as though she was pulling away from him.
Before, when she’d physically flinched back it had hurt, he’d been worried that he’d upset her by showering her.
“Not feeling that hungry.”
At least she was fully resting her throat now. He wasn’t sure if that was due to the spanking, or something else. She shifted around on her bottom.
“Is your bottom sore?” he asked. “Is that why you don’t feel like eating?”
Shit. Had he pushed her too far?
His downfall was acting without thinking. Believing that he knew everything. But that had led to mistakes that he couldn’t take back, and he was determined not to do that again.
She shook her head. “No, of course not. It’s fine. I’m all right. Just not hungry.”
“How about if Daddy feeds you?” he asked.
She gave him a surprised look. “You’d want to do that?”
“Of course I do. I want to do as much as you’ll let me. I’ve told you that’s what makes me feel good, being in control, making the decisions. Although I might be fucking them all up.”
“You’re not,” she told him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it firmly. “Honestly, you’re not. You’re perfect.”
He snorted. “I’m far from perfect, baby girl. Come on, eat a couple more bites for Daddy,” he told her. “Do you want me to do a choo-choo train? How about a flying jet? Oh, I could do a sandwich riding on the back of a tiger. Grr, grr.”
She let out a giggle, and he smiled. He loved it when she was happy.
A knock on the door had them both looking over. “You guys need to come out. Ink’s here,” Ralen called out.
Shoot.
Moment over. Reality was back.