Chapter 48
Addie had thought she’d feel better at home, surrounded by her things in a familiar space. But she’d been here a couple of days now, and nothing felt right.
It was like there was an itch under her skin that she couldn’t get to, as though she’d started a puzzle and hadn’t finished it.
It was just frustration, and it was making her grouchy.
Picking up her phone, she checked it again for the umpteenth time. She’d messaged Cash when they were at the airport. She hadn’t been able to help herself, and it had felt rude to leave without at least saying thank you.
Why wasn’t he replying?
Scrolling back, she looked at the message she’d sent.
Addie: We’re at the airport, Cash. I just wanted to say thank you for everything.
You and Ralen saved me. You looked after me when other people would have just ignored me.
And you taught me that I can be safe in someone’s arms. That I can be myself without fear of being ridiculed.
So thank you. Maybe one day we’ll meet again.
Should she have sent it? Was it too much? Had it been ridiculous? Why hadn’t he replied?
Did he hate her now? That was it, wasn’t it? He hated her. It was the only explanation.
Addie, you’re acting like an idiot. Of course he doesn’t hate you, why would he hate you? That was a really nice message, and he’s just being a dick.
Or he hadn’t seen the message, which is what she’d told herself for a while. But surely he had to have seen it by now.
She sat back in front of her computer. They’d arrived home late the day before yesterday. She’d spent all day yesterday playing catch-up.
She still had a lot of work to do, but she couldn’t seem to concentrate. Her focus was all over the place. Addie decided to go check on Monroe. She was still worried about her middle sister. She seemed so lost.
And Addie didn’t think she’d left the house yet. Which was very unusual for Monroe. She was hardly ever home. If she wasn’t working, she was out with friends. She was the social butterfly amongst them.
Walking to her bedroom, she knocked on the door, and it shifted slightly.
“Come in,” Monroe called out.
Addie walked in to find Monroe actually up and dressed, which was better than yesterday. She was sitting at her vanity and putting on her makeup.
“Are you going out?”
“Yeah, I thought I’d go to work and talk to Mike, see if I can get back to work. It’s time to get back into the swing of things, don’t you think?”
Addie nodded and forced herself to smile. Was she the only one who felt like their lives had been changed forever by what had happened?
Surely Monroe had to feel a bit that way. After all, she’d been married, and then her husband got murdered. No one knew why yet. They still hadn’t found Limpy.
At least there hadn’t been any problems at the airport. She’d been so nervous as they’d sat there waiting, even though they’d had Butch and Ink with them.
She’d been grateful to get on the plane, but it had also seemed bittersweet. Because she knew the likelihood of ever returning were slim to none.
Then there had been more nerves when they’d arrived at their house. Addie had worried that someone would be there waiting for them. Her imagination had gone into overdrive, imagining the worst happening.
But when they got home, everything had been how they’d left it. There hadn’t been anyone waiting for them. No one had broken in.
She’d felt weirdly let down and now she wondered if she’d gotten addicted to the adrenaline. Which was kind of ridiculous, because all she’d ever wanted was a quiet, easy life.
Alone.
But was she alone because she wanted to be, or because it was safer to be? Because those were two different things, unfortunately.
“Will you be all right here on your own, babes?” Monroe asked, getting up and walking over to take her hands in hers. “I can stay if you’re feeling anxious.”
“No, no, you need to get out and go back to work and do what you need to do. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m just going to do some work, eat some food.”
Food probably wouldn’t be a bad idea. Her stomach had been tied up in knots ever since Cash had left. And she hadn’t been able to force herself to eat anything much.
And what she had eaten, he’d be horrified about.
Was it her imagination, or did disappointment fill Monroe’s face for a second?
Had she been hoping that Addie would say she needed her to stay? Before she could question her sister, Monroe was slipping past her and heading toward the front door.
“Right, babes. I’ll be on my way. If you need anything, let me know.”
Addie nodded and, turning, headed back to her bedroom. She settled in to do some work after looking at her phone one more time.
Was it really so hard just to message her back?
Why was it so hard to message her back?
Cash stared down at his phone in his hand and read the message she’d sent him for the umpteenth time.
The first time he’d read it after replacing his phone, he’d instantly wanted to call her, to tell her he was coming to get her, that they’d somehow make it work.
However, he’d stopped himself from acting impulsively. Because his life wasn’t his own. He couldn’t move to Las Vegas and he wasn’t even sure how long he’d be here in Billings.
So he hadn’t replied, and now he was just sitting here, staring at his phone, willing his fingers to work.
“Fuck,” he said as he set it aside, tapping his fingers on the armrest of the armchair.
“I can’t get hold of Ortega,” Ralen said. “What the hell is he thinking? He calls us over to him to help him get rid of some dead bodies, tells us that he has met the love of his life but has to convince her to be his. And then he disappears on us. I mean, what the hell is going on with him?”
“Maybe he really is in love,” Cash suggested. “I’ve heard it can do strange things to people.”
“Ortega in love? He’s not really the lovey-dovey type.”
“Do you have to be the lovey-dovey type to be in love with someone?” Cash asked. “Are we lovey-dovey types?”
“Probably not. That’s why we’ve never been in love.”
Yeah, that was right. They’d never been in love.
He picked up his phone again, rereading the message. All of a sudden, it was plucked out of his hand. “Hey, fucker, give that back.”
“No, I’m sick of you looking at something on your phone. I want to know what it is since you won’t tell me.”
“The reason I won’t tell you is because I don’t want you to know.”
Cash stood, ready to grab his phone back off Ralen, but it was too late. The other man was frowning down at the message. “Addie left this for you?”
“Yeah, she did.”
“And you haven’t replied? You asshole.”
“Look, we’ve had a few busy days, all right? I lost my phone, then I was trying to think of the right thing to say, and the words just won’t come. Should I just walk away? It would be better for her, right?”
Ralen sat in an armchair and rubbed at his forehead for a long moment. Why did he look so pensive?
He wasn’t the dick who hadn’t messaged her back yet.
“It’s a really nice message,” Ralen told him.
“I know, man. That’s why I don’t know how to reply. I don’t know how to say something nice back.”
“Could you do it in person?” Ralen asked.
“What do you mean, could I do it in person? She’s not here anymore.”
“But if she was, you could, right? You could say something in person. You’re just struggling to write it down.”
Cash wasn’t sure. And he didn’t see how it mattered. She wasn’t here. He should have messaged her straight away. Now she was going to think that he was avoiding her or something.
Not that he’d been an idiot who fucking dropped his phone in a vat of acid.
It had been a rookie move, but his mind had been on other things.
Like the girl that you can’t stop thinking about.
“Why don’t you go to her?” Ralen suggested.
Cash gaped at him. “What?”
He hadn’t really suggested that, had he?
“Why would I go to her?”
“To reply to the text message, man,” Ralen said to him. “If you can’t do it via text, then go to her. Tell her in person.”
“What? Fly all the way to Las Vegas and back in a day just to give her a reply to a text message?”
“I mean, you could stay overnight.”
“But what would be the point? Yeah, I could reply to her, but it’s not like I’m ever going to see her again. It’s not like we are going to be something together. So wouldn’t flying down to see her be excessive? Maybe even send the wrong message?”
“Send the wrong message? Are you fucking kidding me?” Ralen asked. “What kind of message do you want to send? That girl said that she felt safe with you when she wasn’t used to feeling safe. Ever. Remember the girl we found under the tarp, shaking and silent with those big scared eyes?”
“Of course I do. It wasn’t that long ago we found her.”
“Right. And remember the girl we made squishies with? The way she giggled at all our jokes? The way she called you Daddy.”
Cash clenched his fists. What the fuck was Ralen getting at? Of course he remembered that.
“Yeah, of course I do.”
“And you feel nothing for her? Nothing in return?”
“Of course I feel something for her, Ralen. But that doesn’t matter.”
“Why not?” Ralen asked.
Cash threw his hands up into the air. “Because nothing can ever come of it.”
“Why not?”
“Dude, are you like a broken record at the moment? Because we can’t be together, because she lives in a different city, in a different state.
Because I’m stuck here guarding Bonnie. Because I signed my life over to Dante years ago when I thought my family was in danger.
There’s a part of me now that wonders if they even were. My life isn’t my own.”
“So what? You’re allowed to fall in love with someone. Dante isn’t going to stop you from doing that.”
“Yeah, but he is going to stop me from leaving Billings when he wants me here.”
“So she moves here. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal for Addie. That would mean moving away from her sisters. That’s where her stuff is. She feels better when she’s in a comfortable environment.”
“She sure seemed happy enough when she was making squishies with us.”