Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Alder
The wind kicked around me and the sand from the baseball diamonds blasted me in the face. I squinted behind my sunglasses, but that didn’t stop grit from getting in my eyes. When I clenched my jaw, my teeth crunched over fine grains.
I had only played baseball when I was growing up because it was what kids did and I got out of chores. I had eventually realized that chores had waited for me. But I had stayed on the team because Jasper and our sisters couldn’t bug me. Then I’d met Daisy and almost quit to spend more time with her, but she’d come to all my games.
I checked my phone for the millionth time. She should be arriving in Grand Forks anytime.
“I got this one,” Matthew said and led a five-year-old boy to the tee. We took turns helping position the kids. The other team’s coaches were in the infield, directing players on where they should be throwing the ball. Two kids weren’t paying attention and were tying their shoes. I wanted to tell them not to bother, their shoes would never be tied. Never. All the kids tied their shoes. Over and over and over.
I’d find it humorous, but last night was bothering me. And this morning.
Nothing had happened, and that was just it. I’d had a farmer’s market meeting after work and it went long. The committee wanted to restructure their hours and their offerings. The debate on what booths to allow in beyond those who were local had raged late into the evening.
I had missed Daisy’s text until a half hour after she sent it. Two committee members had been in tears after one had accused the other of ordering goat milk soap off some cheap site and selling it as homemade.
I snuck a peek at the text as if I was checking the time. Going to Grand Forks tomorrow. Mom’s in the hospital. I’m going to bed, so don’t call, please. I’ll be leaving early.
To make sure she’d gotten her sleep, I hadn’t crawled in with her. Then this morning, I’d been up bright and early, but she’d already gone.
I gritted my teeth. More sand ground between my molars. I took a drink from my mug. God, that tasted like dirt too.
“Hey, Coach?” asked a high-pitched voice.
I looked down. “Yeah, Braxton.”
I had a Jaxon—and a Jackson—and a Paxton in addition to Braxton. I was getting better at remembering their names.
“My mom said you used to be called Crazy A.”
A spot between my shoulder blades ached. Who was his mom? It had taken me a while to date again after Daisy, and not until I had moved for school, so I was fairly sure I hadn’t slept with this kid’s mom. “Yep. I used to make bad choices.”
“Oh. Me too.” He dug his tiny cleat into the dirt. I still couldn’t believe they made them that small.
“We all do, but it’s important to try to keep making good ones.”
“Mom said you used to buy a lot of beer and chips.”
Ah. She had worked at the gas station. Off-sale liquor on one side. Chips on the other. “I don’t anymore. I buy lots of kombucha and broccoli now.”
He gave me a look that asked why the hell I would do that.
Matthew jogged in, gesturing for me and Braxton to head out. I led Braxton out for his turn at bat. He was the most experienced, and his dad was the loudest in the stands.
The whole time, my mind was on Daisy. I had wanted to call, but Matthew had phoned right away to arrange coolers of water and snacks. Then the texts from parents had started.
Jaxon will be late. His dad hasn’t picked him up yet.
Jackson won’t be there for the last game. He has swimming lessons.
Does Paxton need his team shirt or will any blue shirt do?
I hadn’t been able to call Daisy yet either. We’d had an eight o’clock game.
Who the hell scheduled a tournament for T-ball? And who made the first game at eight in the morning? In between the first and second games, I’d been recruited to help with another team. Their coach had food poisoning.
Braxton made contact with the ball just as another gust of wind blew up, stopping it three feet from home plate. I tucked the brim of my hat down and jogged with him to first base as the other team scrambled to figure out who should field the ball and where to throw it.
Six batters down. Six more to go.
An hour later, the game was done, but Matthew and I had to run down kids and parents with forgotten water bottles, mitts, and hats.
Matthew approached me after one such sprint. “Hey, Alder. Want to go over next week’s schedule with me?”
No. Fuck no. “I’ve gotta give Daisy a call.”
“No problem.” He brandished some papers. One was a calendar with writing on almost every day. “I’ll only be a second.”
“Matty, I’ve gotta call Daisy. Her mom’s in the hospital, and I need to check in.”
“Oh, shit. Yeah, give her a call. Hope everything’s okay.”
I didn’t acknowledge him as I turned away and pulled up her number.
It rang a few times before she answered with a quiet, “Hello?”
“Hey. Did you get there okay?”
“Yeah, I got here half an hour ago. She’s getting an endoscopy right now. I’m in the waiting room.”
“How are you?”
“You know. Fine.”
I didn’t expect her to answer any other way. But it was me. “Daisy.”
“What? We’re just waiting. She’s pale and chilly, but other than that, she seems good. It’s just test and wait, test and wait now.”
Daisy had worked in hospitals. The environment wasn’t shocking to her, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t worried. “I’m sorry. About last night.”
“It’s fine.” Her tone was slightly more aloof than before.
“The farmer’s market meeting got wild.”
Her chuckle was soft. “I didn’t expect those words to go together.”
“Lots of accusations about what constitutes locally grown. But I’m sorry. I should’ve been there. I tried to catch you this morning.”
“I didn’t want to wake you,” she said. “I was stopping in Bismarck for breakfast and caffeine, so I left a little earlier than planned.”
“I’m just glad you made it. Wish I could’ve gone with you.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be here.”
“Right.” I hadn’t thought of that, but I could’ve gone for the weekend. Instead, I had obligations that included game times and dust. “Do you need any help with Laila?”
“Jason’s got it covered.”
“Okay.” I struggled for a way to lend a hand, but she’d been handling her life without me for a long time. I could at least be her sounding board. “Keep me posted. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
After we disconnected, I stared at the empty lot. Sand hit my face, and wind whipped my shirt around my torso. Tall clouds gathered on the horizon. The heat and winds would kick up a storm.
I hadn’t been there for her when she needed me, but there was a part of me asking how hard she’d tried to get ahold of me.
I pulled into the garage after another late goddamn farmer’s market meeting. No wonder Isla had needed help. The committee met once a week for no less than three hours at a time, then at least two of us needed to be present for the twice-a-week markets, not to mention the admin work that had to be done, the emails, and the calls.
In no world did I care about heirloom tomatoes enough to argue over the definition of them.
I’d been tempted to take tomorrow off and get a three-day weekend. Maybe I could sneak away and hang out at Daisy’s side and help with her mom. No luck. I’d been busy with T-ball all week. Why did they need so many practices?
My phone buzzed. I was still sitting in the car, so I checked it.
Jasper: You bringing the wife and kid out to ride?
My interest reared up. Daisy might love that. Would Laila? If they did, I could fix fences next summer and find a horse or two. I could teach Laila to ride around my coaching…and the tournaments. The farmer’s market.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. At least I’d gotten off early today. Daisy would be home soon from Grand Forks. I had fully supported her absence. She’d needed to be with her mom, but I had missed her. I had missed going to bed knowing she was under the same roof. I had missed hearing her and Laila get ready for bed, and I had missed being asked to read a story at least one night a week.
I collected the mail I had grabbed from the box at the end of the driveway and walked into the house, flipping through the various envelopes. Junk mail, car warranty offers, and a credit card bill.
Frowning, I went to the pile of mail I’d collected for Daisy over the week and sifted through it. Another credit card statement. A third credit card statement.
“What the fuck?”
A fourth credit card statement.
I tossed the mail down. Daisy usually checked the mail since she was home first, and I never saw her stuff. We were married, but she’d been keeping things very much separate.
Four credit card statements? I propped my hands on my hips and pondered them. What the hell?
She was on her way home. Would she talk to me?
I only had a minute to ponder before the garage door opened.
I met her at the door to the garage. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she barely lifted her feet off the floor.
“Hey.” I pulled her in for a long hug and let the door close behind her. “No Laila?”
She exhaled and melted into me like she’d craved warmth and comfort after getting only hard hospital chairs. “I wanted to come home and decompress first. She’ll be excited, and I’m worn out.”
“Are you hungry?” I asked without letting up.
She shook her head. “No. I don’t have much of an appetite.” She eased out of my hold and toed her shoes off.
I took her suitcase from her and followed her to the bedroom.
She sank onto the edge of the bed and closed her eyes. “When I wasn’t at the hospital, I was cleaning.”
“Was it worse than you thought?” She’d told me her plans to assist her mom by getting groceries and tidying up her place.
She scrunched her face up, like she was keeping tears at bay. “Her house wasn’t as bad as Lee’s, but…” Color leached from her cheeks. “It wasn’t good.”
“Yet you stayed there?”
She dipped her head. “Couldn’t afford a hotel room, and I didn’t want her to leave the hospital and come home to an empty house.”
Four credit card bills supported her first statement. Goddammit, were they why she couldn’t get herself a decent place and remarried me?
I would be grateful for her debt, but frustration built that she hadn’t talked to me about them. I understood she might be embarrassed. She had gone into debt while I had built myself an admirable nest egg.
“She can’t live like that. Her house is too big and she’s…” Her expression almost crumpled again. “She looked so frail. She hadn’t mowed the grass for a month. I did that, and I cleaned out her fridge. And the freezer.” She shuddered.
I took a seat next to her. This was one of those moments she didn’t want to be smothered. I gripped the edge of the mattress instead of pulling her into me once more. “Does she realize how she’s living?”
“Yeah,” she said on another sigh. “We talked about that. She wants to move, but she hasn’t had the energy to start looking for a new place. I guess an ulcer will do that to a person.” She picked at the bottom off her shirt. “I’m going to help her. I’ll get Laila after school tomorrow, and we’ll head back.”
“Another trip?”
“I’ve gotta get as much cleaned out as I can. Mom’s not a saver, but she still has lots of impulse buys stashed around the house.” She gave me a tight smile. Stress lined her eyes. “We’ll come home Sunday, and next week, I’ll make calls. She’d like senior housing. Smaller and no lawn to care for.”
Then Daisy would want to return again to help her mom move. “Is she staying in Grand Forks or moving closer to you?”
“She wants the amenities. I can’t blame her.” Daisy mumbled the last part. “Hopefully we can get it all done before the snow flies.”
“I’ll be here to help.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Was her default still not to rely on me? I tipped her chin up with two fingers. “I’m here for you. We’re in this together.” It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her about the credit card bills. To ask why she hadn’t talked to me. But she’d had a hard week, and she was emotionally ragged. Now wasn’t the time.
“Tell me something that isn’t depressing,” she said. “Something that doesn’t remind me of my brother, or my mom’s move, or…everything else.”
“Everything else?” I asked. “What other things are stressing you?” This was her opening. She could talk to me. We’d reached that point, hadn’t we?
“Just, you know, life.”
Disappointment curled through my gut. We’d been together again for six months. What more did I have to do to show her she could rely on me? “Jasper invited all of us out. Said we could ride. Whatever time works for us, he’ll make it work for him.”
“Oh.” Her mouth formed a troubled line. “It’s turning out to be a busy summer.”
“I can tell him that we’ll have to wait and see.” I stuffed my disappointment away. She had enough stress, and the trip wouldn’t be fun if she felt like she had to cram it in. “It’s not horses, but I was asked to join the baseball club board.”
She pulled back. “That’s quite a promotion from first-time coach.”
“That’s how it is for me. Straight to the top.”
Her laugh gusted out of her.
I grinned. “You know how those things are? They’re usually desperate for people, and I’m an easy target. They can sense it.”
“You’re going to earn yourself another nickname, Duke.”
I traced a finger down her soft cheek. “I like being known as Daisy’s husband.”
She licked her bottom lip. “People know you as that?”
“They’re starting to. I’ll have to take you out more often. And I want to get my girls to one of my games.”
Her mouth curled up. “I get to tell everyone the hot coach is mine.”
I put my mouth to her ear. “I have a big whistle.”
Her laugh was strong and genuine. My mission was accomplished. She was out of her head, out of the stress cycle, but she could so easily slip back in.
“Still need help decompressing?” I asked.
Her mouth was millimeters from mine. “Think you can help with that?”
I captured her mouth with mine and lifted her onto my lap. She twisted so she was straddling me. My dick got the message and blood immediately rerouted. The desire I’d kept contained all week poured through my veins.
“I need to be in you,” I growled out against her mouth.
“I need it too.” There was more weight to her words. She wasn’t saying it because she was turned on. She needed it. She needed the release. The connection.
Yet as I undressed her, standing her up long enough to get her pants down and to jerk mine off, I couldn’t escape the feeling that no matter how much sex we had, how much I reassured her that I would be there for her this time, I only got a part of her.
Arousal blurred my concerns as she sank onto my shaft. I rolled my hips and pumped into her. She dropped her head back and rode me.
I tugged her shirt over her head and let it fall to the floor. Her breasts jiggled in front of my face. I yanked my own sweater off and tossed it.
“Daisy, I fucking love you.”
She braced herself on my shoulders and met my gaze. “I love you too, Alder.”
When she said my name like that, I was the Alder she had trusted. We were teens again, and it was the two of us against the world. We were partners.
I shoved a hand through her hair and held her close, our mouths millimeters apart. Her breath puffed across my lips as her pleasure rose. She was climbing toward her peak.
“I’m yours,” I said roughly. “I’ve only ever been yours.”
“Yes,” she said on a pant.
“And you’re mine.”
She nodded, and her body clenched around me, gripping and rippling over my cock. I was going to explode soon but not before her.
“You’re mine,” I repeated. “And I’m yours.”
That was all I could get out as my vision went fuzzy. Energy zinged down my spine and heat exploded through every cell of my body just as she tensed. My name echoed off the walls.
We came together, pumping against each other, milking every last ounce of pleasure. Our kisses were erratic and messy.
She slumped against me with a whimper. “I really did need that,” she murmured.
She had. But did she really need me?
The question haunted me as I rose, holding her to me. I tucked her into her side of the bed, got her a warm washcloth to clean herself up, then climbed in next to her.
The room was dark, and she rolled toward me.
“You have me,” I said.
“I know,” she replied, her voice drowsy.
“You can trust me.”
“I do,” she murmured a second before her breathing fell even.
“You can count on me,” I said. Asleep or not, would she have heard?