34. Prime
PRIME
Kira answers the door. Stellan’s wife puts a hand on her hips. “Well, well, look at this. You don’t appear on our front step often.”
“Is he home?”
“He might be. Must be pretty important.”
“I need to talk to him.”
She considers me and steps aside. “You’re always welcome.”
I slip past her. “Maybe not after this.”
“You in trouble again, Prime?”
“More like bringing it. Sorry in advance.”
She laughs and touches my arm. “After what you did for us? Stellan comes off like a hard ass, but I’m pretty sure he’ll do anything for you.”
“We’ll see.”
She drops me off in Stellan’s office and promises to bring him over.
I can’t sit still and end up pacing near the books.
Photographs line the wall to the left. Stellan’s parents, old Capos from the Famiglia, Stellan and Kira standing with Kira’s sister Gem at her first day of college, a little baby in Kira’s arms. A nice family, if you can ignore all the murdering.
“My wife said today was going to be a good day.” Stellan enters the room. He pauses when he spots me. “I have a feeling she was wrong.”
“Good to see you too.”
“I hope so. Sit down. Want a drink?”
“Always.”
“Sounds like you need the good stuff.” Stellan pours two glasses from a decanter. I sip old, barrel aged bourbon. It warms my chest as my friend and boss settles himself behind his desk. “I’m going to take one guess at why you’re here.”
“It’s Fontana.”
He doesn’t look remotely surprised. “I’ve been waiting for this visit.”
I stiffen, gripping my glass. “What’s that mean?”
“You think I don’t know what goes on in my own fucking business?” Stellan leans forward. He doesn’t seem angry, exactly, more like he’s annoyed. “You think I don’t get a call when a mysterious drug shipment goes through my depot?”
I scratch my scalp. “I called in favors.”
“And your favors are clearly worth shit. What did you get yourself into?”
“I wanted to fix it on my own, I really did.”
“How’d that go?”
“Bad.”
“Start talking.”
I tell him everything. I go all the way to the beginning.
It pours out and I hate it, like I’m puking and puking and can’t stop spewing sick bile.
I tell him about Alfonso and Shawn, I tell him about the hate I’ve carried all these years, the way I’ve shut myself down, distanced myself, only felt safe enough with him because he can handle his own business.
I talk about getting a chance at Fontana, about marrying Deanna, about all that planning and self-destruction coming undone the second I kissed her that first time.
I tell him about the trap I blunder into.
“You should have come to me sooner.” Stellan swirls his glass. He’s a strong man and not fast to anger. If I were in his position, I’d be beating me to death already.
“Didn’t think I could.”
“Can’t blame you there. You fucked up, Prime.”
“I know.”
“What did I tell you? From the fucking start?”
“I know, Stellan. I’m sorry.” I drain my glass and dredge the last of my truth from my chest, the final piece that fits it all together.
“I didn’t think I’d still be around. There was no after.
I always knew killing Fontana would be killing myself too, and I judged that a fair trade in the end.
I felt bad, going against your orders, but I figured it wouldn’t matter once I was gone. ”
“What changed?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious. “You know where he lives. Why not show up and shoot him in the face?”
“Deanna. Didn’t mean for her to happen.”
“Just thought you were marrying your personal assistant?”
“Pretty much.”
“God, you stupid fucking asshole.”
I narrow my eyes. “That’s probably fair.”
“You love her, don’t you?” He shakes his glass at me. “Don’t do your usual Prime bullshit and make some joke. Tell me straight.”
“I love her. I think I’ve loved her a long time.”
“No kidding. Fuck.” He leans his head back with a groan. “I owe Kira a new car.”
“The hell?”
“We made a bet a couple years back. She said you’d eventually figure out how you felt about Deanna. I said it’d never happen. Guess I should’ve been more optimistic about your emotional range.”
“Jesus Christ, you two are gambling on my love life?”
“Yeah, and I lost. What a bad day. I have to tell my wife she beat me, and I have to drag my dumbass Capo from a jam.”
I sink back into my seat. “Yeah, alright. I deserve that.”
“You do.” My friend Stellan fades. My Don Stellan takes his place. He sits straighter. “You went against what I asked. What happens to traitors in the Famiglia?”
“They die.”
“Should I put a bullet in your head right now, Prime?”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“It’d hurt Deanna.”
That seems to satisfy him. He rests his elbows on the desk.
“Alright. Listen to me. There will be consequences. I won’t forget how you kept all this from me for so long.
But you’re my friend, Prime, and you’ve done a lot for me over the years.
And besides—“ His expression turns dark and gleeful.
“You dumped the perfect opportunity in my lap.”
“How’s that?”
“Augustus Fontana’s been a pain in my ass for years.
His outfit’s small and weak, but he’s still got influence in the city.
Now you’re telling me his entire operation’s teetering on the edge?
I’ll gladly shove that mother fucker into the pits of hell.
And you—“ He points at me, making his fingers into a gun.
“You are going to be the one who pulls the damn trigger as he tumbles down.”
“Fucking happily.”
“Good man.” Stellan bangs his palm on his desk. “But you have to swear something to me first.”
“Anything, Don Corsetti.”
“We do this the right way. No more suicidal revenge schemes. No more going off on your own. You trust me and I trust you.”
I hunch. It goes against everything I believe about myself. If I let Stellan past my armor, will he end up dead too? Just like Shawn?
But Shawn was a kid and Alfonso said it himself: that wasn’t my fault.
I’ve held onto that one death for so long. I let it define me. I’ve been viewing myself through that night, but I have to let him go. Shawn’s not a ghost. He’s not anything anymore. I have to stop letting him haunt me.
“We do it the right way,” I agree.
We shake on that and I think I feel a glimmer of something new. Like maybe I’m not damning the people I love and my loyalty isn’t a poison. And if that’s true, Deanna’s not going to burn for me, she’s not going to bleed, and I can get her through to the other side—and I can be there with her.