Chapter 12
Axel is uncharacteristically quiet at dinner, but I can feel his eyes on me the entire time.
Call me immature, but I avoid looking at him.
I’m still hurt, and I’m not ready to pretend everything’s fine.
Instead, I focus on making small talk with Ben and Maryanne.
They seem genuinely interested in my classes and how my day went.
I can tell they’re trying, and considering how sudden this adjustment was for all of us, I appreciate the effort.
I try to match their enthusiasm, but it’s harder than I expect.
Other than my old school counselor back in Arizona, no adult has ever asked about my life.
We didn’t have sit-down dinners where my mom or Joe asked how my day was.
This kind of attention is… weird. But not in a bad way. I kind of like it.
Johnny chimes in now and then, helping bridge the gaps in conversation, and I find myself drawn in when he talks about his college classes.
College has been my goal for as long as I can remember.
I applied to as many out-of-state schools as I could, (God knows I wanted to get as far from home as possible) but I didn’t apply to any in Tennessee.
Now, I wonder if I should. Maybe I’ll apply to a few local schools last minute. If things work out, maybe I would want to stay close.
When the conversation drifts toward my future plans, Ben and Maryanne look surprised when I mention I’ll be graduating early, in December.
I figured Ben must’ve seen my transcripts when he registered me, but apparently not.
I explain how I took summer classes to get ahead and how my AP courses already count for some college credit.
We talk about the early acceptance letters I’ve gotten and the schools I was still waiting to hear from, although I’m not sure how I would receive them now. Ben assures me he can make anything happen as long as I have the grades and the test scores.
I tell them how my plan was to take next semester off to work and save before starting college in the fall. My college fund should cover tuition and room and board, but I’ll need extra money for everything else.
Ben and Maryanne seem genuinely impressed with how well I’ve planned things out, and their praise makes something warm unfurl in my chest. I’m proud of myself, too. It would’ve been easy to let everything back home drag me down, but instead, it pushed me to be better. To get out.
After dinner, I retreat to my room before Axel has a chance to corner me. We’ll be stuck in a car together tomorrow anyway. He can wait.
The rest of the night passes in a blur of music and homework.
Around nine, I call it quits and curl up in bed with my kindle.
I fall headfirst into a story about seven-foot-tall blue aliens on an ice planet who love waking their women up with their tongues.
The book has me in a chokehold, and by the time I check the clock again, it’s already eleven.
Yawning, I force myself to set the e-reader aside and turn off the light.
As I drift off, my thoughts circle back to what Axel said earlier.
Of course, I want a relationship, eventually. I want someone I can trust. Someone I can depend on. Someone to love and who will love me.
I know I’ve still got a lot of work to do before I get there. Still, I have to believe it’s possible. I have to believe I can heal. I won’t let my trauma win. I won’t let Joe win.
∞∞∞
I wake in the middle of the night to something large and heavy pressing down on me.
But then I realize, it’s not something. It’s someone. I open my mouth to scream, but a firm, calloused hand clamps over it.
Panic surges through me.
I thrash, struggling under the weight pinning me to the bed, but I can barely move. I claw at the hand over my mouth, at the body holding me down. If I can just get free—just scream—Axel or Johnny will hear me. They have to.
“Now, now, Little Lina,” the intruder whispers. “Stop playing hard to get. I know you’ve missed me.”
Oh God.
That voice.
Joe.
My whole body goes rigid. Bile rises in my throat.
How did he find me?
How did he get in?
Ben’s house is like a fortress with all of the security measures.
He takes advantage of my shock, and forces his knee between my thighs. His other hand wraps around my throat, squeezing.
No. No, no, no.
Adrenaline explodes in my chest. I fight back with everything I’ve got. Scratching, kicking, clawing at any part of him I can reach. He grunts, trying to keep me pinned down.
His grip slips for a moment, and it’s just long enough. I suck in a breath and scream as loud as I can.
“Lina!” he shouts, his voice suddenly laced with panic. “Lina, stop!”
Like hell I will. But something seems wrong. The voice doesn’t sound like Joe anymore, but I keep fighting, blinded by fear. I’m not falling for any tricks. If I can just hold out a little longer, someone will come. I know they will.
“Lina! Wake up!”
That voice…
It’s not Joe. It’s Johnny.
“Lina, honey, wake up! You’re dreaming!”
And just like that, the weight disappears.
I shoot upright, gasping, scrambling back against the safety of the headboard.
Johnny crouches beside my bed, speaking softly, but I can’t make out the words over the roar of my heartbeat.
I scan the room.
No Joe.
No monster.
Just Johnny.
And Axel, standing in the bathroom doorway, the light behind him casting shadows over his face.
His expression… it’s pure devastation.
I shut my eyes and force myself to breathe. In and out. In and out.
Johnny’s voice slowly filters back in. “That’s it, honey. Keep breathing. You’re safe. Axel and I are here. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”
Gradually, my lungs start to work again. My heartbeat slows. I open my eyes and meet Johnny’s. His gaze is steady, calm. Fierce in the way that makes me feel protected.
“There she is,” he murmurs.
He brings my hand to his lips and presses a featherlight kiss to the back of it. I’m out of it, but It’s not lost on me that my body and my mind is accepting of the touch. He continues stroking the back of it gently with his thumb.
It’s such a kind, human gesture, it makes my eyes sting all over again.
He starts to pull away, but I grip his hand tighter, not wanting him to go. He gets the message and sits on the edge of my bed.
I lick my dry lips, “What happened?” My voice is hoarse. I wonder how loudly I was screaming and for how long.
Johnny squeezes my hand. “Axel heard you yelling. He ran in and saw you having a nightmare. When he couldn’t get you to wake up, he came to get me.”
I run my free hand over my face. I’m so mortified that I can’t bear to look at them.
“I need to pee.”
Johnny releases my hand, and on shaky legs, I climb out of bed. Axel moves aside to let me pass, hovering like he wants to say something but holding it in.
I shut the bathroom door behind me and do my business quickly. The moment I reopen it, Axel is still there, standing like a sentry. His presence fills the space. So does the tension. I’m emotionally wrecked, and I don’t have much left to give.
“I need to say something,” he says quietly.
“Can’t this wait until morning?” I ask, exhausted. “I’m so tired.”
“I promise I’ll be quick. Please?”
It’s the please that does me in. Axel never says please.
I back into the bathroom and let him step inside. He closes the door behind us, offering us a thin layer of privacy from Johnny.
“I’m an ass,” he blurts.
Not what I expected. But also, not wrong.
“A total and complete ass,” he continues. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to work to earn it anyway. You’re not damaged, Lina.”
I snort, bitterly amused. “Did you miss what just happened? Because that felt pretty fucking damaged to me.”
He shakes his head. “No. What just happened was trauma catching up with you, not weakness. That doesn’t make you damaged. That makes you... resilient.”
He’s being vulnerable. Stripped of bravado and cocky remarks, this Axel is raw and sincere, and it disarms me completely.
“I was out of line. I let my own issues and feelings cloud my judgement,” he admits. “That doesn’t excuse what I said. But I am so sorry, Lina. Please forgive me.”
His dark eyes are softer now. The self-assured edge is gone. What’s left behind is real.
I nod. I’m not ready to talk more about it, but forgiveness, at least, I can offer.
“Thank fuck,” he mutters, a breath of relief escaping him.
He extends a hand. It’s an offering, not a demand. I know he’s letting me decide. My choice. My pace.
There’s nothing I want more than to replace the bad touch from my dream with good, positive memories, so I give myself over to him.
He gently tugs me toward him, and knowing what he wants, I take the initiative and wrap my arms around his shirtless waist. I bury my face against the soft hair on his warm chest and breathe him in. He smells like soap and Axel and safety.
He gently folds his arms around me, holding me with careful reverence. I relax, letting the tension drain out of my body for the first time since waking up.
After a minute, I start to sway, sleep trying to reclaim me.
“Come on,” he murmurs. “Let’s get you back to bed, Princess.”
He steers me back into my room. Johnny has moved the armchair from the corner to right beside my bed. He’s half-curled under a spare blanket, legs kicked up on the edge of my mattress. He looks like he’s planning to stay put.
Axel pulls back my covers and waits for me to crawl in before tucking them snugly around me.
“You don’t have to babysit me,” I say, though my voice lacks conviction. “I’m fine.”
Johnny snorts. “Neither of us is sleeping unless we know you’re okay.”
“That scream…” Axel’s voice drops, his eyes haunted. “That’s going to stay with me.”
He brushes a piece of hair away from my forehead, then steps back. “I’ll leave the bathroom door open. I’m right next door if you need me.”
Too tired to argue, I roll onto my side, facing Johnny. His breathing is slow and steady, the room warm and quiet.
And for the first time in a long time, I close my eyes and let go, knowing these two guys will be here to support me.