Three #3
“‘The mental process by which new information is evaluated subject to generally known concepts is called the deductive method.’” He lifts his gaze from the page and, with a snap, closes the book. “What the fuck does that mean?”
I throw a look right back at him. “In other words, deductive reasoning means starting from a general premise and proceeding toward a specific practical conclusion.” Thomas looks even more confused, and so I keep talking, hoping to clarify the concept for him.
“It means that, for example, if you were about to give me a book and realized you didn’t have it with you, you could deduce that you had left it at home. ”
He stares at me perplexed for a few moments. “That’s it?”
“Yeah.” I smile, amused. “That’s it.”
He sits up and pulls on the sneakers he’d taken off previously. “This is why I hate philosophy. It makes something complicated out of something extremely simple.”
My phone display lights up with a message from Tiffany. She also wants to know what happened last night. I respond quickly, telling her to meet me on campus, and while I’m at it, I ask if she can give me a ride to the Marsy. Then I put the phone away and decide to wear the baby-pink sweater.
“If you don’t like philosophy, then why are you taking the course?”
“I started three years late, but I need the elective credits,” he answers calmly. “One course is as good as any other for me.”
“Wait, you started three years late? Does that mean you’re twenty-two?” I ask, disoriented.
Thomas just nods, facing downward as he ties his other shoe and avoids answering the question I’ve only implied: Where was he those three years?
I can tell he doesn’t want to talk about it, so I switch topics. “In any case, wouldn’t it have been better to get credits with courses that were more up your alley? I saw your drawings; they’re beautiful. You could have picked something in the arts. Or focused on sports.”
“You know, I could have.” He approaches me wearing a crooked smile. When he’s just a few inches from my face, he taps me lightly on the nose with his index finger. “But you weren’t in any of those courses.”
His answer leaves me speechless. What does that mean?
Thomas laughs, watching me. I’m sure he can see the gears turning in my head as I try to figure out what he’s saying. “We need to go,” he says, only a breath away from my mouth. “I have practice in twenty minutes, and your mother will be home soon too. Should I take you to the Marsy?”
I jerk my head no. “To campus. I need to meet up with Tiffany before work.”
“Great, I’ll be waiting downstairs.” He walks out of the room, leaving me standing there in a daze, staring after him.
Oh, no.
Like hell am I going to let him get away like that! This time, I’m going to demand an answer.
I pull on the sweater at light speed, grab my work uniform and my schoolbooks, and throw it all in my bag before chasing after him. The moving box can wait.
“Thomas!” I call out to him, shouting. But as soon as I hit the first step of the staircase, I see him close the front door behind him.
Dammit!
Don’t you run away from me!
I take the stairs two at a time. I grab the house keys, lock the door, and run to the car, pinning him with a look that will not permit silence.
“Tell me.”
“What?” He chuckles as he turns the key in the ignition and starts the car.
“Don’t play dumb.” I fasten my seat belt without taking my eyes off of him. “Tell me why you took philosophy.”
“I already said.”
I blink in disbelief. “You really want me to believe that you enrolled in philosophy…for me?” That’s impossible. He didn’t even know I existed before that Monday when he sat down next to me and decided to pester me. “Seriously?”
“Maybe,” he answers nonchalantly as he puts the car into gear and we head off.
I shake my head and rub my temples. “Now I know you’re lying. You didn’t even know who I was.”
“Ness, we’ve been going to the same college for over a year now. You were dating the motherfucker who used my sister. Of course I knew who you were.”
Sure, he must have seen me in passing occasionally in the hallways, or maybe at one of Travis’s practices. But I doubt he ever took much notice of me. “But you…you never thought about me,” I point out.
We slow down as we approach a stop sign. He stops and looks seriously at me. “That doesn’t mean I didn’t know who you were.” He accelerates again.
“But then why? Why would you do it?”
“Who knows?” he replies, giving a distracted shrug. “One day I saw you, and you seemed interesting. And I’ll admit that I was a little bit tickled by the idea of pissing off your asshole boyfriend.”
“A spur-of-the-moment thing. So that’s why?” I ask in a faint voice, trying and failing to understand. “To punish Travis?”
His forehead creases as he frowns at me. “What?”
I shrug. “That’s what you just said.”
“I said that I liked the idea of pissing him off. I didn’t say that’s why I did it,” he answers, annoyed.
“Then why did you do it?” My voice nearly trembles.
Thomas rests an elbow on the rolled-down window and stares out at the road with an uncertain frown on his face.
“Thomas, please tell me.”
He sighs, looking sideways at me and, after a few interminable moments, finally decides to speak.
“The first time I ever saw you, I was training with the guys off campus. It was a summer afternoon, and I’d just recently moved to Corvallis.
” He speaks as though he’s confessing this to himself more than to me.
“You were sitting on this little wall with Travis’s sister.
You were reading something, probably one of your super boring books.
You just sat there with your head bent over the pages and played with a little bit of your hair…
” He gives me a sideways glance and lifts one corner of his mouth. “It was shorter than it is now.”
I wonder how it is possible that I have no memory of that day.
“You weren’t alone on that wall. There were other girls who were there just to give me flirty looks, trying to get my number or just to get laid.
But not you. You never even looked at me.
You weren’t looking at your boyfriend either.
You didn’t look anywhere except down at that book.
You were shut up in your own little world.
Then Travis called over to you because he wanted to show you a shot, and you looked up, smiled a little bit, then immediately went back to reading.
But in that brief moment, I got a look at your eyes, and they were the same color as the ocean when it’s stormy, and I could see all of that, all that storm, inside of you.
You looked so melancholy and fascinating, you were just…
gorgeous.” He shakes his head. “But you were the team captain’s girlfriend, and there are strict rules among guys.
When he broke them all last summer by messing with my sister, I felt entitled to break some in return.
” He turns to face me. “That doesn’t mean I was using you to punish him.
It just means that I liked you and I wanted you.
And I would have made you mine no matter what. ”
I blink once, then twice. Three times. I am incredulous…and moved.
“Are you about to cry?” Thomas pulls a face, trying to deflate the moment. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I knew it; you’re too emotional. All I told you was that I’ve always liked you, not that I dream of marrying you and fathering your kids or whatever.”
And there it is, landing on my heart like a ton of bricks.
God. Will he ever be able to resist undermining the few nice things he allows to sneak out of his mouth?
I cross my arms over my chest petulantly and stiffen in my seat, immediately annoyed.
I would like to be even more irritated, but that damned butterfly feeling in my belly won’t let me.
He’s always liked me.
“I understood what you said; there’s no need to clarify. And I wasn’t crying; I’m just surprised. I mean, I never realized.”
“I didn’t give you a chance.”
We turn into the campus parking lot and stop.
I look at him with a frown. “One thing I still don’t understand, though: If you decided to take philosophy because you liked me, then why did you act like such an ass that morning?
You were arrogant, rude, and generally unbearable. You ruined the whole lesson for me.”
“I liked teasing you; you’d snap at every little thing,” he answers, smiling slyly as he pulls the keys from the ignition. “And honestly, that condescending, judgmental teacher’s-pet attitude of yours was pretty annoying.”
“I–I…I’m not judgmental.” I start to defend myself, not entirely sure I’m telling the truth.
Thomas refutes my statement with a sidelong glance.
He starts to open the door and get out, but I stop him with a hand on his arm.
He can’t seriously think he’s going to just drop a bomb like that and then act like nothing happened.
I look him straight in the eyes. “Is it true?” I bite my lip nervously before continuing.
“Have you always liked me?” I murmur, somewhat ashamed to be asking for confirmation.
Thomas leans closer and rubs his nose against mine while I stare bemusedly into his eyes, magnetic but unknowable.
With his warm breath tickling my face, I feel like I could get lost in him so easily that it almost scares me.
I swallow nervously, and just as I’m about to be the first to look away, he smiles at me.
Just before kissing me, he whispers, “Always.”